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In the cultural tradition of many peoples of the Earth, passing away is not the end of a person’s life path, but only its continuation, the transition to a happier, more joyful world. And if so, then the funeral turns from a mourning event into something more reminiscent of a holiday, where loved ones rejoice for the deceased, who has taken the next step into the afterlife.
Such burial customs were noted, for example, by the Vikings, some peoples of the African continent, the inhabitants of the island of Bali in Indonesia… you can’t list them all. True, in most US and European traditions, the funeral is still considered an unconditionally sad event, and various joyful actions that are normal for everyday life look out of place here.
This is probably what the author of this post in the AITA Reddit community was thinking when he was driving to the funeral of his wife’s brother, along with his sister and her husband. However, we are getting ahead of ourselves a bit here, but for now, just note that the original post got nearly 19.2K upvotes and over 1.8K comments. Okay, let’s find out together what caused such popularity.
More info: Reddit
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The Original Poster and his sister grew up in a very sexually positive household
Image credits: Susanne Nilsson (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster and his sister “Angie” grew up in a very sexually positive household. The parents told their children early enough and in sufficient detail about sex and all its manifestations, and they never hesitated to show their affection towards each other in public. However, the son and daughter took it completely differently.
Image credits: u/AITAAngie
Unlike his sister, the OP now is rather reserved with PDA, and so is his wife
If Angie, having become an adult, in terms of attitude to sex, perhaps, has become even more relaxed than her parents, then her brother, in his own words, believes that his dad and mom told them too early (and too much) about the relationship of the sexes. This is not to say that the OP is a hypocrite, but he treats PDA quite reservedly.
Image credits: u/AITAAngie
The OP’s wife, “Zara”, is just as reserved in this regard. While the spouses are quite good at sex positivity, the maximum manifestation of their relationship that Zara allows herself in public is a kiss on the cheek or just holding hands. This, as the OP admits, often amuses Angie and she used to play pranks on Zara. Of course, the OP does not like this, so he and Angie communicate quite rarely.
Image credits: u/AITAAngie
The OP’s brother passed away so the spouses drove to say their last goodbye to him, taking the OP’s sister and her husband with them
Unfortunately, the new reason to communicate with the sister turned out to be extremely sad – Zara’s brother passed away, and the couple had to go to say their last goodbye to him. Angie and her husband “Bill”, who, by the way, fully shares his wife’s ideas and beliefs, offered to go together in one car. The OP already thought it was a bad idea, but let himself be persuaded.
Image credits: Cristina Souza (not the actual image)
At first everything went quite normally – everyone was immersed in their own thoughts, and all four hardly spoke. But then, probably, Angie and Bill got bored in the backseat and started making out. The OP specifically notes that he means full-on making out. They were pushing one another against the car door and making all sorts of noises. Of course, Zara and the OP felt extremely uncomfortable.
Image credits: u/AITAAngie
As the sister and her husband began making out in the backseat, the OP just snapped at them and kicked them out of his car
Eventually the OP’s patience snapped. He stopped the car at a small petrol station, yelled at Angie and her husband, claiming that their behavior in this situation was simply disgusting, and literally kicked both of them out of the car, suggesting that they get to their destination on their own.
Image credits: Bradley Gordon (not the actual image)
The OP’s parents backed his sister, yet most of the commenters thought she was in no way sex positive but just selfish and callous
One could well predict the reaction of the OP’s parents – they said that he went too far and that Zara just needed to “loosen up” in order to be a part of this family. However, most people in the comments supported the OP and his wife, because, in their opinion, what Angie and her husband did was not sex positive, but an elementary imposition of their own lifestyle. After all, they may be sex positive, but not consent positive.
It’s one thing to be sex positive, and quite another to be a selfish person, putting your own emotions above everything, including the feelings of other people in a completely inappropriate situation. In other words, the commenters believe that the OP’s anger was completely justified, and it was Angie and Bill who should have apologized to Zara, not the OP at all.
By the way, close communication with relatives usually opens up many new facets of them which a person might not have suspected before. For example, this man once decided to please his in-laws by inviting them to Disneyland for free, and then greatly regretted his decision. In any case, please feel free to leave your comments on this very tale below.
What do you think ?
Kate Jones 2 years ago
There's a difference between being open and being socially inappropriate. I'm an extremely open person but I know there are limits to what is okay to do, not because of anyone else's conservativeness on the subject, but out of respect for others. If she's in the mood at the wake is she going to be making out in front of the dead body? In front of the crying mother? On the coffin at the burial site? Her actions show a lack of empathy toward someone else's feelings, and a lack of self-control. There's something called passive abuse which happens when people don't physically abuse a child, but sexualize them... like a pedophile watching porn with a victim or a father talking about his daughter's body being 'sexy' but not ever touching her. Making sure your kids understand and accept sex as being normal and healthy is great, but there's a line between that and sexualizing your kids in an abusive way. She may have some issues she needs to deal with.
Jan Gardner 2 years ago
Wow. NTA and I would never have contact with that family. You are a good husband. That whore house behavior is the height of ill manners en route to a funeral. If you have children I would NEVER allow your parents to be alone with them.
Deborah Harris2 2 years ago
The whole situation is a bit much, the guy did right by asking them to get out of the car. His sister and him sadly are both the victims of abuse , the fact that they were introduced to sexual acts and education at such a tender age that it made him uncomfortable says it all. It must have been like living in the middle of a roman orgy growing up. Exibitionism is not acceptable and is not the norm. There's a vast difference in a spur of the moment sexual act to someone constantly having to push the boundaries in front of people who are not comfortable with what you are doing. I think they both need to see professional help although the guy does seem to have managed to escape the madness of his awful family .
Deborah B 2 years ago
I would disagree with your saying that "exhibitionism is not acceptable". Consensual exhibitionism isn't inherently abusive. If everyone involved, and observing, consents, such as at a swinger's party or a sex club, then let them do their thing. Zara and OP do not consent to watch. Children are not able to consent. The lack of consent is what makes this behaviour abusive.
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Kate Jones 2 years ago
There's a difference between being open and being socially inappropriate. I'm an extremely open person but I know there are limits to what is okay to do, not because of anyone else's conservativeness on the subject, but out of respect for others. If she's in the mood at the wake is she going to be making out in front of the dead body? In front of the crying mother? On the coffin at the burial site? Her actions show a lack of empathy toward someone else's feelings, and a lack of self-control. There's something called passive abuse which happens when people don't physically abuse a child, but sexualize them... like a pedophile watching porn with a victim or a father talking about his daughter's body being 'sexy' but not ever touching her. Making sure your kids understand and accept sex as being normal and healthy is great, but there's a line between that and sexualizing your kids in an abusive way. She may have some issues she needs to deal with.
Jan Gardner 2 years ago
Wow. NTA and I would never have contact with that family. You are a good husband. That whore house behavior is the height of ill manners en route to a funeral. If you have children I would NEVER allow your parents to be alone with them.
Deborah Harris2 2 years ago
The whole situation is a bit much, the guy did right by asking them to get out of the car. His sister and him sadly are both the victims of abuse , the fact that they were introduced to sexual acts and education at such a tender age that it made him uncomfortable says it all. It must have been like living in the middle of a roman orgy growing up. Exibitionism is not acceptable and is not the norm. There's a vast difference in a spur of the moment sexual act to someone constantly having to push the boundaries in front of people who are not comfortable with what you are doing. I think they both need to see professional help although the guy does seem to have managed to escape the madness of his awful family .
Deborah B 2 years ago
I would disagree with your saying that "exhibitionism is not acceptable". Consensual exhibitionism isn't inherently abusive. If everyone involved, and observing, consents, such as at a swinger's party or a sex club, then let them do their thing. Zara and OP do not consent to watch. Children are not able to consent. The lack of consent is what makes this behaviour abusive.
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