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Someone Asks About The “Lesser-Known Problems Of Being An Unattractive Woman,” They Give 30 Heartbreaking Answers
In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that's every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
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#1
People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don't deserve respect nor decency.
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
This extends to disabled women and women with chronic illnesses. “You have diabetes because you are overweight” and “it’s a lifestyle choice”. I was BORN with it as are many so how is that a lifestyle choice? Cruel
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#2
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
#3
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it's a joke
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I find it hard to believe and accept compliments about my looks. I also don't think my friends and family who say things like that are liars coz that's insulting to them. So I just say thank you with an awkward laugh. It's all so confusing.
We reached out to the author of this Reddit thread who said he believes that we all live in a world that’s too obsessed with looks. According to BaymaxTheBot, “everyone has social media and if you do not have it, it seems that something must be wrong with you. We take 1000 pictures of ourselves to share the one we think we look the best in.”
According to the author who posted the question on r/AskWomen, sharing your selfies on social media is one of the easiest ways to receive external validation. Moreover, “everyone chases confidence and a boost to their self-esteem. That's what gets you hooked to social media; the constant need to seek this feeling of self-reassurance,” he said.
#4
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor's visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that's fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don't really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it's somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
Alexandra Nara 3 years ago (edited)
Nope ...it's even dangerous if a doctor is always focussed on weight. My doc was so obsessiv blaming my weight for every issue she didn't notice some cancerous cysts-she was just not looking for other reasons. And each feeling " something is wrong with my body" makes me a hypochondric - cause " fat persons don't have a feeling for their own body" Lost my trust to many docs because of this and sadly- I know I'm not the only one And by the way - my BMI is " only" 30, I do yoga and trail-trecking and have hashimoto syndrom-Most docs know that and ignore it still.
#5
Oh, I'm excited for this one. I'm pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly - I'm attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.
But I wasn't always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I'm now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing - this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I've never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting f**king thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear - that I was worth less to society when I weighed more - was absolutely f**king true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What's interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It's disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
Jihana 3 years ago
Yeah, I feel this one. I have always been fat. But about 20 years ago I lost a lot of weight due to mental health problems. I only ate about an apple a day and nothing else. I was slim but not unhealthy looking, because of course I still had that thyroid problem. It was CRAZY how people treated me once I was slim, even my own family was nicer. Of course once my depression was over and I started to eat normally again I gained all that weight back, and of course I got invisible again. I always resented the attention I got when I was slim, because I always knew that people were never interested in ME, only in my looks. I am strangely relieved that men leave me alone now, being ugly is a great way to filter out the shallow types.
#6
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
When asked what he thought of the overwhelming responses his questions received, the Redditor said he did not expect this amount of attention nor this amount of people relating in some way.
When it comes to judging others by their appearance, BaymaxTheBot said that it really depends on the person, but usually, “we put an emphasis on appearance because it's the first thing we notice about the other and according to this perception we are more or less willing to associate with someone.”
#7
People thinking that you don't have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is 'brave.' F**k off.
#8
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
Chithra Warrier 3 years ago
Exactly. I can't express how much I relate to this it's so true. My parents keep telling me that I look good but afterwards once you go outside you still feel ugly. Worst feeling in the world.
#9
Being invisible next to your friends. They're all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
#10
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Keep it to yourself. You don’t have the right nor do you know what’s going on mentally or medically
#11
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
littlesaresare 3 years ago
Yep. You just have to tolerate the abuse, because you sure as hell will never deserve better.
#12
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
Tami 3 years ago (edited)
I worked in an engineering group, and it didn't seem like this at all. The female engineers mostly had average features that they didn't much enhance with makeup, and many didn't wear any makeup; some were overweight, some were not, and they tended to dress in line with the guys in their group—business casual for the older set, jeans and T-shirts among the young people.
#13
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
Zwiebel Suppe 3 years ago
And even if you are ok with "being easy" because you, too, want to have casual sex, they'd still look down on you somehow and be disgusted in a way. That is so twisted.
#14
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
#15
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
#16
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you're the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.
Not so much when you're ugly. It's kind of just awkward.
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
Ohhh.. .no, when you're not considered "pretty" - when you're upset, crying or otherwise needing support people get ANGRY with you... they get *irritated* that you're wasting their time and "making a scene" and "overreacting"... you also get LOTS of reminders about how you should be super grateful for the little scraps of pity thrown at you ... you know... things like ... lucky that you weren't abandoned as a baby.
#17
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he's embarrassed or could do better.
Helenium 3 years ago
Before i married my skinny super handsome husband i said he can call it off as he can do better with someone prettier as im over weight, i ha an eating disorder and lost aton of weight but then i put it back on double, still married me and i said if you find someone else in the mean time i wont blame you at all
#18
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
#19
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you'd be surprised how many people have said to me "Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!" The implication of course being he didn't find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway - girl, what?
Anzelle Van Der Vyver 3 years ago
This is funny, why would he marry you if he didn't like / love you!!! People are so shallow really! I hope you have many more happy years of marriage!
#20
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Ever have a photo studio photographer argue with their colleague who will take your photo? I don't like photographers for this reason. They always seem annoyed and angry with me while being so nice to everyone else in the group.
#21
I was ugly as a pre-teen and teenager, and whenever I said that some other woman was mean to me, I just got told “oh you are just jealous of them!”. Like, wtf, no?!
It also felt like people were able to bully me as much as they wanted to and that my claims were untrue. Just because I was ugly doesn’t mean I was lying. Somehow ppl just trust attractive people more for some crazy reason.
These days I’m cute, but I don’t put much effort in. Sometimes people get annoyed at me for not “using my potential”. No, I don’t wanna spend 1h each morning applying makeup. Who do I wanna impress? I’m cute enough to not be treated like s**t, and I have no desire to be hit on or looked at by every random dude. Let me just live my life ok?
Ross Warren 3 years ago
I blame the media. Did you ever notice that the heroic character is almost always attractive while the villain is usually ugly?
#22
I think growing up the “ugly duckling” can have bad effects on your mind and cause you to put up with bad behaviour from men. I legit thought I was ugly and unlovable and that I was lucky to have any guy interested, so I had a beggars mindset and put up with his terrible behaviour.
It’s now that I realise that I had actually had a glow up and hadn’t realised. I look at old photos and see a beautiful young woman. I was just so stuck in my past that I couldn’t embrace myself or be confident.
Your perception of yourself really does determine how you let others treat you
#23
That specific feeling when everyone gathers to take a group picture and hands the phone to me to take it. Ouch
#24
People leaving you for your best friend when they realise she's prettier.
No she hasn't ever gotten with them, but they've left with the intention of getting with her
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
She’s a good friend if she’s blown that fantasy time after time in defence of you
#25
Being called sir in shops. Not being able to contribute to the conversation when other women share stories of men hitting on them because it never happens
Julie C Rose 3 years ago
I’ve hardly ever had to deal with being creeped on and I’m glad about that. That stuff can be scary.
#26
well as a chubby and “ugly” person, most often people think you are dumb and uninteresting and you have no right to date/like attractive people because they are out of your league. when I was a teen people would say straight to my face that I was ugly…they don’t say it anymore, but I can feel it…ahahah
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
I have an indent in my left temple from major brain surgery 8 years ago. I am sick and tired of people trying to get me to fix it. It’s fine and any cosmetic surgery won’t work because of the plates underneath. All it does by bringing attention to it is make people feel less than
#27
Guys lying saying you're obsessed with them just to get other girls to laugh and be like "eww really??"
#28
I hate when people comment or say, 'I wanna have your self-esteem/confidence!' as if it was a compliment. It isn't — they're just using other words to call the person ugly.
#29
A guy telling me "He usually wasn't attracted to women like me" in other words fat girls.
Seriously
#30
Being 21 and knowing there is a big chance you have to live your life alone and never getting married.
Lots of people gonna say nooo you find the right one eventually but then I always think of my teacher who looked like me and she was 50, never been married and living alone with two cats.
What do you think ?
Paula Marowsky 3 years ago (edited)
Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago (edited)
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
Load More Replies...
Kitty Jordan 3 years ago (edited)
It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
Evil Little Thing 3 years ago
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Iggy 3 years ago
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
Load More Replies... Paula Marowsky 3 years ago (edited)
Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago (edited)
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
Load More Replies... Kitty Jordan 3 years ago (edited)
It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
Evil Little Thing 3 years ago
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Iggy 3 years ago
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
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