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“AITA For Losing It On My Wife After She Told My Son To ‘Get Out Of The Picture’?”

“AITA For Losing It On My Wife After She Told My Son To ‘Get Out Of The Picture’?”

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Blended families are becoming more and more common. Statistics show that 20% of American households have at least one stepparent. Some parents might find it hard to treat their stepchildren as their own, which usually strains the relationship between the parents.

A man recently asked for advice about how to deal with the fact that his wife is being unfair to his son. At his stepdaughter’s birthday party, the wife told the boy to get out of a family picture because she wanted one with “just her kids.” The remark rubbed the man the wrong way, and he asked netizens whether he was right to get mad at her.

A guy went off on his wife because she excluded his son from a family picture

Image credits: jm_video / Envato (not the actual photo)

The man went to look for advice on whether he was overreacting

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Image credits: RossHelen / Envato (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: MkUrF8

Stepparents don’t always automatically love their stepchildren immediately, but they must make an effort

It’s not easy blending together children from two different families: both the parents and the kids have to adjust to a new life. Studies show that presenting as a united front is the most important factor for effective stepparenting.

In an ideal world, a stepparent would love their stepchild as their own instantly and treat them like their own. However, psychologists explain that it’s not easy for people to make that switch.

“There is no ‘instant love’ between stepchildren and stepparents and in situations where a stepparent, particularly a stepmother is taking on primary responsibility for stepchildren, you can expect trouble,” parenting expert Dr. Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW explains.

However, that doesn’t mean that excluding the child from family activities such as taking group pictures is okay. When two people with children from previous marriages become a family, they commit to be parents to all the children involved.

The woman in this story hasn’t been the 10-year-old’s stepmother for that long, so there is no affectionate foundation. Still, she needs to make a conscious effort to have a good relationship with her husband’s son.

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Psychologist Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. writes that a stepmother doesn’t have to love her stepchildren, but she should try to find some common ground. “It is also key to having a life in a blended family,” he explains.

“See if you can find something, anything, that you might have in common. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy: a TV show, a musical artist, a certain kind of food, an author—just some toehold of similarity and compatibility to build a relationship from.”

The relationship between a stepparent and stepchild should develop organically

Certified stepparent coach Kristen Skiles agrees that a stepparent needs to show up for their stepchildren if they want a close relationship. And that relationship won’t magically happen overnight.

Many parents and stepparents have overly high expectations about what their blended family should look like. “Over half of remarriages fail, in part because of highly idealized visions of becoming one big happy family,” Gayle Peterson explains. The parent might expect their spouse to immediately love their kid unconditionally, placing unfair expectations on them.

The stepparent, on the other hand, may have unrealistic expectations for the child. They might even get hurt if the kid doesn’t immediately love them as their biological parent. “Allow these relationships to develop organically,” Kristen Skiles writes.

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The author of this story, u/MkUrF8, details in a comment, how the wife takes care of his son every day. “She puts him to bed each night, brushes his teeth, she does a fine job of buying his clothes, taking him to school.” However, he also notes that it’s probably not coming from the right place. “[It’s this] lack of empathy that has bothered me,” he wrote.

In the end, it’s the parents who decided to blend the family and are responsible for each child’s well-being. “It is your responsibility to create an environment that works for everyone,” Dr. Peterson writes. “You owe it to your children and to your marital commitment to one another.”

He explained more of the stepmom-son dynamic in the comments

People agreed that he’s NTA, but needs to seriously reconsider his priorities

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Many called him a jerk not putting his son first from the beginning

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Read less »
Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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H R
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gonna hurt him? The son is already so hurt its a damn miracle there will be contact in the future. Dad needs to have a serious talk with son to get his hurt out reality

BrownEyedPanda
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, this is the first time I'm in agreement with the NTAs AND the YTAs. NTA, for recognizing the rejection his son is undergoing, and YTA for allowing it in the first place. I hope OP gets his shìt together and starts putting his son first. He needs to give the evil stepmother a choice: family therapy or divorce. Meaning, she packs up her kids and finds another place to live if she chooses the latter. Also, he should invest in some nannycams, strategically placed so their undetectable, yet effective for gathering video evidence of any unseemly behavior towards his son. This nonsense should never have happened in the first place; OP has a lot of work ahead of him.

G A
Community Member
40 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor poor kid. Moron for a father and witch for a stepmum. I bet the kids bully him too on the quiet but Mr O'Blivious never noticed.

H R
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gonna hurt him? The son is already so hurt its a damn miracle there will be contact in the future. Dad needs to have a serious talk with son to get his hurt out reality

BrownEyedPanda
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, this is the first time I'm in agreement with the NTAs AND the YTAs. NTA, for recognizing the rejection his son is undergoing, and YTA for allowing it in the first place. I hope OP gets his shìt together and starts putting his son first. He needs to give the evil stepmother a choice: family therapy or divorce. Meaning, she packs up her kids and finds another place to live if she chooses the latter. Also, he should invest in some nannycams, strategically placed so their undetectable, yet effective for gathering video evidence of any unseemly behavior towards his son. This nonsense should never have happened in the first place; OP has a lot of work ahead of him.

G A
Community Member
40 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor poor kid. Moron for a father and witch for a stepmum. I bet the kids bully him too on the quiet but Mr O'Blivious never noticed.

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