Geez, she obviously went to a lot of trouble and probably great expense to provide the child with a delicious and safe meal, and that’s how they treated her efforts. Plus they ruined the dinner party for everyone else. I hope they came to their senses and apologized big time later on. I wouldn’t have wanted to make her a meal from scratch either in case something went wrong and she had a reaction. It would be so devastating and stressful.

My sister was diagnosed with celiac for 10 years. It turned out to be something different but she is extremely sensitive to gluten. It is insane how easy cross contamination is and how hard it is to sanitize your kitchen. Her reaction was severe indigestion and flaring up of her other auto immune disorders. I wouldn't even cook for her and she'd bring her own meals to eat at celebrations/get togethers. Other people would try to cook for her, she'd be grateful of the effort, but wouldn't eat it with just "mild" reactions compared to Becca. You definitely need to know what you are looking for, the different names for ingredients containing gluten on TOP of avoiding dairy. Milk powder is used in a lot of stuff. I'm lactose intolerant and I definitely wouldn't cook for someone with a milk allergy unless I was making spaghetti. I have too much milk, I'm stuck in the bathroom for a while. Someone with a dairy allergy severe enough the need an epipen... No thank you. I'll leave that to the pros

Becca is 9, she wouldn't care. She's used to having different food than everyone else. Did she even realize it wasn't "auntie-cooked" before her mom made a big deal about it?

Cheryl is either super narcissistic, or incredibly jealous one. She is 99.9% likely to be jealous of you cooking, and you not being lazy to do it. When there is jealousy of this kind, it likely extends all the way on everything you are, and everything you have achieved, and are in possession. That is a major reason one tries to drive a spouse alienated from his family. You are better off cutting it out, and instead cooking for homeless. Seriously, you will get more appreciation there. You did everything right, blaming you here is as dumb, as dumb goes. Epi pen emergency is a horrendous thing, and they do not survive it every time, even with epi pen used! Your siL is... Unworthy of your family and attention, for her dumb, self loving acts. Unless she repents this, don't let her a mile close near your family Not feeling any reserved to leave, and screw the party feeling for everyone else is a major tell, as narcissistic, as jealous and inconsiderate as it gets. What a shame on your siL! You did every single thing right, considering what you knew up to the moment. Incredibly caring and considerate of you, and the extra expense it cost you to get Becca that meal, you are a champ. Your siL is a garbage personality, and evidently not a good wife material, as she did screw up the party for her husband a daughter first, and clueless, isn't she

With situations like this, it’s always important to balance the safety of all diners, the feelings of visitors, and what can be reasonably expected of the hosts. In this instance, it would not have been safe to make a separate meal; it would not have been practical to make a separate meal; and the OP’s solution involved the host going to additional expense to provide a meal which the girl was happy with. The only required change would have been to make the sister-in-law sit outside, alone, in the rain, whilst everyone else enjoyed a pleasant meal.

Cheryl is an idiot. She had a choice how to spin this. For a start, if her daughter didn't think it was an issue she made it one herself. However, she should have spun it the other way and taken it as "oh how nice of you to go to the effort of ordering food so myself and my child can enjoy the meal without worrying about her dying". I'm being extreme but hopefully you know what I mean. Cheryl did actually have a choice how to react here and she chose the negative route

I was so ready to YTA this one until she stated that she wasn't comfortable/sure if she could safely make the kid's food. Seeing how much else she DID make, it's completely understandable. If you know someone has such a severe allergy to something that you can't accommodate for whatever reason, delegating to someone who can is ABSOLUTELY the right/safe thing to do. Brother and wife are TA. They handled it so poorly. That poor kid is going to grow up ostracized because of them if they keep this up. OP is NTA 3000. Handled it perfectly.

NTA! I have a son with a dairy allergy (not life threatening) and I used to bring food for him when we'd go to parties. Parents need to be prepared when they have kids with allergies; it's their responsibility not the host's.

NTA OP did her best to cater for everyone. Even her step-niece. It's always better be safe than sorry. I seriously think it's not about the food. People would normally appreciate that you could provide the right food for their allergic family members. It feels weird that they could get angry with OP.

Sounds like Cheryl was looking for an excuse to cause trouble. My sister has celiac and she doesn't trust anyone to prepare her food, she even has her own toaster and brings her own food to gatherings. I guarantee if the OP had prepared food for the kid Cheryl would have grilled her about the prep and still left.

I have a severe gluten allergy and have been left out of many family events and gatherings because people couldn't be bothered to cook safely for me. That being said, if you were using gluten in other things you were preparing for such a large party of people, it would have been virtually impossible for you-a person who does not live with a food allergy or regularly cook for this allergy- to ensure there was no cross contamination. What you did was provide a catered meal for someone with a food allergy attending your gathering, which is the kindest, most considerate thing you could have done short of making the entire meal dairy and gluten free. You did the right thing. Your brother and his wife made inappropriate assumptions about what this meal would be, as they did not bother to discuss it with you ahead of time. They didn't do their job as parents and got angry when things didn't magically turn out the way they envisioned they would. This wasn't your fault.

I have Celiac. This woman said that she often bakes in her kitchen and has no dishwasher. There's no way that she can avoid cross-contamination. I think that the person who suggested cooking in the stepdaughter's had the best idea. The sister-in-law is toxic, but she should at least give it one more chance.

NTA, you went the safe route which is the route you should of gone with if you were unsure. They are being ridiculous, it’s not like you didn’t have any food for Becca to eat and completely forgot about her. You actually were super caring and went out of your way to have a meal she can eat made by a place that knew what they were doing for allergy restrictions and picked it up in time to serve it to her. They are the a******s.

Wow. Getting yelled at for actually giving a s**t about the poor girl's health. OP absolutely did the right thing making sure the kid had a meal that was safe.

If my child has severe allergies, I wd bring his/her own food. Your brother and sil have the nerve to insult you. You have the kindness not leaving the girl behind. You should show your brother and sil all this comments supporting you.

Starting with a 5 course celebration dinner is not the way to go. Invite them over, and concentrate on making a one course meal that is going to be safe. It is an immense joy when people take your dietary needs into consideration, and makes it look utterly seamless. It speaks of love and inclusivity. Speak with the family, and ask for their advice on how to include the child.

As a guy with allergies, this was the only right thing to do - the parents are asshats.

I can't believe this wasn't mentioned by OP but OP /has a disability/ that affects her focus and memory. It is literally a disability, one I share. Knowing her limits, she proactively protected a child she's barely interacted with. OP is amazing and the parents are Aholes!

Cheryl is incredibly entitled and is owed nothing.

It's incredibly thoughtful to ensure the safety of someone's food to that extent. Homemade items aren-t typically as stringently conforming as foods produced under regulations.

You had a ton of people coming over and a LOT to prepare already- now guests want you to do more?? Sorry- no. I am also GF (not celiac, but I get stomach problems with gluten) and I would never just assume a host is going to accommodate me. You ASK what they are serving and then work around that, if it isn't a good option for you. Geez- this sounds like you did double the work I do at Thanksgiving and you had guests who chewed you out AND left? I am sorry you had to experience that. NTA

Sorry, I didn't think it was worth the risk of killing your daughter to spare her feelings. I recognized given my own focus issues, and lack of knowledge indicated a high risk. I thought going out of my way to make sure something specializing in this to deliver something so I could ensure no cross contamation was thoughtful. Next time we'll just risk it, m'kay?!? TL;DR, NTA, but your Brother and SIL are

That's gratitude for you! OP goes to great lengths to keep her niece safe, and the parents pitch a fit and stomp off to their wittle house. Seems that Becca showed a lot more maturity than her parents. Obviously Greg and Cheryl failed to understand that there's a big difference between "keto, vegan, and other complicated kinds of foods," and "foods that can actually kill you." OP, well aware of her own limitations, opted to play it safe and order takeout from a trusted restaurant. The resulting fallout would be enough incentive for me to forego preparing any food for that disagreeable pair.

Hold on. You had them pick out the meal for the kid. They were obviously aware of your intent. They had the opportunity to address this with you at that point. They didn't and left you believing it was fine (which it was). They're the problem.

NTA. Your thoughtfulness was inexplicably resented by your brother and his wife but you did absolutely nothing wrong. I can somewhat relate to your predicament because my dil whom I've tried to be friends with for years looks for some reason to be offended by something I've said or done when it's completely innocent on my part. She then gets my son on board with her unreasonable attitude accusing me of ridiculous motives. I hope you're able to reason with your brother and watch your back with your sil.

NTA. Let them and their sick child stay home next time. You're better than me for even ordering her anything Let alone inviting his family and their sick ash daughter to your feast. I'm sorry, I have no compassion for your brother or his 34 year old mother....OOPS I meant wife. Bc he couldn't even give you enough time to explain why she was eating take out, he just automatically wentwithwhatever his Karen ash wife whispered in his ear. NTA at all!!

You were NOT the A*****e. I think you were very considerate and your brother is a d**k. His wife sounds like a prize too. Let someone else cater to the family. You go visit, if you want .

Please let us know if this was resolved....AND IF your brother issued you an apology.

If my child had the same health issues as Becca, I would have been much calmer knowing that their meal came from a gluten and dairy-free restaurant!

If it wasn't a life or death circumstance, I'd think that OP was trying to leave the step daughter out. Obviously that's not the case, but that's the only reason I can think of as to why anyone would be mad about that. OP didn't want to make a mistake and accidentally kill the kid, I'd say that's a perfectly valid reason to do what they did. NTA. The mom of all people should be the most understanding about that, but I guess not? I find it really strange that she puts this above her daughter's health.

Definitely not the a*****e. She went out of her way to make sure the little girl could have a great meal and not possibly get sick. She was very thoughtful to do so. Cheryl and her brother are the a******s for sure though because they couldn't even bother to discuss it rationally with her and just left.

My daughter has celiac and is lactose intollerant. It's a great strugle to find something safe for her to eat. You had a great solution. My 11 y.o knows, her food would probably be different from the rest of us and she is fine with it, because she has no other option. I read her this item. She told me, it would make her feel special and loved, knowing someone would take the time and effort to get her the safest option possibke, and that she wishes we had a gluten free place in our city. Best wishes and best of health to all!

My cousin has severe food allergies…this is usually how we do stuff

As a severe allergy sufferer, 100% NTA!!! I am constantly glutened by restaurants (they don't care) and family (accidentally, but still it happens). It takes days to recover and it sucks. I think it's fantastic that you were taking this little girls allergies so seriously

You aren't the AH. I think your brother's wife is the AH and that he's a Casper Milquetoast for letting her lead him by the nose. It sounds like she's still his boss.