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Parents Online Are Questioning The Bodily Autonomy Of Their Children And How To Teach Them Consent Regardless Of What Other Grown-Ups Say
Our society is well into a journey of how to ‘unlearn’ certain things that have been around for ages. For some reason, many habits and behaviors have been magically normalized so people are now trying to challenge these notions. One of these social aspects revolves around kids, adults, hugs, and kisses. While it seems like a sweet gesture to make the grandparents happy, kids giving free hugs and kisses to adults has become a heated topic in this online community and various social media outlets.
Bored Panda has already covered a mom calling out the aforementioned grandparents expecting their grandchildren to just shower them in hugs and kisses. And this time we’re diving deeper to hear out what parents have to say about their kids’ bodily autonomy and consent.
More info: Tumblr | BoredPanda | TikTok
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Parents online are now not only teaching their kids what bodily autonomy is, but also rewarding the display of it
Image credits: curlyhairedone
These moms shared that they have no problems making others uncomfortable if it means that their kids know the value of bodily independence
Image credits: curlyhairedone
Parents online have been buzzing discussing that there is no shame in making someone uncomfortable by rewarding their children for displays of bodily autonomy. This mom that goes under the name of swedpea on Imgur is truly having her daughter’s back and confirming that saying no is actually ok and no guilt should arise from it. She shared that people who try to hug her daughter would give her looks when her daughter would politely say no to a hug. What the mom actually does is demonstrating that there is no need to do anything that one’s not comfortable with.
Some people need to be told told twice that kids do not want to be hugged or kissed and it’s their choice
Image credits: curlyhairedone
People who work with children have also shared their experience and expertise. User ineeduhnap, who works with five-year-olds, made sure to have a conversation about how everyone’s body belongs to themselves and no one else. They highlighted that even wanting to hug your friend should be first double-checked with them and if the answer is actually a no, it should be respected. Turns out that the kids actually didn’t even have a problem asking that all the time and when presented with a negative response, they were not put off and just went on with their life as usual.
Image credits: curlyhairedone
This other mom, Brittany Baxter, shared a video that went viral, sharing that she has been teaching her 2-year-old daughter consent and adults—how to respect that. The mom from Australia that Bored Panda wrote about a few months back was calling for the normalization of the fact that kids do not have to kiss and hug adults. This sparked quite a few debates and well, fetched Brittany over 58k likes on her viral video, showing that people do care about this social issue.
This mom on TikTok called for normalization of the fact that kids do not have to kiss and hug adults
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
She gave an example of the grandparents and how they expect their grandchildren to shower them with love
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Brittany strongly stands by her opinion that kids and their bodies are not there to make anyone to feel more loved
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Brittany had a series of videos regarding the topic of children and consent, but in this particular one, she stresses that adults should be more helpful and considerate when it comes to accepting kids’ choice of declining to hug and kiss. She says that people shouldn’t complain that they need to ask permission from kids to hug, and that the most important feelings in this story are nobody’s but her daughter’s.
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
And here is the viral video Brittany posted on her TikTok
@brittanybaxter_xI said what I said… ##gentleparenting##consent##fyp♬ original sound – Brittany
Video credits: brittanybaxter_x
Users online shared their own experience and opinion, some even remembering what it was like to experience the lack of bodily autonomy in their childhood
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What do you think ?
-Loki's_favorite_kid- 4 years ago
Normalize consent! I once saw a girl (4 yrs) in my brother's class who, on grandparents day, was getting forced to hug her grandparents my her mother. It had gotten to the point where she hid in the bathroom because she didn't want them hugging her. It broke my heart.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
I heard of a 4-year-old boy whose maternal grandmother was all over him. When his paternal grandmother (who lived far) came on a visit, he yelled, "I don't like you!" She calmly said, "I don't like you either." They got along fine after that. I remember her from when I was a child and she was pretty good with little kids, respectful and able to talk to them.
Load More Replies...
Viviane 4 years ago
How needy are adults that they need a hug from a little kid to feel loved? How about acting like a grownup and getting to know a child?
Jeannette Shirley 4 years ago
My mother is this way. Just yesterday, she said to me that my kids must not love her anymore because they don't give her a hug when she tells them to give her one. She even started the fake crying crap and said that she is going to just go off into the wild and die because her hugs are "gross."
Load More Replies...
Tracy Costa 4 years ago
I've said this somewhere before. This helps children defend themselves against sexual predators. They are most likely to be abused by someone they know, a relative, coach, teacher, neighbor... and it starts off small. So if you empower your child say no to a hug or kiss for grandma (or even mommy) if they don't want to, they're more likely to say no and tell on adults that creep them out.
Mohammad Ammar 4 years ago
But kids can easily be groomed into giving consent so even that may not work at times. I think adults should just be a little more physically distant with kids above the age of 5. I feel like kids need to get a sense of the sort of environment where hugs and kisses are acceptable.family gatherings where numerous adults are around ,ok. Empty classroom, no. It may sound extreme but bad touch can happen so fast and mess up a child's life.
Load More Replies...
Amanda Panda 4 years ago (edited)
I'll also add that my childhood was FULL of unwanted touching that was a bit more devious than a hug or a kiss on a cheek. I attribute this fully to the lack of bodily autonomy and the domineering authoritarian parenting I received. Children were always to do what adults told them to, without question. "Backtalk" and "No" was met with a slap to the face. How was I to know that there were situations when it was ok to stand up for myself? I lived to please and gain the approval of adults. Surprise surprise! I'm 36 and learning about consent, and autonomy, and how not to be a people pleaser. Don't make your kids fight these battles all their lives.
Amanda Panda 4 years ago
I HATE when parents force their kids to hug me, no matter how long they've known me. My own nieces. They say "Give Aunt Mandi hugs/kisses" and I say "It's Ok, you don't have to" and I feel that makes the situation more awkward. Someone tell me something better to say. Please.
BRAD MATSON 4 years ago
Be honest and say "I like to be asked if I want to hug someone and today I don't want to be hugged but I would like to bump elbows if that's ok with (insert name)". It may not be 100% comfortable at first but it's asserting your own bodily autonomy and showing parents that consent is important.... and it might be the first time the kid hears that it's ok to say "don't hug me" opening that dialogue is hero work :)
Load More Replies...
Calypso poet 4 years ago
Adults can be so weird about kids. I have never been the one rushing to hold babies or play with kids but they are always wanting to interact with me. I just take clues from kids how comfortable they are. I end up being the one being hugged! My mom sees a kid (or a pet) and wants to be their best friend and terrifies them eventually! Kids and animals usually have very good instincts about stupid humans.
Miss Cris 4 years ago
They like you because you act as if they're adults. They also like to be respected.
Load More Replies...
Christine 4 years ago (edited)
I hate the attitude that not kissing/hugging means a lack of love. Not only does this put pressure on the child to do something they don't want to do, but that kind of argument was quite insidious among high school boys in the late 80s/early 90s (when I was in school) who used similar tactics to cajole unwanted touching. Kudos to parents who are teaching their children not to be pressured into doing things that make them uncomfortable and not to give in to emotional manipulation.
Shelli Aderman 4 years ago
100% We ask our own kids if we can give them a hug, because it’s THEIR choice! We’ve shared with them that they can hug us at ANY time, however, and the best ones are the surprise attack hugs! And we get them even though our kids are 12 and 15. 💕
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
I do this too but my husband forgets. I think he just can't put himself in their shoes.
Load More Replies...
-Loki's_favorite_kid- 4 years ago
Normalize consent! I once saw a girl (4 yrs) in my brother's class who, on grandparents day, was getting forced to hug her grandparents my her mother. It had gotten to the point where she hid in the bathroom because she didn't want them hugging her. It broke my heart.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
I heard of a 4-year-old boy whose maternal grandmother was all over him. When his paternal grandmother (who lived far) came on a visit, he yelled, "I don't like you!" She calmly said, "I don't like you either." They got along fine after that. I remember her from when I was a child and she was pretty good with little kids, respectful and able to talk to them.
Load More Replies... Viviane 4 years ago
How needy are adults that they need a hug from a little kid to feel loved? How about acting like a grownup and getting to know a child?
Jeannette Shirley 4 years ago
My mother is this way. Just yesterday, she said to me that my kids must not love her anymore because they don't give her a hug when she tells them to give her one. She even started the fake crying crap and said that she is going to just go off into the wild and die because her hugs are "gross."
Load More Replies... Tracy Costa 4 years ago
I've said this somewhere before. This helps children defend themselves against sexual predators. They are most likely to be abused by someone they know, a relative, coach, teacher, neighbor... and it starts off small. So if you empower your child say no to a hug or kiss for grandma (or even mommy) if they don't want to, they're more likely to say no and tell on adults that creep them out.
Mohammad Ammar 4 years ago
But kids can easily be groomed into giving consent so even that may not work at times. I think adults should just be a little more physically distant with kids above the age of 5. I feel like kids need to get a sense of the sort of environment where hugs and kisses are acceptable.family gatherings where numerous adults are around ,ok. Empty classroom, no. It may sound extreme but bad touch can happen so fast and mess up a child's life.
Load More Replies... Amanda Panda 4 years ago (edited)
I'll also add that my childhood was FULL of unwanted touching that was a bit more devious than a hug or a kiss on a cheek. I attribute this fully to the lack of bodily autonomy and the domineering authoritarian parenting I received. Children were always to do what adults told them to, without question. "Backtalk" and "No" was met with a slap to the face. How was I to know that there were situations when it was ok to stand up for myself? I lived to please and gain the approval of adults. Surprise surprise! I'm 36 and learning about consent, and autonomy, and how not to be a people pleaser. Don't make your kids fight these battles all their lives.
Amanda Panda 4 years ago
I HATE when parents force their kids to hug me, no matter how long they've known me. My own nieces. They say "Give Aunt Mandi hugs/kisses" and I say "It's Ok, you don't have to" and I feel that makes the situation more awkward. Someone tell me something better to say. Please.
BRAD MATSON 4 years ago
Be honest and say "I like to be asked if I want to hug someone and today I don't want to be hugged but I would like to bump elbows if that's ok with (insert name)". It may not be 100% comfortable at first but it's asserting your own bodily autonomy and showing parents that consent is important.... and it might be the first time the kid hears that it's ok to say "don't hug me" opening that dialogue is hero work :)
Load More Replies... Calypso poet 4 years ago
Adults can be so weird about kids. I have never been the one rushing to hold babies or play with kids but they are always wanting to interact with me. I just take clues from kids how comfortable they are. I end up being the one being hugged! My mom sees a kid (or a pet) and wants to be their best friend and terrifies them eventually! Kids and animals usually have very good instincts about stupid humans.
Miss Cris 4 years ago
They like you because you act as if they're adults. They also like to be respected.
Load More Replies... Christine 4 years ago (edited)
I hate the attitude that not kissing/hugging means a lack of love. Not only does this put pressure on the child to do something they don't want to do, but that kind of argument was quite insidious among high school boys in the late 80s/early 90s (when I was in school) who used similar tactics to cajole unwanted touching. Kudos to parents who are teaching their children not to be pressured into doing things that make them uncomfortable and not to give in to emotional manipulation.
Shelli Aderman 4 years ago
100% We ask our own kids if we can give them a hug, because it’s THEIR choice! We’ve shared with them that they can hug us at ANY time, however, and the best ones are the surprise attack hugs! And we get them even though our kids are 12 and 15. 💕
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
I do this too but my husband forgets. I think he just can't put himself in their shoes.
Load More Replies...
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