I saw the red flag at "I have a type" 😬 Try putting 5 kilos on his chest for a month to se how he likes it in return? The wife prob also have a "type" after this... 😏

For me, this whole situation is pretty nuanced and a bit of a clusterfuck. Is an àss? He is certainly quite superficial and immature, and the comparison between B-cups and children is ... awkward at best, but I can understand scars being a turnoff, or going into debt over cosmetic surgery. You can't force attraction, even though it does look quite shîtty to leave someone over it. As from her side, putting the scars right into his face instead of letting him adjust wasn't the best move either, and as someone mentioned before, maybe a psychologist meeting would have been good too to find out if she wants the boobs to be gone, or if she's doing it for other people's judgement. This all reminds me of the case from two weeks ago where a relationship fell apart because the woman had stark facial surgery the guy didn't like. People were rooting for the guy in that case. I'd therefore settle for ESH and say that this is very superficial and shallow, but in some circumstances, a lot of people just are like that - unfortunately, that is.

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A lot of the comments are just flat put ignoring him though? "I'm trying to get through this huge change that has led to me finding her unattractive. I'm offering solutions to adjust and taje it at my own pace. But she's not having any of it."

Exactly. Whether you have a procedure to fix a physical pain like back pain or a psychological pain you are still having it for reasons that affect your health mental or physical. He can't understand that because he is shallow.

Your absolutely right loving someone comes way deep than boobs, there's the emotional connections and body shapes as well. I think he needs physiological evaluation maybe.

Sure. And before she went through with it, she should have been having this conversation with him. Explaining it. Letting him see what it was like. I'm with someone in a similar situation. I wasn't okay with it even though she would like one. After years of spending time with her, hearing what she's dealing with, getting a real sense of what's she's putting up with, hell, now *I* want her to get one. That's what she deprived him of by not communicating with him. Frankly, as a couple, they suck. Neither is doing a good enough job communicating with the other. They're just shutting down and acting as though the other gets it.

I dunno, you say he should own it and that the scars will fade over time. He literally mentions that she's pushing him to have sex while he hasn't come to terms with the scars and he needs to adjust to her changed body. To me that sounds like sure he doesn't like the scars, but he may come to accept them given time. I want to say he's 100% a*****e, but I just can't. At least assuming everything said in the story is honest.

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He tells us these things, but no wgete was it implied he's dumping it on her. Infact hes made it clear hes tried to hide it as much as possible. Even to the point of lying to her that nothings wrong. Trying to find solutuons such as avoiding looking at the part of her that makes him uncomfortable during s*x. She refuses all of that. She refuses to let him have any time where he's a little uncomfortable and avoiding it to GET used to it. Hes trying to get used to sudden chanfes she choose to undergo. And she's nkt giving him time to adjust what he's used to. Hes also done a LOT to hide that fact from her. Only ever saying he's no longer attracted or anything negatuve to her when it was firced out. Obviously to us, when he's venting, his wirds are not ideal. He's likley not proofreading things to make sure he isn't repeating himself. Just saying things as they come.

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His tirared sounds like he wants people to ACTUALLY READ WHAT HE WROTE

FluffyDreg - I've read all of your comments and you are an asshat! She didn't immediately jump in and expect him to be okay with the changes. She had to adjust herself. He claims that a B cup is so small it makes her look like a child. I don't know any child with a B cup. This is an average size for women. Maybe if more men didn't act so badly and make her feel self-conscious, she wouldn't have felt the need to make the changes. He ACTS like she has the right to choose, but once she does, he doesn't provide the support he claimed he would.

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They did not cause her any pain, and he suggested therapy first if she felt insecure about them. When she decided to get the surgery, she used the savings they both had and were going to buy a house with. Despite his lack of attraction, he still told her she was beautiful. She poked and prodded for an answer out of him, and acted shocked at the answer, although she knew he would not like it, and then insulted him. She lied, gave him no preparation, spent their money without telling him and quit her job, makes no effort for him, and intentionally says things to hurt him. She admits she does not like her results. She is well within her rights to get surgery, but he cannot dislike the results? She is allowed to insult him, but he can’t be honest with her even though she wanted him to be? I am willing to see separate perspectives, and I’d like to.Before you come for me for making assumptions, I’m coming off of the post she has made on Reddit about how to get him back.

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I mean, how DARE he want time to get used to a major physical change she chose to get, knowing he'd need an adjustment period. Hes not allowed to have emotions or feelings, he needs to immediately change them at the drop of a hat, not try to work THROUGH them. Just turn around and bam.

I didn’t get married until I was 39, so I dated a lot of different kinds of men. The first man I ever truly loved was not good looking, if I’m being honest. But to me, he was irresistibly attractive. Because he was kind, gentle, funny, classy, intelligent, self-confident, and he loved me too, and thought the sun rose and set in me. Now, I also had dated GQ gorgeous men, and though some of them were perfectly nice, I found that most people who are “blessed” with good looks often tend to skate by on that alone, and don’t pay enough attention to their intrinsic qualities. So, early in my dating life, I stopped relying solely on physical attraction as a reason to want to date someone. It might be the initial spark, but if that’s all they had, that spark died quickly. My husband is a nice looking man, but now that we’re both in our sixties, gravity is starting to win. If our relationship was based only on appearance, we would’ve divorce by now. But it’s not just based on our looks. We love each other, inside and out. THAT is the part that lasts. Because we all age, no matter how hard we try to fight it. We will get wrinkles, we will sag, we won’t be able to keep that flat belly and round butt—-those two things will basically swap places, and you’ll end up with a round belly and flat butt. It happens to everyone who lives long enough, even those who desperately seek cosmetic surgery to try to stay young forever. It eventually stops working, and you just have to give in. So, if your relationship is based on nothing but looks, it won’t last. It can’t last. So you have to be emotionally mature enough to realize that, and to love more than just the superficial about your SO, because the superficial is fleeting, believe me.

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No he's blasting people clearly not reading the whole thing. The person calling him an a*****e about how he's approaching it ahd offering him an idea abkut how better to approach her? "Thank you ill try that!" Reading really helps.

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I mean if she still expected him to turn off the part of his brain that goes "scars bad" like a light swutch with no adjustment period or compromise... probably. Expecting someone to SUDDENLY not have an issue with a physical feature that causes them a negative emotional reaction because you undertook the procedure resulting in it is a problem on YOU

You sound so understanding and guess they both needs to come in the middle and address things asap

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It does sound like shes not willing to address it at all though. Hopefully there's a way, bjt it seems like shes unwilling to

That's the worst part of it. Assuming what he says is true, then he still loves her and is willing to make some concessions to stay together. But she's unwilling to accept them. His point about getting a face tattoo is pretty solid. Sure you can change your body however much you like, but you can't expect other people to like what you've done. Now, is he an AH? Is she an AH? I think considering they had discussions about breast size early on and when she actually decided to have the surgery she tried to hide it from him that makes her at least mildly an AH. On the face of it, his reaction is pretty extreme so yeah he's an AH too. I'd go the ESH route on this one. They should have had a more serious talk before the surgery. They should also have had a more serious talk *after* the surgery. Should they break up? Maybe. If he can't get over the scars/size and she is unwilling to cover up then sounds like they're now fundamentally incompatible.

TBH I get it. I dated a guy who was amazing, sweet, kind, great lover. Then he got his nips pierced without telling me. I literally gagged when he showed me. I could not get over it. As much as I loved him, the pierced nip disgusted me. I could never be attracted to someone who did that, it grosses me out so much. Naturally we broke up.

I 100% agree.

Not many people are going to agree with you. I'm kind of a wimp, because I read through all the comments to see if there were any contrary opinions before voicing mine. I agree. He made his feelings clear, she disregarded them. She is free to do as she wishes, but yes - choices have consequences. In this case his attraction suffered. You can't fake or force attraction.

I actually agree with you as well. I felt bad reading all of the other comments, but this made me feel a bit better. While I don't have large breasts, I am a woman and I know that you can't just get over fears with a snap of your fingers. He tried different positions during sex and everything and seems to be doing all he can to make it work, but she doesn't seem to be having any of it. I wouldn't want to tell my partner that I wasn't attracted to them anymore either. That would be a nightmare conversation.