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Dad Takes Hungry 15YO To Fast Food Place, Tells Her To Order Her Food, She Can’t Do It
![“Am I The [Jerk] For Letting My Daughter Be Hungry And Not Ordering For Her At A Fast Food Place?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/letting-daughter-hungry-refusing-ordering-fast-food-fb40-png__700.jpg)
If you’ve ever tried solving a complex puzzle with a few missing pieces, you might know what navigating the world of parenting often feels like, especially if we’re talking about teens. You’re constantly stuck between being a caring parent and teaching them important life lessons and skills.
Well, that’s exactly the pickle one Redditor found himself in, sparking a debate on whether tough love or a gentle nudge is the best way to help kids overcome challenges. With over 3,000 comments, you can bet this story hit home for a lot of people.
More info: Reddit
15-year-old teen with social anxiety can’t order food for herself, asks dad to do it for her, but he refuses
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The dad is trying to help his daughter overcome her anxiety by allowing her to do things for herself, at the recommendation of her counselor
Image credits: Alia (not the actual photo)
The wife doesn’t agree with the dad’s approach, saying he should have ordered food for the daughter and not leave her hungry, even if it was just for 4 hours
Image credits: iMin Technology (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prudent_Dream_8397
“I didn’t starve her for days, it was a 4 hour outing”: the dad asks the internet if he was a jerk for allowing his daughter to go hungry as she didn’t order food for herself
So, here’s the deal: the OP (original poster) has a 15-year-old daughter with social anxiety, making basic, everyday interactions feeling like climbing the Everest. She wasn’t on any meds, as her counseling sessions seemed to be working.
At home, there was a rule: if you want fast food, you pay for it yourself. This was not about saving a few bucks but about teaching her how to be independent. After all, she would leave for college in a few years, and mom and dad wouldn’t be able to save her anymore.
One day, the OP and his daughter were out running errands. OP, ever the practical parent, suggested to his daughter she eat something before they left. But nope, she wasn’t hungry. Fast forward a few hours, and hunger strikes – she wanted to stop at Wendy’s. They pulled up, and the OP told his daughter to go order while he grabbed them a couple of seats.
But social anxiety was a tough beast to beat that day, so she returned without ordering, asking dad to order for her, but he was not having it. He told her that if she wanted to eat, she had to do it herself. And, after a tense 10-minute standoff, they left without any food, leading to one very hangry teen and an upset wife back home.
The OP turned to Reddit to ask if he was the jerk in this situation. He explained that this was in no way a punishment, as his daughter’s counselor recommended these low-risk tasks to help her manage anxiety. He even provided a script, which the OP practiced with his daughter before sending her to order food, but she refused to use it.
The responses? All over the place. Some Redditors applauded the OP for his tough love, saying that without experiences like this, the daughter might struggle more later on. One user commented, “I’ve seen what happens when a kid with anxiety is coddled by a parent’s help. It looks like a 35-year-old who can’t even do their own groceries.”
Others thought the OP was too harsh, potentially setting his daughter back instead of helping her. They argued a more supportive approach, like standing next to her while she ordered, could’ve eased her anxiety. One critic said, “A successful purchase means next time will be easier. An unsuccessful outing will set her back and make next time harder. So, congratulations! You made next time harder!”
Image credits: Roman Lopez (not the actual photo)
For kids struggling with social anxiety disorder, (also known as social phobia), even the simplest tasks, such as ordering food, can feel daunting. Social anxiety is way more than just shyness – it’s a crippling fear of social interactions, often leading to avoidance behaviors.
Experts explain that, “Children and teens with social anxiety disorder have an excessive and persistent fear of social and/or performance situations such as school, parties, athletic activities, and more. These children constantly feel ‘on stage’, which can lead to a great deal of self-consciousness, distress, and avoidance.”
This anxiety can mess with school performance, friendships, you name it. Early intervention through counseling and gradual exposure to anxiety-inducing situations can help build confidence and coping skills. Parents play a crucial role by creating a supportive environment where kids can face their fears, just as the OP tried to do for his 15-year-old daughter.
He was just following the counselor’s advice, refusing to order for his daughter to teach her basic life skills, one baby step at a time. Whether you’re on team tough love or team gentle nudge, the goal is the same: helping kids grow into confident, self-reliant adults.
Teaching kids basic life skills, like ordering food, managing money, and handling social interactions, is essential for preparing them for the responsibilities of adulthood. Parents can help kids learn these abilities by creating opportunities for them to practice in low-risk settings, just as the OP did for his daughter.
An article on the important life skills we should be teaching kids explains that, “Life skills are valuable lessons kids will use throughout their lifetime. Important life skills kids need to know include decision-making skills, problem-solving skills, personal hygiene, meal prep, and communication skills.”
Often times, kids only start learning these skills when they’re in high school. It’s important not to delay teaching kids how to deal with real-life situations until they’re teenagers. While it can be tempting to step in and help, allowing kids to navigate challenges on their own can build confidence and problem-solving skills.
So, what did you think of this story? Was the OP a jerk for refusing to order for his daughter? Share your wisdom in the comments!
The majority of the netizens side with the dad saying he did the right thing by making the teen buy her own food, as recommended by her counselor
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What do you think ?
lenka 4 months ago
Oh boy. I went through this with my (much younger) sister. My sister came to live with me when she was a teen. It was a challenge. She refused to speak to anyone on the telephone. She couldn't order a pizza, couldn't make herself an appointment. When she was finally finished school and wanted a job she wouldn't answer the phone for interviews and was terrified of calling them back. I had to take her to the doctor and she would not speak to him, at all. It is so so so hard to walk that line between enabling someone to remain terrified of the world and supporting them to confront it and grow. My sister hated me most of the time but today she works in executive role and is confident and extremely capable. The father chose a low risk, high value challenge and stuck with it. This is exactly what parenting looks like. Absolutely NTA.
Ms.GB 4 months ago
Yeah definitely NTA, the only way she's ever going to get better is to start doing the things she's afraid of a little at a time. The only thing I might have done differently was offer to stand by her the first time she's trying to order for herself but idk if that would help or not.
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arthbach 4 months ago
One tip, if (for what ever reason) you can't speak to a waiter/server/shop assistant, whip out your phone, and type out your request. Some people find this a great deal easier. I've known this work for people who are deaf, mute, anxious, autistic, and like me last week, people who have lost their voice due to a summer cold. For some, it can be a stepping stone to speaking.
Lisa T 4 months ago
This is my daughter all over. She would rather not have something than have to ask a server/cashier. This started in her teens. She is 19 now and still has severe anxiety but is slowly getting better. She still struggles but will at least go to a cashier now (and even make small talk). So a big NTA to the dad. It seems cruel to some people to make your child do something they are terrified of. But believe me, it will get a lot worse if you don’t help them through it.
Insomniac 4 months ago
So much this. My parents coddled my sister's anxieties (they didn't care so much about mine, but that's another story). And she, at 37, is making their lives absolute hell because she was never forced into working on her challenges. I took it on myself to tackle my PTSD once I was diagnosed, and I'm making progress. But she won't do it. I've told her that she's ruining her own life and hurting other people, but my parents have always coddled her, so she doesn't see it. But I have a future to look forward to because I'm fighting for it. She is miserable and sees no hope. It makes me very sad. And I'm furious at my parents for not doing anything about it when she was a teen.
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Janice 4 months ago
She needs to learn how to cope with situations like this, or experience the ramifications of not doing them. I'm not cruel, like OP said, its a few hours, not days. I have severe anxiety, but sometimes you have to do things in spite of it. If she can't order a burger, how the bell is she going to get a job or go to college, (if she wants to). Its the job of a parent to prepare their kids to be independent, OP is doing that and it sounds like he's doing it well
Jessica SpeLangm 4 months ago
If OP's mom got her way, then the daughter will be living with them the rest of her life because she won't do the difficult job of speaking up for herself out in public. If she refuses to do even this minor thing, she has no hope of being able to be independent of her parents.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 4 months ago
I did this to myself after a suicide attempt. I couldnt take being socially phobic anymore. Started to push myself into new boundaries. It worked. Do it.
Guy-Incognito 4 months ago
Well done on overcoming all of that. Not easy. Be proud.
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JayWantsACat 4 months ago
I'm an adult and I've left a place because I got anxious about ordering. I've driven half an hour to a mall because I needed clothes, walked up to the store....past the store, back to my car, and then just drove back home. Unless the anxiety is genuinely debiliating, you have to be able to navigate through life on your own. You have to interact with people at some point tho apps have lessened the need for that. But not wanting to do something as innocuous as ordering food because you're just nervous is not an excuse.
Insomniac 4 months ago
There are many medications to treat anxiety these days, including ones that are safe for teens. If the girl won't work on therapy, she should be medicated, because like it or not, she has to fight the anxiety. If you treat it properly in teens, they have a much better chance at a normal life, because the brain doesn't mature until age 25. And I've broken down in my car in the grocery parking lot and just couldn't go in to buy apples. I went home, calmed down, and went again the next day. It sucked. But I have to keep fighting, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.
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Kamis Dewey 4 months ago
NAH. It’s something she’s going to have to learn, and her reaction is a natural one for people with anxiety. Like OP said, it was just a few hours of not eating, not a full day, and the therapist has suggested she try going out of her comfort zone. The only thing I MIGHT have done differently is stand behind her in line and prod/encourage her without ordering. I remember when I was a teen I felt more confident when someone was literally holding my hand or standing by me, then I felt more comfortable to speak and do things for myself.
Brenda 4 months ago
As the parent of a child with anxiety, severe ADHD, bi-polar disorder and a few other things, I totally understand what this dad is going through. Its EXTREMELY important that kids learn these skills. It's hard to watch your kid struggle and suffer, but it's necessary for their future to be able to do things on their own
Insomniac 4 months ago
If it's so severe she CANNOT order food, she needs medication. Therapy is an excellent tool, but if it does not get you to the point where you can function, then medication is the next step. I have PTSD and there are many things that stress me out. I only refuse to do them if it's dangerous. Like, some days I'm severely anxious, so it wouldn't be safe for me to drive so I ask for a ride or order in what I need. I don't like the side effects of the meds I'm on, but without them I'd be in far worse shape, and it's not fair on my loved ones to have to take care of me like I'm an angry toddler. I have to do all I can to not be a burden on others. Treating anxiety in teens is far more successful than letting it continue on as they get older. If the dad does not put his foot down, he will be raising a teenager the rest of his life.
Guy-Incognito 4 months ago
My mum had to force my sister and I to do this as kids for the sane reason. She coached us and kept close by. Thank god she did this and didn't let us grow up terrified of ordering food.
Insomniac 4 months ago
Your mum didn't want to be raising 40-year-old children.
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Winter Eleven 4 months ago
It depends on the individual and if her therapist says she's okay to do that... I guess. I personally have such a severe social anxiety that i never eat out and shop only at those self check out things. Just the thought of making a call gives me an anxiety attack so i only text and email and if someone says they prefer calls i guess I'll find someone else because if one us deaf then they're unable to make calls too meaning there are things that can be done via text only. I am happy her family believes she has social anxiety though 🙂
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
Serious question: How do you handle your body's medical maintenance, like doctor appointments and dentist checkups?
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Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
Surely it's better to go with her but perhaps stand a few feet behind? If she can't do it, it's a big step - as they say, baby steps. Step 1 - order while she's there. Step 2, order yours, get her to order hers, while standing next to her. Gradually back away until she can do it on her own. BTW There's no rule that says people have to overcome their anxieties. I can't handle heights; I have no intention of exposing myself to them until I do.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
That's not a great comparison. You can live your entire life avoiding heights with no huhu - humans don't need heights/tall buildings to survive. However, humans ARE social animals, and we need to be able to communicate socially in order to survive. I have social anxiety myself (am fine in person but literally get the shakes and cold sweats when I have to make a phonecall) but I can't just "not expose" myself to not making phonecalls ever. Similarly, OP's daughter can't just "not expose" herself to talking to other people in social situations.
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Col Prettyman 4 months ago
I was painfully shy as a kid, nowadays they call it social anxiety. I still am. However I can talk to anyone because I force myself to. Being in drama club helped immensely, especially Joel lol. He made it his goal to get me out of my shell. He cracked it and I was in my 30's when it fully fell off. The key is to keep pushing forward, know nobody is looking at you, laughing at you, maybe a few are talking about you but that just because you're pretty awesome you know? I mean they could be talking about Elon Musk but no they're talking about YOU! Get my point? Anyway, it will get better if you work on it. It doesn't go away but you can control it. 🙃
Susan Schlee 4 months ago (edited)
Ok, I've got anxiety, but this c**p about not speaking to people over everyday normal life things like ordering food or making an appointment is BS! Parents of this generation, you aren't just crippling your kids, you've got them back in their strollers!
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 4 months ago
OP should remind his daughter that those cashiers are paid to be nice. They deal with older folks who won't/can't read the menu. Maybe use the third eye method. Practice, practice, practice. Good luck to you both.
patricia Torres 4 months ago
COVID did a number on mine. At the end of the day , it's not easy for parents trying to support teens who in turn are beginning to identify as themselves. Tough love no hurtful words is necessary. With mine I knew they had dreams and goals but required an extra firm push. So, I told them that the reason my words aren't reaching is because they have reached the point where they need to fight their own fight and seek their own sources in order to achieve their own goals. I told mine I'm here for you but I can't suffer your path to reach what you need in life. We are all different and we all need our own concoction of variables life throws our way. She'll be fine, just remind her you are there. That's all they want once they find their own self.
trousled bones 4 months ago
Absolutely the a*****e. Let me explain. I have bad social anxiety. Some days I can do things, and some days I can't. And nothing will change those days where I can't. I need help on those days, not a b******t "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and just do it, it's that easy" approach.
Laura Maurer 4 months ago
I think what the father did was spot on. Anxiety is treatable if you do the work to overcome it. At 15, she needs to be able to take care of herself. One of the best ways to treat anxiety is to do what makes you anxious repetitively. It’s very effective and clearly she didn’t want to even attempt it. That’s on her and not her parent. If she can’t start doing these things on her own, the world will chew her up and spit her out. I understand things like this are hard, but unless you can do things that are hard, you’re not going to make it.
Beachbum 4 months ago
TAKE THE PHONE AWAY UNTIL SHE LEARNS TO TALK TO PEOPLE!!! She will never develop if she isn’t forced to.
Ginger Winters 3 months ago
She's already in therapy for this, taking her phone away isn't going to help anything, in fact it might even hurt
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Steven Fluevog 4 months ago
No one can stay in their comfort zone forever, on another note don't let her find out about food delivery apps, the last thing you want is for her to pay through the nose for food just to avoid socializing.
Bigcaol 4 months ago
100% NTA. I can only imagine that the education level of the folks condeming the father as either doctors or barely past junior high. What is clear is they don't see the epidemic level of "adults" in America who cannot function enough to take care of themselves because they had parents like themselves who deemed it more important to be their child's friend rather than their parent. There's not more anxiety/add/ etc today it's that nobody knows how to cope with these things and society is too concerned with short term "feelings" than they are with long term treatment and success. Life is hard people and no amount of emotion will change that. Stop enabling the stupid, lazy and criminal because you "feel bad for them." You're putting band aids and kisses over horrific wounds and leaving them to fester and get infected because the alcohol and proper cleaning of the wounds "hurts too much." You guys are literally killing people with kindness.
Thomas Hunt, Jr. 4 months ago
If the family wants to see what social anxieties do to a person, could try finding me, lol. I've been a complete recluse the last 25 years. It ain't pretty and I don't wish what I go through on any one.
Barbara Bari 4 months ago
You are an absolute a*****e. I too, have social anxiety, and you have nooooo idea how difficult ordering can be for us. Just because something is easy for YOU doesn't make it easy for us. Also, I am totally tired of therapists and others who have never experienced social anxiety claim to be experts on how we feel. Forcing us to do something that we are clearly not ready for only produces more anxiety. And saying that it will get easier the more times you do it--also false. All you have done is reassure your daughter that1. You do not take her social anxiety seriously, and 2. That what matters to you is how YOU feel, not how SHE feels at that moment. She now knows who NOT to go to in a crisis. Again, I will reiterate, you are an a*****e supreme!
Lara Verne 4 months ago
She has anxiety and needs to start doing this on her own, but she won't overcome her anxiety in one day. Fast food restaurant was not the best place to start, they tend to be crowded and it's possible that cashier start aking questions about order. I had the same problem as a teenager and everyone pushing me to speak in most crowded places possible. Of course it didn't work. I eventually started on my own, with small things like buying magazine in news stand. All I needed was to greet, ask for magazine, pay for it and say thanks. A few words. I'm not saying that OP is a*****e, but maybe he should choose better place to start.
Insomniac 4 months ago
He started where the therapist told him to start. He went through the script with her. Teens often resist therapy because they hate discomfort, and they keep pushing until the family just gives in and does it for them. He did it right.
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Sunny Day 4 months ago
Well, damn. Now I'll have to be more understanding of the obnoxious mom coaxing her toddler into ordering for himself. Why, Reddit, WHY???
FluffyDreg 4 months ago
You werent already understanding a parent encouraging their child to develope needed communication skills?
Load More Replies... lenka 4 months ago
Oh boy. I went through this with my (much younger) sister. My sister came to live with me when she was a teen. It was a challenge. She refused to speak to anyone on the telephone. She couldn't order a pizza, couldn't make herself an appointment. When she was finally finished school and wanted a job she wouldn't answer the phone for interviews and was terrified of calling them back. I had to take her to the doctor and she would not speak to him, at all. It is so so so hard to walk that line between enabling someone to remain terrified of the world and supporting them to confront it and grow. My sister hated me most of the time but today she works in executive role and is confident and extremely capable. The father chose a low risk, high value challenge and stuck with it. This is exactly what parenting looks like. Absolutely NTA.
Ms.GB 4 months ago
Yeah definitely NTA, the only way she's ever going to get better is to start doing the things she's afraid of a little at a time. The only thing I might have done differently was offer to stand by her the first time she's trying to order for herself but idk if that would help or not.
Load More Replies... arthbach 4 months ago
One tip, if (for what ever reason) you can't speak to a waiter/server/shop assistant, whip out your phone, and type out your request. Some people find this a great deal easier. I've known this work for people who are deaf, mute, anxious, autistic, and like me last week, people who have lost their voice due to a summer cold. For some, it can be a stepping stone to speaking.
Lisa T 4 months ago
This is my daughter all over. She would rather not have something than have to ask a server/cashier. This started in her teens. She is 19 now and still has severe anxiety but is slowly getting better. She still struggles but will at least go to a cashier now (and even make small talk). So a big NTA to the dad. It seems cruel to some people to make your child do something they are terrified of. But believe me, it will get a lot worse if you don’t help them through it.
Insomniac 4 months ago
So much this. My parents coddled my sister's anxieties (they didn't care so much about mine, but that's another story). And she, at 37, is making their lives absolute hell because she was never forced into working on her challenges. I took it on myself to tackle my PTSD once I was diagnosed, and I'm making progress. But she won't do it. I've told her that she's ruining her own life and hurting other people, but my parents have always coddled her, so she doesn't see it. But I have a future to look forward to because I'm fighting for it. She is miserable and sees no hope. It makes me very sad. And I'm furious at my parents for not doing anything about it when she was a teen.
Load More Replies... Janice 4 months ago
She needs to learn how to cope with situations like this, or experience the ramifications of not doing them. I'm not cruel, like OP said, its a few hours, not days. I have severe anxiety, but sometimes you have to do things in spite of it. If she can't order a burger, how the bell is she going to get a job or go to college, (if she wants to). Its the job of a parent to prepare their kids to be independent, OP is doing that and it sounds like he's doing it well
Jessica SpeLangm 4 months ago
If OP's mom got her way, then the daughter will be living with them the rest of her life because she won't do the difficult job of speaking up for herself out in public. If she refuses to do even this minor thing, she has no hope of being able to be independent of her parents.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 4 months ago
I did this to myself after a suicide attempt. I couldnt take being socially phobic anymore. Started to push myself into new boundaries. It worked. Do it.
Guy-Incognito 4 months ago
Well done on overcoming all of that. Not easy. Be proud.
Load More Replies... JayWantsACat 4 months ago
I'm an adult and I've left a place because I got anxious about ordering. I've driven half an hour to a mall because I needed clothes, walked up to the store....past the store, back to my car, and then just drove back home. Unless the anxiety is genuinely debiliating, you have to be able to navigate through life on your own. You have to interact with people at some point tho apps have lessened the need for that. But not wanting to do something as innocuous as ordering food because you're just nervous is not an excuse.
Insomniac 4 months ago
There are many medications to treat anxiety these days, including ones that are safe for teens. If the girl won't work on therapy, she should be medicated, because like it or not, she has to fight the anxiety. If you treat it properly in teens, they have a much better chance at a normal life, because the brain doesn't mature until age 25. And I've broken down in my car in the grocery parking lot and just couldn't go in to buy apples. I went home, calmed down, and went again the next day. It sucked. But I have to keep fighting, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.
Load More Replies... Kamis Dewey 4 months ago
NAH. It’s something she’s going to have to learn, and her reaction is a natural one for people with anxiety. Like OP said, it was just a few hours of not eating, not a full day, and the therapist has suggested she try going out of her comfort zone. The only thing I MIGHT have done differently is stand behind her in line and prod/encourage her without ordering. I remember when I was a teen I felt more confident when someone was literally holding my hand or standing by me, then I felt more comfortable to speak and do things for myself.
Brenda 4 months ago
As the parent of a child with anxiety, severe ADHD, bi-polar disorder and a few other things, I totally understand what this dad is going through. Its EXTREMELY important that kids learn these skills. It's hard to watch your kid struggle and suffer, but it's necessary for their future to be able to do things on their own
Insomniac 4 months ago
If it's so severe she CANNOT order food, she needs medication. Therapy is an excellent tool, but if it does not get you to the point where you can function, then medication is the next step. I have PTSD and there are many things that stress me out. I only refuse to do them if it's dangerous. Like, some days I'm severely anxious, so it wouldn't be safe for me to drive so I ask for a ride or order in what I need. I don't like the side effects of the meds I'm on, but without them I'd be in far worse shape, and it's not fair on my loved ones to have to take care of me like I'm an angry toddler. I have to do all I can to not be a burden on others. Treating anxiety in teens is far more successful than letting it continue on as they get older. If the dad does not put his foot down, he will be raising a teenager the rest of his life.
Guy-Incognito 4 months ago
My mum had to force my sister and I to do this as kids for the sane reason. She coached us and kept close by. Thank god she did this and didn't let us grow up terrified of ordering food.
Insomniac 4 months ago
Your mum didn't want to be raising 40-year-old children.
Load More Replies... Winter Eleven 4 months ago
It depends on the individual and if her therapist says she's okay to do that... I guess. I personally have such a severe social anxiety that i never eat out and shop only at those self check out things. Just the thought of making a call gives me an anxiety attack so i only text and email and if someone says they prefer calls i guess I'll find someone else because if one us deaf then they're unable to make calls too meaning there are things that can be done via text only. I am happy her family believes she has social anxiety though 🙂
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
Serious question: How do you handle your body's medical maintenance, like doctor appointments and dentist checkups?
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
Surely it's better to go with her but perhaps stand a few feet behind? If she can't do it, it's a big step - as they say, baby steps. Step 1 - order while she's there. Step 2, order yours, get her to order hers, while standing next to her. Gradually back away until she can do it on her own. BTW There's no rule that says people have to overcome their anxieties. I can't handle heights; I have no intention of exposing myself to them until I do.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 months ago
That's not a great comparison. You can live your entire life avoiding heights with no huhu - humans don't need heights/tall buildings to survive. However, humans ARE social animals, and we need to be able to communicate socially in order to survive. I have social anxiety myself (am fine in person but literally get the shakes and cold sweats when I have to make a phonecall) but I can't just "not expose" myself to not making phonecalls ever. Similarly, OP's daughter can't just "not expose" herself to talking to other people in social situations.
Load More Replies... Col Prettyman 4 months ago
I was painfully shy as a kid, nowadays they call it social anxiety. I still am. However I can talk to anyone because I force myself to. Being in drama club helped immensely, especially Joel lol. He made it his goal to get me out of my shell. He cracked it and I was in my 30's when it fully fell off. The key is to keep pushing forward, know nobody is looking at you, laughing at you, maybe a few are talking about you but that just because you're pretty awesome you know? I mean they could be talking about Elon Musk but no they're talking about YOU! Get my point? Anyway, it will get better if you work on it. It doesn't go away but you can control it. 🙃
Susan Schlee 4 months ago (edited)
Ok, I've got anxiety, but this c**p about not speaking to people over everyday normal life things like ordering food or making an appointment is BS! Parents of this generation, you aren't just crippling your kids, you've got them back in their strollers!
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 4 months ago
OP should remind his daughter that those cashiers are paid to be nice. They deal with older folks who won't/can't read the menu. Maybe use the third eye method. Practice, practice, practice. Good luck to you both.
patricia Torres 4 months ago
COVID did a number on mine. At the end of the day , it's not easy for parents trying to support teens who in turn are beginning to identify as themselves. Tough love no hurtful words is necessary. With mine I knew they had dreams and goals but required an extra firm push. So, I told them that the reason my words aren't reaching is because they have reached the point where they need to fight their own fight and seek their own sources in order to achieve their own goals. I told mine I'm here for you but I can't suffer your path to reach what you need in life. We are all different and we all need our own concoction of variables life throws our way. She'll be fine, just remind her you are there. That's all they want once they find their own self.
trousled bones 4 months ago
Absolutely the a*****e. Let me explain. I have bad social anxiety. Some days I can do things, and some days I can't. And nothing will change those days where I can't. I need help on those days, not a b******t "pull yourself up by your bootstraps and just do it, it's that easy" approach.
Laura Maurer 4 months ago
I think what the father did was spot on. Anxiety is treatable if you do the work to overcome it. At 15, she needs to be able to take care of herself. One of the best ways to treat anxiety is to do what makes you anxious repetitively. It’s very effective and clearly she didn’t want to even attempt it. That’s on her and not her parent. If she can’t start doing these things on her own, the world will chew her up and spit her out. I understand things like this are hard, but unless you can do things that are hard, you’re not going to make it.
Beachbum 4 months ago
TAKE THE PHONE AWAY UNTIL SHE LEARNS TO TALK TO PEOPLE!!! She will never develop if she isn’t forced to.
Ginger Winters 3 months ago
She's already in therapy for this, taking her phone away isn't going to help anything, in fact it might even hurt
Load More Replies... Steven Fluevog 4 months ago
No one can stay in their comfort zone forever, on another note don't let her find out about food delivery apps, the last thing you want is for her to pay through the nose for food just to avoid socializing.
Bigcaol 4 months ago
100% NTA. I can only imagine that the education level of the folks condeming the father as either doctors or barely past junior high. What is clear is they don't see the epidemic level of "adults" in America who cannot function enough to take care of themselves because they had parents like themselves who deemed it more important to be their child's friend rather than their parent. There's not more anxiety/add/ etc today it's that nobody knows how to cope with these things and society is too concerned with short term "feelings" than they are with long term treatment and success. Life is hard people and no amount of emotion will change that. Stop enabling the stupid, lazy and criminal because you "feel bad for them." You're putting band aids and kisses over horrific wounds and leaving them to fester and get infected because the alcohol and proper cleaning of the wounds "hurts too much." You guys are literally killing people with kindness.
Thomas Hunt, Jr. 4 months ago
If the family wants to see what social anxieties do to a person, could try finding me, lol. I've been a complete recluse the last 25 years. It ain't pretty and I don't wish what I go through on any one.
Barbara Bari 4 months ago
You are an absolute a*****e. I too, have social anxiety, and you have nooooo idea how difficult ordering can be for us. Just because something is easy for YOU doesn't make it easy for us. Also, I am totally tired of therapists and others who have never experienced social anxiety claim to be experts on how we feel. Forcing us to do something that we are clearly not ready for only produces more anxiety. And saying that it will get easier the more times you do it--also false. All you have done is reassure your daughter that1. You do not take her social anxiety seriously, and 2. That what matters to you is how YOU feel, not how SHE feels at that moment. She now knows who NOT to go to in a crisis. Again, I will reiterate, you are an a*****e supreme!
Lara Verne 4 months ago
She has anxiety and needs to start doing this on her own, but she won't overcome her anxiety in one day. Fast food restaurant was not the best place to start, they tend to be crowded and it's possible that cashier start aking questions about order. I had the same problem as a teenager and everyone pushing me to speak in most crowded places possible. Of course it didn't work. I eventually started on my own, with small things like buying magazine in news stand. All I needed was to greet, ask for magazine, pay for it and say thanks. A few words. I'm not saying that OP is a*****e, but maybe he should choose better place to start.
Insomniac 4 months ago
He started where the therapist told him to start. He went through the script with her. Teens often resist therapy because they hate discomfort, and they keep pushing until the family just gives in and does it for them. He did it right.
Load More Replies... Sunny Day 4 months ago
Well, damn. Now I'll have to be more understanding of the obnoxious mom coaxing her toddler into ordering for himself. Why, Reddit, WHY???
FluffyDreg 4 months ago
You werent already understanding a parent encouraging their child to develope needed communication skills?
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