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We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman purse

Final score:

304points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

This is horrifying. Has this man ever seen a vagina? I could not imagine jamming credit cards up it.

492points

Pink kitty 4 years ago

I checked on Google. Apparently he has been divorced 3 times. Wonder why?!

172points

DKS 001 4 years ago

can you imagine going shopping? "Ah wait a minute, my credit card is in here somewhere ...." (proceeds to put hands down pants to search for it)

88points

Azziza 4 years ago

Seriously! I cringed so hard reading that! OUCH!

27points

Tabitha L 4 years ago

Samantha - replying here to another one of your comments. Babies can do a lot of damage on the way out. Just because a baby can fit, doesn't mean you should be shoving one in and out on a daily basis.

21points

Laugh or not 4 years ago

There was a story on not always right recently of a woman who did just that. OP and readers were all disgusted.

9points

M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago

No kidding A. Sharp! B. Wide and sharp! and C. I imagine it would be seriously uncomfortable but I don't know because i really could not imagine actually ever sticking something like that up inside of myself so hard to contemplate...

8points

Jeff Gordon 4 years ago

I used to work at a prison.........

8points

Jeff Requier 4 years ago

in a leather purse. jeez hahha

7points

Paula Swanson 4 years ago

You are not comprehending....read it again...SHE put a tiny purse up there.

4points

Bobby Sammons 3 years ago

Well since he obviously keeps his head up his ass he must think the vagina could work as a wallet.

3points

Mark Howell 4 years ago

At least outside of a porno ;o)

3points

Noah Gibson-fowlkes 4 years ago

*insert rule 34 joke*

2points

IeabellAlakar@aqueenofaplanet 3 years ago

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

1point

Ljdia 4 years ago

Yeah Ouch

1point

Lenoy 10 months ago

Maybe this ''man'' is gay... who know.... I saw lot of vaginas and it's all differents,

0points

Šimon Špaček 3 years ago

It sounds like something from limeric.

0points

Tiger Lily 4 years ago

owwwwwww........just the thought made me clench.....

0points

Joseph Yap 4 years ago

Reminds me of a joke we had back home... but I’m afraid of the internet backlash... 😄

0points

Ljdia 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Pandana 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

RaroaRaroa 4 years ago

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WildBerry 4 years ago

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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago

Dammit, how did he know about our hidden vagina purse.

59points

A Confused Person 3 years ago

lo and behold, you are everywhere again

1point

kasa alex 4 years ago

Oh - no one else tucks their tiny purse into their vagina?

34points

Maggie Dinzler Shaw 1 year ago

No just my lipstick.

0points

Erica Cochrane 4 years ago

I work in a coffee shop, it's bad enough when people produce money out of their bras, if they started fishing around in their vagina for the money, I'd nope the hell out of there

28points

Wonderful 4 years ago

“Damnit the credit card reader is “gummed up” again. Hey Erica, go get the Lysol wipes! I gotta finish making this latte.”

11points

Colbi Schrover 4 years ago

Eww. I'm guessing said person is reaching up under their skirt, otherwise they'd be yanking jeans and panties down, which would be automatically grounds for asking that they leave (which saves you from having to accept their cash or card).

3points

Nimaira 3 years ago

Worse thing is that ppl have actually done this, nasty as hell

1point

Fieke Engelen 4 years ago

my mind is boggling!

0points

Jo Choto 4 years ago

Anything that would hold a credit card, a driver's license and some cash would not be welcome in my hoo-ha, thanks very much.

24points

Tabitha L 4 years ago

Amen!

8points

Bowtechie 4 years ago

I love that the second person in the conversation doesn't even blink at the remark. Just '"where does she live?"'

22points

Vincent Philippart 4 years ago

Is that possible? (Don't judge. I don't do vaginas, so they're a bit of mystery to me)

21points

Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)

Probably possible but certainly not recommended and would be super uncomfortable.

26points

White Wolf 4 years ago

Well, to be honest, it is designed to get a baby through it, but there are many reasons NOT to carry a purse in our vaginas. Hygienic reasons, and practical as well. Furthermore, I cannot really imagine going home on a cold winter night and having to start fishing after the key in my vagina, beneath the winter coat and everything else.

8points

just your average introvert 3 years ago

lmao if you want to feel pain, yes

3points

Aeon Flux 4 years ago

If a butt can hide it... yeah.

3points

Emilycookie 3 years ago

no.

2points

purple boi 3 years ago (edited)

ummm...ok..?(ima bit weirded out by this post)

1point

Beatrice Multhaupt 3 years ago

microchips

0points

Nothing Fancy 3 years ago

No. It is not.

0points

Arctic Fox Lover 4 years ago

Uh... He thinks we use that for storage??

19points

A Random Panda 4 years ago

Particularly nasty on your period.

8points

SheHulk 4 years ago

Ha! I once smuggled a burner phone, 1,254 million dollars and a small to scale model (1:1000) of the Taj Mahal in my secret purse!

17points

Granny 4 years ago

Boy that sounds comfy and add a sanwich why don't you

9points

Agata Wightman 4 years ago

And a passport, car keys, some chewing gum...

9points

Rebekah 4 years ago

You should see me make change.

9points

WildBerry 4 years ago

ROFLMAO

0points

No You 4 years ago (edited)

Oh yeah I can carry that for you here let me just *pulls down pants*

8points

Deb Neuheimer 4 years ago

I feel bad for the cashier. Hold up, lemme get my credit card out... Do you accept tap?

7points

Magna Linnevers 4 years ago

Imagine walking, sitting, or any movement with that shoved up there....

7points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Maybe similar to a menstrual cup?

-2points

A Random Panda 2 4 years ago

My lower body winced.

6points

Sarah Young 4 years ago

I mean that's where I store my valuables.

6points

Sasha Kuleshov 4 years ago

Oh yes, that purse is $8.99 on Amazon! XD

6points

s. vitkovitsky 4 years ago

Read one of his books once. Thst was enough. The sex scene was basically she's sitting there on a counter or something, and he basically walks into her. Literally. The foreplsy was walking towards her, I guess.

5points

Wonderful 4 years ago

My husband used to work the door at a nightclub and now I’m imagining some chick walking up to him tells him to hold on a sec. and then does a squat and fishes her iD out. I hope he didn’t touch the id and that her hands were clean. Also does she just casually shove it back in there after he stamps her hand? I mean what are the protocols for this handy way of not carrying a purse?

4points

M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago

That's not actually where we would tuck something. maybe in our bra...

4points

WildBerry 4 years ago

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Carol Barvir 4 years ago

I've heard she keeps her cellphone there too (on 'vibrate')

4points

WildBerry 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Jeff Requier 4 years ago

hahah, it is the prison pocket

4points

Animal lover❤ 4 years ago

Oh my god, I somehow felt that

4points

Sophie Babbitt 4 years ago

Im more than a little horrified at the mere prospect of carrying ANYTHING in my privates, let alone a hard square of plastic!

3points

Kay Maxey 4 years ago

Ouch!

3points

Ella Blackwood 4 years ago

He's obviously a virgin.

3points

Elizabeth Guiles 4 years ago

owie. no woman would do that

3points

Trish Cacciato 4 years ago

A tiny purse, WTF. NO ‘tiny’ purse could hold all that stuff, lol and no vagina can hold a purse, geesh!

3points

Kelly MS 4 years ago

This "author" has probably never been laid by a woman.

3points

CHARLOTTE SCHWEIZER 4 years ago

ow ow ow ow that lady must be desperate if shes stuffing things up her vagina that aint supposed to be there. although I must say it'd be a smart way to hide your money...

2points

Eulalie Grace 4 years ago

Well, I checked on eBay, and I couldn't find a tiny vaginal purse. Damn!

2points

Idk Katniss Potter 4 years ago

You have got to be kidding me 😳

2points

Evripidou Maria 4 years ago

don;t forget her mobile and mask

2points

Sandra Lent 4 years ago

This guy/writer is either clueless, or has a sideways sense of humour.

2points

Mumof1 4 years ago

Of course - it's where we all keep our money etc - isn't it?

2points

Valerio Mitritsakis 4 years ago

I think this is intended as a joke in the lines of "How do you fit 4 elephants in an autobianchi? Two in the front and two in the back".

2points

Pheebs 4 years ago

All I can think is ow, ow, ow, ow......

2points

The one and only 4 years ago

uh- good lord no. Are y'all men ok?

2points

Kathy Bouchard 4 years ago

What’s really funny is the very last line...that’s really misogynistic. “Where does she live?”

2points

Paizleypie 4 years ago

Um, OUCH!

2points

🌺🍍🌼🌻🌼🍍🌺 4 years ago

what the f**k? seriously? unless this woman was a sex worker, or just an extremely weird person, this would NEVER HAPPEN

2points

Vorknkx 4 years ago

This is even funnier to me because I know a guy named Dino and now I can troll him with this :P

2points

Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen 3 years ago

This scares me. How the f**k does someone think we can shove a credit card up our vagina!?

1point

Audrey Conrad 3 years ago

yup. just fitting a "bag" in our vadonkadonk. (i don't wanna get in trouble)

1point

Wannabeee 3 years ago

He has to be a virgin right???

1point

Little Dino 3 years ago

I'm offended that we have the same name

1point

Mónica Elisabeth Sacco 4 years ago

He should shove a credit card in his a**e, sure it fits!

1point

Bored Little Panda 4 years ago

Damn she gonna need some super max tampons!

1point

COcO BAMa 4 years ago

Omg that's freaking scary maybe it's because stores sell us those pants with fake pockets

1point

AnInrovert 4 years ago

Ummmmm... what?

1point

Grace Smith 4 years ago

What the f**k?

1point

Todd Hollfelder 4 years ago

I now have an awful image of gashes caused inside from insertion and removal.

1point

WildBerry 4 years ago

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Ivy Ruonakoski 4 years ago

Oh lord.

1point

Micchi Dawn 4 years ago

Man wait... A tiny purse holding what? Tucked where?? 😆😆

1point

Syed Salah 4 years ago

Detective was talking about an elephant . I think.

1point

I I 4 years ago

she also had a room to rent

1point

Bama Belle 4 years ago

In this doofus' defense, my sister's SIL is a hospital nurse. She once told us a story about a female patient who was brought from the local jail. The woman was running a high fever and delirious. Doctors began their battery of tests, including a pelvic exam. Our good nurse told that when the doctor inserted the speculum, he said, "Made in America?". The woman had a pack of cigarettes shoved up her vagina. The first words the doc saw were...you guessed it. It's not a "tiny purse" with credit cards but it does show that when properly motivated, we can get some weird things up in there.

1point

Tabitha L 4 years ago

So what is the "proper motivation" for storing a purse with credit cards, license, and cash inside your vagina? Is the character in the story in prison? I realize large things CAN fit inside some vaginas. But that doesn't mean women walk around all day with everyday items shoved up there.

3points

Michał Jastrzębski 4 years ago

looks like someone wanted to write about prison pockets waaay too much...

1point

ShikamaruPanda 4 years ago

isn't this book famous??? WTF

1point

Kalpana M 4 years ago

🤦‍♀️

1point

Sk FaiXan 4 years ago

few bucks? wtf!!! you sure not talking about doraemons 4d pocket

1point

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

What??

1point

Mere 2 months ago

Did this guy even have an editor? How in the hell did this make it into the book?

0points

DuckDuckGooseberry 2 months ago

Uhm. After that woman hid a loaded pistol "up there", I reckon this is actually possible. Uncomfortable, but possible

0points

Ernest Stefan Matyus 2 months ago

I don't find this one so unlikely. Freaky and uncomfortable, yes, but not impossible. I have friends who are urologists. You'd be surprised what some men manage to push up the wrong side.

0points

Ruhi 4 months ago

hell, I can't even wear a tampon, I ain't going to be shoving my membership cards up there

0points

Surfing Panda 1 year ago

Kangaroo-woman....Very practical!

0points

Surfing Panda 1 year ago

Kangaroo-woman.... Very practical.

0points

Cheryl Skina 1 year ago

I usually just keep a makeup bag up there.

0points

Alexis minnix 2 years ago

Alright who snitched? Who told the men about the vagina purses?

0points

Sylvia O'Neill 2 years ago

you really gotta wonder at the workings of this persons mind that he thinks anyone could actually do this!

0points

Kenyatta Harmon 3 years ago

I use My bra to hold stuff sometimes,

0points

Kenyatta Harmon 3 years ago

“In her vagina”. No way has this man ever actually seen a real vagina.

0points

Ruthie Clearwater 3 years ago

So I worked in an ER as a nurse. The comments I could make about what we fish out

0points

Robyn Denton 3 years ago

WHAT!!!! That is so gross! Creep!

0points

Joyce Plaate 3 years ago (edited)

Hell, yeah, so, if a kid's head can fit through it, then a purse definately would?!

0points

Gerard Neaux 3 years ago

This genius write follows this vagina purse of the dead girl with the question "Where does she live"

0points

Jessica Julian 3 years ago

Not to mention the many infections that could happen by doing something like this...

0points

Mandalorian 3 years ago

O_O

0points

phoenix 3 years ago

HAHAH THIS IS SO FUNNY

0points

SlapShot16 3 years ago

you gotta be kidding me thats just FALSE

0points

Leah Pheonix 3 years ago

Why would you want to know where this lady lives???

0points

juniper chatham 3 years ago

i have one and last time i checked i cant put a purse in it XD

0points

Nora the mistake 0_o 3 years ago

wait i can do that cool XD

0points

Pujitha Gaddam 3 years ago

not for me hecc noo

0points

Kyle Bartz 3 years ago

Just because a single character in a book does something really strange, now this is somehow saying that all women do this? Relax.

0points

BG 3 years ago

"License and registration please."

0points

purple boi 3 years ago

how can a girl put a purse(no matter how small)in her v-v-...private part!?!?

0points

Shrabonti Bagchi 3 years ago

And it's so matter-of-fact, like he believes most women do this.

0points

Zet 3 years ago

i solved the case the killer showed it in there thinking women have a lot of space.. look for a misogynistic killer!

0points

Deep 3 years ago

My eyes!! My eyes!! My eyes!!

0points

BananaAnna 3 years ago

"Obviously, this woman is a member of the Ubangi tribe. They are famous for stretching out their ear lobes, mouths, necks. Stretching out their vaginas is certainly a new note. But, I can see the reasoning behind this: easier births, no handbags, carry small children in a sheltered place, and hide left over-food. However, this is a severe disadvantage to congenial bliss" said Dino.

0points

Anonymous Panda 3 years ago

No, just know. This is gross and sounds extremely uncomfortable.

0points

Furry_Danger 3 years ago

...Why do you want to know where she lives?

0points

Leila Noury 3 years ago

- borfs -

0points

LegendYak 3 years ago

I dunno bout you but I always have a purse in my vagina. Just for emergencies, you know?

0points

phantom buni 3 years ago

0points

Rhylie W. 3 years ago

omg I'm dying. This man has never had interaction with a female, has he?

0points

Hi Buddy 3 years ago

Oh god I hope she’s not on her period that would bad

0points

Taylor Bentley 3 years ago

WHEEZE

0points

Leslie K Von Dell 3 years ago

WTF? Oh, yea, excuse me. I need to duck into the nearest bathroom to get my purse out in order to pay for my groceries, could you point me to the nearest one? Did this guy come from a different planet where the alien physiology is totally different or what?

0points

Dorothy Cloud 3 years ago

Not only the author, but books are proof read before printing. Where was that person's head?

0points

deathmetalpegasus12 3 years ago

CRIIIINGE

0points

Pansexual-Pancake 3 years ago

Elizabeth swaney is the name of my fren

0points

Katya Davidson 3 years ago

Big enough for a credit card is not "tiny" when it comes to ramming something up yer hoohaw

0points

Lillian Castellow 3 years ago

no no no no no no no no no no wtf

0points

invisible sheep 4 years ago

this man must be a virgin

0points

Banjo Peppers 4 years ago

Real world women - hide packages of cocaine in their vaginas. This comment section - omg this fictional dead woman couldn’t have put a tiny purse with two credit cards inside her.

0points

Banjo Peppers 4 years ago

And obviously i don’t mean ALL women hide cocaine inside their vaginas.

0points

Aidan Garza 4 years ago

I'm uncomfortable....

0points

Izzy Curer 4 years ago

I mean... maybe...?

0points

CatWoman312 4 years ago

Ummm ouch

0points

Lila Nguyễn 4 years ago

TBF it was a woman who thought it okay to put a ROCK up there

0points

Rachel Waller 4 years ago

For everyone making comments about giving birth, just because it could technically hypothetically fit doesn't mean it would be remotely comfortable or possible to walk normally.

0points

Nicole Tomme 4 years ago

Wow. Just.... Wow.

0points

HufflepuffPanda 4 years ago

Umm....

0points

Lydia Coy 4 years ago

👁👄👁

0points

Anxious-lesbian-disaster 4 years ago

Definitely a virgin

0points

Zoë 4 years ago

So if Mary Poppins ever lost her magic bag.... no problem! Vagina to the rescue! Hey everybody, lunch is on me, just have to grab my MasterCard out of my vagina.....

0points

Tina Hugh 4 years ago

Good God. It hurt just reading that.

0points

Macy Mudder 4 years ago

heeheeheeheehee

0points

Dogo the Dog 4 years ago

Okay, so he’s got no idea how this works.

0points

Anxious-lesbian-disaster 4 years ago

Whattttttttttt

0points

J 4 years ago

I'm... I'm legitimately terrified

0points

Stacy Dalley 4 years ago

It’s not a pocket!!!

0points

shado 4 years ago

erm ... in reality, truth is stranger than fiction ... maybe said writer has just been to one too many peeler joints to see one too many strippers popping ping-pong balls out of their vags and into customer's beer mugs ... maybe?

0points

Lunar Owo Potato 4 years ago

The next president needs to put pockets into girls/women pants

0points

Brandi VanSteenwyk 4 years ago

This leaves me wondering exactly what the author encounters when he approaches his significant other in intimacy. I can only pray that the gentleman is gay.

0points

Blue 4 years ago

Wow, Clearly never had the opportunity to see an actual vagina. LMFAO

0points

Gayle Hunter-Gatherer 4 years ago

Not in touch with reality? Or maybe he knows perfectly well that it wouldn't be possible. Like serious pain impossible. That's creepier.

0points

Katharina Rosskopf 4 years ago

Did the man ever have sex!?!

0points

WildBerry 4 years ago

He had sex with one of those performers who shoots ping-pong balls outta there so he thought why not when it came to a purse with credit cards.

0points

Punyasloka Sahoo 17198 4 years ago

This man must be an alien!

0points

Shelli Aderman 4 years ago

😳😳😳😳😳OUCH!

0points

Colleen Hindson 4 years ago

How absurd!

0points

Patrick O'Harris 4 years ago

I heard women sometimes hide money and IDs in their bras but their vaginas... Wtf. How does he imagine that in front of a club or something? -"Yeah, give me a second" she said and grabbed unter her skirt to pull a purse out of her vagina.- Does the author actually know women? Like any at all?

0points

Thomas 4 years ago

Looks like something out of Cyanide&Happiness... http://explosm.net/comics/1245/

0points

Carol Barvir 4 years ago

0points

Paula Norman 4 years ago

So she would have had plenty of awkward moments in the grocery store/atm then..."hold on a sec I'll just grab my purse".

0points

Cybele Spanjaard 4 years ago

It that so Stuart.. are you gay ( not judgemental by the way) and never looked at a woman's private parts even on a medical chart?

0points

Liz 4 years ago

I believe this girl is a murder victim and the murderer put the purse there... just a thought 🤷‍♀️

-1point

Quazmodic 4 years ago

Let's be honest. With some women, it doesn't even have to be a tiny purse. Anything from the luggage department would work just as well. ;)

-2points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Thank you for that.

-2points

Gerry Higgins 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Full of Giggles 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Mike Kozubski 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tabitha L 4 years ago

Yes. Please explain vaginas to all the women here. We clearly need a man to tell us how they work. You can fit all of those things in your asshole. So does this mean it is reasonable to assume that you do??

6points

Truth Monster 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

"3 And A Half Milliboobs Per Handful"

Book page with a paragraph describing breast measurement

Final score:

266points

POST

Daria Z 4 years ago

The picture on the right is quite accurate and can apply to this whole post 😳

459points

What Does it Mean When a Woman is Written by a Man?

At times, male authors depict female characters as sexualized, unrealistic beings who are mere accessories that meet the desires of these authors. Men portraying women in this manner is called the male gaze. The male gaze or a woman written by a man tends to focus on the body rather than the character itself. When women are objectified without giving them a voice in the story, it’s typically said that the woman is written by a man.

Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy - Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”

Book page with a paragraph describing pregnancy

Final score:

242points

POST

RaroaRaroa 4 years ago

Oo. This writer does not like the look of pregnant women, so has decided that women must hate it - you know, because he hates it and they surely all want to appeal to him because he's so awesome.

458points

Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??

Book page with a paragraph describing woman with stretch marks

Final score:

236points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

Oh someone needs to tell this person men also get stretch marks and they are not ll from having kids. weightloss or gain does it too

406points

Let's Not Forget This Gem Either

Book page with a paragraph describing females' nipples

Final score:

228points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago (edited)

Just imagine the reverse: "every hair in my beard becoming a tiny penis"

746points

Women Written by Men: What Does Vondriska Say?

“I’m an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts, and the male character was described by his personality.”

“Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn’t hidden behind anonymity,” Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create ‘Men Write Women.’

Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.) According to her, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the “founders of the literary canon” are continuous offenders. “John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive,” Vondriska said.

Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]

Book page with a paragraph describing woman with a good personality

Final score:

216points

POST

Vincent Philippart 4 years ago (edited)

Jesus...

331points

This Made My Breasts Frown

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

199points

POST

Rowlie 4 years ago

Lately my breasts only cry and sigh deeply. I miss all the smiling

476points

That's Not How Any Of This Works

Book page with a paragraph describing woman being aroused

Final score:

198points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Oh dear, this guy just revealed himself to be a very very confused virgin.

554points

Male Authors Writing About Women Actually Well

However, it isn't all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. “Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I’ve yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton,” Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan. Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So, she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.

“Pay attention to what you’re reading and who you’re reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, or authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school doesn't mean it’s good!”

#10

Unsurprisingly, The Book's Terrible Writing From A "Proclaimed" Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman looking at herself in the mirror

Final score:

183points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

Boobs are testicles. They don't "withdraw" because there is muscle and a rib cage underneath and they are just mounds of fat and milk producing tissue. I feel like so many people here did not pay attention in health class. How can they be so clueless about the female body?

400points

#11

Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here's Why

Book page with a paragraph describing woman talking about college girls d

Final score:

164points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago

*That kinda chick, you know the type... O_o

293points

#12

Ah Yes, Exactly How I'd Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman telling about herself

Final score:

162points

POST

Theodore Theodora 4 years ago

Woman: "I'm SO HOT omg." Dude: "Just like my dead wife." What?!

494points

What is the Female Gaze Theory?

The female gaze theory refers to the female point of view in the story that focuses on the realistic depiction of the characters rather than objectifying their bodies. Usually, when netizens say, “written by a woman,” they are talking about this realistic female gaze that gives depth to the character rather than their physical appearance.

#13

I'm Sorry, Her Breasts Do What

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

158points

POST

Rowlie 4 years ago

I guess the only breasts the author saw were trying to escape from him

437points

#14

She's Eleven And Scared But Let's Talk About Her Nipples

Book page with a paragraph describing woman nipples and lips

Final score:

158points

POST

Martha Meyer 4 years ago

This guy is a creepy perv!

392points

#15

This Whole Book Has Both My Eyes And My Boobs Rolling

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

152points

POST

Squee 4 years ago

H-how would you even...?

305points

#16

Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us

Book page with a paragraph describing woman appearance

Final score:

142points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Men like Conde should not be surprised that sexy women love other women, and he really should try to help that male chauvinism.

312points

#17

Breasts Totally Get Scared

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

137points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago

My breasts are embarrassed by this.

443points

#18

The Count Of Monte Cristo- 1884

Book page with a paragraph describing thirty-six years old woman

Final score:

136points

POST

RaroaRaroa 4 years ago

Poor old lady. :-D

285points

#19

Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)

Book page with a paragraph describing Ambers' appearance

Final score:

135points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago

She had a non-existent vagina?

518points

#20

me To My Friend Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?

Book page with a paragraph describing woman eyes

Final score:

133points

POST

Bacony Cakes 4 years ago

*brandishes ice cream scoop* Your eyeballs, please.

389points

#21

She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman appearance

Final score:

123points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago

But no head, brain or mouth. How convenient!

373points

#22

Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman and man being intimate

Final score:

113points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

In the first place this whole soaking thing sounds like a dishcloth, this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the second place, pads stick to underwear, in my experience you don't just "fish them out", this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the third place, of course the only possible rational reason why a woman would refuse sex is because she's on her period!, this guy is obviously an effing asshole.

354points

#23

Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman legs

Final score:

103points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

dry sounds like she just needs to use more lotion. dry skin is horribly itchy

257points

#24

Thank God For The Bikini Wax.

Book page with a paragraph describing woman body

Final score:

98points

POST

Jo Choto 4 years ago

Excuse me while I vomit.

241points

#25

Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara

Book page with a paragraph describing woman body

Final score:

98points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

I'm more concerned by the fact he seems to routinely check out boys' butts and uses that as the benchmark of sexy.

418points

#26

The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?

Book page with a paragraph describing son talking about his moms' appearance

Final score:

91points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

wow that is very Oedipal.

205points

#27

This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

90points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

These male authors are making my breasts pulse with resentment. They're really pissed off.

257points

#28

#menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

85points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

Well this seems to reinforce every ugly stereotype of men being sex crazed horndogs

285points

#29

'the Shining', By Stephen King. Its Always Breasts

Book page with a paragraph describing woman breast

Final score:

54points

POST

Chez 4 years ago (edited)

To be fair, this scene is where he is describing a woman who has been dead in a bath for however long (a ghost of her anyway). And when I read it it's actually made perfect sense in that context.

279points

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Female Characters Are More Than Just Their Bodies

We understand your anger. It’s impossible to read the thread without getting infuriated about this poor depiction of women. You can take out your anger about these male writers and express yourself in the comments. After all, women are so much more than just their bodies. Share this not just with your fellow feminists but with other friends and family, too. It’s high time we call out these unfair depictions, don’t you think so?

#30

I’m Not Sure It’s Physically Possible For My Eyes To Roll Any Further Back In My Head (Code Of Honour, Marc Cameron)

Final score:

30points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Oh yes, my pores are also curvaceous

32points

#31

I'm Sorry Her What Winked?? (Eeny Meenie, Mj Arlidge)

Final score:

30points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

My cleavage wants to punch him in the balls.

69points

#32

In This, We Are All Joe (Open Season, Cj Box)

Final score:

30points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

We are very very uncomfortable

57points

#33

David Mitchell Accurately Describing The Plight Of Woman For Something So Simple As Picking A Seat On The Bus. They're Not All Bad

Final score:

30points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Yes, this is a good one

43points

#34

She Has A Fine, Beautifully Fleshed Skeleton, Guys. Author Jack Finney.

Final score:

28points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

This feels like something a serial killer would say while thinking about how better to display said skeleton

55points

#35

Two Pages In. I'm Afraid To Keep Reading.

Final score:

27points

POST

Daria Z 4 years ago

Ugh... Jessica Rabbit? 🤔

35points

#36

An Excerpt From A 1950s Newspaper Article, Very Obviously Written By A Man

Final score:

27points

POST

Vorknkx 4 years ago

"Also, don't forget to wag your tail, it's a very telltale sign you're happy to see him."

80points

#37

Breasts Now Have Entire Personalities

Final score:

25points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

This guy has probably been firmly and chastely refused by many breasts. I consulted with mine and they confirmed that they would indeed refuse him too.

62points

#38

Oh Yes, Totally Normal Metaphor For A Woman's Ability To Carry Children (The Stand, Stephen King)

Final score:

24points

POST

Neva Nevičica 4 years ago

A fine porch door? Ah, so that the purse doesn't fall out, i guess.

75points

#39

I Just...

Final score:

23points

POST

bv7hearts 4 years ago

You must always teach your breasts to be compassionate.

27points

#40

For Those Asking, This Is Iq84 By Haruki Marukami

Final score:

23points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Funny enough I have never thought of a person's breasts while mourning their death. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.

72points

#41

Keeping Your Emotions In Your Nipples Since 1980 (Number Of The Beast, Robert A. Heinlein)

Final score:

23points

POST

Stephanie Did It 4 years ago

Somehow I think that Deety's nipples will soon be perking up at the sound of her master's voice and swiveling toward him.

25points

#42

Ah Yes, Women's Most Base Instinct (Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, Philip K Dick)

Final score:

22points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

And then she can poison his food. That's an instinct too.

58points

#43

I'm Reading Joss Whedon's Original Script For Wonder Woman

Final score:

21points

POST

Noez 🇸🇪 4 years ago

Joss Whedon too?? Nooooo I liked him!!

20points

#44

Living In Squalor? Don't Buy A Vacuum, Just Get Yourself A Woman! (John Grisham)

Final score:

21points

POST

Neva Nevičica 4 years ago

Yes, you know, because when you have a penis, you don't have hands and that makes cleaning impossible.

45points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#45

Talking About The Appearance Of A Woman In A Concentration Camp. Voluptuous?! Really?!

Final score:

20points

POST

Neva Nevičica 4 years ago

I am mildly concerned how often women in this descriptions tend to be childish/girly/baby-like and that is considered as their best part. Also, with constantly errect nipples that can cut your throat/paper/steel/wood bark

56points

#46

Can't Wait For Everyone To Tell Me This Is 'Just How The Character Thinks' Because The Narrator Is A Damn Dog (The Art Of Racing In The Rain, Garth Stein)

Final score:

20points

POST

Jo Choto 4 years ago

These guys would be so shocked to learn that hip size and childbearing capacity are in no way related.

31points

#47

This Detective Just Can’t Handle Meeting Women

Final score:

19points

POST

Laura Craig 4 years ago

"The reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the house-work" You WHAT mate?!?!?!

48points

#48

14 Pages In. These Girls Are 16. What The Hell Is "Light And Eager" Morning Sweat??

Final score:

19points

POST

Chez 4 years ago

Ah yes, Stephen King again. He definitely has a way with words. :/

29points

#49

I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With This "Speaking Of Which, Her Breasts" Sir We Were Not Speaking Of Them At All "A Body Assembled Of Flat Planes" What Is She, A Piece Of Woodwork? (The Murderer's Daughter, Jonathan Kellerman)

I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With This "Speaking Of Which, Her Breasts" Sir We Were Not Speaking Of Them At All "A Body Assembled Of Flat Planes" What Is She, A Piece Of Woodwork? (The Murderer's Daughter, Jonathan Kellerman)

Final score:

19points

POST

Jo Choto 4 years ago

Oh gag me with a spoon. These mental masturbation descriptions are just nauseating.

29points

#50

Men Write About Women

Final score:

18points

POST

bv7hearts 4 years ago

Detect her name, you douchecanoe.

60points

#51

Ah Yes, A Completely Normal Way To Describe One’s Daughter.

Final score:

18points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Oh eww.

40points

#52

The Very Real Scientific Explanation™️ Of How Babies Are Made #submission (Cat Magic, Whitley Strieber)

Final score:

18points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Why do we even need pregnancy tests?

57points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#53

Well, My Tits Have Stood Up And Walked Out (Cosmopolis, Don Delillo)

Final score:

18points

POST

Michał Jastrzębski 4 years ago

I, too, would inhale my food after talking like that, if only to die and save myself from embarasment...

30points

#54

I Hate When My Titties Get In The Way Of Fighting

Final score:

17points

POST

Jo Choto 4 years ago

Must be a Viking. Hope she's about to axe him.

21points

#55

What??

Final score:

17points

POST

Hyrum Fletcher 4 years ago

Beware the Aura of the Womb

34points

#56

Please Hear Me When I Say That Stephen King Has Literally No Chill And His Writing Of Women Is More Terrifying Than Any Novel He's Ever Written

Final score:

17points

POST

Random Panda 4 years ago

Wtf, breasts don't stand "naturally upright" when a woman is lying down, unless they're full of silicone.

56points

#57

This Is More Terrifying Than The Clown, Tbh (It, Stephen King)

Final score:

16points

POST

Tamsin Far 4 years ago

Men must be so sad that they can nurse only toilet paper.... calling to them "Nurse us. Nurse us. Nurse us on s**t!"

40points

#58

Honestly I Think This Is The Most Sexist Description We've Gotten Wtf David (John Dies At The End, David Wong)

Final score:

16points

POST

😸Marik😺 4 years ago

At least her breasts are attached to her body, without beeing smiling, depressed, bouncing or even floating... just - attached.

37points

#59

It's Not Sexist If You're Comparing Her To A Boy!!!

Final score:

16points

POST

Daria Z 4 years ago

An unused face wow 😂

34points

#60

Rosalind Franklin Was A Badass, And This Is How James Watson Described Her, The Woman Who Discovered The Molecular Structure Of Dna

Final score:

15points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

We're all trying to save our daughters from marriages to dull men and bad authors

44points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#61

Literally What Part Of A Breast Looks Like A Goddamn Flower #submission (Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks)

Final score:

15points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Another author who has never actually seen breasts?

26points

#62

Ah Yes, Nothing Like Seeing Some Casual Sexism Slipped In (Enders Game, Orson Scott Card)

Final score:

15points

POST

Evil Little Thing 4 years ago

Card is Mormon and it shows sometimes.

20points

#63

Mmm Please Only Describe Me As Carb-Based Foods From Now On

Final score:

14points

POST

Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago

Like... what??

22points

#64

Marion Deserves Better. "Had An Affair With Her When She Was Eleven." Face Vomiting (George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, And Lawrence Kasdan Brainstorming Marion's Character In Indiana Jones)

Final score:

13points

POST

Dan Buczynski 4 years ago

Well, now Indiana Jones is ruined for me. Goddamnit.

34points

#65

Know We're Not Supposed To Poo-Poo Someone's Fetish, But This Is Downright Weird (Paris Trance, Geoff Dyer)

Final score:

13points

POST

Bacony Cakes 4 years ago

I see what you did there.

16points

#66

--I Don't Even Know Where To Begin But There's No Reason This Book Should Have 3.5 Stars On Amazon #submission (Journey To The Year One Billion, Gary Martin)

Final score:

12points

POST

Squee 4 years ago

Well this is really sexist.

26points

#67

Tbh After I Lost My Virginity I Thought, "Huh, So That's Sex..." (Til We Have Faces, Cs Lewis)

Final score:

12points

POST

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

I agree with the title. It was really quite a let down.

29points

#68

Men Write About Women

Final score:

11points

POST

Ola Polowczyk 4 years ago

What?

27points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#69

Men Write About Women

Final score:

11points

POST

FloC 4 years ago

Because smart women working late are not supposed to look good ?

25points

#70

Me: Maybe I Should Finally Give Writing A Real Shot Also Me: Nah I'm Not That Good, Why Bother Men:

Final score:

11points

POST

Perpetual Peripheral Persons 4 years ago

An entire short story describing one character :(

17points

#71

Ah Yes, The Only Three Professions A Woman Can Hold (Cocaine Nights, Jg Ballard)

Final score:

11points

POST

Flash Henry 4 years ago

ah yes, I finger my mascara all the time

24points

#72

Bc The Only Thing To Mourn About A Woman's Death Is Her... Body? (World Without End, Ken Follet)

Final score:

11points

POST

Charlotte A. 4 years ago

In his defence he usually has very strong and capable heroines in his stories, and I'm pretty sure a "small thing" can make grief well up for a lost one, without being what one misses the most. I certainly don't think this is as bad as the ones that define a woman by her vagina or giver her breasts feelings...

22points

#73

Men Write About Women

Final score:

8points

POST

Natalie KS 4 years ago

Only unattractive women are smart. Pretty women don't need brains because they have expressive breasts.

7points

#74

Are Your Breasts Proud ?

Final score:

8points

POST

*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago

yes. women are pleased when a man tells her she has whore-colored hair. take notes, boys. -_-

23points

#75

After Reading This, My Breasts Are Now Crying Things

Final score:

8points

POST

Vorknkx 4 years ago

You know, it's not good for your eyes to read in such a gloom

20points

#76

I'm From The Midwest So When I'm Surprised My Breasts Say "Ope, Sorry About That!

Final score:

7points

POST

*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago

( o ) ( o ) !!

15points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#77

All Confrontational Women Were Molested At Some Point.

Final score:

5points

POST

Bacony Cakes 4 years ago

WHAT? WHAT THE FU-

9points

#78

This Pussy Bites Back #submission (The Devil All The Time, Donald Ray Pollock)

Final score:

5points

POST

Jaded Queen 4 years ago

Nobody remembers body parts however once u thought were perfect after 50+ yrs. U only remember how they made u feel. U also forget with time, how they looked

8points

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

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I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

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What do you think ?

POST

Miss Milinky 4 years ago

I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(

191points

Ms.GB 4 years ago

I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?

95points

AnInrovert 4 years ago

Right? I need to find some boob teacher!

8points

Ani-87 4 years ago

Maybe you just need to borrow eyes from someone beautiful to see them differently?

7points

Amie Redman 3 years ago

Mine too. They need to pull their own weight dang it!

2points

yamatokatsuha09000 4 years ago

Miss Milinky -

1point

Andy boi 4 years ago

wait sentience

1point

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.

113points

Martha Meyer 4 years ago

The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.

69points

Maeve O’Loughlin 4 years ago

Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.

91points

Martha Meyer 4 years ago

No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!

117points

S. 4 years ago

Not seeing where he was walking, he penised penisedly into a wall while she laughed so hard she boobed boobily into a lamppost.

32points

Just saying 4 years ago

Short and dumpy and therefore invisible, my flowing silver hair cascades over breasts that once did a phd but now would struggle with elementary maths.

21points

Kiki Castro 4 years ago

She had dark curly hair, big round eyes, and more facial hair than women usual have. She wouldn't shave it though. Feminists, amirite? You could tell she was ethnic by her facial traits and hairiness, but she was somehow white and spoke with a local accent. Where was she from? She had the kind of curves black women have, juicy thick ass cheeks and cantaloup sized breasts. She claimed she was bisexual, which made no sense because she was married to a man.

10points

Debra Powers 4 years ago

I am short, yes billowy. I have a butt that a quarter get lost in, and my breasts are somewhat reluctant to meet the world.

5points

pusheen buttercup 4 years ago

Short, with raven hair, and boobs that seem in a constant state of mild surprise and/or confusion!

5points

Leila Noury 3 years ago

Tall, brown hair, (random flavored) skin, pale skin, and breasts that screamed "BISH DONT LOOK AT ME".

3points

Michael Se 4 years ago

I would not be described in the slightest detail because I'm a man.

3points

Samsquatch & Monko 5 months ago

I am tallish with hair that tastes like chocolate or something, I have leg hairs therefore I must be a slvt, and my boobs are sentient and are off going to college without me

0points

Lesbian Thespian 8 months ago (edited)

I have chocolate-coloured hair that perfectly frames my tanned face with a sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of my nose. My eyes are hazel and my breasts are small yet perky. The size of my breasts is a problem for me as my only desire is to appear attractive to men. I am petite and often loud, often hiding my intelligence as it makes me appear more attractive to men. /s

0points

Jane Sullivan 3 years ago

I am short and plump, with indignant hair and boobs. BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!!!

0points

kleenex55 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

ra_coder 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)

I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.

22points

Monika Soffronow 4 years ago

I'd upvote you twice, if I could!

10points

Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago

Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!

18points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Amazon, self-publishing. Anyone can do it.

5points

Leo Domitrix 4 years ago

Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.

17points

Cori 4 years ago

I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.

6points

blugeagua 4 years ago

What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!

16points

Bubbs Art 4 years ago

I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo

8points

Sara Rodrigues 4 years ago (edited)

How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...

16points

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

Likely because most of them were also men

19points

rainforest 4 years ago

I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD

15points

Monika Soffronow 4 years ago (edited)

I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.

13points

Charlotte 4 years ago

These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!

14points

Michael Se 4 years ago

And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!

2points

Pamela24 4 years ago

I'll share one of my pet peeves - women who are attractive but are not aware of it. It happens so often - a woman who is aware of her attractiveness apparently suddenly loses half of it.

14points

Jo Choto 4 years ago

I usually come to BP for the feel-goods. Today I'm feeling really angry. So today I'm going to focus on describing the protagonist in my novel in ways that won't make people want to claw their eyes and brains out.

11points

S. 4 years ago

Wish you all the best for writing!

5points

Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago

SHUT. THE. F**K. UP. WILDBERRY

1point

WildBerry 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Jan Willem ten Dam 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

10points

Channon Doughty 4 years ago

The first example you use is not an invention of Min Jin Lee. Rather it is a very clever reference to long-held, oft told rumor that a particular champagne glass was molded from Marie Antionette's breast. If you've ever seen anything set in the early 1900's, they were probably drinking champagne or cocktails from one of those glasses. It's hysterical, but most likely untrue. Champagne-...f4cf5a.jpg

11points

Noez 🇸🇪 4 years ago (edited)

My breasts have so many feelings.

9points

tomjohn216 4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Firework 4 years ago

Nobody: What cishet male authors think boobs look like: ( 😡 )( 😡 )

8points

Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago (edited)

They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)

1point

Storm Anne 4 years ago

WOW I JUST LEARNED THAT MY BOOBS HAVE FEELINGS

8points

Kevin Hickey 4 years ago

I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.

8points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.

2points

Zenozenobee 4 years ago

You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh

8points

ispeak catanese 4 years ago

The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!

8points

tuzdayschild 4 years ago

I'm totally jealous. All my dumb breasts ever do is just hang there.

7points

Grace 3 years ago

Get help from a woman when you are going to write about a woman.

5points

Marilyn Bojanowski 4 years ago

This makes my breasts laugh with toothy smiles, the left slightly more expressive than the other as my cleavage juts out in disgust. They talk amongst themselves in my bra, wondering if we should educate men. My right insists that the men of the world become competent, while the left argues that we wouldn't have as much reason to laugh at them. With which of my intelligent breasts do you agree?

5points

Kelley Baltierra 4 years ago

I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?

5points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men

1point

Star 3 years ago

I don’t think there is, otherwise it would be around the internet by now, There’s probably one or two female writers out there you are this terrible at writing men but it’s a lot more common with male writers as women tend to get sexualized more ^^

0points

mm78 4 years ago

Kelley Baltierra lol

0points

*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago

Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious

5points

EchoRise 3 years ago

Why is it that I’m offended. I’m not like anything these idiots are writing about. I am in middle/high school and my breasts started developing in 3rd grade. Yet I seem to be offended. Most likely because I just kinda feel like men don’t pay attention to us and just our body. Like they see us as objects. I took a genius class. It was about the feminine and male genius and it wad incredibly enlightening. Women are supposed to protect the man’s heart and men are supposed to protect the woman. You should take one of those classes. It’s actually really helpful.

4points

Tulasidharan V I 3 years ago

Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??

4points

Diane Aguilar 4 years ago

FYI, Michael Crichton studied to be a medical doctor but never actually practiced, just leapt into writing as a career. Which probably explains why he was able to get biological details about women so perfectly, and why I really wish he were still around to publish more novels. RIP.

4points

seo_10 4 years ago

Diane Aguilar haha

0points

Idk Katniss Potter 4 years ago

I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.

4points

Hermien Greeff 3 years ago

Who wants to crowd-fund my new range of tiny vagina purses?

3points

Hannah M 4 years ago

Can we just stop with the sentient breasts?

3points

kwkerrylee 4 years ago

Hannah M like

-2points

Marcia Cash 4 years ago

Men love big breasts because they are big babies and want their mommy

3points

Scyth 4 years ago

Freud agrees.

4points

🌺🍍🌼🌻🌼🍍🌺 4 years ago

I had to stop reading, so I skipped down to the bottom comments. I have never been more dissapointed in the opposite gender.

3points

Jackie Swenson 3 years ago

men and boobs... and that one about an 11 year old like WTF

2points

imagae 3 years ago

I don’t think I realized that this many men believe that breasts are independent beings?

2points

Zet 3 years ago

misogynistic men writers: acting like they can read a women's mindset trough boobs because they do not lift their eyes to look at the actual expression in a women's face...

2points

AroAcePanda 4 years ago

As a male, I am sorry, not all of us are like this.

2points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

I know

0points

Bozhana Slaveva 4 years ago

Breasts must be the original mood rings.

2points

dredfurygaming 3 years ago

Bozhana Slaveva lol

2points

Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago

This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD

2points

R3belB4nny 3 years ago

Not sure how ANY of this was approved by the mods...

1point

Dorothy Cloud 3 years ago

I read the first 4 or 5. And as a female, I am just so offended. Are the male writers unmarried, virgins that they really know so little about women. And as I noted above, where are the proof readers? They must also be in the same category.!!

1point

Fred and George Weasley 4 years ago

what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?

1point

J 4 years ago

I'm sorry it hurt my head to read these. What... who are these men? Have they ever actually met any women?

1point

shado 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

Storm Anne 4 years ago

this just scared me 4 life

1point

Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago

James Patterson's "Murder Club" reads like he's never known any women in his life. Um, women who have been friends for over 20 years DO NOT have such stilted and formal conversations. And even though my best friend prefers to be called "Patricia", when we're alone she's "Pats".

1point

Becky Eimer 4 years ago

I had to ask myself how did some of these get past the publishers? Getting past that some of these may be self-published - these examples seem to show males in the publishing/editing profession(s) also barely know anything about women...

1point

kidsmiley 3 years ago

Becky Eimer haha

0points

Cindy Rogers 4 years ago

No wonder I quit reading fiction written by men.

1point

snmandarinchinese 4 years ago

Cindy Rogers love

1point

Ivy Ruonakoski 4 years ago

No wonder I've always preferred female authors.

1point

I zzi 4 years ago

Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men

1point

jmphotoart 4 years ago

I zzi follower

0points

Stephanie L Thesing 8 months ago

Many years ago when I was a pre-teen, I snuck away with a couple of my mom’s dirty novels. One described a woman having her period as the blood pouring down her legs and having to soak it all up with several of her boyfriend’s t-shirts. Even at my young age I knew that was a bit much, unless the author planned on her visiting the emergency room for hemorrhaging.

0points

Flo 4132 11 months ago

Guys, please write this down: breasts are not sentient in any way. They do not react to events or emotions. They grow the way they grow and then they stay that way. They might grow a little more during pregnancy and sag a little while ageing, but otherwise, they do nothing, I repeat, nothing. Also, nipples do not get hard when the woman is sexually aroused like your penis does.

0points

Key Lime 1 year ago

Don't any of the publishers use Editors? I mean someone in the book business must have actually seen a real live woman.

0points

Stargazer66 1 year ago

So that's why women don't get pockets!

0points

Vera 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Jared West 3 years ago

Males support feminists, you know (not the ones that hate on men like the idiots in the comments, the ones that preach equality to males and females). I feel like this article wont start good feminism, it will start bad feminism. Oh, wait, it already has..

0points

Jared West 3 years ago

I am a male, and no male with dignity would write this stuff.

0points

jager700 3 years ago

* visible confusion *

0points

Linda Ostreicher 3 years ago

My favorite thing like this is a movie, not a book. Blade Runner 2049. Must have been written by 10-year-old boys who think a robot could be built that accidentally had the ability to give birth. Like, there is nothing special inside women that makes this happen. Meanwhile, the outsides of women's bodies are everywhere in 50-foot-high holograms.

0points

Lee 3 years ago

I wonder if men know they have breasts too 🤭

0points

Lee 3 years ago

The

0points

Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago

She was tall, curvy, with wide, sumptuous thighs and tiny ankles. Her long, flowing hair, the color of a summer day, cascaded over her breasts. She was dandelion fluff, a raw sexual force, leaving nothing behind but the faint taste of chocolate on your lips. And damn, was she good with a knife. As I looked up at her, the knife in my chest, she flipped me off as only the most beautiful of women could.

0points

RM Ro 3 years ago

Yes anyone can write something down, but publishers can refuse. Wish more would do so. These books are atrocious.

0points

Leah Pheonix 3 years ago

Did men not pay attention in sex ed or biology

0points

Daniel Marsh 3 years ago

I think in some cases, the authors are trying to make their male characters come off as sexist, breast-obsessed, creepy, etc. "Breasts walked by ... he didn't even look at her face." Don't hate the writers; hate the men they describe.

0points

Hazel Cornell 3 years ago (edited)

Sometimes, I think the best thing that could happen to the human race would be some kind of additive to the water that would drop the male sex drive by about 9/10. Then, maybe most of them could finally relate to women as something other than a pair of legs, a pair of tits, or a hole they want to stuff something into.

0points

Dingo Person 3 years ago

What. Did. I. Just. Read?

0points

just your average introvert 3 years ago

i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(

0points

Jude 3 years ago

I read a great deal but very little fiction. I had absolutely no idea that some 'supposedly great' male writers were so chauvinistic and clueless. I shake my head in horror that the tripe they write would ever be considered great literature.

0points

MALEC GWITTER🤩 3 years ago

😤😑By the Angel, thank Raziel THATS over. A couple of them, I had to go back and just stare at them for a little while to figure out what the HELL is going on. But most of them, I just stared off into the distance trying to figure out how they are so stupid! I hope these men don't describe real women like that. Or HAVE wives for that matter! I would NOT want to be married to an idiot like that! Hmph....sorry for my outburst. I am very passionate on writing and will try to not write at all like them. Dear Raziel they need help🥲

0points

William Secoske 3 years ago

Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined

0points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

Really

0points

Molly Parker Ronan 4 years ago

Excuse me whilst I go to vomit for I'm a girl

0points

CatWoman312 4 years ago (edited)

I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement

0points

Bunzilla 4 years ago

welp

0points

ArhomR 4 years ago

I’m surprised you found only 30 examples.

0points

Summer Thyme 4 years ago

men seem to think breasts have their own emotions.

0points

Liz Sahlin 4 years ago

I am just totally stunned by the fact that no one have reacted before this sh-t went to print!!! Surely there must have been a proofreader, a publisher, a FRIEND, for haven sake, that could have said "Hey mate, I really don´t think it´s such good idea to write that that way..."

0points

Jennifer Fredericksen 4 years ago

#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.

0points

teesside-business-show 3 years ago

Jennifer Fredericksen no

0points

Ace Cole 4 years ago

You can find more horrors like these on the subreddit r/menwritingwomen. I've actually seen some of these on it.

0points

Elizabeth Gardner 4 years ago

Good god I write and I can a describe a woman's body but these blokes have they got it so wrong I am so glad we do not fit their idea of women with BREASTS. I am never aware of my breasts unless showering or dressing and getting them to sit just right in my bra.

0points

dennis-eklund 4 years ago

Elizabeth Gardner haha

0points

Lyone Fein 4 years ago

So difficult to vote up on these disgusting passages

0points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed

0points

Becky Eimer 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

M3era 4 years ago

The more I read, the more angry I get with these texts. >:(

0points

Latifa Shabnaz 4 years ago

seriously though looking at book writing for proof or disproof or an understanding of the female body, isnt is as stupid as looking at a scifi film for an understanding of the working of quantum mechanics.

0points

ruchiverma 4 years ago

Latifa Shabnaz haha

0points

Rose the Cook 4 years ago

Who reads these rubbish books anyway?

0points

Looloo 4 years ago

Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?

0points

Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago

These are relentlessly awful. HOW do they get published?

0points

TheDemonUnderYourBed 4 years ago

Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this

0points

Ms.GB 4 years ago

Brb...trying to figure out how to roll up a credit card and id along with a few bucks.

0points

IKL200 4 years ago

I wish I knew what book #24 was from...

0points

bored human 4 years ago

How did any of this get published. Why??

0points

Ottmar Straub 4 years ago

I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.

-1point

shado 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-1point

Looloo 4 years ago

It's almost like people are searching endlessly for things to be offended by. Get a grip people

-1point

Caroline Driver 4 years ago

Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author

-1point

Stan Schmidt 3 years ago

If you wanted to make a point, you could have at least used examples that didn't completely miss it. Most of them aren't even on topic, the few ones that are are all clearly not the authors thoughts, so what's the point of this article?

-2points

IVAN KRAWEC 3 years ago

The writer needs to educate herself. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue,” Dr. O’Connell explained in an interview with the BBC in 2006. The clitoris has three major components: the glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structurethe two crura, which extend, like brackets, down from the glans clitoris and deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either sidethe two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend either side of the vaginal orifice (not all researchers agree that the vestibular bulbs have a relation to the clitoris, however; researchers Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo, for instance, argue that the clitoris consists “of the glans, body, and crura” only) In its entirety, the clitoris may reach as many as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer, and the glans makes up about 4c

-2points

Teucer T 3 years ago

I could understand a lot of these comments when we're talking about male authors attempting to write from a woman's perspective, just like female authors completely failing while trying to write from a male's perspective... But most of these are the perspective of characters that are flawed or downright warped as part of the plotline... And then there's the complaints of "The Count of Monte Cristo" referring to 36 as "old." The book was published in 1844 when almost every woman was married by the age of 25. 36 would have been considered old for a woman to be unmarried.

-2points

Richard Henderson 3 years ago

It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.

-2points

osgood-george 3 years ago

Richard Henderson haha

0points

Banjo Peppers 4 years ago

I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.

-2points

Calum Sanderson 4 years ago

Now do ones about female authors writing about the penis!

-2points

John Baker 4 years ago

To be fair (and at the risk of incurring the wrath of the BP downvote trolls), most female authors don't do a much better job of writing male characters. They tend to focus more on alleged male personality traits than anatomy, but they're often just as clueless as the guys who apparently think breasts are sentient beings. ;-)

-2points

Star 3 years ago

Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.

0points

Quazmodic 4 years ago (edited)

50% Men's ignorance. 30% Lack of a sense of humor. 20% Ignorant Misandry.

-2points

Arenite 4 years ago

These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.

-2points

Looloo 4 years ago

Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂

2points

Damon Tripodi 4 years ago

What the hell is this crap you people are reading?

-2points

shado 4 years ago

I always have to chuckle reading about articles that upset women so much for the way they are viewed by many ... I mean guys aren't popping ping-pong balls out of their privates for tips, or waving their junk around in hope that someone will buy them a drink ... ladies, just remember: your own kind most often give you all a bad rep for you actions, activities and just the simple things women take for granted (and NO, I am NOT saying ALL, but definitely a good portion of the female gender) ... so just think on this for a bit before getting your panties in such a bunch over so little ~ 'much ado about nothing'

-3points

CWF 3 years ago

F**k off I hope you never wear dry socks again

2points

fogharty 4 years ago (edited)

The Firm by John Grisham: “She was beautiful, much more so than when they were married. At twenty-four she looked her age, but the years were becoming very generous.” She’s practically decrepit!

-3points

coyager 4 years ago

fogharty what

-2points

MellonCollie 4 years ago

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blugeagua 4 years ago

No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.

2points

Si 4 years ago (edited)

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claudiausslf 4 years ago

Si love

-3points

Millicent MacDonald 4 years ago

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Hans 4 years ago

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Scyth 4 years ago

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blugeagua 4 years ago

Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.

4points

POST

Miss Milinky 4 years ago

191points

Ms.GB 4 years ago

I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?

95points

AnInrovert 4 years ago

Right? I need to find some boob teacher!

8points

Ani-87 4 years ago

Maybe you just need to borrow eyes from someone beautiful to see them differently?

7points

Amie Redman 3 years ago

Mine too. They need to pull their own weight dang it!

2points

yamatokatsuha09000 4 years ago

Miss Milinky -

1point

Andy boi 4 years ago

wait sentience

1point

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.

113points

Martha Meyer 4 years ago

The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.

69points

Maeve O’Loughlin 4 years ago

Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.

91points

Martha Meyer 4 years ago

No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!

117points

S. 4 years ago

Not seeing where he was walking, he penised penisedly into a wall while she laughed so hard she boobed boobily into a lamppost.

32points

Just saying 4 years ago

Short and dumpy and therefore invisible, my flowing silver hair cascades over breasts that once did a phd but now would struggle with elementary maths.

21points

Kiki Castro 4 years ago

10points

Debra Powers 4 years ago

I am short, yes billowy. I have a butt that a quarter get lost in, and my breasts are somewhat reluctant to meet the world.

5points

pusheen buttercup 4 years ago

Short, with raven hair, and boobs that seem in a constant state of mild surprise and/or confusion!

5points

Leila Noury 3 years ago

Tall, brown hair, (random flavored) skin, pale skin, and breasts that screamed "BISH DONT LOOK AT ME".

3points

Michael Se 4 years ago

I would not be described in the slightest detail because I'm a man.

3points

Samsquatch & Monko 5 months ago

I am tallish with hair that tastes like chocolate or something, I have leg hairs therefore I must be a slvt, and my boobs are sentient and are off going to college without me

0points

Lesbian Thespian 8 months ago (edited)

0points

Jane Sullivan 3 years ago

I am short and plump, with indignant hair and boobs. BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!!!

0points

kleenex55 3 years ago

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ra_coder 4 years ago

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Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)

22points

Monika Soffronow 4 years ago

I'd upvote you twice, if I could!

10points

Nomadus Aureus 4 years ago

Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!

18points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Amazon, self-publishing. Anyone can do it.

5points

Leo Domitrix 4 years ago

Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.

17points

Cori 4 years ago

6points

blugeagua 4 years ago

What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!

16points

Bubbs Art 4 years ago

I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo

8points

Sara Rodrigues 4 years ago (edited)

16points

Samantha Lomb 4 years ago

Likely because most of them were also men

19points

rainforest 4 years ago

15points

Monika Soffronow 4 years ago (edited)

13points

Charlotte 4 years ago

14points

Michael Se 4 years ago

And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!

2points

Pamela24 4 years ago

I'll share one of my pet peeves - women who are attractive but are not aware of it. It happens so often - a woman who is aware of her attractiveness apparently suddenly loses half of it.

14points

Jo Choto 4 years ago

11points

S. 4 years ago

Wish you all the best for writing!

5points

Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago

SHUT. THE. F**K. UP. WILDBERRY

1point

WildBerry 4 years ago

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Jan Willem ten Dam 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

10points

Channon Doughty 4 years ago

11points

Noez 🇸🇪 4 years ago (edited)

My breasts have so many feelings.

9points

tomjohn216 4 years ago

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Firework 4 years ago

Nobody: What cishet male authors think boobs look like: ( 😡 )( 😡 )

8points

Glory The Rainwing 3 years ago (edited)

They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)

1point

Storm Anne 4 years ago

WOW I JUST LEARNED THAT MY BOOBS HAVE FEELINGS

8points

Kevin Hickey 4 years ago

I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.

8points

WildBerry 4 years ago

Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.

2points

Zenozenobee 4 years ago

You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh

8points

ispeak catanese 4 years ago

The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!

8points

tuzdayschild 4 years ago

I'm totally jealous. All my dumb breasts ever do is just hang there.

7points

Grace 3 years ago

Get help from a woman when you are going to write about a woman.

5points

Marilyn Bojanowski 4 years ago

5points

Kelley Baltierra 4 years ago

I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?

5points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men

1point

Star 3 years ago

0points

mm78 4 years ago

Kelley Baltierra lol

0points

*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 4 years ago

Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious

5points

EchoRise 3 years ago

4points

Tulasidharan V I 3 years ago

Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??

4points

Diane Aguilar 4 years ago

4points

seo_10 4 years ago

Diane Aguilar haha

0points

Idk Katniss Potter 4 years ago

I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.

4points

Hermien Greeff 3 years ago

Who wants to crowd-fund my new range of tiny vagina purses?

3points

Hannah M 4 years ago

Can we just stop with the sentient breasts?

3points

kwkerrylee 4 years ago

Hannah M like

-2points

Marcia Cash 4 years ago

Men love big breasts because they are big babies and want their mommy

3points

Scyth 4 years ago

Freud agrees.

4points

🌺🍍🌼🌻🌼🍍🌺 4 years ago

I had to stop reading, so I skipped down to the bottom comments. I have never been more dissapointed in the opposite gender.

3points

Jackie Swenson 3 years ago

men and boobs... and that one about an 11 year old like WTF

2points

imagae 3 years ago

I don’t think I realized that this many men believe that breasts are independent beings?

2points

Zet 3 years ago

misogynistic men writers: acting like they can read a women's mindset trough boobs because they do not lift their eyes to look at the actual expression in a women's face...

2points

AroAcePanda 4 years ago

As a male, I am sorry, not all of us are like this.

2points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

I know

0points

Bozhana Slaveva 4 years ago

Breasts must be the original mood rings.

2points

dredfurygaming 3 years ago

Bozhana Slaveva lol

2points

Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago

This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD

2points

R3belB4nny 3 years ago

Not sure how ANY of this was approved by the mods...

1point

Dorothy Cloud 3 years ago

1point

Fred and George Weasley 4 years ago

what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?

1point

J 4 years ago

I'm sorry it hurt my head to read these. What... who are these men? Have they ever actually met any women?

1point

shado 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

Storm Anne 4 years ago

this just scared me 4 life

1point

Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago

1point

Becky Eimer 4 years ago

1point

kidsmiley 3 years ago

Becky Eimer haha

0points

Cindy Rogers 4 years ago

No wonder I quit reading fiction written by men.

1point

snmandarinchinese 4 years ago

Cindy Rogers love

1point

Ivy Ruonakoski 4 years ago

No wonder I've always preferred female authors.

1point

I zzi 4 years ago

Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men

1point

jmphotoart 4 years ago

I zzi follower

0points

Stephanie L Thesing 8 months ago

0points

Flo 4132 11 months ago

0points

Key Lime 1 year ago

Don't any of the publishers use Editors? I mean someone in the book business must have actually seen a real live woman.

0points

Stargazer66 1 year ago

So that's why women don't get pockets!

0points

Vera 3 years ago

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0points

Jared West 3 years ago

0points

Jared West 3 years ago

I am a male, and no male with dignity would write this stuff.

0points

jager700 3 years ago

* visible confusion *

0points

Linda Ostreicher 3 years ago

0points

Lee 3 years ago

I wonder if men know they have breasts too 🤭

0points

Lee 3 years ago

The

0points

Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago

0points

RM Ro 3 years ago

Yes anyone can write something down, but publishers can refuse. Wish more would do so. These books are atrocious.

0points

Leah Pheonix 3 years ago

Did men not pay attention in sex ed or biology

0points

Daniel Marsh 3 years ago

0points

Hazel Cornell 3 years ago (edited)

0points

Dingo Person 3 years ago

What. Did. I. Just. Read?

0points

just your average introvert 3 years ago

i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(

0points

Jude 3 years ago

0points

MALEC GWITTER🤩 3 years ago

0points

William Secoske 3 years ago

Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined

0points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

Really

0points

Molly Parker Ronan 4 years ago

Excuse me whilst I go to vomit for I'm a girl

0points

CatWoman312 4 years ago (edited)

I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement

0points

Bunzilla 4 years ago

welp

0points

ArhomR 4 years ago

I’m surprised you found only 30 examples.

0points

Summer Thyme 4 years ago

men seem to think breasts have their own emotions.

0points

Liz Sahlin 4 years ago

0points

Jennifer Fredericksen 4 years ago

#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.

0points

teesside-business-show 3 years ago

Jennifer Fredericksen no

0points

Ace Cole 4 years ago

You can find more horrors like these on the subreddit r/menwritingwomen. I've actually seen some of these on it.

0points

Elizabeth Gardner 4 years ago

0points

dennis-eklund 4 years ago

Elizabeth Gardner haha

0points

Lyone Fein 4 years ago

So difficult to vote up on these disgusting passages

0points

Alex_cat lover 3 years ago

F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed

0points

Becky Eimer 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

M3era 4 years ago

The more I read, the more angry I get with these texts. >:(

0points

Latifa Shabnaz 4 years ago

0points

ruchiverma 4 years ago

Latifa Shabnaz haha

0points

Rose the Cook 4 years ago

Who reads these rubbish books anyway?

0points

Looloo 4 years ago

Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?

0points

Grumble O'Pug 4 years ago

These are relentlessly awful. HOW do they get published?

0points

TheDemonUnderYourBed 4 years ago

Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this

0points

Ms.GB 4 years ago

Brb...trying to figure out how to roll up a credit card and id along with a few bucks.

0points

IKL200 4 years ago

I wish I knew what book #24 was from...

0points

bored human 4 years ago

How did any of this get published. Why??

0points

Ottmar Straub 4 years ago

I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.

-1point

shado 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-1point

Looloo 4 years ago

It's almost like people are searching endlessly for things to be offended by. Get a grip people

-1point

Caroline Driver 4 years ago

Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author

-1point

Stan Schmidt 3 years ago

-2points

IVAN KRAWEC 3 years ago

-2points

Teucer T 3 years ago

-2points

Richard Henderson 3 years ago

It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.

-2points

osgood-george 3 years ago

Richard Henderson haha

0points

Banjo Peppers 4 years ago

I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.

-2points

Calum Sanderson 4 years ago

Now do ones about female authors writing about the penis!

-2points

John Baker 4 years ago

-2points

Star 3 years ago

Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.

0points

Quazmodic 4 years ago (edited)

50% Men's ignorance. 30% Lack of a sense of humor. 20% Ignorant Misandry.

-2points

Arenite 4 years ago

These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.

-2points

Looloo 4 years ago

Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂

2points

Damon Tripodi 4 years ago

What the hell is this crap you people are reading?

-2points

shado 4 years ago

-3points

CWF 3 years ago

F**k off I hope you never wear dry socks again

2points

fogharty 4 years ago (edited)

-3points

coyager 4 years ago

fogharty what

-2points

MellonCollie 4 years ago

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blugeagua 4 years ago

No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.

2points

Si 4 years ago (edited)

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claudiausslf 4 years ago

Si love

-3points

Millicent MacDonald 4 years ago

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Hans 4 years ago

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Scyth 4 years ago

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blugeagua 4 years ago

Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.

4points