My younger brother lives free with my Ma and he’s 44! She never asks him for rent or contributions of any sort and it effectively means he can withdraw from society with all the life experiences of a 16 year old. Ridiculous…

If he had only decided to start asking for rent because she got her hair colored, that'd be TA. But he's tried before, he said he wanted to earlier. I think he's NTA, but she probably should have learned money management earlier in life. What do y'all wanna bet mom spoiled her?

Teaching money management starts at age, oh five, not 19. Not saying dad was wrong. But, I always knew that my kids were going to be living in the real world one day without me. They learned coupons ( had a system where they earned half the amount of any coupon I used that they found this was a little older age, I ended up buying three Sunday papers though. Then my middle son aced it when he found triple coupon day!!!) How do you teach a five year old? Ok Kate, you earned five dollars for emptying the trash for a week, from ask the bathrooms. We are at Walmart. There are three toys you want. One is five, one is two, one is ten. You can save for another week, and we'll come back, for the expensive one, you can spend it all, or you can keep there and spend two, and I'll show you how to save the three to get the the other one. You teach. By example as well. I'd be willing to bet there are other money issues in this house. Just saying.

It is important to note that people with anxiety often struggle with self care and self image. While I can agree that she doesn’t necessarily need to spend that king of money on tings like that, it may be a form of self care. Self care comes in many forms, but the basics is that you do something for you that makes you feel good, like shower, paint you nails, get your hair done, etc. I think that punishing her for this is not the answer. Rather, they should talk with her about her habits and iterate that they are not judging nor condemning her decisions, but that they feel she may need a bit of assistance with learning to save and budget. Perhaps they could help her to come up with a savings and spending plan for her so that she can learn better. She can set aside money for self care or random purchases, some for snacks, some for saving, etc. so that her spending does not necessarily change, but the way she sees it and does it does.

This is sad. She’s 19 and only now learning to pay for bills? Im not sure why people coddle their kids till the bitter end but this is the result. When I started working my first official job at 16 I started paying for stuff. Cell phone bill, car bill, car insurance ect. My mom never made me pay rent but I paid for everything else that was my bill so she didn’t have to. When I moved out I paid my rent and didn’t have a wake up moment when everything hit me at once. It was just another bill to add to the bills I already had. Your not doing your kid any favors.

Listen, I totally agree that your appearance is important to your mental health (I firmly believe in “look good, feel good” and a lot of my “fun money” is directed towards makeup, hair dye & products, nail polish, and skincare) and it’s silly to view “you spent $300 on hair” as the evidence behind the argument “you should pay rent”. However, it’s not unreasonable to ask your adult child working close to full time to pay a couple hundred dollars a month in rent. I lived in a dorm my first year of college but by my sophomore year, age 19, I was completely independent from my parents. I fully supported myself and paid for my apartment, my education, and all my living expenses, insurance, and healthcare. The only reason I was able to do it is because I was working and responsible for some of my living expenses at age 16. My brother and I were given responsibilities as teenagers and that taught us how to BE responsible with money. The result is we are 22 & 23yo college graduates, one with a

NTA, my mother was a single parent and the deal was I could either go to school full time or work, if I worked I paid towards household expenses. By choice I worked and went to school both full time also by choice I paid the cable, phone and would pay the gas bill in the winter. I purchased a house on my own bc I leaned how to budget. $300 for hair is ridiculous, she'll learn that quickly when she doesn't have disposable income.

I'm sorry, I agree with her. And the mom. If she wants to spend that money then whatever, you can't force ur kids to do anything. Go ahead, kick her out, but then you'll REALLY look like an AH there. I get first world countries are way more independent, but it's not fair to shove ur own kid out because they spend their money on dumb sh-. I'm 20 living with my dad and going to college and working. NY college is fast paced so I have no time to do ANYTHING. AT ALL. I can't go to friends, I can't go out, I can't relax. It's a 4 year program shortened to 1 year. Ofc it's not the exact same but u bet ur a*s I don't listen when my dad says to become a maid as soon as I get home. I don't have time to be a housewife, and fr it's not ur kids responsibility for that anyway. If she wants to spend on reckless dumb things that's smth you have to let happen and see her fall in order to realize what it's like. Making her have a savings plan will not do absolutely anything.

Why is everyone hung up on the hair? It has nothing to do with that, it has to do with blowing the money and not saving for her future. Sure, she is still his child, but she is not a kid.

I left school at 18 and immediately had to start paying rent. And it wasn't a "token" rent either. I never got the money back and why should I have? I eat food, I use electricity and I lived in a house where the mortgage was still being paid so why should I not have contributed. After all if I was living away from home I would have to pay for all these things. It was great training on my parents' part to get me ready for the real world where you have to pay. I was allowed to use what money I had left to buy what I wanted but I had to pay my rent first. If I couldn't pay for what I wanted in one week then I just had to save. Through all this I was taught to get my priorities right as far as paying for what I needed first, a roof over my head food, electricity etc and then I could get what I wanted even if I had to save for it. I have always been grateful to my parents for teaching these valuable life lessons which has always stood me well all my life.

Very soft EHS. I think it's good that the parent wants to protect her from financial struggle, and she is definitely in the wrong for her spending habits, but she is correct that it's her money to spend. Sometimes the best way to teach is to let people figure it out themselves.

This reminds me of the people who see those on SNAP or medicaid with nails done or buying a cake and freaking out about them being on any sort of welfare and also having something for themselves. She's working at least 30 hours a week and helping out around the house. It's not like she's spending her allowance and never getting off the couch. If parents choose to end their financial obligation to their kids when they become adults, that's fine, but it will effect your relationship with your children. He's complaining about her not going to college, but says she doesn't know what she wants to do....with how expensive college is nowadays, doesn't that actually make more financial sense? How you treat your children when you're no longer legally required to take care of them is going to have an impact on how they treat YOU when you need their help and they're not legally required to give it to you.

How is she learning money management on her own? Is anyone counseling her on it, or are you just leaving her alone to spend as she wants?

I'd like to start seeing replies to AITA posts that include reasonable YTA, NTA, and ESH. It's great to see people who agree with my own point and their reasoning, but I also want to see people who disagree for whatever reason and why. They may have valid points I hadn't considered; may not change my mind, but exposure to different views is necessary.

Most people are not self taught at anything. They were educated, trained, shown, etc. How is she supposed to learn how to save and manage money if she is never shown the way? The token rent idea definitely is the right path

She's 19 years old.. you can legally kick her out if the behaviour continues like this. Let's see how she manages then. I suffer from bad mental health too, but I know how to save money ffs. She's just an entitled brat who needs to learn how to be an adult.

Okay to everyone saying $300 for her hair isn't bad, etc....in 4-6 weeks she'll need it done again!!! Those rainbow colors fade really fast and you're left with weird faded colors until you do it again or dye over it! So yeah that IS a lot of money to spend on "mental health". I color my own hair at home because it's so much cheaper and lasts just as long as the expensive trip to the salon.

I started to pay for my own things (cell phones, clothes) after I got my first job. I started contributing to the utilities and paid rent after graduation. And I was the one who offered to pay rent after school. The dad's NTA, he could have worded it better sure, but she needs to contribute to the house as an adult now. And if she was being responsible with her money and put some aside of her hair her dad wouldn't see any issue with it.

There's nothing wrong with spending $300 to improve your mental health. That's a wonderful investment that will be paid back many times over. Better mental health leads to better jobs and better decisions. It pays for itself over and over again. Taking care of your mental health is not a load of c**p. $300 for better mental health is a steal.

Ah yes...19yr olds.. I had 5. I've concluded that nature & evolution dictate that they come utterly obnoxious so that the parent ejects them from the cave. They need to go forth & survive in the wild. Dad isn't necessarily an AH, but he & mum aren't doing the daughter or themselves any favors trying to strong-arm parent an adult child. A few of m' children needed the " Yes. This IS a free country- on the other side of my door. Keys please." chat.

They're both valid. No real a*****e. The daughter does need to learn to budget and save. The father does need to think about her emotional well being. He wants to help her and she wants to help herself. Neither person is ultimately wrong. It sounds more like there is more of a shallow discussion than anything.

Nobody is an a*****e in this situation, but the father is going about talking to his daughter the wrong way. From what he's been telling us, it seems very much like he cares, but we have no clue how he actually talked to her. Everyone exaggerates situations, especially when it comes to something that's bothering them, or when they want to make themselves seem better than they are. That's something to keep in mind. If this girl is in a situation where anything fun she gets for herself is seen as a stupid buy from her parents, like my parents always told me, then what does it matter to her whether she gets a little trinket or a multi hundred dollar service? That's the issue here. People don't act impulsively unless it's a totally new and unexpected occurrence. There's more to this story than this father is letting on, and I'm not saying he's intentionally trying to hide anything, but I don't think he's looking at this from the angle his daughter is.

She's 19 and she isn't saving her money up?? Jesus Christ, I've been saving up since I first got my job. I've spent some of that money but I've still got like $5k or so in the bank and I'm 16. The dad is NTA for wanting her to learn financial responsibility. It's an important thing to know.

Dad is totally in the right to ask rent. She's over 18 and not in college and has a job. Nothing wrong with getting your hair done but she needs to learn budgeting. I moved out the day i turned 18 but never had guidance on saving or fiscal responsibility, took years to not blow every paycheck as i got it. Bills got paid first but 13 days later would be scraping quarters for gas to get to work for payday