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“At Night She Will Tell Me, Crying, That She Wished I Died Instead Of Mommy”: 30 Parents Tell Of The Things Their Kids Do That Absolutely Break Their Hearts
Many of us know just how challenging it is to raise kids. Not only do you have to juggle cooking and household chores with an actual job, but you also have to be an entertainer, help with homework, and learn to make idle chitchat with the other grownups at the playground. In short, parenting is a rollercoaster ride, and one way or another, you must embrace the ups, downs, and loop-de-loops.
Here’s the thing, though, children can be unintentionally savage with their comments. Redditor u/beardlesshipster sparked an online discussion when they asked people what their kids have done that hurt their feelings without them realizing it. You’ll find the most interesting stories—both serious and slightly silly—as you scroll down.
We wanted to find out how some parents react to their kids' stinging comments, so we reached out to parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the founder of 'Walking Outside in Slippers.' She shared her thoughts with Bored Panda on both accidentally mean comments and intentionally rude ones, too. Check out what she told us below!
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#1
When my daughter gets a night terror at night she will tell me crying, that she wished I died instead of mommy...... She hasn't done it for a couple of months now but, it hurts more than I can bear. I calm her down and get her back to sleep and usually go to my room and cry
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#2
My 12 year old son basically ignores me as much as he can. It's puberty and it's all normal but a year ago I was still his favorite person and now it's all about his friends, girls, and video games. And I'm the uncoolest person on the planet apparently. I made him go for a walk with me and the dog the other day just to try to have some conversation and he said "Why do you make me do things that make me unhappy?", to which I responded, "Spending time with me makes you unhappy?". And he said "Yes". I told him he could turn around and go back home then and he did. I cried the whole way to the dog park.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
He feels safe to go from you, which means he will feel safe to return, and he will. You just have to try to keep the line of communications open in the meantime.
#3
I’m divorced with split custody.
My ex has a large extended family that lives nearby and they are always together letting the little cousins all play together. My family is the exact opposite-live hours away and nobody young to have play dates with.
So, weekly my five year old cries when it’s time to go to my house because it’s “not as fun as Dad’s “. I am on a budget and can’t afford to take her out every week to the zoo or movies..every single dollar is budgeted.
It makes me cry often when I see how excited she is to go to his house because mine is boring. I just want her to know that I’m trying.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
This happens a lot in families. I did this to my dad and regret it, I wish he was alive so I could apologise.
"Kids definitely lack filters, especially my kids. Their comments can be especially biting since there is usually some truth behind them. At least truth from their limited perspective," Samantha, who runs the 'Walking Outside in Slippers' blog, told Bored Panda via email.
"But if they are not trying to be mean, I try to remember that we value open communication in our family and hear the message buried in the possibly hurtful comment. If they are being intentionally unkind, that's an opportunity to have a conversation about the importance of being kind and considerate of others' feelings," she shared how parents can learn not to take these mean comments to heart.
"All that said, it still sucks to hear nasty remarks even from kids."
#4
My 5 year old daughter said she wanted a new mommy because I don't have a pretty face. She didn't realize it would be hurtful I guess.
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
I’d just say, “oh sweetie, you’re ugly too….. we can be ugly together.” 🤣
#5
My teenage son came across some old wedding photos that his dad had put away for him at his office. When his step-Mom discovered these photos, she became upset, so my son threw them away to avoid the drama. These photos were 24 years old. There are no duplicates and my son doesn’t understand why I’m upset that he didn’t just bring them to me.
#6
I am a long time widower. Me and my son were left alone and used to be really close. After he moved to college, he used to call everyday. I lived for that phone call. Gradually they started decreasing from once on two days to once a week. Now he has a girlfriend and rarely talks to me. I sometimes watch his Instagram and feel sad. I wish he would call more.
We were also curious to get blogger Samantha's thoughts on how parents might address intentional rudeness from their kids so that they'll understand the impact that their words can have.
"We talk to our kids a lot about the impact words and actions have on others. When an example of bullying comes up, we discuss that and how being bullied feels," the founder of 'Walking Outside in Slippers' told Bored Panda.
"We ensure our kids say 'please' and 'thank you,' and try to model a good example in front of them. But they are still young impressionable minds that are learning, and we are often correcting them and asking them to stop calling each other rude names. It's a work in progress, and will continue to be."
#7
My wife and I alternate between kids at bedtime. Whoever gets me is the "loser" and cries everytime. This has been happening everyday for 2 years.
#8
One Halloween when my son was like 4 our little nuclear family went to a corn maze for fun. To make things a little more exciting the proprietors had also set a tipi with a giant pumpkin inside. You were suppose to go into the tipi and make a wish on the pumpkin. So we sent my son in make a wish and he says "I wish it was just me and mommy and daddy was at work."
My heart shrank three sizes that day.
He's 20 now and is still mortified with guilt over saying this.
Kim Donselaar 1 year ago
Maybe you can stop reminding him. He was 4. He shouldn't have remembered that without help
#9
Four year old - "Daddy, I love you"
Me - "Thanks bug, I love you too"
Four year old - "Daddy, I love mommy more though."
At the end of the day, kids are still growing, so they might not be fully aware of what they’re saying or the kind of impact their words can have on others. For children, saying that they love one parent more than the other might be God’s honest truth… or it can be a wayward and impulsive comment that they simply felt like saying right then and there, without putting much thought into it.
But for parents, hearing this sort of stuff can sting. Especially if they’re feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and underappreciated at home. However, the best approach here is to try and embrace these accidentally hurtful comments. Laugh them off or use them as a springboard for some witty back-and-forth. Or, if their comments were particularly hurtful, you could start a friendly discussion with some serious undertones about the kind of effect that words have.
#10
My wife abandoned me and my 4 children a little over 2 years ago. When I discipline my 2 older kids they’ll start crying for their mother and say they want to go live with mommy, even though she hasn’t even called in the last 8 months...
#11
Yesterday, my 4yo motioned for me to come really close to his face and whispered, “Dad, you are useless.”
#12
My daughter picks my husband over me, constantly. I get that it's because he is physically incapable of saying no or disciplining her so to a 4 year old he's the bees knees while I get to be Captain No Fun, but it still hurts. She went on a vacation with her grandma for 2 weeks and we picked them up from the airport and she came barreling out of arrivals and straight into his arms screaming and laughing and I got a "hey mom".
I have spoken to him about how spoiling her, in the long run, isn't going to do her any favours and it's probaby one of the few things we do actually fight and argue on when it comes to parenting. He just sees the immediate "happy smiling kid" result of giving in and getting her what she wants I see the future "s****y spoiled brat who thinks they're entitled to EVERYTHING" result.
According to ‘iMom,’ the mean things that children say are “their way of expressing feelings rather than describing their actual feelings about you,” so it’s essential that parents don’t take these things too personally.
However, what is important is showing your child that you’re there for them and that you’re actively listening to what they’re saying. Dismissing their (mean) words outright isn’t the way to go. Solving small conflicts and addressing issues is a good way to bond with your child.
#13
Before my back surgery I had to use a cane to get around. My son told me that it was embarrassing to be seen with me.
I acted like it didn't bother me, but it cut deep. After my surgery I was determined to get rid of the cane so my son wouldn't be embarrassed by me. It took many painful months of physical therapy along with surgery, but I haven't walked with a cane in 3 years. I don't think I would've worked as long and hard as I did without my son hurting my feelings like that.
Lakota Wolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My dad had Tourette's, the physical-tic version (not the verbal tics.) He was very self-conscious and embarrassed by his twitching/tics. One time when I was around 10 years old, I wanted him to go along with my class as a parent chaperone on a field trip. He said he was afraid to embarrass me with his twitches. I told him VERY firmly that he did NOT embarrass me and I wanted him to go with me. He went, and we all had a great time. I hope now that I didn't *force* him to go with me when he didn't want to because he was too self-conscious himself, regardless of how *I* felt about it. I didn't regard HIS feelings in the matter, I was only concerned with telling him that I was not embarrassed of him (I loved my father, he never embarrassed me.) Hindsight is 20/20. I never got a chance to tell him all these things :(
#14
My almost three year-old twins often tell me I'm not invited to their birthday party.
#15
Step dad
Biological father is around an afternoon a month here and there. I’m full time dad with her. No happy Father’s Day. Not even happy birthday unless mom prompts.
But I get it. My wife gets the same treatment from my daughters from another marriage.
Blended families are a challenge.
Cindy M 1 year ago
Stepparenting is tough. Someday, she'll be an adult, and she will have a better understanding of everything you've meant to her. There is even a good chance she will be a stepparent, given current stats, and you may even have the opportunity to offer a unique perspective on those challenges. Hang in there!
Open and honest communication can work wonders here, too. If your child has genuinely hurt you with their tirade, tell them about it. Of course, be careful to stress the fact that you still love them, but that they need to find different, better ways of sharing their feelings.
Alternatively, there might be some deep-seated issues at play here other than the parents themselves. Perhaps the kid is having issues at school or with friends and is simply offloading their emotions on you. Dig deeper, and look for the root cause of the grumbling and meanness.
#16
I spent thousands of dollars in court to stand up to my ex-wife so my son could attend an internship his senior year.
He didn't finish the internship, accused me of never supporting him and then went to live with his mother after he graduated because he wanted to smoke weed, forgeting the experience he learned during his internship.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Wow that is pathetic sorry to hear. This is the first post on this list where the kid is actually not that great and needs serious help.
#17
"I like Dad, he's more fun." Look, I don't like being the disciplinarian, either, but I feel like I have to sometimes. Sucks to be seen as the less-preferred parent for doing something I wish I didn't have to do in the first place.
StumblingThroughLife 1 year ago
Kids need at least some order and (verbal) discipline when growing up; otherwise you'll end up with a Veruca Salt. We might hate it when we're growing up, but will eventually realise the need for it (usually when we have our own kids).
#18
Both of my kids make a lot of comments about my body and some of them can sting. Last week my 5 year old said my arms were like bags of cookie dough.
Eva Kašu 1 year ago (edited)
That hurt is only in your mind. Maybe your arms look like bags of dough - but that is bad only in eyes of society, not in childs. I remember a moment when my sisters (a really big woman and overweight) daughter (4 yo) said that mommy is huge - and and then buried her head under her armpit or on her breast with laugh. It was very sweet and one of the purest expressions of affection. The bigger the mom, the more to love :) For our (small) children are our bodies firstly safety and secondly a summary of the facts they learn to name - no prejudices, and we should appreciate that, because it's the last time they look at the world like this. (Otherwise you still can say "You used to live in this body, young lady, so watch your tongue" :)
#19
I have a daughter, 12. We've always been pretty close, and in most ways we still are. We've always done everything together...but, she's at the age now where friends, etc. are becoming more important.
I'll bring up something we can do, like watching a movie that I think she'll like. Five minutes in, she'll get a message from a friend, light up, and just disappear for the rest of the movie.
Now, I get it. I'm sure I was like that too. I'm not gonna freak out about it or anything......but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt my feelings a little now and then.
Dads just want to keep dadding.
#20
We watch a lot of Disney. As a stay at home dad with a wife who works a lot my kids are “ok” with mom’s dying but crushed when there’s a sad father/son moment (GOTG2 and Spider-Man/Tony Stark as examples).
I know it hurts her feelings.
Conversely- as a stay at home dad when my kids say I don’t do anything all day. Not meanly, it just never occurs to them that I drive them everywhere, cook them each individual lunches and dinners, do their laundry, clean the house, etc, etc.
When we plan something special for them and they act exasperated. Ie: I’m sitting in an Apple Sphero class for them right now. My son complained when we showed up (surprise) because he has a brand new Thanos LEGO set at home that he wanted to play with because he needs some “down time” from being at Disney all week.
My kid is spoiled AF and I just realized it
tabithapaquette98 1 year ago
Time to start unspoiling them. You don't want them to tearn into brats.
#21
My adult kids say "old" whenever I send them a meme I think is funny. It just makes me feel bad for some reason.
#22
One time my kids played iSpy, and said "something yellow". It was my teeth.
The only Plueschopossum 1 year ago
When I was ~4-5 years old I had a bad lung infection. Since nothing else worked the doctor prescribed some medication with tetracycline. Normally you don't give it to children because it often leads to yellow teeth - and so it did with me. My teeth are perfectly healthy as I'm pretty pedantic about my dental hygiene... but they are yellow :( Since I can remember children ask me about it. "Why don't you brush your teeth?" I really hate it. Kids can be cruel.
#23
My daughter hurts my feelings BAD in just one situation: I'll say "I love you!" and she'll reply with, "No daddy, I DON'T love you."
She is only 2 though, and I don't think she has a firm grasp on what love really is, and I think she's truthfully just showing off her vocabulary skills, but it still hurts...
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
Don’t let it bother you… She’s only two, and just exploring the debate/antagonist aspect of conversation
#24
When I drop them off at a party or day camp and I go to say bye, they've already gone off with friends. Kids are getting older now so it's not cool to kiss or hug dad goodbye, but man it stings, and I sure dont want to emberass them so I just sadly walk to my car.
#25
Every time they say that their dads new wife cooks better food than me.
Well someday they will appreciate real food...
#26
As a stepfather, hearing the phrase "you're not my father"
Secondly, being ignored on Father's Day
JahJahBinx 1 year ago
As their mother, I ensure my children often shows appreciation for all their step dad does for them. Their father is 3% father, their step dad is 100% step dad. My children are learning right! Talk to your partner/their mother about this. Kindness and Gratitude is taught!
#27
My 4.5 yr old daughter screaming "I HATE YOU AND I DONT WANT YOU AS MY FATHER ANYMORE" during a tantrum, or after I discipline her. She has no idea what she's saying, and she doesn't mean it, but it still stings every time. Basically toddler cussing.
#28
Fight, where they really try to hurt each other. I had no idea as a kid how bad it is for the parent. The first time it happened when they were very small, it felt like watching cannibalism, just horrifying. And to think I used to worry about the dog.
Agnes Jekyll 1 year ago
parents sometimes ignore sibling abuse, make excuses, don't understand it's abuse, or don't know what to do. Its important to talk to your children about how they treat each other and to address their behaviour, and to listen to your children.
#29
Ah, last year my wife spent the whole summer making it as great as she could for our, then 6 year old, holidays, theme parks, everything she could. They did loads together. Got a phone call at work from wife crying/furious. At the end of it going back to school, she'd asked what she had enjoyed most. "The day trip to London", only problem was that was with me, at Easter.
Still it was an absolutely awesome day.
#30
Ask me every morning if I'll even try to smell good that day.
What do you think ?
Nay Wilson 1 year ago
When I was 9 my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He told me there was a medicine he could take (chemo) but it would make his hair fall out. I cried and said I didn’t want him to be bald because bald people are ugly. He didn’t get the chemo and died 6 months later. Nearly 30 years later I still hate myself for telling him that
Meghan Wood 1 year ago
Hugs!!! If he died in 6 months, there was probably not much they could’ve done. I understand this though. I refused to kiss my grandma as she was dying, and it stuck with me for decades.
Load More Replies...
similarly 1 year ago (edited)
1. When I was young, I was disrespectful and cold to my Stepmom. Today, I love my Stepmom a LOT. I tell her now all the time what a positive influence she was on me, and how much I appreciate everything she did for me. I hope Step-parents can know that sometimes bad stepchildren grow up. 2. To half-siblings. Growing up, I made it point to call my sister my HALF-sister. Haven't called her that in decades. Today, I'm actually closer to my sister than I am to anybody else in family. She's one of the most awesome people I know. Sometimes stupid HALF-brained brothers grow up. 3. When my own children were teenagers, we went through some rough times, and there were times when they hated me and thought I was the worst person in the world. Now that they're older, we communicate a lot better, and although obviously not as close as when they were little, I think we do all right. Sometimes Dads grow up too!
Strawberry Pizza 1 year ago
@Censorship sucks, you are being very dismissive and insensitive towards the authors' very valid feelings throughout this post. Sometimes kids just do this kind of thing. It doesn't always mean they're rude, or bratty, or raised badly. Kids can be mean. It does not mean the parents are always at fault.
Nay Wilson 1 year ago
When I was 9 my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He told me there was a medicine he could take (chemo) but it would make his hair fall out. I cried and said I didn’t want him to be bald because bald people are ugly. He didn’t get the chemo and died 6 months later. Nearly 30 years later I still hate myself for telling him that
Meghan Wood 1 year ago
Hugs!!! If he died in 6 months, there was probably not much they could’ve done. I understand this though. I refused to kiss my grandma as she was dying, and it stuck with me for decades.
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago (edited)
1. When I was young, I was disrespectful and cold to my Stepmom. Today, I love my Stepmom a LOT. I tell her now all the time what a positive influence she was on me, and how much I appreciate everything she did for me. I hope Step-parents can know that sometimes bad stepchildren grow up. 2. To half-siblings. Growing up, I made it point to call my sister my HALF-sister. Haven't called her that in decades. Today, I'm actually closer to my sister than I am to anybody else in family. She's one of the most awesome people I know. Sometimes stupid HALF-brained brothers grow up. 3. When my own children were teenagers, we went through some rough times, and there were times when they hated me and thought I was the worst person in the world. Now that they're older, we communicate a lot better, and although obviously not as close as when they were little, I think we do all right. Sometimes Dads grow up too!
Strawberry Pizza 1 year ago
@Censorship sucks, you are being very dismissive and insensitive towards the authors' very valid feelings throughout this post. Sometimes kids just do this kind of thing. It doesn't always mean they're rude, or bratty, or raised badly. Kids can be mean. It does not mean the parents are always at fault.
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