Join the Fun!

You want a kind man, not a nice man/guy. Nice is transactional. Kindness is given freely.

awpti Report

Final score:

436points

POST

Lauren Caswell 1 year ago

Nice is different than good." -Little Red Riding Hood

147points

We have long heard how necessary it is to steer clear of people who exhibit harmful behaviors and questionable patterns in relationships, but exactly what common signs should we be looking out for? To gain more insight from an expert, we reached out to Anna Eden, a dating and intimacy coach aiming to help career-focused people who’ve "made it" in life to make it in love so they can feel 100% fulfilled.

According to Eden, the most critical and glaring red flag women should be cautious about is physical, emotional, or mental abuse. "Any man that brings you down rather than lifts you up is a red flag," she told Bored Panda.

"Pay close attention because mental abuse starts with seemingly small things like not approving of your clothes, questioning your friends, or different levels of gaslighting, which means making you question yourself and your truth so you think you’re the crazy or unreasonable one. Any signs of abuse in any form mean 'thank you, next.'"

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About I’m coming in late but this is something I’ve tried to teach all my daughters. Men will show you how they feel with their actions. If they say they care, but don’t put in the effort, listen to the actions. Not the words. Good advice for dating but also good advice for life really

stuffyassface , Shea Rouda Report

Final score:

410points

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Rahul Pawa 1 year ago (edited)

I've heard this as "look at where their shoes are pointing". Or more simply, "watch their feet". What someone does is a lot more important than what they say.

82points

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About So about his last 3 relationships and why they ended. If it is always the girl was crazy - it’s him, hes crazy

Jack3715 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

Final score:

396points

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Norman van Druten 1 year ago

Yep, it cannot always be someone else's fault.

94points

Another warning sign to look out for is "love bombing" — when men shower you with promises, flattery, and gifts at the early stage of dating. "This all feeds our Disney princess dream and we feel very special — it’s hypnotizing. But keep in mind this behavior usually comes from a manipulative place and is a learned rather than genuine behavior to win you over. If a man promises you the moon, be cautious," Eden said.

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About When they don't respect the word no, even in the most benign of circumstances.

ScaricoOleoso , Charlie Foster Report

Final score:

392points

POST

Brazen 1 year ago

I really feel this one. :(

85points

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If you hear a little voice inside you that says "I can change this man", he is not the man for you.

Jay-Ames , Nicholas Barbaros Report

Final score:

370points

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Soph the Loaf 1 year ago

The plots of countless romantic dramas I've seen take offense at this 😆

127points

Moreover, if you notice any signals of controlling behavior such as "'don’t have too much fun *wink wink*' when you are about to go out with your girlfriends, or the very manipulative one 'text me when you get home' when you haven’t been with him," it might indicate you should stay far, far away.

Lastly, playing "lowkey" is also a questionable behavior that should give you serious pause because it can sometimes indicate a larger problem. "They seem to be operating under the radar and don’t take you out in public or introduce you to their friends. You don’t want to be a secret, and the question is why you are," the coach explained.

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About A friend of mine dated a guy who apparently everyone wanted to fight.

At the gym. "This guy over here want to throw down."

At a mall. "Those guys look like they want to get hit."

At the grocery store. "This dude is looking at me like he wants to go outside."

No Steve. No one feels like fighting you. You are just on steroids.

m0c0 , Dan Burton Report

Final score:

367points

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Lisa H 1 year ago

And also VERY insecure.

204points

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Don’t trust a man who can joke about others but can’t take it.

Edit: I know that this can apply to women. The thing is, I shouldn’t need a disclaimer just to gain permission to critique men and some of you shouldn’t need to drag women down just to acknowledge a personality flaw.

Robin-KC , Brooke Cagle Report

Final score:

356points

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SAF saf 1 year ago (edited)

Those that complain about how "sensitive" people are, almost always have the thinnest skin in the room.

173points

If he tries to make you feel crazy/invalidate your feelings for being uncomfortable about something or for having boundaries, run.

OreoKing10 Report

Final score:

353points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

GASLIGHTING

138points

Revolutionary_War503 Report

However, picking up the red flags in your relationship, even the most painfully obvious ones, can be tricky if other things are going well. On top of that, it can be hard to pinpoint what is making us feel uncomfortable as "love is blind," and it makes us less rational, Eden said.

"We become this bubbly cocktail of happy love hormones feeling the butterflies, and tend to ignore the red flags because of the infatuation. That’s why we get to check in with ourselves and use our friends as a reality check — they are usually right and can point out our blind spots when we are not able to."

#10

As a father, things I've tried to teach my daughter to be aware of are subtle manipulations. In a healthy relationship there is no "let" as in, letting you do stuff or asking for permission. Watch for subtle controlling, passive aggressive comments or remarks. If he attempts to drive a wedge between you and your friends or family, move on. Watch and listen to how he treats other people. If you don't have self respect, he won't treat you with respect. If he doesn't call for days then acts like it's no big deal, move on. If he's clingy, definitely move on. Having a victim mentality attracts predatory, abusive behavior. If anyone treats you less than how you feel you deserve, it is imperative you deal with it early and quickly. If there's no meaningful communication or compromise, don't waste your time. Life is too short to deal with a possessive, jealous, controlling, manipulative, emotionally stunted or wrecked man. You can't fix people. Protect yourself and move on with your life without that person and don't look back. It's ok. Breakups are tough when you've invested your time and heart but you'll be better off alone than with someone like that. If he scares you, come to your dad's house. If he's smart, he won't follow you here.

Final score:

341points

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Silverstrand Beach 1 year ago

Well said!

95points

#11

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Him making fun of you in front of his friends or your friends. Cute teasing can be mildly tolerated but actually making fun of you? No thanks.

SnooChocolates4588 , Surface Report

Final score:

320points

POST

Brazen 1 year ago

This has happened to me before and it really puts you on the spot, because if you object to what's happening, it can turn into a fight easily and you just end up looking like the bad person in the end. It's really not a fair or nice thing to do to someone.

98points

#12

No one mentioned the replacement mom issue.

I unfortunately had some friends who thought that once they get into a serious relationship that it’s the woman’s sole purpose to clean after them. No man children.

kungfufiddy Report

Final score:

320points

POST

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 1 year ago

If I didn't give birth to you, then I'm not cleaning up your messes. Look at the condition of their apartment/home. That says a lot

88points

Coach Eden stressed the importance of noting repeated harmful behaviors if you want to find a partner who’s right for you. Unfortunately, very few things can make you as thrilled to bits as those early days in a new relationship, potentially clouding your judgment and overlooking your partner's less-than-ideal qualities.

"I believe many of us are wired in a way that we turn a blind eye towards the red flags," Eden noted. But having said that, she also explained we have the power to receive nurturing, caring, and drama-free love. "Dating 'bad boys,' attracting unavailable men, throwing ourselves into abusive relationships might feel familiar and therefore safe, as crazy as it seems. It’s something we are used to and so we continue doing it."

"If you recognize this, let me break it to you: it’s a pattern that you choose (subconsciously), not a curse that you’re a victim of. Working on yourself takes a lot of courage but will set you free and train you to get to a place where red flags are not even coming into your field because you vibrate higher."

#13

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If he’s mean to servers, but nice to you. He’s not a nice person.

BlewOffMyLegOff , Jessie McCall Report

Final score:

313points

POST

Hippopotamuses 1 year ago

“If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” - J. K. Rowling

111points

#14

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About This goes for both genders, but don't date someone under the assumption that they'll change something fundamental about themselves. Not fair to either of you.

Hrekires , René Ranisch Report

Final score:

290points

POST

Agent 8433599 1 year ago

Don't expect someone to change for you, and don't let anyone try to change you.

104points

#15

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If he starts throwing tantrums over petty things, there is worse on the horizon. He's not passionate, he's unstable.

Geek_Therapist , Japheth Mast Report

Final score:

287points

POST

Joy 1 year ago

Yup and always trust your gut. The first time I saw a guy I was seeing get angry, my stomach flipped and it dawned on me I was sat there in his house just me and him. And although not literally, what what I learned later - even though he kicked my heart in - meant I had dodged a bullet. If I had stayed with him, I'd have ended-up a coke-ravaged skeleton living a bleak and stained existence. I thank God I got out.

3points

Alarmingly, negative behaviors can turn into serious issues as the relationship evolves because the foundation is not solid. "We would deepen the connection and bond with each other on the wrong terms, normalizing abuse, dishonesty, and control in the container, a recipe to slowly break ourselves down," the coach warned.

As many of us tend to fall into old patterns of attracting people like the ones who hurt us in the past, it’s time to "get conscious about our wounds and snap out of that spiral. Dating consciously involves being fully aware and really checking in with yourself if the connection and person are in alignment with you and that you don’t lose yourself in the process," she noted.

"When we aren’t conscious, we tend to attract what feels familiar, which is not always healthy. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to snap out of this, that’s essentially what life is about in my opinion, to learn to relate and love through trial and error in order to evolve as a soul."

#16

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About I’ve seen stories of guys who rage and break their things when gaming. As someone who has been playing video games for about 20 years now, that is not normal nor is it okay. Like swearing sure, that’s understandable, but getting angry and breaking stuff ain’t it. It’s just violent behavior and a red flag.

cashformoldd , Sean Do Report

Final score:

279points

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S Mi 1 year ago

Also casual racism, misogyny or homophobia under the guise of 'its just gaming, that's how it is'. Nope. If they are 'just words' pick other words. Ii shouldn't be hard to give them up (with allowances for mistakes and learning). If you insist on using them, when any words can be 'just words', it says something about you.

151points

#17

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Any aversion to taking responsibility.

The older I get the more I find that the men I respect most aren’t the ones with great achievements to theirs names, but rather the ones who aren’t afraid to own their s**t.

thrax7545 , Mark Farías Report

Final score:

267points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

It's never easy to own up to your mistakes, but if you can, you have my respect. As long as I don't have to PERSUADE you to do it. I should just have to explain that you made a mistake and that's that.

75points

#18

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About When someone is declaring multiple times they are not a certain way without prompt, they are actually that way.

jnwiggs1 , Nik Shuliahin Report

Final score:

245points

POST

Soph the Loaf 1 year ago

Ah, the good old oddly specific denial...

97points

To avoid dating and finding yourself in a partnership with men who share harmful qualities, Eden advised you to avoid settling for less. "A key is to shift the focus from 'needing' someone to 'being open to connect' with someone," the coach explained. "When we throw ourselves into dating and relationships because we want it so badly, we are more likely to ignore what is really important to us. Are you chasing the concept of love or actual love?"

"Also pay attention to whether you’re coming from a scarcity or abundance mindset. Settling for less because 'it’s hard to find a man' or seeing the abundance of beautiful good men in the world. That will reflect your choices and luck in this game."

#19

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If anything happens to him and he always shifts blame to someone else, or something else, or the situation, that is a big red flag. Sooner or later everything will be your fault.

Also, if their story, complaint, rant, or explanation sounds too one sided, (again unable to take blame themselves) they are lacking empathy... red flag.

BuckyGoldman , Afif Ramdhasuma Report

Final score:

228points

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Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 1 year ago

A grown person admits mistakes, learns from them and moves on

42points

#20

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Blaming their childhood on treating you and others like rubbish.

Yougotthewronglad , Daiga Ellaby Report

Final score:

224points

POST

Dre Mosley 1 year ago

Don't make people in your present pay for your past if you want a future.

128points

#21

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About As a man, and someone who dates men, here's a big one that may seem obvious on the surface, but isn't always easy to listen to:

If you get even a tiny a gut feeling that tells you, "Hey, this guy kinda reminds me of (insert terrible man/ex/person)!" You should listen to it. I've never gotten that feeling where it hasn't been right in the end. Listen to yourself, you might not know why you feel that way but there is always something to it.

Edit: Fixed the grammar because it was bothering me a lot lol.

icarieus , Artem Kovalev Report

Final score:

220points

POST

Auntie Bear 1 year ago

This! 💯 Trust your instincts.

84points

At the early dating stage, try asking yourself, "How does this relationship dynamic make me feel? How does he make me feel?" Moreover, be sure to check in with your closest friends and ask for their perspectives on your relationship. "If they notice that you’ve changed or seem weighed down by a connection, it’s time to look yourself in the mirror and ask what kind of life you came here to live. You deserve the best. Stay true to yourself and your needs."

"Lastly, always come from wholeness instead of incompleteness. Stop looking for your other half, that’s a trap. Instead, first look within yourself, love yourself, then open up to merge with someone who is also whole and create magic together without codependency or drama. Loving yourself, your own company and the way you are is a fruitful foundation to attract a partner who is also whole and can meet you at a higher level," coach Eden concluded.

#22

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About You’ll be able to tell if a guy is nice by how he behaves. If a guy _tells_ you he’s nice, ignore that. That’s meaningless.

rcsheets , Taylor Grote Report

Final score:

205points

POST

Helena 1 year ago

A guy telling you he's nice, is the red flag.

107points

#23

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If they verbally attack you in an argument rather than discuss the issue.

If they constantly s**t talk other guys.

LostInSpace3141 , Fred Moon Report

Final score:

198points

POST

Norman van Druten 1 year ago

Yep, that is a big GTFO situation.

39points

#24

If he disregards your opinion about something small, he will disregard your opinion about something large. And that can go pretty dark pretty quickly.

Every single questionable thing a person does that you excuse because you want to believe the best about that person should be taken as a yellow flag. Step back from the situation, assess it logically and in context of other behaviors or opinions. If you continually have to interpret their behavior only in the best possible light for it to be okay, you should run.

"When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." - Wanda - Bojack Horseman

Janube Report

Final score:

193points

POST

Silverstrand Beach 1 year ago

Stop falling for the man you know he can be, and look really hard at the man he is. That's who he will always be

83points

Beginning-Bed9364 , Mahdi Bafande Report

#25

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If he's dumb, but thinks he's smart

Final score:

184points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

That's just annoying.

63points

#26

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If he isn't on the same level of maturity of you, regardless of age, don't go for it. one of you will turn into the parent.

Rileycontinued , sept commercial Report

Final score:

184points

POST

BlackAdder 1 year ago

What happens when you realise that but you are not mature enough to end it?

22points

#27

If he refuses to admit that he is wrong. And/or, most of his apologies are along the line of, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

If he calls himself, "brutally honest". Or, "jokes" about subjects that are not socially acceptable to joke about.

M_A_X_77 Report

Final score:

176points

POST

the Return of Bruno 1 year ago

You can't be "brutally honest" without being "brutal." You can be honest without being brutally so.

72points

#28

seems no one has brought up this 🚩🚩🚩

when he says, "don't worry about working, i'll take care of you." does he mean it's ok FOR NOW or does he mean he low key doesn't want you to have the means to leave if/when things go bad? there is a huge difference between support and sabotage but they come in a similar looking package sometimes.

**edit update** glad to see the few mentally well men on here who don't seek to trap a partner but the point of this thread is red flags and financial dependence is one when it happens in certain context. just wanting to promote the action of looking deeper into the situation and not just trust someone's word. i witnessed it myself my whole life and have a partner who can't stand the thought of me making more than him and he's a nice guy on paper. i want to work, i miss work, but he owns two vehicles for himself (one is a sport bike i cannot operate the other he takes to work daily) and has done nothing to help me get back into a car since mine broke down. we often scrape by while he said to me in the beginning "don't worry about money, you dont have to work for now, i can take care of you", then complains that we are a single income home, then when i ask for support in establishing work at home he clams up. my laptop broke and he bought a $500 xbox...so it is clear where his priorities are vs my needs as a partner. he wants me to be home, not equal. only after i moved across country to support his job and left my family network did he begin to complain about his ex getting a job and her "attitude" that came with making $15k/year when he makes over $50k. had i known his "support" was actually sabotage i would have stayed where i was. i am taking steps on my own to change the situation.

i just thought it was odd the actual men of reddit did not bring this up because everyone sure likes to bring up love bombing but not the money issues.

pipermarau Report

Final score:

171points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

My experience is the opposite. He said not to expect him to support me just because we were getting married. I said fine, I was supporting myself before we met, so that didn't present a problem. Until I had a major heart attack and triple bypass followed by an infected sternal wound which incapacitated me for a year. He waited until I recovered enough to live fairly normally and then ordered me to move out because he didn't sign up to be a caregiver.

103points

PomegranateLimp9803 Report

#29

If he says “all my ex’s are crazy” and tells you stories about all of them where he’s always the victim. Run!

Final score:

155points

POST

Hippopotamuses 1 year ago

…. very, very fast

42points

#30

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If a guy is doing the minimum of what you want in a long term relationship at the beginning, it’s going to be well below your standards after a few years.

I would expect about half of what you see in the first year.

ThinkIGotHacked , Soroush Karimi Report

Final score:

149points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

I learned this one the hard way.

41points

#31

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If they behave like they know everything. Change is certainly not their cup of tea.

overratedone , Viktor Forgacs Report

Final score:

144points

POST

FakeOptimist 1 year ago

Or being open minded.

43points

Broken_Moon_Studios , Yianni Mathioudakis Report

#32

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About This one is extremely obvious, yet I've seen dozens of women still make the same mistake:

**If he's rude, selfish and possessive** ***before*** **you're dating, he will** ***NOT*** **change once you start dating.**

I don't know why so many women think that a man will "have an epiphany" and become better once they get in a relationship.

People VERY RARELY change.

Final score:

142points

POST

steaky 1 year ago

People only change if they want to change.

54points

#33

Not sure if this is more universal, though Reddit will correct me:

If you have a guy friend and they say that another guy gives off weird vibes or only wants one thing, consider their opinion. Many of us have a sense about these things.

Phylar Report

Final score:

142points

POST

Chich 1 year ago

Years ago had a friend who would make fun of his GF when she was not around. A large part of it was being young and trying to 'fit in with the guys'. They eventually broke up and later he really got interested in this very sweet girl. I knew her and told her what I had seen. He took her rejection pretty hard and blames me for part of it but it did give him a wake up call.

90points

#34

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About When he looks to you as his sole source of happiness, entertainment.

This usually means that they lack the ability to manage their own emotions or have healthy coping mechanisms. In addition, if you are in it for the long term, there will be times that you will get sick of each other and a guy needs some hobbies that can take his attention away to give you space. This can be an open door for manipulation.

Xdsin , Andrik Langfield Report

Final score:

140points

POST

Dre Mosley 1 year ago

You don't want a clingy man. Relying on a person for your own happiness is a bad idea.

43points

#35

If he believes relationships without arguments or screaming matches are doomed for lack of passion, he probably hasn’t learned to communicate in a healthy way.

ThatVoiceDude Report

Final score:

139points

POST

Brazen 1 year ago

Equally being, the man who thinks if you have one argument or fight that you're doomed because "You shouldn't have to work hard at relationships. It should be easy."

68points

#36

If what he loves about you is how you make him feel and/or the things you do for him rather than who you are, what you like, your goals and shared interests.

MissVaaaaanjie Report

Final score:

135points

POST

Jro308 1 year ago (edited)

This was my experience, I told him I didn't think he loved me just what I did for him and that any woman would fit the bill as long as she took care of him. He insisted that was not true, went to counseling and the counselor asked him what he loved about me and he started listing off things I did for him, counselor stopped him and said no what is it about her that you love and he stumbled and couldn't answer. I left shortly after that.

60points

#37

If you end up cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry, you have a child.

My roommate, who id never f**k, expects me to do all this s**t for him and I don't have to wonder why he's alone.

I'm a guy, btw.

No-Obligation3803 Report

Final score:

130points

POST

H.J. carlson 1 year ago

This is a problem not limited to either sex.

33points

#38

If he's a selfish lover in bed, he'll likely be a selfish partner in life.

SirSubSandwich Report

Final score:

124points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

YES!!! Yet another one I learned the hard way...

45points

#39

Sober men trying to pick up super drunk women.

Chaleowin Report

Final score:

122points

POST

Lynda Birch 1 year ago

Now we are entering the world of sexual deviance- nasty

52points

#40

No one mentioned doing menial tasks like laundry or unloading the dishwasher solely for being rewarded with sex.

Nismotech_52 Report

Final score:

117points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

Sex should never be offered as a reward nor withheld as a penalty by either partner, ever. It is not a commodity.

90points

#41

Men aren’t nearly as complicated as women want them to be.

Listen to their words. Take note of their actions. Notice what they don’t do and don’t say.

I’ve always had female friends and it blows my mind how often women seem to believe that an a*****e is just pretending and there’s actually prince in there waiting to come out.

NashvilleSunn Report

Final score:

116points

POST

El Dee 1 year ago

Wise words. Beneath the surface there isn't anything else. I don't mean offence by this I just mean that what you see is what you get..

51points

#42

Men who make fun of the way someone looks , especially older men . Many guys do this when they are young and obnoxious but most grow out of it . You can have the thought that someone is butt ugly , but you keep it to yourself . Or at least you should . Takes maturity and the realization that people are born who they are, and not all of them are eye candy. It’s gross for the person on the receiving end, and it makes the guy saying it look like a mean spirited d**k.

arthwithaG Report

Final score:

116points

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Shane S 1 year ago

Good human behavior regardless of gender.

26points

staycalmNdrinkcoffee Report

#43

The men who are 40 plus but still act like they are just fresh out of high school. Spend money like it’s no tomorrow without a plan for the future. Looks at every girl as a score or a fun time , flakes on you for games or to hang with the bros and thinks of his own self over you.

Final score:

115points

POST

Chich 1 year ago

I knew a guy (late 30s) who took his wife to the hospital to deliver their first child. Stayed with her a few hours and then left for a fishing trip with his buds because "we've been planning it for a long time". At least he says nothing bad about her but he can't understand why he is now divorced.

71points

#44

Acholholics are not the best bet

KingCurtis720 Report

Final score:

113points

POST

Rahul Pawa 1 year ago

Could probably be generalized to "addicts are not the best bet." There's a heck of a lot more addictions than alcohol. I'd stay away from any kind of addict if possible.

74points

#45

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About A green flag to look for is long term friendships. Long term friends require good communication skills and emotional intelligence. It's also a pretty good indicator that they're willing to compromise for someone's emotional needs.

themiglebowski , Cody Black Report

Final score:

112points

POST

Swoosh Loops 1 year ago

My(f20) husband and I were good friends from the age of 12 , we started dating when we were 17, and will have been married for a year December 28th:) he went to basic training and we picked right back up when he had a little access to his phone in AIT. We watched girlfriends (I only ever dated girls) come and go for years, never a thought expressed that we should date until age 17!

32points

#46

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About When you have to cater to his needs/wants over your own with no compromise. It can be something as only watching shows that he wants or doing things only he wants to do or ordering takeout that only he likes.

SerHippoh , Wiktor Karkocha Report

Final score:

107points

POST

Lisa H 1 year ago

And big stuff, like moving to a different city because he wants to and is going to, with or without you. Remember, you are still two people, but you share one life, if that makes sense. The one life that you two share also means your input and desires matter, too. If he's unwilling to find a compromise that makes you both happy, then he's too selfish for your own good.

36points

#47

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About If he doesn't want to talk about awkward stuff while you are dating, then he might not want to talk about awkward problems in the relationship.

EDIT: It is interesting how people make their own interpretation of things. I never gave any definition of "awkward," nor did I specify any timelines, but some folks seem to cherry pick the definitions they want, so they can discount this.

Unfortunately, it doesn't change the core concept. If you are dating someone, and they have stinky socks they leave lying around (instead of going into the laundry), that's an awkward topic. If one person talks about how much they want to be a parent to their own biological kids, and the other knows they don't want children, that's an awkward topic.

Humans do have a tendency to try to avoid stuff that makes them uncomfortable, or scares them. We tend to hope problems will go away if we leave them alone. I've talked to a lot of friends who got divorced, who thought their partner would change after marriage.

You don't need to give your intimate autobiography on a first date, but if you see an obvious issue, like the children example, there's no point in waiting a while to point it out.

DrHugh , Toa Heftiba Report

Final score:

105points

POST

BeepBeepBoopBoop 1 year ago

yea if one person wants children and the other doesn't... I don't think that's gonna work my dude

37points

sarcastic_fish , Ashkan Forouzani Report

#48

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About When a man talks way more than they listen.

Final score:

103points

POST

Agent 8433599 1 year ago

Personally, i kinda think that this depends on context. Like if he's super social, or if he has a bunch of friends or something. IDK

23points

#49

If he has kids that he's not allowed to see...

OG_Dookie Report

Final score:

103points

POST

Crazy catz Premium 1 year ago

I actually disagree on this one, I have a friend that stopped her kids seeing their dad because he got into another relationship, mothers can be just as toxic, it isn't always the dads fault

140points

#50

If they don't like dinosaurs.

SuvenPan Report

Final score:

101points

POST

Agent 8433599 1 year ago

🚫🦖🚫🦖 = 🚩 LOL

48points

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#51

My great grandmother always said: make a guy very drunk. Does he become nicer and nicer or more aggressive. Avoid the latter, or are mor cautious.

It's still used as a test in my family.

stvaccount Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Jill Rhodry 1 year ago

Also, 'a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts'.

25points

#52

If they don't believe in or make fun of platonic friendships between men and women.

extropia Report

Final score:

33points

POST

oboe lover (he/they <3) 1 year ago

or they "ship" you or others!! leave that with the 8 year olds on the playground!!

4points

#53

If he never really seems to apologize for anything, even if you both know he’s clearly in the wrong. Ex. I’m sorry you feel that way.

Pancaaaked Report

Final score:

33points

POST

El Dee 1 year ago

Other example, 'I'm sorry IF you FEEL offended' No, it should be, 'Sorry, I have offended you'

9points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#54

constantly indirect, it's leaving wiggle room so he can claim he wasn't lying later.

Eternal_Bagel Report

Final score:

32points

POST

oboe lover (he/they <3) 1 year ago

dude my ex girlfriend used to do this all the time,, english wasn't their first language so i gave them the benifit of the doubt most of the time until i realized they were just telling half truths being indirect all the time ://

5points

#55

Emotional reactivity, anger, blaming and shaming in arguments or times stress. Get out now!

AwayGame_1279 Report

Final score:

32points

POST

Hippopotamuses 1 year ago (edited)

This is abuse, and it won’t get any better!

5points

Comfortable_Exit_207 Report

#56

He is not liked by basically any other guy, only women. Can’t tell you how many douchebags I’ve met that are suddenly charismatic as soon as a girl he wants to f**k/her friends are around.

FowlKreacher Report

Final score:

32points

POST

oboe lover (he/they <3) 1 year ago (edited)

additionally: ive seen guys act way differently around gay girls than straight ones!! ladies, be careful!! guys are shitshows!!

6points

#57

He says he doesn’t know why his marriage ended.

Final score:

32points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

He knows. He knows.

15points

#58

As someone who is VERY guilty of this: focusing a ton on you and your needs, but hardly paying attention to their own. Someone like this can come across as sweet, selfless, and caring, but they're actually avoiding their own problems to focus on yours.

You're not a partner to them, you're a distraction, and even they themselves may not realize it.

Sarydus Report

Final score:

31points

POST

FakeOptimist 1 year ago

Yep, totally relatable. Wich is why I don't want a relationship now : I need to invest in myself first. Disappointed someone I really like but she respects it.

5points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#59

Men who get triggered easily like screaming and cursing at other drivers on the road

Brilliant-Champion81 Report

Final score:

31points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

The way a person reacts to others while driving, drinking, or in pain is a huge window into their true personality!

9points

starbuckle337 , The Paris Photographer Report

#60

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Love Bombing.

If you guys aren’t in high school struck by puppy-love, this is just a manipulation tactic.

Just my opinion, but somebody who respects the women or men they’re dating aren’t going to tel you they love you and see a future with you in the first couple of weeks.

Final score:

30points

POST

the Return of Bruno 1 year ago

I disagree with that last paragraph. Sometimes people just know. The red flag would be if he's making all sorts of plans without any signal from you that you're also there.

19points

#61

Don't ever be fooled by how a man treats you. Look at how he treats unattractive women and other men.

Snoo72074 Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Mais Oui 1 year ago

Very true - look at how he treats/talks about overweight women.If you gain weight, thjs is how he'll treat you (as a once overweight woman, I always notice this).

13points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

#62

Just like jobs there's a 90day probationary period. I've hired people who interviewed great worked great for a month or 2, then the racism, laziness or any other massive issue rears its ugly head.

This is the same for relationships. Especially since it biologically takes us about 90days to truly experience love on a chemical brain level.

james_bongd Report

Final score:

29points

POST

HangryHangryHippo 1 year ago

Relationship lemon law!

5points

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#63

Men, on the whole, don’t change. You cannot fix us. We are not a project and will resent you for trying. We are who you see and not much more. If you like us at first glance, and like us more when you get to know us, that is who we are.
If after a few dates something is tickling the back of your mind, PAY ATTENTION! Follow that instinct.

kalel51 Report

Final score:

29points

POST

K Y 1 year ago

And when you DO show your real self and the woman leaves, don't blame her for not being interested. If this is a pattern, work on yourself. If you're not willing to work on yourself, learn to come to terms with the fact that you're likely to not have a woman in your life.

9points

#64

If he never admits when he’s wrong, even when it comes to things that don’t matter he’s likely a narcissist

InfiniteIntrovert Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Cory Kent 1 year ago

Seems like a stretch to reach the level of narcissism. Maybe it is, but that's not something that can be determined by one quality or behavior.

0points

#65

If they say things along the lines of "I don't deserve you, you should have someone better, everybody always leaves me, etcetera" it's a f*****g warning

lornezubko Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Gem 1 year ago

Unfortunately I am like this but not because I do bad things in relationships but because I have no self esteem and really believe those things 😔

21points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

#66

Lots of gossip. If he talks about other people, he'll talk about you.

kmn493 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Hippopotamuses 1 year ago

This is one of life’s biggest red flags.

3points

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#67

Best to wait for him to get over his issues with his mother before starting a relationship

BodhingJay Report

Final score:

26points

POST

PiscesMama 1 year ago

I was waiting to find a family related flag! I’d add…if he has moved back to his parents (in these economic times it can be understandable) but if they don’t trust him with a key to their house? Oh that’s a bad sign. Or that his sister won’t let him know where she lives and they haven’t spoken for 3 years! That’s exactly what I have done to my brother who was violent and abusive…it wasn’t so much a red flag as a screaming siren! He was also oddly generous, I’m fiercely independent and he wouldn’t take my refusal to accept help/things…but I felt he was trying to put me in a position of owing him. Bad news dude.

5points

SuperfluousPedagogue Report

#68

If they like to solve problems with violence then just keep in mind that you may be the source of problems at some point.

Final score:

26points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

When you think you're a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

7points

#69

This is gonna get buried under the comments, but if you have a problem with him, and he responds with "actually, I have a much bigger problem" and basically victimises himself, that's manipulation. A lot of other signs of manipulation are hard to see when it's done to you, but this one is very bold and blatant, and if he does this, you can be almost entirely sure that he manipulated you all this time in smaller ways without you realising.

Never, ever date someone who is capable and good at manipulating people. It's not a one time thing. It's a habit.

USER_34739 Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Anička 1 year ago

While yes, if they recognize it's a thing and they want to change and are actively working on changing...maybe. but, carefully.

1point

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#70

ITT: the most obvious red flags listed in every red flags post.

I think being passive aggressive is a way bigger deal than people think.

Slav_1 Report

Final score:

25points

POST

oboe lover (he/they <3) 1 year ago

passive agressive is different than petty!! if he plays little pranks, be mindfull of his action, if he humiliates you, leave him!!

5points

#71

If he seems "dangerous," it's probably because he is. Don't think you're the One Girl who's going to step in and save him from himself. He'll cause you nothing but trouble and you'll only have yourself to blame.

JLHFan95 Report

Final score:

25points

POST

Daffydillz' Cold Contagious 1 year ago

The only person you have the power to change in this world is yourself.

3points

#72

Men Are Outing Toxic Guys By Sharing The Subtle Red Flags Women Should Be Cautious About Many many men only know how to "relationship flirt".
They will say things like "im looking for something long term" when really they just want to hook up.

theloosestofcannons , freestocks Report

Final score:

24points

POST

the Return of Bruno 1 year ago

What you're saying is that guys will lie to have sex.

24points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

#73

If he's not kind to strangers like people in service industry. Chances are he's hiding his true character when he's with you and it'll eventually converge to how he treats others.

Rmnkby Report

Final score:

24points

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#74

If he’s the type of person who “hates everyone (except you),” he’s not a good guy. the “bad boy” archetype isn’t real, he just thinks he’s better than everyone and as you stop being useful or giving him what he wants, he’ll turn on you too.

edit: punctuation.

positivelybisexual Report

Final score:

24points

POST

#75

If they play video games religiously. At first you will say “at least they aren’t going out or I don’t have to worry about cheating” then it turns into you living with them and they don’t wanna clean or do anything but game

Chroococcaceae Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Moosy Girl 1 year ago

It works if you both do it. Nobody will want to come to your house though… :p

9points

#76

Over pleasers. They never seem to have their own opinion especially if it conflicts with yours. “Yes men” are for corporations not relationships

Average_Lrkr Report

Final score:

21points

POST

oboe lover (he/they <3) 1 year ago (edited)

i do this because i have some abandonment issues,,, mostly by giving people little gifts, drawings, but it is overwhelming for people and a turn off :< im working on it trying not to be so clingly

6points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

#77

If it seems too good to be true, it is.

Date based on actions, not on words.

ksozay Report

Final score:

21points

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#78

If a guy tells me about all the girls he’s f****d without being asked…great job man. You just confirmed that you tricked alll of those girls and you suck for revealing their business.

frozen_beet11 Report

Final score:

21points

POST

LazyPanda 1 year ago

Uh. How is this indicating he tricked anyone? Women like sex too

7points

#79

If he is the hero of all his stories or his stories often end with the idea that people doubted him but it turns out he was right all along. If he talks about work and always seems to save the day with his exceptional skills or knowledge. If he repeats stories in which others compliment him. These kinds of narratives speak to someone who is trying to reassure themselves when in fact they have deep self doubt. Someday you will be the focus of these stories where you wrongly doubted him or were a helpless damsel in distress who was saved by his amazing abilities.

SteveNotSteveNot Report

Final score:

21points

POST

El Dee 1 year ago

Everyone is the hero in their own story. The stories where they were wrong, didn't save the day or were the bad guy are told by someone else..

6points

#80

Appearing to be perfect. If someone appears to be perfect, then either you've made up an image of them in your head or they're really good at manipulation

RadiantHC Report

Final score:

20points

POST

#81

I'd say whining. If a guy tells you how about he was supposed to be - or have - this and that but "got f****d over" , 90% of the time they turn out to be the sort of person that expects things handed to them on a silver platter. Or worse: expect them getting what they want is the norm and get angry when they don't.

spriggan02 Report

Final score:

19points

POST

#82

If you want a man to change prepare for disappointment.

loomdog1 Report

Final score:

19points

POST

#83

Narcissists might seem attractive and charismatic, but it's not because they're special. It's because they're narcissists. If they find you sexy or convenient, beware of being used.

Jonnny Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago (edited)

Don't underestimate the gross ways they'll do it, either. My ex was still milking me "cheating" (long story, I broke up with him. He kept telling everyone we were still together. ) 8 years after the fact. He has gotten lots of great places to crash, jobs, free drinks, pity, a car, and people to harass me online or be rude to me at parties, all over me being a big old cheater who broke his heart. I only dated that jerkwad for a little less than 3 months.

8points

#84

Sort of the opposite, but in my life I've found that people who constantly read are more open to new ideas, changing themselves, and (perhaps a negative) buying a c**p-load of books.

FreshFromRikers Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Stephanie Did It 1 year ago

YES!!!

4points

#85

If their respect and decency is contingent upon liking that person then it is not genuine respect/decency. Means they dont see respect as a basic requirement but as a conditional perk/privilege free to be withdrawn should you get on his bad side.

This goes for everyone really. Plenty of women will happily say flatly disrespectful stuff about others but save those they like as the "exception". Its generally good to avoid such people altogether...but I see it a lot more in men and it can be hard to catch when you're in relationship twilight and they always kind of "like" you.

Good rule of thumb, look for how they treat people whom they are neutral or even antagonistic with. It's as the saying goes "you arent really an ally if your slurs are reserved for your enemies".

Envy_The_King Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Sonja 1 year ago

Adding to this: if they're dismissive of other people's passions because they don't share them or behave as if liking something irrelevant like pineapple on pizza has any merit as an indicator of character. Also be on your tiptoes if they're overly judgemental about stuff and dismiss it as 'childish' or 'immature' although liking or disliking it is nothing more than a personal quirk. Those people judge others by superficial traits and will be neglectful if you ask them for help with something that's important to you but not to them. They will kill your plants, let your pets starve or use your favourite mug that was the last gift from a deceased relative to clean their dirty paintbrushes. They will hurt you left and right and excuse their recklessness by you having silly passions and being overdramatic.

7points

Maximum_Passion1865 Report

#86

If he never disagrees with you, it means he’s putting in a show. Be prepared for that to change at some point.

LikelyUnusual Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#87

attempts at “rapport”, this is different, subtle but different, to normal discourse. An active attempt to create a connection as quickly as possible without the other party noticing. It is used by everyone in marketing, think used car salesman.
Instead of trying to express themselves or listen to a woman, they will instead focus on points, mirror tones and use language as if a connection has already happened.

if you ever think to yourself, “this man is charming” reword it to use the word in it’s original format, a verb.

”this man is charming me.” And if that makes you feel even a bit off, perhaps a step back and a second date are due before you jump into a one night stand.

that_one_author Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#88

If they genuinely get angry when their team loses. Or if they lose a game. Most men don't do this.

Ohgood9002 Report

Final score:

16points

POST

LazyPanda 1 year ago

Ha! False

6points

#89

Money doesn't mean they aren't a scumbag.

Final score:

15points

POST

#90

I would suggest a list of questions around self care, self reflection, the ability to recognize mistakes and the ability to talk about his emotions.

What kind of reason would you need to go to therapy?
What are the personal teachings of your past relationships? What did you change? Why?
What is according to you a good emotional connection?
What was the biggest fight of your past relationship where you changed your stance later on?

Biscornus Report

Final score:

14points

POST

H.J. carlson 1 year ago

Quick way to hearing the door slam on their way out!!😂

5points

#91

He doesn't have a good relationship with his sister/s. The way a man treats his sister is indicative of how he's going to treat you. If he's protective of his sister, you also should expect that he's going to be protective of you. If he shits on his sister, he's going to s**t on you. You may ask, why not his mother? She would be in a position of authority over him that may have required respect or respect was given, as a result of her providing the essentials for him to survive to maturity.

Atlas03 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Jai Stewart 1 year ago

Not strictly true. What if the relationship between them is bad because of her behaviour?

10points

#92

If they like or act like Andre Tate, run as far as way as you can

Ok-Engine8044 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

K- THULU 1 year ago

I don't know who that is....

13points

#93

If it seems like they text back super fast all the time and get annoyed when you don’t reply fast enough. They may be overly clingy and may be the jealous type who will constantly be paranoid about you cheating.

JamesDeansComb Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Boreddd🇺🇦 1 year ago

Or it's just me that has nothing better to do than reply really fast to messages bc I'm always on my phone. I don't get annoyed when ppl don't reply tho so I guess my comment just misses the point

7points

Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.

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I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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What do you think ?

POST

XenoMurph 1 year ago

I used to know a bloke who would interrupt his GF all the time. Some thought would pop into his head and he would just say it even if he she was midsentence. It was very disrespectful to her. One day someone pointed it out. He was devastated, he just hadn't realised he was doing it. He loved his GF, 20 years and 3 kids later, he loves his wife. And is still overly polite when she speaks, for those of us who knew him back then it's kinda cute ot see after all this time. Some things are not red flags, some things are just people being imperfect and thoughtless. And they will get more socially and emotionally able as time goes on. I don't want to imagine how many little things I do that some person might see as a red flag. And I bet most people reading this will have some too.

30points

The crushinator 1 year ago

Thank you!! A little nuance, finally :)

10points

Kawaii Katnix 1 year ago

This is a sign of ADHD too. I have a really hard time with this because I can forget a thought quickly. The problem is compounded by my husband’s speech patterns. He has loooong pauses where he’s choosing his words so he doesn’t upset anyone. We finally had the talk. I understand your pauses. Please understand if I interrupt them I don’t realize your not finished AND you’ve said something that’s triggered a thought I don’t want to forget. (On both sides our parents messed us on these issues. My husband at his parents house can’t even finish a sentence.) In the end we do our best with our issues but have grace when the other botches it. I think we all need a little more grace. These ‘red flag’ lists are damaging.

5points

Rahul Pawa 1 year ago

I can admit I had a lot of these red flags previously. I'm working on lowering them.

3points

Blue 1 year ago

this one could be an adhd symptom too...

0points

Lauren Caswell 1 year ago

Disclaimer: I'm saying this before I have to see it, due to recent trends. This is a list of messages from men, about men, written as advice for women. Yes we know men experience this. https://www.respect.uk.net/articles/international-men-s-day-supporting-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse You are free to publish your own articles here should you wish to represent this. As a side note, I like to see this kind of cooperation/helpfulness from men in general. It is a heartening reminder than despite gender/s@x, we are all people. Looking out for each other, im glad to see it still happens.

28points

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago (edited)

Thanks! It’s interesting.

2points

Steve 1 year ago

Don't forget, if he weighs as much as a duck, he's a witch!

20points

The crushinator 1 year ago

I told him i didn't feel any chemistry and he turned me into a newt!!

11points

Rahul Pawa 1 year ago

Burn him!

4points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

What else floats in water? hmmm... small rocks? apples?

3points

Tim 1 year ago

This is a fair court.

3points

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

Quick - build a bridge out of him

1point

Shane S 1 year ago

Be wary of homophobia. I’m biased because I’m gay but I’m saying this, ladies, because a homophobic man is usually insecure in his masculinity and has some clearly defined gender stereotypes that is usually accompanied by misogyny. I’m not saying he has to hang out with all your gay friends on the weekend, but he just has to be cool and accepting in allowing others to live their lives. It’s a sign of security and emotional maturity.

19points

Melissa TO 1 year ago

Totally agree!!!

5points

Tams21 1 year ago

One of the better analogies I've heard is that the first few dates (and begining of a relationship) can be compared to a job interview - you're on your best behaviour. If you see red flags then, run! It will only get worse! (I haven't read through all 93 of these so I don't know if it's already been said)

16points

Sean Sean 1 year ago

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Kel_how 1 year ago

Here's a green flag: he has pets that are treated really well. If he has a dog, it's trained and socialized. If he has a cat, he plays with it and it has cat trees and other enrichment. If he can show love and responsibility for an animal, he's very likely a good guy!

11points

Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago

Immanuel Kant: "He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals".

8points

Arizona Cowboy 1 year ago

Hitler, Stalin and many other dictators loved and owned dogs. Even Putin does...

0points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Not all dogs get socialized. Having a spaz rescue isn't a red flag

0points

wowbagger 1 year ago

I've dated several people who claim, with pride, that they never get angry. They're just so laid back and accepting that they never feel anger. All of them ended up being very passive-aggressive.

9points

Alan Jay Weiner 1 year ago

I know a guy who used to be very angry. About anything he disagreed with. He worked very *very* hard to change. He now controls his anger, talks when he gets angry, and walks away if he can't talk at that moment. He's a very cool guy now.

6points

Scarlett 1 year ago

As someone who very rarely gets angry, yeah, I’m passive aggressive and I know it. It’s yet another s****y habit of mine and I’m trying to change it. Which brings me to my next point, if they don’t change or acknowledge their s****y habits, run.

4points

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

I never get angry. I do not say this with pride, I don't think it is healthy I'm not passive aggressive. I'm guessing people who proudly say they never get angry, actually do but express it differently. Those of us who genuinely do not feel anger know it has nothing to do with being laid back. Personally, I go straight to despair or curle up and hide at things which ought to make me angry - definitely not a better choice.

0points

Poeha 1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Sonja 1 year ago

If he's not telling anything substantial about himself and even after several dates you don't really know anything about him as a person, about any likes or dislikes and he never asked your opinion on anything, then he's not seeing you as a person but just an accessory. He then doesn't value you as a fellow human being but only a subhuman. He will then ignore you whenever something important comes up and mask ot as 'protecting' you.

8points

ToGo 1 year ago

I love and fully appreciate the amount of people who want to give other advice/are sharing their experiences. However, lots of these points really require your own judgement. I only say this because there will be people out there who use them as rules rather than guidance. If a guy, for example, happens to say "I'd like to think I'm a nice person" that doesn't mean you have to run for the hills right away. Listen to your gut.

6points

Tim 1 year ago

There's a difference between "I'd like to think I'm a nice guy" and repeatedly stating that he IS a nice guy. The first is usually the preface to a question like, "was I wrong about that?" The latter is more like a point being made in an argument.

4points

Arabiata Arabiata 1 year ago

Mocking at psysical disabililies is very bad manner, he won't help you when you're in need. Some more red flags: impulse buyer,short-tempered, likes booze / heavy smoker, has no hobbies or to much hobbies.

5points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

oof my current girlfriend has all four of those. sheesh.

1point

Nikki D 1 year ago

Arguments are Always one sided, they are never wrong, and they always manipulate me! I love my animals.

5points

Poeha 1 year ago

Only if I stop petting him he can growl and lately he bit me, not hard oh and the funniest, this is the weirdest friend I've ever had, he jumps at me mad when I clean up. I pick something from the floor and he gets mad, because it's his filth. He's so cute. I love him.

1point

AndyR 1 year ago

The biggest red flag I can think of is someone who undermines your support network. It can be active (stopping you having guy/girl friends), or more subtle (driving friends away or making you question their motives). In my case, she deleted every girl from my contacts on my phone...

4points

Alan Jay Weiner 1 year ago

I love the one about dinosaurs! Much of this comes down to "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time." (Maya Angelou) On the other hand, my wife has helped me to become at least some of what she saw in me 30+ years ago. I often remember the line from As Good as it Gets; Jack Nicholson says "You make me want to be a better man." I'm still working to be better for her (and myself). I am a very lucky man.

3points

Daria 1 year ago (edited)

All these points are valid and appreciated of course. But I'm yet to meet a person (of any gender, mind) without any toxicity or "fuсked-upness" in them. Myself included.

2points

MeMosabe 1 year ago

He gets married thinking she will never change, and She gets married thinking he will change. Once both realize they were both wrong, it's over.

2points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 1 year ago

Watch how he treats the females in his life. Mother, sisters, colleagues, neices.

2points

MoMcB 1 year ago

Not necessarily. My ex was a wonderful son, as a husband, a violent selfish lump.

1point

Boreddd🇺🇦 1 year ago

I'd like to add one that I personally find quite important: having some kind of hobby. A sport, art, reading, making music or listening to it, anything. I wouldn't exactly count video games as a hobby but most people think otherwise so you do you

2points

gie 1 year ago (edited)

Observe how the father treats his mother and vice versa. In the case for woman, if his father treats the mother poorly, guaranteed he will do the same to you eventually. Learned behaviours begin within the home. Not saying all people who will turn into their terrible parents, just saying if one parent berates his partner comfortably, openly, and publicly, imagine yourself being treated that way too. It's time to investigate what your willing to put up with now rather than later.

2points

XenoMurph 1 year ago

Rubbish. I am nothing like my father and work very hard not to be.

11points

Ches Yamada 1 year ago (edited)

Nope. My husband's father cheated on his mother, and my husband is staunchly against that sort of thing. Has way more morals and generally asks himself, 'what woukd my dad have done...' *and then does the opposite*. Never say anything is 100% certain. The only 100% you're correct about is how wrong you are.

4points

Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago

Not always the case... I speak from direct experience.

2points

Poeha 1 year ago (edited)

They can learn the other way around or be the opposite. My ex's dad was the sweetest ever. His mother abused him and his brothers and sisters and was very controlling. He was a bit like his dad, but he hated dominant women and that was not gonna happen to him, so he was very controlling to me. Another ex, his mom didnt work. Also not when the kids were out of the house. Her husband worked 80 hours a week. They had a small house. She just cleaned and cooked and that was that. For the rest she hung out with the neighbours and he was fine with it, cause his house was tidy and the dinner was ready. So one son became just like that, got his own company, worked, worked, worked. We warned him, cause he dated a lazy gold digger who immediately quit her job and was only interested when he said he had his own company, but he didnt mind. Theyre now divorced and he pays child support. His brother, my ex, was like: hey I want that too, just chill all day just like my mom and you go work.

1point

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

I disagree. Both my parents had terrible terrible parents, but in about 60 years of marriage there is only love and respect. My FIL is proud of his mysogonism. My husband loves his father, but he would never treat me how his mother was treated.

0points

AndyR 1 year ago

I can't agree there - anyone with a bad parent can strive to be a better person than them. I certainly have no intention of turning into my father.

0points

Anagram margana 1 year ago

Been there. Don’t be me.

1point

Scott Rackley 1 year ago

If they have to be in your business 24/7 and never need time away from you, big red flag

0points

Bluetoyou 1 year ago

So many of these can be caused by not having good social skills. It can be from illness both physical and mental. It can be from the meds they are taking. Any number of reasons. Stress causes a lot of issues too. I find it troubling that so many of these say if he does this run! My husband does a lot of this. But he has stage three brain cancer fully infiltrated and terminal. He has limited social skills. He argues a lot because of a reaction to his anti seizure meds. He has little to no short term memory. He has depression and blames himself for his short comings. He yells at inanimate objects because they aren't cooperating. And it's progressive so he is loosing skills all the time. If you notice odd behavior get them to a Dr or a therapist or psychologist. Make sure there isn't a cause besides them being a "bad" person.

0points

Vishy 1 year ago

This article sounds more like preparing to go to war rather than helping people respect each other.

0points

Russell Rieckenberg 1 year ago

How many of these describe a certain ex-president?

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

all?

0points

similarly 1 year ago

I really liked this post. I found it very reasonable, and very good advice.

0points

JC 1 year ago

A HUGE one not in here... If he's into porn and chronic masturbation then he's not into you. It's addictive as heroin, hard as hell to quit, and ruins more marriages than anything else.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

not necessarily. It depends on how often he does the porn vs having sex with you. If he does porn more than you, leave him.

2points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Compulsion control issues are not addictions. It sounds like you and wanker never communicated about your sexual incompatibility

2points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

I admit my mistake and apologize for not doing proper due diligence https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/26318318221081080

1point

Rob Eman 1 year ago

"porn and masturbation ruins more relationships than anything else" your alternative facts, from presumably your church, are wrong. Adultery is #1 in US, flowed by money and finances. Your belief that men are generally wired like women is also wrong, so having differing sex drives is common. Though I kind of wonder what masturbation plus heroin at the same time is like after reading your super intelligent fact based comment....

0points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Show me the peer reviewed study. Sexual addiction is nothing more than an excuse. Nothing in my comment was an ad hominem. The burden of proof is on you for your cllaim

0points

Paul Mitchell 1 year ago

These traits apply to both genders; there are some truly appalling women out there too.

-3points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

bOtH sIdEs

5points

Rob Eman 1 year ago

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censorshipsucks 1 year ago

it's the same both ways, just do a find and replace and replace "men" with "women" and the red flags still apply. Don't get all butthurt just because you are a man. Read the criticisms and see if any of them apply to you. So, here's a red flag for you: you are defensive. I bet your partner finds it highly f*****g annoying. Go ask her. "Babe do you find me defensive?" I bet she will say yes.

1point

Francky 1 year ago

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AndyR 1 year ago

All of the above apply.

1point

R. W. 1 year ago

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Pablo Ramos 1 year ago

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ginny weasley 1 year ago

I feel like you are exactly the kind of person this article is about. Insisting you are kind, mature and selfless while blaming women for men treating them poorly. Some grade A gaslighting there.

12points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Yep, it's a woman's fault they don't recognize your douchery. If you have to try to be any of those things, you are not those things. Work on yourself instead of blaming women who see through the act.

5points

Poeha 1 year ago

It's sometimes just luck and ignoring red flags. There are great guys with horrible women and horrible guys with great women. My sister's ex, he's not a loser, but he was very controlling and my bil mr steal your girl saved her, she says.

1point

Pablo Ramos 1 year ago

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Sean Sean 1 year ago

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Denise Melek 1 year ago

Yeah, god old times, when women had to settle in toxic and abusive realationships and you didn't have to win someone over by respect and caring, right?!

17points

POST

XenoMurph 1 year ago

30points

The crushinator 1 year ago

Thank you!! A little nuance, finally :)

10points

Kawaii Katnix 1 year ago

5points

Rahul Pawa 1 year ago

I can admit I had a lot of these red flags previously. I'm working on lowering them.

3points

Blue 1 year ago

this one could be an adhd symptom too...

0points

Lauren Caswell 1 year ago

28points

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago (edited)

Thanks! It’s interesting.

2points

Steve 1 year ago

Don't forget, if he weighs as much as a duck, he's a witch!

20points

The crushinator 1 year ago

I told him i didn't feel any chemistry and he turned me into a newt!!

11points

Rahul Pawa 1 year ago

Burn him!

4points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

What else floats in water? hmmm... small rocks? apples?

3points

Tim 1 year ago

This is a fair court.

3points

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

Quick - build a bridge out of him

1point

Shane S 1 year ago

19points

Melissa TO 1 year ago

Totally agree!!!

5points

Tams21 1 year ago

16points

Sean Sean 1 year ago

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Kel_how 1 year ago

11points

Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago

Immanuel Kant: "He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals".

8points

Arizona Cowboy 1 year ago

Hitler, Stalin and many other dictators loved and owned dogs. Even Putin does...

0points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Not all dogs get socialized. Having a spaz rescue isn't a red flag

0points

wowbagger 1 year ago

I've dated several people who claim, with pride, that they never get angry. They're just so laid back and accepting that they never feel anger. All of them ended up being very passive-aggressive.

9points

Alan Jay Weiner 1 year ago

6points

Scarlett 1 year ago

4points

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

0points

Poeha 1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Sonja 1 year ago

8points

ToGo 1 year ago

6points

Tim 1 year ago

4points

Arabiata Arabiata 1 year ago

5points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

oof my current girlfriend has all four of those. sheesh.

1point

Nikki D 1 year ago

Arguments are Always one sided, they are never wrong, and they always manipulate me! I love my animals.

5points

Poeha 1 year ago

1point

AndyR 1 year ago

4points

Alan Jay Weiner 1 year ago

3points

Daria 1 year ago (edited)

All these points are valid and appreciated of course. But I'm yet to meet a person (of any gender, mind) without any toxicity or "fuсked-upness" in them. Myself included.

2points

MeMosabe 1 year ago

He gets married thinking she will never change, and She gets married thinking he will change. Once both realize they were both wrong, it's over.

2points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 1 year ago

Watch how he treats the females in his life. Mother, sisters, colleagues, neices.

2points

MoMcB 1 year ago

Not necessarily. My ex was a wonderful son, as a husband, a violent selfish lump.

1point

Boreddd🇺🇦 1 year ago

2points

gie 1 year ago (edited)

2points

XenoMurph 1 year ago

Rubbish. I am nothing like my father and work very hard not to be.

11points

Ches Yamada 1 year ago (edited)

4points

Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago

Not always the case... I speak from direct experience.

2points

Poeha 1 year ago (edited)

1point

Wondering Alice 1 year ago

0points

AndyR 1 year ago

I can't agree there - anyone with a bad parent can strive to be a better person than them. I certainly have no intention of turning into my father.

0points

Anagram margana 1 year ago

Been there. Don’t be me.

1point

Scott Rackley 1 year ago

If they have to be in your business 24/7 and never need time away from you, big red flag

0points

Bluetoyou 1 year ago

0points

Vishy 1 year ago

This article sounds more like preparing to go to war rather than helping people respect each other.

0points

Russell Rieckenberg 1 year ago

How many of these describe a certain ex-president?

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

all?

0points

similarly 1 year ago

I really liked this post. I found it very reasonable, and very good advice.

0points

JC 1 year ago

A HUGE one not in here... If he's into porn and chronic masturbation then he's not into you. It's addictive as heroin, hard as hell to quit, and ruins more marriages than anything else.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

not necessarily. It depends on how often he does the porn vs having sex with you. If he does porn more than you, leave him.

2points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Compulsion control issues are not addictions. It sounds like you and wanker never communicated about your sexual incompatibility

2points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

I admit my mistake and apologize for not doing proper due diligence https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/26318318221081080

1point

Rob Eman 1 year ago

0points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

Show me the peer reviewed study. Sexual addiction is nothing more than an excuse. Nothing in my comment was an ad hominem. The burden of proof is on you for your cllaim

0points

Paul Mitchell 1 year ago

These traits apply to both genders; there are some truly appalling women out there too.

-3points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

bOtH sIdEs

5points

Rob Eman 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

1point

Francky 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

AndyR 1 year ago

All of the above apply.

1point

R. W. 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Pablo Ramos 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

ginny weasley 1 year ago

I feel like you are exactly the kind of person this article is about. Insisting you are kind, mature and selfless while blaming women for men treating them poorly. Some grade A gaslighting there.

12points

Stump Rumpersonne 1 year ago

5points

Poeha 1 year ago

1point

Pablo Ramos 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sean Sean 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Denise Melek 1 year ago

Yeah, god old times, when women had to settle in toxic and abusive realationships and you didn't have to win someone over by respect and caring, right?!

17points