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It’s nicer to learn from others’ mistakes because you don’t need to go through that unpleasant or traumatic experience yourself to realize that you need to make a different decision or act in a different way.

Even though it is safe to say that the most valuable and memorable lessons are the ones that you go through yourself, it doesn’t hurt to listen to what advice more experienced people can give, especially if it is not that obvious and can prevent serious consequences in the future. That’s why Reddit user oigoabuya asked the internet “What are the lessons you learnt too late in life?” to which people replied with some valuable knowledge.

More info: Reddit

#1

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Just because you're blood related to someone, doesn't mean that you owe them anything. Toxic people are toxic people and you are not required to give them a single ounce of your attention if they are hurting you.

ItsWhiskeyBitch , Richard Smith Report

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Luke Branwen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Family is like an appendix - you only have one, but when it becomes toxic, you cut it off for the sake of your health.

Jan Gardner
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm shocked that people still think you can't cut ties just because of genetics. I forgive and move away.

Alexia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS. Toxic families don't change for the better just because you desperately want them to, and do your best to kind and tolerant. It just doesn't work like that

Duane Ringlein
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Broke off anything to do with my Mom because of how toxic she was, caused a rift between my sisters and I because they would acknowledge that she was toxic but was "the only mother we have". No regrets on my part, my life became a happier place without her.

Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Learning this now with a cousin. Twice in two weeks, her words were hurtful and I even broke down crying (something I rarely let another make me do). As of this last event, there will be no more get togethers, no more plans outside of holiday with family groups. My mental health is more precious than keeping appearances.

Jaime L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn right I left when I turned 17 met my wife at 18 and have never looked back to my family EVER my wife's parents treated me way more better

Autumn Artemis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blood is thicker than water. The whole saying however- “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Is a much better summary.

Ivy la Sangrienta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Especially parents thinking their kids owe them something for existing. They didn't ask to be born, that's on you, ma'am.

Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. I have 2 sisters that I refuse to have anything to do with. Toxic AF.

Jennifer Norton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard to come to terms with this one because you are raised with these people. But I promise you.... putting distance between you and toxic relatives is the best thing you can ever do for your mental/physical/emotional health!

Mrs. EW
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In law related, also. I’m a progressive and half of my in-law siblings have made it clear that we’re not welcome because we won’t let them use racist rhetoric around us and especially at our home. My nephew invited my son to their grandfathers birthday, I was unaware until just before he left. My in law-ed siblings said to our son that we planted him there, so we knew what was going on over there. Yeah, no. I was a bit upset that their pettiness has split us all, as I can get along fine with my Republican side of the family and we know how to put differences aside. But no, I don’t need to know or care what they do. Saying such to my son just shows how low they can go.

Chrmnl P
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just asked myself, if I was not related to these people, would I associate with them? When the answer was no, it was easy to go no contact with them. Why should I expose my children to people whose morals, life choices and general lifestyle are in direct opposition to everything I believe in and respect. Life was so much better without them.

Solidhog
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of times I have quoted this to people after someone said it before on here.

Jerry Mathers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone that is always talking about "the blood" or "family first" will, if not now then in the future, want something. I've never had a relative that was worth knowing and was older than 20 give me that speech.

Michael Largey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I owe my family fairness. And, as I am my very closest relative, this includes fairness to myself.

Enlee Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn’t talk to my toxic older sister for nearly 8 years. Now we just exchange the occasional Facebook memes and messages. I’ve completed cut my racist, ultra rightwing j@ck@ss uncle. He was one of those relatives I saw only once every 10-20 years so it wasn’t that hard to do.

Aunt Messy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is related to someone they'd cross the street to avoid if they saw them. It's ok not to permit them in your life.

Laurna Cron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to cut contact with a cousin. I love her to bits, but i am not her virtual punching bag.... It had to stop, keep. Up to. Date through my mum these days, less harmful for me mentally x

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#2

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Never put your education/ job / plans etc on hold for a boyfriend / girlfriend especially while in college, especially when you’re 19.

ConstructionLower549 , Wyatt Fisher Report

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Amy Taylor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 19 my brother was in university in England. I had never been to Europe (I live in CA) he offered me a free place to stay and wanted me to come out and travel all over Europe with him and his friends. My boyfriend at the time said he'd break up with me if I went, so I didn't go. Looking back, him leaving me over that would be reason enough to have gone.

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#3

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Listen to your gut instinct. If something feels off about a person or situation, there’s a reason. Believe it the first time and walk away

LAESanford , Dushan Hanuska Report

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ArodTheHorrible
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is sound advice. You don't have to justify it, either... the fact that you are uncomfortable is reason enough to go

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#4

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Happiness is enjoying the things you have, not the things to come.

6ingiiie , Vladimir Kudinov Report

#5

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail.

puppet1987 , Hans Gerwitz Report

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Headless Roach
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They say success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm 🙃

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#6

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group That saying NO can save you a lot of trouble down the line.

manp117 , hans-juergen Report

#7

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group I think, oddly, the lesson I learned is that there is no such thing as 'too late in life' - at 26, I was homeless, out of rehab, and broke. Things have changed dramatically for the better.

hockeyjoker , H. Michael Karshis Report

#8

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Look after your knees and your teeth.

Kickstone , maceelaine Report

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Russ Kincade
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brush at night to keep your teeth and brush in the morning to keep your friends!

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#9

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group You shouldn’t care what your high school experience was good or bad or what your classmates think of you because who cares about high school after 18?

If high school was your peak you have a sh**ty life ahead

TemporaryMine6771 , SOMANEDU Report

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Headless Roach
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can barely remember my university... what an old headless roach I have become 😏

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#10

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group That a death in the family brings out the worst in people.

NoBodySpecial51 , Stephan Ridgway Report

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Well-Dressed Wolf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad died last year. My mother is still lying to people and saying my dad is still alive. She refused to even tell his brother and sister that he died. It isn’t a mental issue on her part - she’s just a mean, narcissistic a-hole who likes soaking up the pity points she gets for “caring for a disabled husband”.

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#11

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group That you can't please everyone so you shouldn't worry about trying to

Hershie23 , Panca Satrio Nugroho Report

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Eat Dirt Crow
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can only please one person per day. Today's not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

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#12

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Don't bring things home from work.

I had a bad day at work. Came home and got in an argument with my gf about something...and stopped halfway. Yes, she really had done something, but the only reason I got so angry about it was because...I had already been angry, from work. Otherwise i might have just let it go.

From then on I learned to separate work from home. I was 28. I felt like this was a lesson I should have learned earlier.

TheDevilsAdvokaat , tdr28 Report

#13

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Your boss is NOT looking out for YOUR best interests. He is looking out for HIS best interests.

Corporate has no loyalty to you. You are just a replaceable cog.

Nice guys rarely get promoted. They just get more responsibility. Semi-aggressive advancement planning and prioritizing the advancement tasks over items specified in job description is about the only way to advance salary faster than what is paid to new hires. Even then jumping ship is usually the best way to advance salary and get more responsibility.

Czech_Bob_13 , darkday Report

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Hugh Cookson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always make sure you get yourself into a position where you know more than anyone else does in the organisation or are not easy to replace ; then play mind games with your immediate superiors. Hints about leaving are good, leaving an unfinished CV on your desk is better. Words in ears are even better .....

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#14

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group You shouldn’t try doing a backflip for the first time when you’re drunk.

soulsoul111 , Barney Moss Report

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ArodTheHorrible
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is much more to the story that taught this wisdom that I would love to hear

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#15

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group I know this sounds wrong but hear me out. DONT do what you love for a living, unless it pays well. Research your career path before choosing one and prioritize potential earnings and time off. Do what gets you the most money and benefits with the least amount of time invested. Do what you love in your free time, making it your career can ultimately make you resent it and lose your enthusiasm for the hobby you love most. Almost every job becomes a mundane chore if you do it every day, no matter how much you enjoy it now. I know it’s anecdotal, but, I always loved wrenching on cars. I started tinkering long before I could drive. I’m damn good at it and made a career out of it. The problem is, doing it every day has made me lose interest in doing it for fun. I don’t have cool projects anymore. I see cars as basic transportation now and have no interest in building/modifying anything. The pay isn’t terrible, but it isn’t great either. If I could do it again I’d have kept it as a hobby and gone into a field that is boring but pays for REAL life outside of work. Ultimately work is a means to an end for most people and all of the high minded ideals of “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” stuff is b******t. Get that money, retire as soon as you can, and live life to the fullest while you can.

kandm1983 , Radek Kucharski Report

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Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true. If you turn what you love to do for fun into something you have to do to survive, it quickly becomes no fun to do anymore.

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#16

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group People aren't thinking about you even a fraction of the amount you think they're thinking about you.

You're noise in a lifetime of experiences and a busy mind. This is a good thing. It means you can just get what you need from people and not over think it, safe in the knowledge that they'll forget you almost immediately.

AlterEdward , Francesco Report

#17

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group 1) Soul mates aren't a thing. 2) Learn to fight in a relationship without raising your voice and keep a check on your emotions, it's you and your SO against the problem not you against them.

SoupIsForWinners , fromcolettewithlove Report

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Max M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whem me and my gf moved together, i was not used to being yelled at, and she was used to yell during arguments from home. My brain made some kind of shut off, and made me think, this is to noisy, i go away from the noise. She got pissed but with time we found common ground, talking in normal volume about problems, and i didnt walk away.

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#18

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group We all make mistakes, dont dwell on it

Somethingidk9 , Daniel Simpson Report

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Mabelbabel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't dwell on it, certainly, but learn from it and find out how you can do better next time.

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#19

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group If you made mistakes, always confront them and the consequences right away. Waiting doesn't make it better, it makes it worse.

Guggelima Report

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Deborah Harris2
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True just get it over and done with. Bottling something inside you just adds to the guilt.

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#20

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Budget save and invest

Boring af but makes a huge difference

naxhh , alamosbasement Report

#21

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group You can lose a finger wearing a ring.

PDOUSR , Megan Anthony Report

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Chucky Cheezburger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's why I don't wear a ring. I do industrial maintenance and could very easily lose a finger or worse. My wife would prefer to have me fully functional. She knows I'm not going anywhere, ring or no ring.

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#22

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group 1) You are not obliged to love your parents. This is a hard one but some parental behaviours get toxic and you can't possibly keep them happy constantly

2) You are not obliged to constantly help out / listen to people especially when they take too much help / vent to you too much. Let people make mistakes. Let them learn

3) Just because you did well in primary school doesn't mean everything will come to you automatically in life; learn to put real effort into your work

4) A lot of people you meet will be cold, cruel and selfish. You will get used. Life is a constant struggle to avoid being one of those people.

69_queefs_per_sec , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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Natasha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love doesn’t mean they have to be in your life. Love just means doing what is best for that person you love. You can love your parents and want what’s best for them (like become less toxic) but that doesn’t mean you have to have them in your lives.

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#23

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group People will tell you a lot of things, but their actions are what is important. Someone will tell you that they will always be there for you, but that is not guaranteed. They will say they want you to be happy, but then do things that hurt you. Sometimes without knowing, sometimes on purpose, sometimes because they are a coward.

Holybull79 , Blondinrikard Fröberg Report

#24

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group It's always better to do your work immediately rather than putting it off for later.

OG_Squeekz , Amtec Photos Report

#25

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Be patient and wait. It's better to be alone than with someone that doesn't respect you.

No matter how much or good your are to someone, some of them will screw you over.

Always look after yourself first.

Start early with physical hobby and keep fit, you have one body and there is no replay.

If you love someone but they don't love you.. move on. It will hurt like hell but in the long run, you'll be happier.

Giving money doesn't equate to affection, the gratitude will be short lived and you'll only be an ATM to them in the near future.

BeauTofu , oatsy40 Report

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#26

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Looking back so far, here’s my list of gotta dos:

1. Get a skill. College, intern, trade school, self taught - doesn’t matter. Get a skill.

2. Minimize your debt. Do anything to stave off picking up loans, racking up credit cards. Even with a skill, if half your money goes to paying debt, you’re gonna have a bad time.

3. Don’t chase others (relationships). Be the best you possible. Read. Work out. Think. Be happy by yourself. People like people who have a story to tell. Don’t live through others.

misterguydude , US Department of Educatio Report

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Thomas Ewing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't be a clingy dependant. Stand on your own two feet like a solid citizen.

#27

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Never allow someone to treat you as their therapist. If they tell you all their problems but get defensive about your simple requests, they are not worth your time.

DiskPidge , ROSE PHYSICAL THERAPY Report

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JPotts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When they complain about the same problems over and over and never do anything to change.

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#28

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group The value of responsibility, to me it's an ethical thing. Doing the right thing eases your conscience so much more than just doing what you feel like doing. Sure it can be stressful, but you sleep so much better and feel more at ease when you do what you know is right.

MettaMorphosis , Denise Krebs Report

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#30

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group That there IS hope for you to fix your mental health problems. I left things for 10 years not knowing there was decent help to be had. Although to be fair, things have progressed a lot since then

Skitsnacks , claire valej Report

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Rich Cronshey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, and the best way to experience more joy is to become more willing to experience disappointment and loss. Easier said than done for sure.

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#31

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group Dental hygeine should have always been a priority. Only really had a few bad years at end of teens/early 20s where I'd go to sleep without brushing teeth every day or go for regular checkups. The cavities are permanent. The crowns I have still feel weird to me ten years later.

To be straight up I think I am also just unlucky with genetics because I know people who don't care for their teeth almost ever and have no problems. But you really don't want to find out which person you are by not staying on top of things.

qigger , Lisa Zins Report

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Hill Branda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true. Not taking care of your teeth will cause you all sorts of grief that will last for years.

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#32

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group To become more comfortable being uncomfortable

anon , Jeffrey Report

#33

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group If you don’t drink enough water and are constantly dehydrated, you could get kidney stones

spazmcgee1 , ponafotkas Report

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Hill Branda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, not drinking enough can cause kidney stones to be difficult to pass, but how many stones form is often due to having a poor diet. Too much meat or salt can cause stones, or you may be genetically predisposed to forming stones.

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#34

People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group I should have had enough basic self-esteem to realise that, if I can attract (somebody I think is) the most wonderful girl in the world, then I can probably manage to attract another one.

(Rather than stay in a relationship that I knew wasn't making me happy, but at the same time, I didn't think I could ever be any happier.)

hymie0 , Eila Manuel Report

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Szirra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never settle for a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.

#36

Don't give your 100% on someone if you're not able to give 100% on you.

xolofompila Report

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#38

You have to like... actively take care of your body. Health is not a passive measure of avoiding things that are bad for you. It takes time and effort to keep your body working in all the right ways. This doesn't mean just exercising to a point of exhaustion every day, but includes stretching and breathing exercises to make sure you're not staying tense after the workout, and to make sure you're effectively exercising when you do. You have to constantly question proper form and change your ways when you've been doing something improperly. It takes dedication and intelligence. It's not easy and you'll keep telling yourself you live a healthy lifestyle until it's too late.

Fun-Put-9104 Report

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Bunzilla
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But also accept that sometimes, even though you're looking after yourself... your body can still betray you. The thing a lot of people either don't realize or don't want to accept is that a large portion of good health is sheer luck. You can be living the healthiest lifestyle ever and still have your body betray you. Not trying to be alarmist, just saying that if it does happen to you; IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. And to everyone else; please be nicer to the disabled. It could have been you.

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