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Dad Takes Hungry 15YO To Fast Food Place, Tells Her To Order Her Food, She Can’t Do It
![“Am I The [Jerk] For Letting My Daughter Be Hungry And Not Ordering For Her At A Fast Food Place?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/letting-daughter-hungry-refusing-ordering-fast-food-fb40-png__700.jpg)
If you’ve ever tried solving a complex puzzle with a few missing pieces, you might know what navigating the world of parenting often feels like, especially if we’re talking about teens. You’re constantly stuck between being a caring parent and teaching them important life lessons and skills.
Well, that’s exactly the pickle one Redditor found himself in, sparking a debate on whether tough love or a gentle nudge is the best way to help kids overcome challenges. With over 3,000 comments, you can bet this story hit home for a lot of people.
More info: Reddit
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15-year-old teen with social anxiety can’t order food for herself, asks dad to do it for her, but he refuses
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The dad is trying to help his daughter overcome her anxiety by allowing her to do things for herself, at the recommendation of her counselor
Image credits: Alia (not the actual photo)
The wife doesn’t agree with the dad’s approach, saying he should have ordered food for the daughter and not leave her hungry, even if it was just for 4 hours
Image credits: iMin Technology (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prudent_Dream_8397
“I didn’t starve her for days, it was a 4 hour outing”: the dad asks the internet if he was a jerk for allowing his daughter to go hungry as she didn’t order food for herself
So, here’s the deal: the OP (original poster) has a 15-year-old daughter with social anxiety, making basic, everyday interactions feeling like climbing the Everest. She wasn’t on any meds, as her counseling sessions seemed to be working.
At home, there was a rule: if you want fast food, you pay for it yourself. This was not about saving a few bucks but about teaching her how to be independent. After all, she would leave for college in a few years, and mom and dad wouldn’t be able to save her anymore.
One day, the OP and his daughter were out running errands. OP, ever the practical parent, suggested to his daughter she eat something before they left. But nope, she wasn’t hungry. Fast forward a few hours, and hunger strikes – she wanted to stop at Wendy’s. They pulled up, and the OP told his daughter to go order while he grabbed them a couple of seats.
But social anxiety was a tough beast to beat that day, so she returned without ordering, asking dad to order for her, but he was not having it. He told her that if she wanted to eat, she had to do it herself. And, after a tense 10-minute standoff, they left without any food, leading to one very hangry teen and an upset wife back home.
The OP turned to Reddit to ask if he was the jerk in this situation. He explained that this was in no way a punishment, as his daughter’s counselor recommended these low-risk tasks to help her manage anxiety. He even provided a script, which the OP practiced with his daughter before sending her to order food, but she refused to use it.
The responses? All over the place. Some Redditors applauded the OP for his tough love, saying that without experiences like this, the daughter might struggle more later on. One user commented, “I’ve seen what happens when a kid with anxiety is coddled by a parent’s help. It looks like a 35-year-old who can’t even do their own groceries.”
Others thought the OP was too harsh, potentially setting his daughter back instead of helping her. They argued a more supportive approach, like standing next to her while she ordered, could’ve eased her anxiety. One critic said, “A successful purchase means next time will be easier. An unsuccessful outing will set her back and make next time harder. So, congratulations! You made next time harder!”
Image credits: Roman Lopez (not the actual photo)
For kids struggling with social anxiety disorder, (also known as social phobia), even the simplest tasks, such as ordering food, can feel daunting. Social anxiety is way more than just shyness – it’s a crippling fear of social interactions, often leading to avoidance behaviors.
Experts explain that, “Children and teens with social anxiety disorder have an excessive and persistent fear of social and/or performance situations such as school, parties, athletic activities, and more. These children constantly feel ‘on stage’, which can lead to a great deal of self-consciousness, distress, and avoidance.”
This anxiety can mess with school performance, friendships, you name it. Early intervention through counseling and gradual exposure to anxiety-inducing situations can help build confidence and coping skills. Parents play a crucial role by creating a supportive environment where kids can face their fears, just as the OP tried to do for his 15-year-old daughter.
He was just following the counselor’s advice, refusing to order for his daughter to teach her basic life skills, one baby step at a time. Whether you’re on team tough love or team gentle nudge, the goal is the same: helping kids grow into confident, self-reliant adults.
Teaching kids basic life skills, like ordering food, managing money, and handling social interactions, is essential for preparing them for the responsibilities of adulthood. Parents can help kids learn these abilities by creating opportunities for them to practice in low-risk settings, just as the OP did for his daughter.
An article on the important life skills we should be teaching kids explains that, “Life skills are valuable lessons kids will use throughout their lifetime. Important life skills kids need to know include decision-making skills, problem-solving skills, personal hygiene, meal prep, and communication skills.”
Often times, kids only start learning these skills when they’re in high school. It’s important not to delay teaching kids how to deal with real-life situations until they’re teenagers. While it can be tempting to step in and help, allowing kids to navigate challenges on their own can build confidence and problem-solving skills.
So, what did you think of this story? Was the OP a jerk for refusing to order for his daughter? Share your wisdom in the comments!
The majority of the netizens side with the dad saying he did the right thing by making the teen buy her own food, as recommended by her counselor
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What do you think ?
lenka 5 months ago
Oh boy. I went through this with my (much younger) sister. My sister came to live with me when she was a teen. It was a challenge. She refused to speak to anyone on the telephone. She couldn't order a pizza, couldn't make herself an appointment. When she was finally finished school and wanted a job she wouldn't answer the phone for interviews and was terrified of calling them back. I had to take her to the doctor and she would not speak to him, at all. It is so so so hard to walk that line between enabling someone to remain terrified of the world and supporting them to confront it and grow. My sister hated me most of the time but today she works in executive role and is confident and extremely capable. The father chose a low risk, high value challenge and stuck with it. This is exactly what parenting looks like. Absolutely NTA.
Ms.GB 5 months ago
Yeah definitely NTA, the only way she's ever going to get better is to start doing the things she's afraid of a little at a time. The only thing I might have done differently was offer to stand by her the first time she's trying to order for herself but idk if that would help or not.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 5 months ago
One tip, if (for what ever reason) you can't speak to a waiter/server/shop assistant, whip out your phone, and type out your request. Some people find this a great deal easier. I've known this work for people who are deaf, mute, anxious, autistic, and like me last week, people who have lost their voice due to a summer cold. For some, it can be a stepping stone to speaking.
Lisa T 5 months ago
This is my daughter all over. She would rather not have something than have to ask a server/cashier. This started in her teens. She is 19 now and still has severe anxiety but is slowly getting better. She still struggles but will at least go to a cashier now (and even make small talk). So a big NTA to the dad. It seems cruel to some people to make your child do something they are terrified of. But believe me, it will get a lot worse if you don’t help them through it.
Insomniac 5 months ago
So much this. My parents coddled my sister's anxieties (they didn't care so much about mine, but that's another story). And she, at 37, is making their lives absolute hell because she was never forced into working on her challenges. I took it on myself to tackle my PTSD once I was diagnosed, and I'm making progress. But she won't do it. I've told her that she's ruining her own life and hurting other people, but my parents have always coddled her, so she doesn't see it. But I have a future to look forward to because I'm fighting for it. She is miserable and sees no hope. It makes me very sad. And I'm furious at my parents for not doing anything about it when she was a teen.
Load More Replies...
lenka 5 months ago
Oh boy. I went through this with my (much younger) sister. My sister came to live with me when she was a teen. It was a challenge. She refused to speak to anyone on the telephone. She couldn't order a pizza, couldn't make herself an appointment. When she was finally finished school and wanted a job she wouldn't answer the phone for interviews and was terrified of calling them back. I had to take her to the doctor and she would not speak to him, at all. It is so so so hard to walk that line between enabling someone to remain terrified of the world and supporting them to confront it and grow. My sister hated me most of the time but today she works in executive role and is confident and extremely capable. The father chose a low risk, high value challenge and stuck with it. This is exactly what parenting looks like. Absolutely NTA.
Ms.GB 5 months ago
Yeah definitely NTA, the only way she's ever going to get better is to start doing the things she's afraid of a little at a time. The only thing I might have done differently was offer to stand by her the first time she's trying to order for herself but idk if that would help or not.
Load More Replies... arthbach 5 months ago
One tip, if (for what ever reason) you can't speak to a waiter/server/shop assistant, whip out your phone, and type out your request. Some people find this a great deal easier. I've known this work for people who are deaf, mute, anxious, autistic, and like me last week, people who have lost their voice due to a summer cold. For some, it can be a stepping stone to speaking.
Lisa T 5 months ago
This is my daughter all over. She would rather not have something than have to ask a server/cashier. This started in her teens. She is 19 now and still has severe anxiety but is slowly getting better. She still struggles but will at least go to a cashier now (and even make small talk). So a big NTA to the dad. It seems cruel to some people to make your child do something they are terrified of. But believe me, it will get a lot worse if you don’t help them through it.
Insomniac 5 months ago
So much this. My parents coddled my sister's anxieties (they didn't care so much about mine, but that's another story). And she, at 37, is making their lives absolute hell because she was never forced into working on her challenges. I took it on myself to tackle my PTSD once I was diagnosed, and I'm making progress. But she won't do it. I've told her that she's ruining her own life and hurting other people, but my parents have always coddled her, so she doesn't see it. But I have a future to look forward to because I'm fighting for it. She is miserable and sees no hope. It makes me very sad. And I'm furious at my parents for not doing anything about it when she was a teen.
Load More Replies...
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