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The hardest thing about a failed relationship is the lessons after a breakup. They come at us when we are at our lowest moments when it seems like the world around us is against us. The rose-colored glasses come off, and reality hits us — we think about the mistakes we made and their consequences. After all, the best lessons are the ones that come from mistakes — yours or others’. But, if you are looking for a way of getting over a breakup, you have to accept the fact that you will change.
The best breakup and love lessons are the ones that help us change — for the better or worse. Change is good, especially after ending a loving relationship with a person you truly cared for. If the breakup was your mistake, you change for the better by looking at what you did and trying to become a better person. If the breakup came from your partner, then you might change for the worse — become more pessimistic and tend to write everything off as fake red flags. However, the life lessons that we learn in the process are always trying to help us. Sometimes, these lessons cost us our time, and other times — a piece of ourselves.
The best lessons of love are the ones that are clear in the message they are trying to convey. Break up, make up, and move on — if this lesson is not enough, other internet users have something to teach you. For example, Life_Rub6905 asked an interesting question on the popular AskReddit group — “What's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a failed relationship?” As with many hard lessons, some are more worthy of learning than others, so be sure to upvote the ones you liked. If you have a lesson of your own, share it in the comments below. Otherwise, if you have a friend going through a horrible breakup, share this list with them.
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#1
"It's OK to argue. It's not OK to hurt each other when you argue.
It's OK to expect things from each other. It's not OK to keep score against your partner.
It's OK to have different views about living together. It's not OK to undermine the views of your partner."
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#2
"Better to be alone than be with a person who makes you feel alone."
#4
"Never stay for the kids. Sometimes a house divided is happier."
MotherRobinson 1 year ago
I grew up like this too. My folks divorced when I was 21. I was happy for them. My mother has a very low opinion of marriage as a result of her divorce and is still hurt and resentful towards my father. My father remarried and moved on and is happy. I still have a good relationship with both of them.
#5
"You can genuinely love someone, or be genuinely loved by someone, and still be incompatible as relationship partners. Someone can genuinely love you and still hurt you terribly, unintentionally, purely just because of who and how they are; and you don't have to accept it and stay just because of the love."
#6
"If a person doesn’t let you be yourself, then they don’t want you, they just want something from you."
#8
"Make sure you have you’re financing in order to be able to walk away at any point, never find yourself financially trapped with someone you don’t want to be with."
#9
"The effort the other party puts in is the amount they care. One person cannot solo-carry a relationship."
#10
"If you break up, cut all contact with them. Don’t drag this out."
cartoon.ghostss 1 year ago
My last boyfriend came out as aroace when we broke up and he's still one of my best friends. This isn't applicable to any relationship
#11
Mothmaninfishnets said:
"Don’t lose yourself in your S/O it can be hard to find your own identity again after the relationship ends."
RiverLover27 replied:
"Agreed. After I left my first husband (musician/music snob), I remember listening to a new album I bought and wondering if I liked it. I genuinely didn’t know if I could ‘allow’ myself to, because he hadn’t told me if it was good or not. It makes me shake my head now, but it took so long to be able to make decisions for myself again."
#12
"Just because someone understands you doesn't mean they respect you."
#13
"You can't make people love you."
#15
"Do not ignore any red flags in the beginning; they don’t go away or disappear with time."
MichelleDonut 1 year ago
If your partner's temper frightens you, and they won't agree to get into anger management therapy immediately, run! It never gets better.
#16
"Get out the first time your gut told you to."
RabidChild 1 year ago
And don't go back. When they show you who they really are, believe them.
#17
"Sometimes I am the problem."
#19
"Some people's destiny is to be alone (and I can say that after 20 yrs since my divorce at 40, it's wonderful)."
#20
"What you put with you end up with."
#21
"What you say to your significant other matters. Words cut very deeply and sometimes those wounds don't heal."
#22
"People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for themselves, and sometimes for other people. Sometimes, they don't even notice that they've changed. Sometimes they do.
The person you've got together with may have been a lovely person. But a single event can change them into an entirely different person. Be it a diagnosis, death in the family, losing a job, or something else."
#23
"Wait at least a year more than you originally think you should prior to getting married. Discuss deal breakers with your partner and make sure both of you understand what will endanger the relationship."
#24
"All the love and support in the world can't fix a broken person that isn't trying to fix themselves."
#25
"Find someone who wants to be with you and does not NEED to be with you. Both parties being independent and strong are crucial."
#26
"Be thankful for the love they could give and be thankful for the love they couldn't, for there are lessons in both."
#27
"You never REALLY know what's going on in someone else's head."
#28
"To choose my partner and see if we are compatible instead of changing myself to fit them or picking the first one that's interested in me."
#29
"Sometimes you can be two good people who just want different things for your futures. Your relationship didn't fail. It just ran the course it needed to.
My first love was someone I truly expected to marry, but he wanted children and wanted his dream job in the Midwest. I didn't want children, and I wanted a life full of international travel and living by the ocean. There were a lot of tears and grief in realizing we had to let each other go. We're now both in our forties and each living the lives we wanted in very different places. I look back on our time together with nothing but fondness. We can still learn from people and not end up with them."
RabidChild 1 year ago
We need to face the fact that humans do not mate for life. If that were true lifelong marriages would be easier to achieve more common. Even in nature pairing for life is not the norm.
#30
"You should never have to beg, but you should be willing to ask. For anything and everything you want in a relationship. Date nights, flowers, chores getting done, etc. I get that asking a million times sucks, but some people will never be the ones to think to do the task on their own. But if you have to beg, plead, yell, fight, for those basics, then what you actually need to do is leave."
#31
"Opposites might attract but similarities are what keeps people together."
#32
"If you break up once, don't go back for another try. They're still the same person, and so are you. There are always exceptions to the rule, but not many."
#33
"No relationship is strong enough to make you feel loved and appreciated if you hate yourself."
#34
"To love myself more and never put someone else on a pedestal."
#35
"In general I have learned how to identify and deal with a narcissist."
#36
"Love isn’t enough."
River wolf 1 year ago
Wish it was, but if so, I would already have a girlfriend… then again, there’s still a chance.
#39
"Love is not like a rollercoaster, up (you are treated like a god) and down (you are treated like a demon). It's more like a slow river, calm and peaceful. This peace is what I have in my current relationship."
#41
"Communication without action is just complaining. I'd lay out what problems we were having only to be told I'd need to be patient but nothing was ever acted on. I ran out of patience."
#43
"Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together some relationships aren’t worth saving and you’ll be better off without them."
#44
"Don't endure abuse thinking they'll suddenly realize they're being abusive and love you more for staying."
#45
"That you should not be in a relationship to 'save' someone from themselves or help them 'escape' a difficult time in their lives."
#46
"That love isn't as forever as it feels at the time.
It can really hurt. It's so hard to walk away, especially after years of closeness. It feels like the end of the world.
But with time, that pain becomes only a dull ache that may at times spring up like a longing for that one amazing summer in your teens or that extra special vacation you took in 2004.
I am not going to be cliché and talk about time healing all wounds, but I do think love — and the pain of love's loss — is temporary in the grand scheme of life. Humans have proven through history to be resilient, and you are human."
#48
"That my life and my needs should come first. If I can’t prioritize my own happiness, I’ll never connect enough to prioritize anyone else’s."
#49
"Don't wait for the 'right time' to break up. There is never a right time or a good time to do it and holding on for that perfect moment just traps you in a miserable relationship longer than you need to be."
#51
"Even if someone is acting like you’re in a relationship, if they say they don’t want one, they’ll never commit."
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
I was "with" someone for 2 years. Everytime I'd ask where I stood with him he'd respond with "why do we need to put a label on it? Lets take it one day at a time" then was accused of cheating when I slept with someone else.
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