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“I Called It Quits”: Man Leaves His GF Of 25 Years Over Menopause, Gets Called Out Online
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“I Called It Quits”: Man Leaves His GF Of 25 Years Over Menopause, Gets Called Out Online

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If any long-term relationship is going to last, the couple needs to be in agreement about questions regarding things like where they will live and having kids. The latter in particular is something there has to be mutual agreement on, otherwise the relationship is going to be particularly unhappy for one of the partners.

A 57-year-old man with criminally poor self-awareness asked the internet if he was a jerk for ditching his girlfriend of 25 years because she was menopausal and he suddenly wanted kids. People online gave him a reality check and told him exactly how horribly he had screwed up.

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    As long as everyone is in agreement, having or not having kids are both a valid choice

    Image credits: PerfectWave003 (not the actual photo)

    But one man at the age of nearly 60 suddenly decided that he wanted kids and dumped his long-term girlfriend

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    Image credits: Isaac Quesada (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: ThrowawyAffectio806

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    Not having kids is becoming the new normal

    Slowly, almost unnoticeably, the general trend among couples is to simply skip having children. While over the last few decades, this might have been the default, it seems that in this day and age, couples instead weigh the pros and cons of having kids first before deciding. The result, like in OP’s story, is that many chose to forgo having kids at first. After all, if you can barely sustain yourself, giving a kid a horrible childhood is irresponsible and dumb.

    By itself, OP’s story wouldn’t even be that bad. He and his girlfriend were in agreement. The idea of possibly having kids later when you have a more comfortable life is entirely rational and noble, compared to what some couples do. What is absolutely ignoble is to suddenly have a change of heart at a time when it’s quite impractical.

    In general, it is good to split up when it comes to these sorts of questions. If one partner really insists on having or not having a child, the other can go along with it, but if they don’t agree with the choice, they will carry this resentment for the rest of their lives. Resentment can be suppressed for a time, but it will always find a way to rear its ugly head.

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    Image credits: juan mendez (not the actual photo)

    People are often somewhat dishonest about what they actually want

    Research on this topic is sporadic, as couples that vehemently disagree on this question tend not to stay together (as is the case with OP’s story.) At the same time, one partner in a relationship might have an opinion that differs from the other one. Knowing that his information could harm the relationship, they keep it to themselves.

    Indeed, in OP’s story, he described it as an internal crisis, which was probably eating away at him for longer than he would have admitted. Research into this topic does suggest that generally, the final veto does go to the woman. Unless there is some significant coercion, ultimately they can comply or not comply with the demand to have a child. This doesn’t mean that every woman with a child wants it, but that in a healthy relationship, a woman tends to have the final say.

    What complicates this issue is that our opinions are, for better or worse, not static. Research shows that both genders will often change their mind at some point. An opinion isn’t binary, you might have a preference but not a strong desire for something. This can at times be the ultimate test of a relationship, the ability to find common ground, compromise and hear each other out.

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    Image credits: Dương Nhân (not the actual photo)

    We still have to be realistic about what we want from our partners

    However, our desires, particularly towards our partners, still need to be grounded in reality. In a vacuum, leaving a relationship, even a longer one, due to irreconcilable differences is not a bad thing. However, OP is nearly 60. Even if he was quite healthy, he would not live to see his child’s thirtieth birthday. While it would be possible to adopt an older child, the fact that his girlfriend’s in menopause being such a deal-breaker also indicates that it’s important that he have a biological child.

    Ultimately, OP made a mistake and either needs to realize his delusions, apologize, and attempt to make amends or learn to now live without the person who supported him through thick and thin. He stated that they were literally selling plasma at some point, and this woman didn’t leave him yet. While a relationship isn’t and shouldn’t be transactional, he should have perhaps been more content with what he has and not thrown away nearly three decades of work.

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    Image credits: Paweł L. (not the actual photo)

    Readers called out OP for his disastrous thinking

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Read less »
    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

    Read less »

    Justinas Keturka

    Justinas Keturka

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey now, you all are forgetting that he's letting her stay for a whole month so she can find a place! Excuse me while I go vomit.

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    25 years together and you would think he would care about her feeling a bit. Nope. A month in the holiday home and gone. He could at least give her the holiday home if he has an extra house.

    Load More Replies...
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope she can legally be recognised a his common-law spouse, and take half his assets. She built the life they shared with him, from selling plasma to giving up her career to travel and volunteer with him, she should get half of everything. I hope this jackass wakes up to find himself single, sixty, and only half as wealthy, and no woman anywhere gets conned into having his midlife-crisis panic baby. Dumbass. As for the woman, get a lawyer, 25 years together outweighs the "no marriage license". You were his common law wife, and a lot of countries/states will recognise you as such, and give you a settlement. Then get yourself therapy if you need it, make yourself fabulous, and live your best life without the a*****e.

    Linnoff
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably depends where they live, but yes, she should be able to get something from this relationship beyond just a month in the spare house.

    Load More Replies...
    Per-Ole Sjuve
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From reading the comments, I get the feeling people are not entirely on this gentlemans side.

    Load More Comments
    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey now, you all are forgetting that he's letting her stay for a whole month so she can find a place! Excuse me while I go vomit.

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    25 years together and you would think he would care about her feeling a bit. Nope. A month in the holiday home and gone. He could at least give her the holiday home if he has an extra house.

    Load More Replies...
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope she can legally be recognised a his common-law spouse, and take half his assets. She built the life they shared with him, from selling plasma to giving up her career to travel and volunteer with him, she should get half of everything. I hope this jackass wakes up to find himself single, sixty, and only half as wealthy, and no woman anywhere gets conned into having his midlife-crisis panic baby. Dumbass. As for the woman, get a lawyer, 25 years together outweighs the "no marriage license". You were his common law wife, and a lot of countries/states will recognise you as such, and give you a settlement. Then get yourself therapy if you need it, make yourself fabulous, and live your best life without the a*****e.

    Linnoff
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably depends where they live, but yes, she should be able to get something from this relationship beyond just a month in the spare house.

    Load More Replies...
    Per-Ole Sjuve
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From reading the comments, I get the feeling people are not entirely on this gentlemans side.

    Load More Comments
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