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dental__DAMN , Anastasia Shuraeva Report

Not everyone is meant to have kids, and that is totally fine. Despite what countless relatives, friends and strangers will tell you, you will not necessarily change your mind. Not every person starts imagining a future with little ones running around once they get married, turn thirty or see their ex start to raise a family. Having kids is a choice, regardless of what society may tell you.

But there are times where people end up with kids, even when they knew they did not want them. Whether it was a case of failed contraception, a drunken mistake, lack of access to abortion, or a partner not telling the other person that they were pregnant until it was too late, life happens. And once there is a child in the world, the responsibilities never seem to end. The important thing is to put the child first because it is not fair for a guardian to be bitter towards their innocent kid, but unfortunately, as this list goes to show, sometimes parents opt to neglect their children rather than acting selflessly.

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I read this Reddit story once that I have never been able to forget. It was a confession I think- can’t remember the subreddit. This woman had a kid she didn’t want, I can’t remember the circumstance of whether if was hers or a dead siblings. Anyway, she talked about how she felt so guilty for not loving him that she worked extra hard to give him a good life- all her money went toward his education and things he wanted. But the part I can’t forget is that she had set an alarm on her phone to go off everyday to remind her to tell him that she loved him, because it didn’t come naturally to tell him that and she was afraid of him not feeling loved.

That story is an amazing reminder that love comes in so many forms and looks different for everyone. She doesn’t love him, but is so worried about his well being that she goes to lengths many, many people with kids would never consider to go to to make him feel wanted and happy. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Final score:

559points

POST

Linda Lee 2 years ago

Fantastic prospective.

147points

If you are a parent or you dream of becoming one, you might be shocked or horrified by this list. I know plenty of parents who could never imagine a life without their kids, but what they must understand is that not everyone feels that way. Not everyone gets baby fever when they see an infant or wants to hold their friend’s newborn. We don’t all dream about taking our little ones to school every morning and football games on the weekend.

There are plenty of valid reasons for wanting to be childfree, from simply not desiring to have kids to being concerned about the future of our planet and what kind of world their kids would grow up in. I remember a friend who has children once told me, “You don’t have kids because you want them. You have kids because you cannot imagine a life without them.” Not everyone has that mindset, of course, but she makes a great point. Having children can consume your entire life, suck up all of your income and ruin your sleep schedule, at least for the first few years. If you are not prepared to have a piece of your heart living outside of your body, perhaps kids are not for you.

Using an alt. because my main can be linked back to me and I'm going to get very real.

I had a perfect pregnancy. I was super cautious, took my prenatal vitamin every day, never drank, walked away if someone was smoking near me, etc.

My child is severely special needs. She's autistic, but on the severe end with "global developmental delay" which is just a nice way of saying "mentally disabled." She is six but is now just learning to potty train. She is non-verbal but thankfully understands simple directions. She screams for hours off and on at a time every day and when she isn't screaming she is making noises. She doesn't interact like a normal child and treats other people more like inanimate objects rather than people- no affection, no emotion, no interaction aside from pulling me to the fridge to get her food or handing me her toy so I can fix something on it.

I don't feel like a mom, I feel like a caregiver. I get little joy in taking care of her and I am constantly worn down. I'm exhausted. This pandemic has destroyed what little sanity I had left as I can't even get a small break because there is no school.

This is going to sound absolutely terrible and this is why I'm using an alt. but raising her is not like raising a child. You raise a child to be a decent adult- you teach them manners, respect, education and kindness and you hope that as they grow up they will make friends, get good grades in school and go on to have a fulfilling life. This feels like I am raising a very high maintenance pet that will not evolve into anything more.

For me, I am just keeping her alive- I am keeping her fed, clothed, warm, safe and happy. It feels like I have been taking care of a baby for the past six years. She progresses very slowly and very little. I am hoping by the time she is in her twenties we can maybe have a simple one or two sentence conversation or maybe she can have the attention span to watch and understand a movie. I still talk to her and play with her but it's so discouraging after years of not getting anything back. I mainly just snuggle with her on the couch while she plays with her tablet, it's one of the few ways we really bond. She likes toys and simple games on her tablet, so I buy her lots of them to keep her busy and hope that they keep her content so she isn't screaming and hitting herself.

I see children much younger than her having full conversations with their parents and I get so jealous. I see them telling their parents they want burgers for lunch, or talking about a fun thing they want to do or whatever, and I can't even imagine how easy my life would be if she could just communicate simple things like that.

It's so tough. I take her to the playground and the other kids ask why she won't talk or play with them (pre-covid days), we go out to the grocery store and she has a full meltdown and we have to leave our cart behind. We go out to eat and she can't sit still and wants to get up and run around the restaurant so we have to leave. She's only getting bigger and taller and she's getting harder to manage.

She hits herself and others. Sometimes she smears her poop all over the wall. She slams her head into the wall and furniture when she's frustrated (which is often, like multiple times a day). She broke a window with her head a few weeks ago and I was scared s**tless she was going to need stitches, but luckily she somehow came out unharmed aside from a bruised forehead. I don't know how I am going to handle her when she is a teen and as big as me. I don't like to think about it.

If I knew this was going to be my life, I would've never had her. When I was pregnant, my husband and I agreed that if we found out the fetus was going to have down syndrome or some other special needs we would abort. You cannot detect autism in the womb.

My husband and I have aged 20 years, we're overweight from stress eating, we're constantly on edge that she's going to give herself a concussion because she self harms and we cannot stop it every time, we're sleep deprived, no sex life, our brains are fried from all the screaming and constant noise. We argue and are short tempered with each other. We are empty shells of what we used to be. Imagine having a monkey on your back 24/7 that just screamed and hit you. It breaks a person.

We've been in weekly therapy for years and I probably break down at least once a month during a session.

I never ever thought we'd have a special needs kid. There's no family history, and like I said I took amazing care of myself while pregnant. She was planned, my husband and I waited until we were financially stable to have her, we did everything right. We wanted more children but now have decided not to have any more because it would be too much stress. I mourn what could have been. I wonder all the time how my life would be if she was a typical kid.

If you want to put yourself in the headspace of a parent who has a profoundly special needs child, watch the movie "Vivarium." It's about a couple who get stuck in this weird suburb that they cannot escape and are forced to raise this strange alien child-like being until they die of exhaustion. It's an odd, science fiction alien/monster type of movie that's meant to be pure fantasy but for me it was the realist movie I have ever watched.

But even after all of that, I still love her so much and won't put her in a care center or in foster care (I'd be worried sick that she was being neglected or abused). When she's an adult we're either going to turn our basement into a living space for her and hire an aid to help her or we'll put her in an adult special needs home and visit her frequently to make sure she is okay. I just hate that it has to be this way. None of us deserved this life.

If you see parents with special needs kids out at the store or mall or wherever, please just be patient and kind.

floralsquid Report

Final score:

453points

POST

Amanda-Joy Veness 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing that. My younger sister also has this form of Autism and I saw the toll that took on my parents, our family, and mental health. It’s hell. Yes, we love them, but we will always feel robbed of what could have been. Thankfully she lives in a wonderful community group home near me and has fantastic staff. She is happy and thrives on the routine they can provide her.

207points

To gain some insight on what it is like to be childfree, we reached out to the women behind The Childfree Girls Podcast. When asked if they think there’s a societal pressure to have kids, they told us, “Absolutely. Look at the US's new abortion laws. Look at how people are being scrutinized or questioned over miscarriages. Real life is turning out to be a little too much like Kristen Tsetsi's post-Roe v Wade novel The Age of the Child, in which grocery store herb/spices and supplements with a chance of affecting a pregnancy are rationed. When people can be forced to carry pregnancies they don't want to carry or that can even kill them, and when - as is happening in the US - people can't get the medication they need because there's a remote risk of those medications being a danger to a pregnancy, yes. There's still too much pressure to have children.”

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I was conceived to replace a baby boy that died. My mom was so disappointed I was a girl, she forgot my name for a while, and now I have 2 middle names. I had a brother growing up who was favored by both my parents, but he really was amazing. He was my favorite too. He died 5 years ago in a motorcycle wreck, and I’m the least favorite (my mom admitted this freely), also I am the last remaining child. *** Also, I don’t care that my parents are disappointed that I was the one that survived. I’ve made myself who I want to be. I only talk to my dad occasionally, and my mom became an alcoholic, because 2 of her kids died. I don’t talk to her. Shrug. My life is separated from theirs, and I encourage other people to cut off the cancerous people, even if it’s your parents. It’s liberating.

Coloradorawks , Dương Nhân Report

Final score:

414points

POST

flutterbyy 2 years ago

Wtf that's so messed up. So glad OP is in a good place now.

133points

We also asked the ladies what being childree means to them. “Being childfree means the same thing to us that being a parent means to those who truly want to raise children for the rest of their lives. Having a child would be every bit as devastating to us as not being able to have a child would be to someone who'd only ever dreamed of being a parent.”

“As for what went into our choices, they vary from an innate lack of desire to a combination of that and an instinct to avoid inviting hardships onto a new person. We might also (respectfully) argue that it's more interesting to know what goes into someone's choice to have a child, as that choice is the one that completely changes the direction of a life (while creating an entirely new one).”

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted Ex girlfriend baby trapped me. She stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell me. Then cheated on me while pregnant. (She was, and still is a s**tty person) At that point I wanted nothing to do with her and was not prepared to be a father. I was young and dumb and still learning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. She gave me the option to walk away and never see the kid again. I thought about it but couldn't bring myself to, knowing my kid was out there was going to weigh heavily on my conscience.

It was difficult at times. While my friends were studying, partying, travelling I was working and learning to be a father. I didn't want this kid but here I was and I was going to make the best of the situation.

My daughter is 13 now and I have full custody. Her mother is a piece of s**t and my daughter is old enough to know the difference. She's with me now and I couldn't be happier. My daughter is a driving force in my life. I need to be responsible, I need to be accountable, I need to be financially successful. It keeps me going forward and has really made the man I am today. Having a kid when you're barely 20 has ways of making or breaking someone. My daughter was the child I didn't want but ended up being what I needed.

phantaxtic , Tatiana Syrikova Report

Final score:

373points

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Seabeast 2 years ago

Glad this worked out in the end, but he could have used a condom. I have little sympathy for men who refuse to do any part in preventing a pregnancy and then complain that they were "trapped".

67points

Next, we asked if there are any misconceptions about a childfree lifestyle that they would like to dispel. “Oh, yes! And many of those misconceptions will be discussed at this year's annual virtual Childfree Convention over the weekend of July 30/31. The misconceptions go deeper than the surface-level observations like ‘childfree people are selfish’ or ‘childfree people don't want to grow up’ (which we also discuss in recent episodes of Childfree Girls), and that's why convention co-founder and childfree advocate LeNora Faye is so deeply committed to the event and why Childfree Coach Isabel Firecracker, among many others (to include a woman who'd once struggled with infertility), will be panelists.”

“However, to choose the most prevalent one, it's the myth that we're selfish for not having the children others want us to have. What's selfish is to expect others to live as you want them to. Even some childfree people will refer to themselves as 'selfish' for not having children, but they shouldn't. Stabbing yourself in the eye might make someone else happy, but you're not selfish for not doing it.”

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I can only speak on my experience.
I had got pregnant for my neglect in not taking my birth control properly. I did NOT want a child, but I could not bring myself to abort either. Family pressure, I'll just say that.
When she was born, I felt like I had post partum depression (not diagnosed medically). I didn't want to be around her, feed her, change her, be with her. But....I did it anyway. My motherly instincts kicked in and I did all I could to keep her comfy and happy.
There were many times of regret and hopelessness that this little girl had flipped my world upside down and I was very unhappy with the way my life was going because of her.
Suddnely, she started talking. She soon started walking. She started eating on her own. She started dancing, singing, and playing. She went to kindergarten. She started having a sense of style. She played video games with me. She excelled in school. She understands meme culture without me having to explain it. She's beautiful and smart and I wouldn't change her for the world.
Sure, there are still selfish moments where I would like to escape and be on my own and do my own thing. But more and more, I find myself thinking, "This might be more fun if my kid was with me."

Madmadamedrea , pexels Report

Final score:

304points

POST

Bobby 2 years ago

As someone who 100% wanted kids, don't feel bad about the times you question it. We all have them but apparently talking about it is wrong?

152points

Lastly, the Childfree Girls added, “Thank you for raising and exploring this issue and giving a voice to a demographic that's generally happy to simply live and let live, but that is for some reason increasingly under scrutiny, if not attack. And to those who make the leap to, ‘But what if everyone in the world stops having children!?’, relax. It'll never happen.”

If you’re interested in hearing more of what these ladies have to say, be sure to check out their podcast The Childfree Girls right here.

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted When my daughter was a year and a half old I unexpectedly got pregnant a second time (it was unexpected because I have pretty substantial infertility issues). I was not ready. I was exhausted as s**t from my daughter being a typical toddler and a dog we rescued that needed constant emotional coddling. And hindsight makes it easier to see my depression was wildly out of control but I didn't realize it because my panic attacks were not. I would lay awake at night, in pain, wanting to vomit from heartburn, exhausted because my daughter decided sleeping through the night was no longer a thing and would think "ya know... if I miscarried I'd probably feel relieved" and other things along those lines. And this went on for the whole pregnancy.... right up until 32 weeks when I went into labor... and my son was dead. Gone for at least three days before I went into labor. Despite all the expected mental anguish and trauma, for just *one single moment* when we were driving home with empty arms and an empty car seat, I felt *relieved*. I have yet to forgive myself for that.

Maeberry2007 , freestocks Report

Final score:

252points

POST

Barbara Maloney 2 years ago

Hon forgive yourself and love the family you have. You did not cause the death of your child. Love and hugs

249points

madeofstarlight , Ksenia Chernaya Report

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I have kids and I wanted them. But, I was an unwanted kid. My mom and non-bio dad married when I was young. He raised me, but I never felt love from him at all. He married her to get her out of a bad situation. I thought he didn’t want kids, but when I was about 5/6, my sister was born. He wanted kids. He just didn’t want me. I saw how different he was with her, and his other kids they had later. Those who have kids that you don’t want—they’re aware on some level.

Final score:

235points

POST

Winter 2 years ago

Yes, this hurts. My stepmother never treated me well, growing up. My half-sisters, from the marriage between my step-mother and father, always got treated so much better. It's still like that, in fact. My half-sister's kids get treated better than my son does by my dad and stepmom, too.

80points

Kulan Sinclair 2 years ago

I find it disgusting when people marry someone who has kids and then doesn't want them, s**t you knew what you were getting into. I don't want to deal with someone else's kids(s**t I don't even want kids of my own, but if I did have them I'd do my best for them) so I just don't date people with kids it's easy and it's better for the kid(s).

25points

Bobby 2 years ago

I have 2 bonus son's (I hate step kid) and I'm constantly paranoid I treat them differently than my daughter. I'm always asking myself "am I reacting this way because they are older, or do I have a bias in afraid to acknowledge even to myself

19points

Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago

Same here with my stepdaughter. She's 6, my twin girls are 18 months old, of course they need more attention! But still, we try to make time for just her when she's here, and we include her in everything, especially in "my" family - even though her mother often seems to sabotage us, like recently, when she told SD, that my nieces weren't "real" cousins to SD - like, what the h*ll?! The goal is to make her feel included, not build walls where there weren't any to begin with! But if all children feel loved and accepted, that's the most important thing.

1point

smugdruggler 2 years ago

That's so sad. I never wanted kids, but I fell in love with a woman who had 3 daughters. I helped raise them from the ages of 5, 6 and 9 and 25 years later I still love them dearly. My wife died after 22 years of marriage and I don't think I could have coped without my girls. When you marry a woman with kids, they are part of the package.

7points

Cammy Cat 2 years ago

Too many step parents r like this. The child is used as a bargaining chip until after marriage. Then they r punished for existing before they met. I have been a step parent twice and so I understand it's a tough line to follow. But I don't act or try to b their parent, and I treat them as I would my niece or nephew.

6points

Jenny K Anderson 2 years ago

Although you’ve accepted what you could not change, I’m sorry you got jipped bc that wasn’t fair to you. My bf had a similar (neglectful) childhood and he suffers to this day, on many, many levels, due to having formed an insecure attachment style as a young kid. How our caregivers feel about and treat us as youngsters directly shapes our basic personal development and also influences how we will view and interact with others in the world (this is a very common issue addressed in therapy). We all have the same basic needs as children, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically as well, and I’m glad you’re more in tune with what your kids need than your parents were for you. Namaste,

6points

madeline tansey bryson 2 years ago

I have kids and wanted them. They are grown now and don't want me

5points

Alex Bailey 2 years ago

That's sad, I am sorry. The unhappy fact is that not all children are loving, generous and want to be around their parents. People always assume that the parent did something wrong - not necessarily. Personalities can clash, people don't always get on. Plus, and not saying this is your situation, but someone has to give birth to the less desirable and they are NOT always a product of their upbringing. My younger sister is a user (of people) She has taken drugs, stole, lied. She has sisters who wouldn't dream of behaving that way, one a lawyer, one who works for charities just for example. There is something about HER that makes her like that, not my parents (who weren't perfect but did their best and we know that). There isn't always fault. Sometimes they do love and care but are just too absorbed in their own lives. Family can be amazing, but it can also be the pits. Most of us are just milling around in the middle.

6points

Susan Bosse 2 years ago

I feel this. I was the be all, end all for 9 years. First child, first grandchild on one side, first granddaughter on the other. My dad adopted me after he and Mom married (I was 7 but they'd been together since I was 3). I was the center of his world, as I was everyone else's. Until my sister was born. I became a stepchild at 9. My whole world changed. My dad loves me, he just loves me differently. It's obvious to anyone who knows us. He was/is a great dad and I never wanted for anything materially but I wanted for the love a dad has for his daughter.

5points

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

My mom and dad both wanted kids, but they were 20 and 21. Then they had no idea what to do when having kids wasn't the magical joyride they were promised. My mom has spent the entirely of my life being resentful and punishing me for not being the kind of kid she wanted, and not fulfilling her mommy/grandma dreams. This is exactly why so many children of parents like these, who had kids because they "wanted" them and "everyone has kids, it'll be fine!" are making different choices.

3points

Kristine Phillips 2 years ago

Was raised by non-biological father and stepmother for 7 years. Didn't know he wasn't bio-dad until recently. Glad I finally know who my biological dad was even though he passed. Had a total of 5 brothers from him and one brother from my mom. I am the oldest and the shortest and also a girl. Wish I would have found out earlier, might not have felt so disconnected.

2points

ejfs 2 years ago

I never felt wanted, even though my parents are still together. My elder sister was the one that they wanted, I was a mistake.

2points

Gigantor the Bog Monster 2 years ago

I completely understand this. Bio father died when I was 2, mother remarried when I was 3. Dad (step) was the only father I knew and never in his life did I hear the words I love you, nor did he show any love for me. Mother and him divorced when I was 14, he left and never really looked back. Got himself a whole new family, treated them with love and respect and is the "perfect" grandpa now to THAT family, doesn't give two sh*ts about me and my daughter. The only upside to the situation is that my daughter never had to go through that c**p, because there was no way in hell that I was going to let my child be unloved like that.

2points

GoGoPDX 2 years ago

I am so sorry. No one should ever feel this way, especially children. I am happy you have seemed to find happiness and love with the family you cret!

1point

Squee She 2 years ago

Yup...I was the unwanted, but his girlfriend's kids are like his own.

0points

EJN 2 years ago

Sad...

0points

Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

My half sister still is blind to how much she is loved and how i never was. It's infuriating. Her mom's been nicer since i came to help when she broke her hip though. It's weird though. I'd have given my right leg to get hugs and a kind word from her when i was a kid. As an adult it just seems almost fake, i don't know what it is.

0points

Trisha Howson 2 years ago

I hate this when parents do this there mother get with someone sometimes and kid from someone else gets treated different sometimes not all the time if your with someone there kid is your kid. You should treat them good, for goodness sakes you are there family. They look to you for love.

0points

repeekyraid cero 2 years ago

Ouch... I wonder how many wth that story run around...

0points

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I was a nanny for a lady who really didn't want children but needed up having 5 because she loved her husband. Each of her pregnancies her medical condition go worse, with her youngest she had to be in the hospital for two months because she had so many kidney stones. Part of her condition is she produces kidney stones at a crazy rate, and they are rare stones that have a hook on them. Her kidneys are also more like a sponge looking organ than kidney, that aren't functioning over 25%. She would give her life for those kids even though she never wanted them. S**tty part, when the youngest was 2, her health was declining alot. And her husband, left her for a chick he just met because, and I quote "I'm sick of you being sick". I miss those kids so much and I miss her. She got full custody and has even better insurance now that her ex left her. And he pays huge in child support and alimony every month.

RedHearts21 , Jimmy Conover Report

Final score:

199points

POST

Linda Lee 2 years ago

I hope Karma bites him in the azz.

157points

What goes into some people's choice to not have kids is that they can be a massive financial burden. Paying for diapers, clothes, food, backpacks, toys, extracurricular activities, doctors appointments, vacations, and essentially everything else children could ever need can be overwhelming. According to recent data, the average family in the US will spend $272,049 on a child before they turn 18. This does not include higher education, but it does include housing and food, which come out to be the largest expenses. For people who are already struggling to make ends meet, or who have no intentions of saving up any time soon, the idea of having kids can be daunting. Some choose not to jump headfirst into financial stress and opt to avoid kids altogether. If there is a will, there’s a way. But if there is not a strong enough will to have kids and make enough money to provide for them, don’t feel pressured to have them at all.

#10

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted My mom just forgot we existed and had another baby to keep her happy. I have 10 siblings

JoshPum , pexels Report

Final score:

180points

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Kim Shannon 2 years ago

I know someone who comes from a family of 18 kids. Their mom would have a baby and make the younger kids take care of it, while she concentrated on getting pregnant again.

105points

#11

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted Awful. I had my son at 18. I wish I’d never had him. He’s all grown up now, but resents me for not giving him the childhood he wanted. I couldn’t afford the childhood he wanted- I was working over 80 hours a week to keep food on the table.

I was convinced to have and raise my son by my family and ex-husband. There are days when I break down thinking of the life I should have had. I was supposed to go to college. I was supposed to move out of my hometown, to carve out a place for myself in the world.

Instead, I became a mom.

And I still hate it.

anon , pexels Report

Final score:

174points

POST

33Possums 2 years ago

The sad truth is that some people are not suited to be a parent, at least at some point in their lives. You were not ready and your resentment probably has fueled his resentment. It was unfair of your family to pressure you into keeping this child. Hopefully he will mature and at least realize what you were up against.

85points

#12

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted My girlfriend had a 2 year old when I met her. He’s 5 now.

I didn’t plan to have kids, but I love her. I’m pretty much used to it, I teach him stuff and he’s attached to my hip when he’s here (joint custody with the father) but ideally I’d have preferred to not have a kid around.

I can deal though. He can be a little s**thead sometimes lmao. Also it’s weird disciplining someone else’s kid so I’m just getting there, I can see the betrayal in his eyes, I’m supposed to be like the fun uncle, getting on to him is weird.

Never really said that out loud this is liberating

Dewy_Wanna_Go_There , pexels Report

Final score:

169points

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Bobby 2 years ago

My boys call me bobby. That's OK. Dad is still in the picture(ish) but boy when I hear them say to their friends "sorry my dad said I have to come in for dinner"... the feels there

113points

MassiveConflict2465 Report

Despite some parents knowing that they never wanted kids, sometimes they end up with them anyway. Some of these people say that their lives are completely changed after holding their baby in their arms, and they boast that they could never imagine their life going in a different direction. But for others, they might still be having second thoughts even after the child is born. According to a study of 2,500 Polish parents, 13.6% of participants between the ages of 18 and 40 admitted that they regret having kids. The study also found that the group who said they regret having children tended to have poorer physical and mental health than those who did not regret starting a family. Reasons for regretting the choice to have kids varied, from having an identity crisis to feeling burnt out to having financial struggles.

#13

My ex husband was emotionally abusive and, if I’m being completely honest with myself, forced me into getting pregnant 3 months after going into labor and losing our daughter at 20 weeks.

I wasn’t ready and I hadn’t really had a chance to grieve - he quit his job 3 days into my required maternity leave, so I had to go back to work as soon as physically possible.

Our son was 13 weeks early, spent two months in the nicu and cost over a million dollars in his first year. Thank goodness for good insurance! Now my son is almost 7, his “father” hasn’t been in the picture for years, and until recently, I was doing it all on my own.

My son showed incredible strength to grow big enough to breath on his own and come home, so I’ve made it my mission to give him a great life and make sure he never knows that I didn’t want to be a parent after my daughter died.

Final score:

145points

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eff the haters 2 years ago

That's a good example of an asshøle father right there

87points

#14

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I never wanted to be a mom. No part of me has ever been maternal in any way. I have a kid that I love more than anyone in the world. But I’m ready for her to become a young adult. I enjoy being alone and doing what I want, when I want. She is extremely attached to me and it’s unbearable most of the time. But again, I love her and don’t regret my decision to have her.

sasshley_ , pexels Report

Final score:

129points

POST

Falicity Humdinger 2 years ago

Sadly with the new laws in America, stories like this will become common place. I can only try to close my mind to thought of the increase in child abuse and alcoholism among parents, drug misuse, children bearing children! Let me get this right if a 12 year old child/girl is raped, she not only faces this trauma, but then has to go through pregnancy, birth and raising a child as a child? Please someone correct me on this! As sickening as it is to suggest or think it, what if she's raped by her father, is the child then forced to have an inbred child? Please, PLEASE someone tell me there are exceptions to this bill!

91points

#15

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I’m speaking from personal experience with my son and I, and this may be a long one.

I never wanted to have kids. It seemed like way to much responsibility for someone like me. I work, I pay bills, I am responsible, but I can only handle so much responsibility. I felt like kids would push me over that line where happiness would disappear, and to be honest, I was right. It did in fact disappear.

My son was born a little over a year ago. He wasn’t planned. My Wife and I welcomed him into our lives with open arms. We loved and cared for him (and still do) and we are trying our best to provide him with a great life. But for me, doing everything I can to provide him with a great life is, in essence, sucking my soul out of me.

As time went on, and as it goes on, I become more and more depressed, anxious, and phobic about things in life that I used to seemingly love. I’ve went from this super cheery and outgoing individual to a husk of what I was. But my son doesn’t know how I feel. When he’s in the room, everything is well. It isn’t fair to him that I take out my personal demons on him.

I love him so much I can’t explain it in words. He’s a hilarious little kid, he’s adorable and incredibly smart, but the responsibility of him is tearing me apart. I hope as he grows older and starts to become more independent, I’ll start to feel better, but for now it’s like the weight of the world on me.

frizzhf , Kelly Sikkema Report

Final score:

123points

POST

Connie Martin 2 years ago

Sounds like a situation counseling would help. A lot

112points

While it can be assumed that most parents do not regret their decision to have kids, bringing up the fact that some do is a valuable conversation worth having. It is so important for young people to understand what they are getting themselves into before they decide to have kids, from the physical aspect for women to the financial and social aspects to the variables that are out of a parent’s control like the possibility of having twins or a child with mental or physical disabilities. One mother candidly opened up about her experience to Maclean’s, explaining that she never wanted kids but was pressured to have them for her husband. After the couple eventually separated due to the strains of parenthood, the mother says that their life is not easy. “Our child has two homes and I’m still doing 90 per cent of it on my own.”

#16

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted You hate them, and you hate yourself for hating them.

Whalesftw123 , pexels Report

Final score:

118points

POST

Labellesouris 2 years ago

Oh jeez, I am so sad that you and your kids are in that place! You need to find another way for them to grow up or all of you will be damaged beyond measure when they are ready to be grown folks

53points

#17

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted Its like having some guests at your house that never never get around to leave for years, but you must take care of them to avoid getting into trouble and judged by others.

deepstatetraitor , pexels Report

Final score:

111points

POST

Emerald Ocean 2 years ago

I’m sorry. I can’t believe that this country is going to force more to be in your situation!

45points

#18

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted Like having a child you want to get rid of? Or having a child when it wasn't planned? My son, was not planned, his mom wanted to trap me, and get that sweet child support. She lied about being on the pill. She cheated on me when pregnant, I left her. I was present for my son's birth in fact I brought him into the world because the OB left the room for an emergency, and wasn't available. He came out alarmingly quick once it all happened. Tried to reconcile, but my ex kept cheating. We split for good before he was one, my son lived with me. We went to court, the court sided with me, but she still hounded me with unfounded complaints whether to children's aid or other bodies, trying to claim my son on taxes etc. So what's it like? Well my life was effectively ruined, I left university, worked sheet metal full time, until an accident, now I practice law, after going back to school. It's extremely tough, and I wonder if my experience is different because I am sole support father, we don't have access to the same resources as single mothers do, and often the resources we can access, is a fight and a half to get them. So, it's hard, it's tough, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Just because my son wasn't planned, and just because I sacrificed an awful lot for him, doesn't change that I love him more than anything in the world, and it doesn't change that I would do it all over again just to have him in my life. He is the kindest sweetest most sincere young man you could ever hope for. So, I don't think matters if you wanted to have children or not, I guess you either love them or you don't.

anon , Pavel Danilyuk Report

Final score:

110points

POST

anarkzie 2 years ago

It's nice that one of these stories had a positive ending.

41points

What many mothers who regret having children want people to understand is that they are not neglectful or abusive parents, they just wish that they did not always need to put their children first. Lola Augustine Brown writes in Today’s Parent, “I am not a monster. In fact, I think I’m a kick-ass mom. But what I’m struggling with is that it feels like their amazing life comes at the expense of my own.” She explains that mothers must have a safe place or community to express these feelings, because the societal expectation is that having children is the pinnacle of any woman’s life.

#19

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted This is a story of a very close friend of mine, on a bit different note, but I guess it could fit, in some light. He was abused as a kid (violence and mentally, by both parents), and was scared of ever even getting close to kids, in a fear he would hurt them in some way. He is generally a really meek, but caring person, like a total opposite of what he got at home - this was his just coping mechanism, as kids literally clung to him. Then he met a loving woman and they married. She slowly warmed him up to being around younglings (it helped she works in preschool/daycare), and finally they (both) decided it's okay to go.

Two attempts (sadly) and little over year later he was holding small baby in his arms - his eyes, his hair, her face, her smile.

He told me, during the pregnancy he was super happy, and did everything he could for his wife and future junior. He started loving it truly, and when he felt it kicking, he was internally overflowed with happiness, that a small human was growing there, and he, or she will have dreams, laughs and hurdles. Yet, standing there, he felt nothing. Like no spark, no love, no happiness, no resentment, no joy, nothing. He was holding small, hot, moving piece of meat *which* he had absolutely no attachment to. It crushed him. Talk with wife crushed him even more. He did everything he could to care for her in hope he will grow to love... but it never came. As soon as time allowed, he went into therapy, and after three years heard that sometimes... this just happens.

His daughter is now 6, is healthy and happy, as far as I can tell, but I heard my share of his pain. He feels inferior as a human, for deceiving his daughter, and he powers trough it by sheer willpower and effort. 'If I can't love her, at least I will still try to give her something I couldn't have - caring home'. He told me exactly once, that he really, really regrets agreeing to have a kid, but I could feel his shame.

His wife is wonderful person enough to accept him, like this. She told us (my fiance is more of her support than I am), she wanted more kids, but she is really afraid to put more on him. Raising one will be enough of a challenge for them, that's for sure. I know he will keep all his promises and words, but it already takes a toll on him.

Trudar , Kelly Sikkema Report

Final score:

105points

POST

Seabeast 2 years ago

A caring home is not nothing. There are completely inadequate neglectful parents who love their children but don't give them the basic necessities of life.

84points

Princessleiasperiod , Anete Lusina Report

#20

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted I helped raise my ex's 4 yr old until she was about 6 or 7. I never got used to it. Yes I loved her very much and would do anything for her. I just couldn't deal with the crying and lack of sleep and being disobedient. Everytime I wanted to do something like play a game, go the bathroom or have a conversation with her mom she always butted in. Also she was an only child and always wanted me to play dolls with her or something. I just couldn't handle someone needing my attention like that all the time. Call me selfish. I went from being single for years to being daddy. I just realized I cant do it.

Final score:

104points

POST

flutterbyy 2 years ago

Nothing selfish about wanting some time for yourself.

53points

#21

I'm not seeing a lot of first hand responses, so I'll jump on the grenade.

I have two sons who (despite loving them very much and wanting the best for them) my life would be much better if I hadn't had them. My whole life growing up I expressed doubts that I wanted kids, because kids freak me out. Everyone always said that it would be different when it's your own kids. I'm sure for some people it is, but for me it's not.

I think I have some kind of phobia of kids. I'm on the autism spectrum (as is my oldest son), and I hate that I helped bring two people into this world that I can't be there for. I wanted to be a good father, and all things considered I'm still not terrible, but I don't enjoy time with my kids the way I should.

My wife and I separated when our boys were still young due to other issues in our relationship, she has since remarried to a great guy who is wonderful with our boys. She moved about 5 hours away but I still visit them on big holidays and their birthdays. I pay my child support without fuss. I'm happy knowing my boys are happy, but it's a weight taken off my shoulders that I'm not having to care for them, because I just can't.

If there was a moral to this story I would say that if you think you might not be able to handle kids it's perfectly okay to not have them. But make sure that's known early in the relationship. Don't expect your partner to change because they'll be expecting you to change as well, and one if not both of you will end up unhappy. The bonus moral is never trust someone who wants to use the rhythm method of birth control.

ChameleonSting Report

Final score:

90points

POST

Bubs623 2 years ago

The other - better- moral of all these stories is take care of your own, personal birth control, whatever that may look like or be. And especially in the good old USA right now and the current overturning of Roe. Even though it's still legal in many states, the most conservative states are Even showing signs of blocking access to birth control for women. It's disgusting, distressing and wrong.

75points

josies-on-a-vacation Report

A friend of Lola’s notes that she sometimes feels jealous of her childfree friends who can take spontaneous vacations or head off to a painting retreat whenever they like. “It’s not regret. It is something deeper, like a realization that there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to care for them and myself, without some things falling off the to-do list—and that, all too often, the thing that falls off the list is me.” The funny thing is that people often assume that mothers are neglecting their children if they regret having them, but what seems to be more likely is that the mothers neglect caring for themselves. Even if they don't feel particularly maternal, most mothers find a way to pour everything they have into their kids.

#22

So, I married a man with two kids and we have a daughter together. Totally thought I had it in me to be a stepmom. To make it worse, one kid was a baby when we got together and so I am more bonded to him and the other one drives me nuts. I have thought about getting divorced multiple times over it but when it’s me, my husband, and our daughter it is so nice. I dread when they come and can’t wait until they leave. I try to treat them well because it’s definitely not their fault. I wouldn’t have done if I would have known how ill-equipped I would be. I am just so annoyed all the time. I know I sound like the typical evil stepmom and I wish I didn’t. There’s just no affection, especially for the oldest. Thanks for letting me vent this here because I feel like nobody understands.

Final score:

90points

POST

Genny McD 2 years ago

My first husband had a4 year old daughter when I married him. I didn't have kids yet. I really really wanted kids, for years at this point, and thought being a step mom would be the best thing in earth since I didn't have my own kids yet. Although most of the time we had a great relationship, my step daughter often yelled at me and told me how much she hated me (typical teenage stuff I guess). I ended up having 2 sons with my husband. Every time there was a conflict with me and our daughter (my step daughter) he always stuffed with her and told me that I was being mean to her because she wasn't mine, which wasn't true at all. I always wanted a daughter, and to this day she was the only daughter I had. Me And her dad divorced when she was 13. We were both in the military and he was gone like 80% of the time, so I was her primary parent most of the time (her biological mom never wanted anything to do with her). After we divorced, my ex never let me see her or talk to her again. The next time I saw her was at her wedding when she was 25. She was so beautiful. Sorry to go off on that tangent, the point I was trying to make is, I wanted to be a step mom, but there were times when I wished that I hadn't married him bc he did not sorry me at all with raising her.

33points

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#23

Love isn’t a light switch that you suddenly feel. Love is a process. It takes time and work. He’s doing that work.

Media and hype around kids is built up to stupid levels and leaves many parents with feelings of inadequacy. Lots of parents (especially Dads) struggle with this. Pregnant mothers have a bit more time to come to terms with the fact they have a child, and hormones to back it up. It often doesn’t feel “real” for dads many parents until months or sometimes even a couple years after their kid is born.

Sometimes you just need to get out of your head and stop worrying about what you’re “supposed” to feel. Take care of your child. Make them feel loved. That’s all that you need to do.

reddit Report

Final score:

83points

POST

Delta Dawn 2 years ago

I did feel immediate love with my first, but with my second, who was just as wanted and planned as the first, it took several months to kick in. There’s no one right way to feel.

29points

#24

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted It set the tone for the rest of my life, one of those hindsight is 20/20 things. I honestly believe if I'd never had a kid, particularly as young and alone as I was in a very socially backwards area, I'd have made a lot more of myself. I know that could be taken as self-rationalization for lack of trying and failures. But I also know how I felt, how I have never bonded with my kid, and how both our lives could have been a lot better had I either waited to have her, or let another couple adopt her like I wanted but was forced out of the choice.

anon , RODNAE Productions Report

Final score:

78points

POST

SarahBee 2 years ago

I don't understand families that force you to keep a child. I don't think that there's any shame in saying "I'm just not ready for this." The people who forced you to keep her should have been co-parenting with you.

51points

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Lola writes that it is important for parents to find a way to cope with their conflicted feelings about parenting. You cannot resent your children or take it out on them, but as many parents note, it does get easier as they get older. The more self-sufficient kids become, the more their parents can take care of themselves too. Another friend of Lola’s says, “Now that they are all at school, I’m coming out of it, but it has been 10 years of me putting everyone’s needs first. Now it’s my turn, and it feels good.” She explained that she finally has time to dedicate to her art, which is a much needed escape and healthy outlet.

#25

I've honestly thought about this question before. My son (14months M) was planned, and he is incredible, absolutely a light in our lives. On the other hand, I was super ill the entire pregnancy, depressed and struggling up until a few months ago. Now, this was made worse by two moves (military), and covid of course, but I never ever want to do this again. Not quite the same, but similar.

We get so much pressure on "the next kid" from friends and family, and EVERYONE assumes you'll have more. I absolutely am one and done, at least biologically. I did not enjoy the baby days, and now that he's a toddler, he's amazing. I know two would just be above my capacity, and I would regret having another.

That being said, my husband and I are both really drawn to fostering, and will likely do so when we are at our final posting location and our kid is a bit older.

jawsmine Report

Final score:

77points

POST

Cori 2 years ago

Fostering is the perfect answer. I'm in the same boat. I have 2 kids I gave birth to. I did not enjoy being pregnant and having another newborn in the house sounds like a nightmare. Despite this, the baby fever is still super real so I'm going to apply to be a foster parent for the babies-who-sleep-through-the-night to toddler range. It's not the age range with the greatest need, but it's what our little family can handle. The world needs all the decent foster parents it can get.

30points

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#26

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted My sister got pregnant by a total piece of s**t she knew for 3 months.

Nephew born, he split. Loves her son, but not enough to take care of him. She moved in with my parents and passed all parenting duties to them.

It's obvious she resents him. She screams at him over little things. Everyone is miserable.

dtorre , Keira Burton Report

Final score:

74points

POST

Valerie Heath-Harrison 2 years ago

That's so sad. Poor kid.

60points

Tornado_Of_Benjamins Report

#27

I think this is what happened with my dad. Luckily "fake it til you make it" seems to work well enough. Now that I'm an independent adult, he has expressed that "of course you're my kid, but honestly I just enjoy hanging out with you". I can respect that even if he didn't feel ~love~ he helped me grow and supports me. And if a friendship-level of respect is all he can muster, I know that's not my fault. I think your friend and his kid will probably be ok.

Final score:

74points

POST

Mosheh Wolf 2 years ago

That is love. For some people it feels different or manifests itself differently.

13points

Whether or not you decide to have children, remember to be empathetic to every situation. People who don't have kids may have desperately wanted them but were unable to for various reasons, while those who have them might be jealous of their childfree friends. This list opens up a sensitive conversation, as parents have shared extremely vulnerable stories, but it is an eye-opening reminder that you never know what anyone else is going through. Let us know in the comments if these stories brought up any personal stories for you; we would love to hear what influenced your decision whether or not you wanted to have kids, or how you are leaning if you're still undecided.

#28

My husband and I have been raising my niece for 3.5 years. We also had my teenage nephew for a year before we had her, but growing up with my sister as a mom had done more damage to him than we could handle. My niece is almost 16 now. I'm 29 and I feel like I gave up my fun and careless years to raise my sister's kids. I've always dreamed of having my own children and now that I'm struggling to conceive I can't help but feel resentful that I'm raising one of my junkie sister's 6 healthy children.
Overall my niece is a good kid. I love her and I want her to do well in life, but she doesn't feel like she's our kid and she doesn't think of us when she thinks about who her parents are. She experienced a lot of trauma while living with my sister and it's a lot to handle. She was cutting for awhile and recently admitted to bulimia and has had suicidal thoughts. Her counselor keeps advising us to do more stuff with her and spend more time with her to pull her out of her dark moods. I feel like my mental energy is already 90% devoted to her and the thought of giving up even more of the 10% reserved for me and my husband is incredibly daunting.
It doesn't help that I grew up in a fairly dysfunctional household and my niece is one of my biggest triggers that brings those issues back up for me. I was just starting therapy to work on my past traumas when my niece started having a bunch of issues so all of my sessions became about managing her issues instead of dealing with my own. All I wanted when I was her age was somebody to save me from the dysfunction I was growing up in. I feel like I'm giving her exactly what I wanted as a teen but it's not enough for her and she doesn't appreciate it.
I've also witnessed all of my siblings and my nephew go totally off the rails and into addiction and bad life choices at 15/16 years old, so my niece developing a bunch of issues at this age triggered the hell out of me and made me feel like I was fighting against her inevitable downfall. Add that in with my complicated relationship with my sister and the resentment I feel towards her for placing this burden on me, the family I have to maintain contact with so that I'm not keeping my niece from them, and the fact that I'm not my niece's legal guardian so every medical thing is a huge hassle and it's all just too much.
I feel trapped and like I'm sacrificing my own future children on the slim chance that my niece might overcome my family's generational dysfunction.

V4ult_G1rl Report

Final score:

63points

POST

Kim Lorton 2 years ago

You are not an evil human being, if you do not want to take care of your sisters' kids. Say no, **ck anyone that tells you, you "have to" and go live your life. Get therapy and take care of yourself. Your sister needs to get help and your niece does too, more help than you can give her. Turn her over to the court and foster system and they can place her where she will get the help and support she needs. If your sister gave her to you to raise, bit never made you the legal guardian, then she is guilty of neglect. Not You. Get your sister away from her and You, and do not let ANYONE tell you you are bad. If they want to shame you, give the kid to them. They feel guilty for not doing it, and are making you the guilt scape goat. Do not let them.

6points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#29

I am really not proud to share this, but I went through a period of bad drug addiction resulting from mental illness and an abusive relationship (with the dad) so I actually had a period of time where I didn't want my children. Not as in I didn't want them to exist, I do and always have loved them, but I didn't want them WITH me basically because I knew that I was incapable of taking care of any of us so I was constantly overwhelmed, exhausted, and just wanted everything to stop. It was the worst and most heartbreaking period of my life because they deserved so much better and I knew it but I couldn't give that to them and every time they showed me any kind of affection I just wanted to break down because I didn't feel like I deserved it and didn't really know how to react.

I'm happy to say that I am now getting my s**t together and we have a good relationship (I'm extremely grateful that they're still young and have no memories of the Bad Times.) At any rate, the problem was with me, not them, and I have no respect for any parent who sees it otherwise.

EDIT: Thanks so much to everyone who replied (and gave awards! Wow!) I really wasn't sure what kind of reaction this was going to get but everyone has been really sweet and supportive so I just wanted to let y'all know I appreciate it. :)

Reddidnothingwrong Report

Final score:

56points

POST

SarahBee 2 years ago

I hope that therapy is part of your getting it together. You deserve every bit of love that is sent your way!

16points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#30

"Ex-Girlfriend Baby-Trapped Me": 30 Parents Get Real About What It's Like To Raise Children They Never Wanted My kids are wanted by me, but not by their other parent. It's been over a year since any contact.

I'm watching them grow in a world that isn't made for them in many ways (they both have disabilities) and for their own parent to abandon them is the saddest thing I've ever seen. My older kiddo is autistic which is almost a blessing because older kiddo never had a decent connection with the other parent, and is very black and white with thinking. Younger kiddo doesn't remember the other parent, but isn't autistic (congenital physical disabilities) and I'm sure will ask harder questions than my autistic kiddo has.

legocitiez , Alexander Dummer Report

Final score:

53points

POST

Persephone 2 years ago

Better for them to be away from a toxic parent.

14points

SafetyDanceInMyPants Report

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#31

I don’t know if I fall into that category, but sometimes I feel like I do. I love my kids, and I’m told I’m a pretty good dad, and sometimes I enjoy it... but most of the time it’s just draining. I explain it as being like an introvert at a party full of strangers — it’s not that caring for kids is painful or whatnot, just like talking to strangers isn’t painful. It’s just draining. It sucks the energy out of you, whether you’re good at it or not. At a party, my goal is that the people I talk with feel heard and cared about and have fun, and that no one knows I’m secretly watching the clock waiting to leave — and with kids my goal is that they’re happy and engaged and feel loved and wanted and cared for, and don’t think I’m counting the seconds to bedtime. But accomplishing that drains me. I understand that there are people out there who enjoy spending time with kids, just like there are people who enjoy talking to strangers — and suffice it to say I’m just not one of them.

So I guess I want my kids, but what I really want is for my kids to magically be old enough that they’re no longer draining, and for me to get my life back a little. I mean, I love them and I want them to be happy and if anyone ever tried to take them from me I would go to hell and back to prevent it. But when was the last time I took a bike ride? When was the last time I looked forward to the weekend rather than seeing it as an exhausting slog? When was the last time I went into Monday a little rested, rather than just beaten down and exhausted? And, as importantly, when’s the next time I’ll get to do so? Five years from now? Ten? Will I be young enough to even enjoy it?

So, I don’t know if I’m in this category — probably not. But I definitely do feel that way a lot more than I’d like.

Final score:

17points

POST

SarahBee 2 years ago

Things change as your kids get older. I hope that these changes make parenting easier for you!

4points

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#32

I girl I worked with had a five year plan. Get a designer man, have a massive wedding, travel to fancy hotels and have a baby. She managed it all except the baby.

Two years of IVF later and still no baby.

After a long adoption process they get a 6 month old. Three months later they give him back and divorce.

She realised that she had only wanted a baby because that what people did and that meant she was successful! She had never thought about what having a baby meant and what it would do to her ‘perfect’ life.

The husband couldn’t live with what she had decided so left. At least the baby went to a couple who did want him eventually, instead of staying with her.

hartali Report

Final score:

15points

POST

eff the haters 2 years ago

Wow that's sad

5points

Different-Front4456 Report

#33

I am an unwanted child. My parents had addiction problems to both drugs and alcohol. My mother abandoned me and my dad when I was two years old to be with her new lover. My father was in the midst of a crippling pain killer addiction. My grandparents ended up raising me and they did their absolute best, but all of their love was never able to fix the deep seated abandonment issues I was left with. Now I am 26, married and have two children. I never wanted to have children but because of my past and wanting love more than anything, I let my now husband get me pregnant at 19 with our first, and then our son was a surprise 4 years later. I struggle with motherhood in ways that I can not articulate, but even so, I love my kids dearly. Sometimes though, I find myself wishing they would grow up and get out. I struggle with chronic mental and physical health issues I am just now starting to get treatment for, so those things don’t help. I tolerate motherhood a lot of the time, and I feel insanely guilty for never really loving actually *being* a mother. It is okay though, only sometimes I actually show my discontent with motherhood, so I am getting better.

Final score:

15points

POST

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#34

I think this is a conversation that more women (especially), should have. You are close to being burnt at the stake if you confess that actually if you could turn back the clock, you wouldn't have children. I feel that these conversations may stop perpetuating this idea that 1)if you're a woman you will automatically adore your children 2) you have more options than just having children.
Women do also go through things such at PND, and maybe others talking about it won't make them feel so guilty and alienated.

MD564 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Don't you wish you knew 2 years ago

This really needs to be higher. Up vote!

2points

#35

I think my mom regrets having me. We have a weird relationship. She doesn't like me as a person and wasn't engaged with me as a child, but she did all the stuff she should do, and beyond. She just doesn't like me as a person. She's ok with my older brothers.

It's made me very convinced that if you don't want children, you shouldn't have them. It also makes me uneasy when parents judge other parents for not wanting their kids. There's not a good solution, but as an adult, I wish she had just raised me and not tried to fake liking me as a person through my 20s.

anon Report

Final score:

12points

POST

DaveR38 2 years ago

I am in a similar situation, although my birth mother has tried to make it up (and always had some contact) there is some distance there and always will be.

2points

#36

My mother point blank told us she didn’t want children and my father had begged and begged her for me. Then my younger sister was an accident. It’s always been an awkward, very strained and very tainted relationship. For a long time I held a ton of resentment and disgust for her. It’s made me into what I consider to be a pretty great parent though- I wanted children and even knowing I’d be giving up sleep and freedoms I knew I wanted them to KNOW they were wanted, planned for, adored.

My dad remarried and adopted two children of his second wife’s then they had one together, making us a family of 5. Now I get so much in way of a rich childhood for my children with all their cousins and aunt and uncles to love them. It’s not always completely life ruining I suppose but it did have a profound affect on how the first half of my life went for sure, how I felt about myself

StMungosHeartHealer Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#37

A very close friend has two children (6 and 2 1/2), but really because her husband wanted kids and she knew he'd leave her if she stood her ground on not wanting kids.

She loves her kids with all her heart, but misses the life she could've had without them. Aside from work (just started her residency) all she does is being a mom, she has little to no time for her own hobbies anymore, and misses that a lot.

I can't say if the kids notice that, at their age, but I worry they might, at some point, or that she'll one day just crack and resent either her kids or her husband for taking that childfree life from her.

Vaiara Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Joi Cain 2 years ago

And the Supreme Court is about to make this a reality for many more poor souls.

4points

#38

It's hard. I never wanted kids. I have two. I love them more than anything and do everything I can to make sure they're safe and happy.

My wife was a stay at home mom. I raided my retirement account to keep up with bills. I sold $60k of stock 2 years ago that's worth almost $200k now. It was a sacrifice to make sure that my kids would have a parent at home. There were times that, if I could have gone back in time and not have kids, I would have. I think, as I'm writing this, it's the first time I wouldn't go back, if I had the chance.

Things are better now. Although I'll hit retirement age when my younger child graduates college. My wife is working and made almost as much as I did, and about twice what she ever made in the past. Tax payer funded college would sure help out now.

Even if you want kids, raising them is about the hardest thing you'll ever do. Therapy helped me and my wife. And we also did some couples therapy.

xubax Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#39

I love my son more than anything else in the world.

But he wasn’t my idea.

My (now ex-)wife was dealing with mental health issues I still don’t understand. It was one of the causes of intense stress in our relationship. Eventually she “decided” the “solution” was to have a child right away.

I told her we weren’t ready, emotionally or financially, but I loved her so much (and still do) that I gave in. After all, I did want to be a father someday, so if starting a little too early could help bring us closer together, it would be worth it, right?

Wrong.

Now we have split custody, I’m at the lowest point in my life so far, our toddler son is struggling with the new reality of his broken family, and she’s “doing great.” At least that’s what she says when she says anything to me at all.

I love him so much, he’s the best kid in the whole world. He’s the only good thing in my life. But I wonder every single day what life would be like if we had never had him.

And if I had never met her.

Whoever said “‘Tis better to have loved and lost…” never met my lovely wife.

reddit Report

Final score:

11points

POST

SarahBee 2 years ago

Having kids never solves problems. The pressure of parenting, especially young children, is just going to put more cracks in what's broken.

7points

#40

Being a single mum with a kid stuck with me, it just feels like an obligation to me. I do love my kid for sure. But I don't really feel the "bond" or the wishy washy mum-son relationship/connection that the other parents describe. Sometimes I envy those parents. Maybe because the pregnancy was unplanned, or maybe because at how terrible it was coming home to an empty apartment with all of his things done then suddenly I have to take care of this little man with his face on it.

I do try my best to provide everything for him, getting a better job, buy all the things he needs and wants. But yeah, an obligation, a responsibility.

ShadowMoon314 Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#41

It sucks. I had a kid as a teenager. I was in an abusive relationship and he wanted me to give the baby for adoption, and wouldn't "allow" me to have an abortion. My parents put big pressure on me to keep the baby. After birth, I was flooded with emotion and took the pressure to keep the baby. After a few days, I felt I'd made the wrong decision, but it was too late. It continues to feel too late for months until I said "this is my life now." That's not a great feeling.

He went through a phase where he looked just like his father, which was awful. The father was not involved except to stalk me. He paid no child support.

I got used to my role as a parent by the time he was in school and it was "fine" but I wasn't thrilled with my life. Then, in middle school, he went bad like milk. He was acting out in all the ways. By then, I was partnered. We tried literally everything to modify his behavior for the positive.

I still don't want him. He's grown now and just not a good person.

fairiefire Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Rachael Klein 2 years ago

I think that child knew how much you didn't want him and fed off of that. He didn't just turn out bad, you helped to make him that way. People don't realize how much children feed off of our moods.

3points

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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What do you think ?

POST

Pamela24 2 years ago

These stories are one of the many reasons why abortion should be legal. Children who are born despite not being wanted hurt so much. The pro-birth folks often feel like everyone is so grateful for being alive but so many people aren't. Because why would you if your life has been full of suffering ever since you were born?

62points

CatGirl 2 years ago

I'm sorry someone downvoted you for saying this - it's the absolute truth and you should keep saying it LOUD!!

17points

Jerry Mathers 2 years ago

Here's the rub. Unwanted kids, neglected kids, abused kids all grow up knowing it and striking back against society. Do not fall for the "tough on crime" BS that's coming when the fallout from this disaster starts bearing fruit. This decision is a huge disaster for this country. The misery it will create for society is huge. If you get pregnant and don't want it and want to get an abortion, please find a way to do so. Don't post about it. Just do it. And if someone is threatening to sue you or tell, do post about. Do give names, addresses and numbers. Let those that want to cause misery be the recipient of it. Let them experience hell. Let's keep 'em so busy barely keeping their heads above water they don't have time to worry about others. It's time to show them how fun it is to have people interfere with their lives.

2points

John Clay 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

similarly 2 years ago

This hits hard. I'm 51. I spent the first half of my life being unwelcome and unwanted. I spent the last half of my life being "necessary" and "useful" because I clean and pay the bills. I don't know what it feels like to be welcome and wanted.

26points

Rens 2 years ago

I can definitely relate to this. I had such low self-esteem and thought so little of myself that I thought the only way that people would keep me around is if I made myself indispensable. All that happened is everybody just took whatever they wanted from me and left me with nothing. I took me a long time a lifetime really to become the person I am now (50) and no one will ever take advantage of me again. Know your own worth and root your self-esteem into your character as a human being. I'm finally in a situation where I feel welcome and wanted, appreciated and respected x

6points

MoMcB 2 years ago

I feel like this a lot. It's hard.

2points

Squee She 2 years ago

Hey, you're wanted by me. I see you. You struggle, and I care, and I send internet love 💜

0points

Cathy Hurd 2 years ago

My mother didn't want kids until we were old enough to take care of her. Then we were her best friends. Her mantra while we were growing up "I should have raised dogs instead"

0points

FreshGanesh 2 years ago

As a gay guy I never imagined having kids. Into my 20’s, adoption wasn’t an option. Kids never entered into the equation. At 28, my partner & I were doing well and planned to surrogate with a close lesbian couple. We ended up buying a typical SF, 3-flat building, with the women owning one, us another & a random partner the third. I got cold feet. Realized I either wasn’t ready or maybe I was too self-involved to be ready. I left my relationship/job/life and travelled for 3+ years. I stayed close to the three of them and their 3 kids, but it took some time to forgive & heal from me bailing. At 37, I found my person when I very much wasn’t looking. We were close to a single mom & her 3yo. She got sick, so ended up moving them in with us so I/we could care for both of them until she passed. We hadn’t any plans for kids and throughout this time thought of ourselves as the cool gunkles. We became dads to a 4yo who had no other family. He’s almost 9. He is my greatest joy & pleasure. Ever!

25points

JMil 2 years ago

This is beautiful. I'm so happy for you and SO.

5points

Kate 2 years ago

It wasn't until my then-teenage little sister pointed out to me that our mom likes our boyfriends more than she likes us that it hit me: she wanted boys, not girls.

13points

Laura Elizabeth 2 years ago

My brother in law is my father's favorite child for that very same reason.

0points

Powerful Musk Ox 2 years ago

Just want to take this moment, as a therapist, to reiterate: Peri-partum depression can happen to all genders. While hormonal aspects can play into it, it is so much more than that. The bottom line is: it is not your fault if it does happen, and having a child can exacerbate pre-existing mental health issues, as well. You don't have to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" or feel shame for having perfectly understandable emotions, even intrusive thoughts. What is problematic is not getting help/asking for help when you need it. Please never forget that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.

10points

Cori 2 years ago

Yes, to all of this! People with mental health issues who find the strength to seek help are some of the strongest people on the planet. Truly. It is the exact opposite of weakness.

1point

Kitty1019 2 years ago (edited)

If men don't want children they should wear a condom and not just blindly believe that a woman is on the pill. And if you know that you never want children, get a vasectomy or have your tubes tied and save the children the grief of growing up unwanted and unloved.

8points

Momica98 1 year ago

Birth control fails, including condoms and the pill, even when used correctly. These people obviously weren't thinking too far ahead while they were in bed.

0points

Indigo Tiger 2 years ago

This is so much of why I would never want a child :( It sounds selfish that I want my freedom and my money only to myself and maybe a future partner, but there's so many reasons in this little forum that justifys it.

7points

Tamra 2 years ago

It's not selfish to not want children. You don't owe the world a child. You owe it to yourself to know what you want out of life, and if that's not kids, then that's totally fine.

8points

Nitka Tsar 2 years ago

I don't think it is selfish. So many people on reddit tell others to not give their money to entitled parents/ siblings or that a lottery win is theirs and not their families. Why would this be different with ones own kids that don't even exist yet?

6points

Pinky Gladys Gutsman 2 years ago

You owe it to the child- not to have one.

1point

Disgruntled Panda 2 years ago

Indigo Tiger, what you're saying is very much not selfish. It's your right to not want/have children and being honest and upfront about it is so much better than ending up with a child you did not want.

1point

Rachael Klein 2 years ago

If being a parent was always fun and exciting, we wouldn't be lecturing teens about waiting until they were emotionally and financially ready. Parenting is hard, as it should be. You are raising a human being into an independent adult. Just think of how many things you had to learn throughout your life to get where you are. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't quick. People inherently know that raising a child is difficult, but it's like they want to try it and see for themselves, only to be disappointed when they learn it takes work, patience, and at least a little dedication to get the best results. Or they try to blame others for their own decisions.

4points

33Possums 2 years ago

People don't inherently know anything. Just because you have a certain opinion on parenting and its expectations doesn't mean everyone else has the same opinions - lots of people end up being lousy parents and you're not going to fix them. Some people think that bringing any child into the world is wrong.

2points

Step 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tommy Pickles 2 years ago

I was unwanted but by my older siblings. My parents had the first 4 before age 21. Got their lives together and had me at 30. I got more because my parents were better off when I was born. Somehow its ALL my fault my siblings went without before I existed. Same for our younger sister. Older siblings would dump their unwanted early babies on me as a teenager and say, "I had to watch you as a kid. Deal with it." And thet took glee in my dad's financial troubles when I was 15 and my mom died suddenly because suddenly my younger sister and i now knew what it was to suffer. And they can't understand why I cut them out over a decade ago. Wrap it before you tap it people. Adoption and abortion are options (unless you're over here in the United States of Republican Oppression). Don't feel you have to keep unwanted babies. You hurt them and others by doing so. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and THAT'S OKAY! We are more than our reproductive systems.

3points

Patti Vance 2 years ago

i relate to many of these posts. i was told that i couldn't have kids then ended up pregnant. due to my reproductive issues i didn't even know i was preggers until almost my 6th month. i was terrified that iwas going to screw up this innocent that i had brought into the world. to say i was a reluctant mom is an understatement. i had no support due to my parents being active duty military and living over 350 miles away. while i was married at time of birth i ended up a single mom when he was 18 mos old. excluding all forms of abuse/neglect i figured out that there was no 'right' way to parent so decided that if i wanted him to grow up to be a good/kind/strong human i had to show him how to be one by example. the reality is that he taught me so much about myself. where were rocky moments but now, at 42, guess where he is...living w/his family right next door by his own choice. he is a big burly self proclaimed mama's boy which makes me realize that i guess i didn't do too bad. .

3points

Tigger 2 years ago

Some of these stories would have been solved by people using protection.

3points

Nitka Tsar 2 years ago

Tell that to your brilliant sex education

5points

CelticElff 2 years ago

MEN: You are just as responsible for birth control as the woman. FFS, use a condom!! Quit playing the victim with "she trapped me" b.s. A condom is YOUR birth control. Use it or STFU.

2points

Momica98 1 year ago (edited)

No birth control is 100 percent effective except abstinence. Clearly some of these parents forgot about that.

0points

Cathy Hurd 2 years ago

My former sister had 3 healthy, good kids that she tossed away like trash. I took them in, I was a single parent with 3 kids of my own. My mother said they should go into foster care. She didn't care any more about her grandchildren than she did about her own kids. I on the other hand always wanted kids. I have 3, 2 with serious medical issues (my oldest passed away at 25). My only regret in life is not having more children. Life just isn't fair.

1point

Notorious DBT 2 years ago

This is what happens when people are forced to stay pregnant and raise children they don’t want.

1point

Pinky Gladys Gutsman 2 years ago

This is what happens when people are irresponsible. Abortion is not birth control - duh!

3points

KimB 2 years ago

I love how all the "pro-lifer's" always fall back on adoption. Let me tell you first hand adoption isn't all it's cracked up to be. I have several friends and coworkers who are adopted. By good families too mind you no abuse, neglect, severe poverty ect. Each and every one of them has needed or is getting therapy. It's inevitable to feel bad because their birth parents "didn't want them or couldn't take care of them because of mental illness/addiction, ect. One girl I knew in high school committed suicide after she was diagnosed schizophrenic which she inherited from her birth mother. Her adopted mother was so grief stricken she ended up taking her own life a year later. No one talks about things like this though...

1point

repeekyraid cero 2 years ago

Nature doesn't care under what circumstances offspring is produced. "Mother" nature itself is the most dismissive part of this trash equation and it will remain that way until eternity. (Some of the people born under these circumstances will be absolutely wonderful&broken people, so it's not entirely hopeless, as they prevent future cases)

1point

OneHappyPuppy 2 years ago

I feel this. I got pregnant really quickly after getting married and it was not at all what I wanted at that point in time. While waiting to go into labor I cried knowing full well that was the last time I'll be alone. Truly alone, something I cherish. I ended up with PPD and just recently have gotten off prozac. 5 years. My son is slightly autistic, non-verbal until recently, I try my best around him but as someone who has no idea how to engage a kid I fear he'll soon feel unwanted. I don't know how to play with him. When I try, he refuses. I love him to death, abortion was never an option for me, I couldn't do it in a million years, I am a frustrated depressed mom to a kid who needs me and I just don't know how to give him more. Someone here said "counting minutes to bedtime" and it hit hard. I want to give him my best but I can't seem to find it for myself, let alone him. The guilt eats at me day in day out.

1point

Momica98 1 year ago

"I never wanted a kid." Then take a good hard look at your sexual partners; are you willing to have a child with them?

0points

Vera Cyning 1 year ago

#9 also had an older brother stillborn. I don't even have my own name. She just feminized his.

0points

Squee She 2 years ago

Childfree, and an unwanted myself (my mum wanted me! not the bio sperm). Loved the article, cried with the posters, and leaving love here for the rest of us 💜

0points

Mary Clifford 2 years ago

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0points

JMil 2 years ago

This was a brutal thread. My heart goes out to all. It makes me realize I take for granted my near picture perfect love for my daughter and wife (that said, having a kid is hard, life is more difficult but the highs are higher and (planned) fatherhood has been even more fulfilling than I expected).

0points

Katinka Min 2 years ago

It is sad to read how so many people are just swallowing their feelings and suffer in silecne. In my city (Eruopre) there is family councelling for free - but so many people don't use it because there is this weird stigma. As if you have to automatically know how to be a parent and run a family or else you are a failure. But a family is a complex and exhausting group constellation and many parents just need help: Profesional advice, an open ear, access to support.

0points

precious presh 2 years ago

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-3points

Milan 2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

30_Helens_Agree 2 years ago

Why are you so obsessed with clicking on, reading, and then commenting on articles that make you bitter and angry?

1point

Carole Reid 2 years ago

You said it!

0points

RandomCitizen 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yomaira Wilson 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

33Possums 2 years ago

Fetuses don't have beating hearts until the pregnancy is nearly half way through, and one aborts a fully grown fetus unless there is something seriously wrong, so stop repeating stupid things you've heard on tv. Regardless, if you want to do your part, make sure your representatives guarantee birth control and sex ed.

4points

JinjoBread 2 years ago

You are, by a fairly large margin, the absolute DUMBEST f*****g person to ever post on this site.

4points

Lara M 2 years ago

Mosquitoes have beating hearts too. Want to let them drink your blood because they have a right to live?

1point

POST

Pamela24 2 years ago

62points

CatGirl 2 years ago

I'm sorry someone downvoted you for saying this - it's the absolute truth and you should keep saying it LOUD!!

17points

Jerry Mathers 2 years ago

2points

John Clay 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

similarly 2 years ago

26points

Rens 2 years ago

6points

MoMcB 2 years ago

I feel like this a lot. It's hard.

2points

Squee She 2 years ago

Hey, you're wanted by me. I see you. You struggle, and I care, and I send internet love 💜

0points

Cathy Hurd 2 years ago

My mother didn't want kids until we were old enough to take care of her. Then we were her best friends. Her mantra while we were growing up "I should have raised dogs instead"

0points

FreshGanesh 2 years ago

25points

JMil 2 years ago

This is beautiful. I'm so happy for you and SO.

5points

Kate 2 years ago

It wasn't until my then-teenage little sister pointed out to me that our mom likes our boyfriends more than she likes us that it hit me: she wanted boys, not girls.

13points

Laura Elizabeth 2 years ago

My brother in law is my father's favorite child for that very same reason.

0points

Powerful Musk Ox 2 years ago

10points

Cori 2 years ago

Yes, to all of this! People with mental health issues who find the strength to seek help are some of the strongest people on the planet. Truly. It is the exact opposite of weakness.

1point

Kitty1019 2 years ago (edited)

8points

Momica98 1 year ago

Birth control fails, including condoms and the pill, even when used correctly. These people obviously weren't thinking too far ahead while they were in bed.

0points

Indigo Tiger 2 years ago

7points

Tamra 2 years ago

It's not selfish to not want children. You don't owe the world a child. You owe it to yourself to know what you want out of life, and if that's not kids, then that's totally fine.

8points

Nitka Tsar 2 years ago

6points

Pinky Gladys Gutsman 2 years ago

You owe it to the child- not to have one.

1point

Disgruntled Panda 2 years ago

1point

Rachael Klein 2 years ago

4points

33Possums 2 years ago

2points

Step 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tommy Pickles 2 years ago

3points

Patti Vance 2 years ago

3points

Tigger 2 years ago

Some of these stories would have been solved by people using protection.

3points

Nitka Tsar 2 years ago

Tell that to your brilliant sex education

5points

CelticElff 2 years ago

MEN: You are just as responsible for birth control as the woman. FFS, use a condom!! Quit playing the victim with "she trapped me" b.s. A condom is YOUR birth control. Use it or STFU.

2points

Momica98 1 year ago (edited)

No birth control is 100 percent effective except abstinence. Clearly some of these parents forgot about that.

0points

Cathy Hurd 2 years ago

1point

Notorious DBT 2 years ago

This is what happens when people are forced to stay pregnant and raise children they don’t want.

1point

Pinky Gladys Gutsman 2 years ago

This is what happens when people are irresponsible. Abortion is not birth control - duh!

3points

KimB 2 years ago

1point

repeekyraid cero 2 years ago

1point

OneHappyPuppy 2 years ago

1point

Momica98 1 year ago

"I never wanted a kid." Then take a good hard look at your sexual partners; are you willing to have a child with them?

0points

Vera Cyning 1 year ago

#9 also had an older brother stillborn. I don't even have my own name. She just feminized his.

0points

Squee She 2 years ago

Childfree, and an unwanted myself (my mum wanted me! not the bio sperm). Loved the article, cried with the posters, and leaving love here for the rest of us 💜

0points

Mary Clifford 2 years ago

0points

JMil 2 years ago

0points

Katinka Min 2 years ago

0points

precious presh 2 years ago

-3points

Milan 2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

30_Helens_Agree 2 years ago

Why are you so obsessed with clicking on, reading, and then commenting on articles that make you bitter and angry?

1point

Carole Reid 2 years ago

You said it!

0points

RandomCitizen 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yomaira Wilson 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

33Possums 2 years ago

4points