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Starting college marks a new beginning; often somewhere far from home. And despite being scary sometimes, it can also be very exciting.
Redditor u/Abject_Panda_27 was looking forward to starting her college experience away from home. However, she was met with pressure from her family members, who weren’t happy about her leaving her single-mother twin sister. Their reactions made the OP wonder if she was a jerk for wanting to move out of state.
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Starting college is a new chapter that often takes place somewhere far from home
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas (not the actual photo)
This young woman’s family wasn’t too excited about her leaving for college out of state
Image credits: Alicia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zhivko Minkov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Rodolfo Quirós (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Abject_Panda_27
Quite a few students choose to attend college out of state
Image credits: Sincerely Media (no the actual photo)
Starting college is a significant moment in one’s life as it’s often followed by a time of change and new exciting experiences. For one reason or another, quite a few students decide to seek education further from home, whether it’s a different state or a different country altogether. According to HireAHelper’s College Move Index, roughly 40% of students move for college; as many as one-fifth of them move out of state (at least that’s how many did in 2021).
Data suggests that the states that see the largest number of local students leaving are generally smaller and less populated; they typically have fewer colleges and universities for them to enroll in. The leading states when it comes to the highest share of students leaving for another state are the District of Columbia (where 85% of students leave), New Hampshire (53%), and Minnesota (51%).
States on the other end of the list with the majority of students staying to get their education locally include Utah (with 92% of students staying), Arizona and California (88%), and Alabama, Mississippi, and Florida (all roughly at 87%), among others. (Back in 2016, The New York Times covered student migration in great detail, sharing information about each state.)
The College Move Index also determined which schools in the country arguably had the strongest “pull” for students in the US. Among them, Harvard University took the lead, followed by Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Yale University, and Columbia University respectively.
Children moving out of the nest can bring all sorts of emotions
Image credits: Fa Barboza (no the actual photo)
There are numerous reasons for young individuals to move out of their parents’ place, from getting accepted into their dream college far, far away to simply seeking a change of environment. But research suggests that those willing to take the plunge have to weigh quite a few significant factors, with or without college in the picture. Some of the main ones include the person’s resources, the state of the housing market, factors underlying leaving home to live with a partner or on their own, and opportunities offered by the new location.
The decision to move out of the parents’ home and leave the family can be met with varying reactions that depend on many factors, such as family dynamics or people’s attachment styles, just to name a couple. But quite often, it can become the cause of conflict among household members.
Psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth suggested that things can get tense around the house right before the child leaves for college. In a piece for Psychology Today, she pointed out that when both the parents and the child feel sad and vulnerable about the upcoming separation, seemingly anything they say or do can provoke a fight.
She also referred to the idea that fighting with parents can be an adolescent’s way of differentiating themselves from them and practicing to put their ideas and thoughts into action. “So these difficult conflicts can be adaptive, even though they can also be draining,” Barth explained.
In the OP’s situation, the main cause of arguments in the family was seemingly leaving her twin sister and her little daughter. However, people in the comments suggested that the redditor shouldn’t hold herself back because of them and encouraged her to embark on the new journey of starting college.
People in the comments shared their opinions with the OP
What do you think ?
VioletHunter 1 year ago
The most important issue here is who decided that a 14 year old should carry her baby to term... especially when the father is AWOL and money was already tight for the family? Maybe the parents are religious nutjobs who wouldn't even let that girl think of an abortion.
Tamra 1 year ago
That is the first thing I thought of. If the parents were so dead set on their 14 year old child giving birth, then they can take on all responsibility. This is appalling. I hope OP gets out as quickly as possible, and practices healthy boundaries with her family.
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Alexandra 1 year ago
Wow, and here I am, thinking family members want the best for each other.... Maybe there is something to be said for a chosen family after all, considering how toxic some families can be.
Monday 1 year ago
On the bright side, if you were thinking family members want the best for each other then at least you have a good family?
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Kathryn Baylis 1 year ago (edited)
If twin sis had the baby at 14, and they’re both now 18, the kid has to be four, or close, so we’re not talking about an infant demanding 24/7/365 care and attention, we’re talking a four year old who can be content for a while sitting at a table with paper and crayons. They’re now pre-school age, and next year kindergarten age. Half days in school for two years. Twin sis can then go get a part time job—-or enroll for part time classes at a local college—-either of which she can do full time when the kid hits six and is in school all day. Plus many colleges, especially community colleges, offer daycare (good practice for their Pre-School Education majors). That way, Twin sis can eventually be a self-supporting single mom making a decent salary, instead of freeloading off their parents as a forever child who never leaves the nest. So yeah, OP isn’t hamstringing anyone by going on to college out of state right now. I say leave, go limited contact, have fun in your college years, graduate, go on to grad school if you want, have YOUR life, and don’t look back. Misery loves company, and when they can’t find any, they try to create some. OP’s family is miserable with the way things are, and they’re trying to make OP join them in their misery too. Don’t do it girl!
- 1 year ago
Sensible ideas. I'm not blaming a 14-year-old for getting pregnant, but the parents don't need to make the mistake worse by dumping on their other child.
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 1 year ago
The most important issue here is who decided that a 14 year old should carry her baby to term... especially when the father is AWOL and money was already tight for the family? Maybe the parents are religious nutjobs who wouldn't even let that girl think of an abortion.
Tamra 1 year ago
That is the first thing I thought of. If the parents were so dead set on their 14 year old child giving birth, then they can take on all responsibility. This is appalling. I hope OP gets out as quickly as possible, and practices healthy boundaries with her family.
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
Wow, and here I am, thinking family members want the best for each other.... Maybe there is something to be said for a chosen family after all, considering how toxic some families can be.
Monday 1 year ago
On the bright side, if you were thinking family members want the best for each other then at least you have a good family?
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 1 year ago (edited)
If twin sis had the baby at 14, and they’re both now 18, the kid has to be four, or close, so we’re not talking about an infant demanding 24/7/365 care and attention, we’re talking a four year old who can be content for a while sitting at a table with paper and crayons. They’re now pre-school age, and next year kindergarten age. Half days in school for two years. Twin sis can then go get a part time job—-or enroll for part time classes at a local college—-either of which she can do full time when the kid hits six and is in school all day. Plus many colleges, especially community colleges, offer daycare (good practice for their Pre-School Education majors). That way, Twin sis can eventually be a self-supporting single mom making a decent salary, instead of freeloading off their parents as a forever child who never leaves the nest. So yeah, OP isn’t hamstringing anyone by going on to college out of state right now. I say leave, go limited contact, have fun in your college years, graduate, go on to grad school if you want, have YOUR life, and don’t look back. Misery loves company, and when they can’t find any, they try to create some. OP’s family is miserable with the way things are, and they’re trying to make OP join them in their misery too. Don’t do it girl!
- 1 year ago
Sensible ideas. I'm not blaming a 14-year-old for getting pregnant, but the parents don't need to make the mistake worse by dumping on their other child.
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