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Woman Is Asking If She Was A Jerk For Kicking Her Boyfriend Out Of Her Apartment When She Overheard Him Talking Maliciously To Her Cat
Pets often are considered members of the family and loved as much as a human baby would be. But not everyone shares that sentiment and they think, rather, that animals are always less important than humans, disregarding the fact that people can form bonds with their pets that are even stronger than those with people.
Even though pets can’t talk, they show affection and will never judge you and others find comfort in that. They will choose their pet over a person they love if the need comes. And it sometimes comes. Like for the Reddit user catwoesthrowaway who shared a story how her boyfriend didn’t like her cat and one day she just asked him to leave.
More info: Reddit
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This woman tells a story how her boyfriend with whom she was living really didn’t like her cat, and one time she really was scared for her, so she asked the boyfriend to leave
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway (the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 24-year-old woman and she was living with her older boyfriend at the time of telling her story. The boyfriend had actually moved in with her after considering it for a while.
The woman has a cat named Millie and the boyfriend wasn’t very fond of her. He actually suggested that she should get rid of her, because he really dislikes cats and is more of a dog person. At first this attitude wasn’t concerning for the girlfriend and she just dismissed it. Also, he was willing to deal with it because the cat was so important to the woman.
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
Even before starting living together, the boyfriend made it clear he didn’t like cats, but the girlfriend didn’t take it seriously
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
But there was an incident and the OP wanted to hear what the situation looks like from a bystander’s point of view. So what was the breaking point was the woman hearing her boyfriend say to Millie “You’re so f*****g worthless.”
She described that there was so much malice in that tone and that the woman had never heard her boyfriend talk like that. She really got scared and started freaking out. The woman told her boyfriend to leave her apartment, not caring that he has no other place to live.
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
But when they started to plan to live together, she found out the boyfriend wasn’t joking, but she wouldn’t abandon her cat
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
The redditor calmed down and that same day talked to her boyfriend. He explained that he felt hurt the way she said that the apartment was hers and not theirs. He also was upset that she would choose an animal over a human being. Regarding the way he had talked to the cat earlier, the boyfriend explained that he was just playing and had misjudged his tone.
At the end of the story, catwoesthrowaway admitted that she felt bad for acting the way she did, but she believes her first instinct was correct, so now it is up to the reader to decide on which side of the fence they stand.
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
The boyfriend was willing to deal with it but one night, not knowing his girlfriend was near, he was mean to the cat
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
If you’ve made up your mind, the story actually doesn’t end here. The redditor wrote an update post and we got to know the aftermath of the evening. The woman felt relieved that people in the comments just confirmed what had crossed her mind already. She said, “that post validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic, and it was almost a relief to be encouraged by strangers to do something I had previously been too afraid to do.”
The OP got really scared as she’d never heard her boyfriend sound so malicious and demanded that he leave
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
Turns out, the couple broke up. The boyfriend had to leave as the apartment was OP’s and he wasn’t on the lease yet, so it was an easy process. It was easy logistically, but not emotionally as the woman opened up, “It was hard to lose somebody I trusted and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction I knew I made the right call. He essentially told me that if I couldn’t learn to put other humans before my cat, I’d be alone for a very long time, and that he’d be waiting for me to reach out.”
When they both calmed down and talked, the boyfriend expressed what was hurting him, and the OP was feeling bad for acting the way she did
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
But she still felt that her instincts were right from the start even though she thinks she might have overreacted
Image credits: catwoesthrowaway
Many people mentioned that catwoesthrowaway was being gaslighted and it was not the first time she had heard that about her boyfriend from somebody else, because her sisters agreed with the internet’s opinion. The OP added a photo of Millie and we put it at the beginning of the article for you to see the cuteness.
Now we would like to hear your opinion and thoughts. Would you say that the woman was the bad guy in this situation or do you see red flags in how the boyfriend was acting? Have you ever been in a similar situation and how did you solve it? We learn a lot from your experiences!
People in the comments were actually concerned for Millie and saw many red flags, so they came to the conclusion that the OP didn’t do anything wrong
What do you think ?
Viviane 3 years ago
The upshot: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Good. He knew there was a cat. If it was a deal-breaker, he could've walked. And if he's that mean to a cat, he'll be that mean to children and her.... or odds are in favor of it.
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Eucritta 3 years ago
He already was that mean to her, what with bullying her about getting rid of her cat.
Debra Robinson 3 years ago (edited)
What an evil, immature asshole bitchweed shitpile! So glad he's gone and hopefully completely out of their lives! This toxic psycho monster should stay away from all decent humans and animals.
BarkingBunny 3 years ago
That was exactly what I was thinking. That level of manipulation(and the attempt at guilr) can come from either side, but the "excuse" he laughably came up with wasn't even plausible!
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Thank God! This time he was talking to the cat, next time he would be talking like that to his girlfriend. There is something seriously wrong with that guy. And the whole "I am sad because you like the cat more than me" business? No, I don't buy that for one second...
Teresa Spanics 3 years ago
Good for OP! That jerk deserves that! OP will find a nice man who not only also loves dear sweet kitties, but has one of his own or more.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
The fact that he feels upstaged by a cat says something about him. The bottom line for me would be that he's someone who would want you to get rid of a beloved pet, simply because he's 'not a cat-person'. I mean, if you're heavily allergic I can see how living with someone who has a cat may be an issue, but 'I'm not a cat-person' is NO reason to then expect someone else to get rid of their cat.
Bunzilla 3 years ago
He isn't just 'not a cat person', he's a cat-hater. A grown man jealous of a cat suggests he's controlling and he doesn't like that her cat is 'coming between them'. And honestly, those are huge red flags. He's hiding his true colours, and she just heard it come out when he cursed at her cat when he thought she wasn't around. I don't see how a dog is any more 'useful' than a cat? These types of people like dogs because dogs obey and love unconditionally. They hate cats because cats are more independent and you have to EARN a cat's love and trust. Then he totally gaslit her by saying he was just being 'playful'. I hope she dumped the creep before he could hurt her cat-- or her.
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Cyndielouwhoo 3 years ago
@classbag: There's a huge difference between not liking cats and being vicious and cruel to any animal. He clearly lacks empathy ahd that is dangerous. Today he yells at the cat, tomorrow his gf. Who knows what he did or said when she wasn't around. He had no respect for her, her feelings or her life before he was part of it, he is a very selfish, mean person.
classbag 3 years ago (edited)
There's really not anything wrong with not liking cats. Preferring dogs over cats doesn't mean you have a need for control and unconditional love. These two people should probably have just never moved in with each other since the guy just can't tolerate cats. That's not a personality flaw, though.
Suz66 3 years ago
Exactly. I'm not a cat person but I would never feel threatened that the cat would be more loved. We stayed at a friends house when visiting San Diego. They had cats. One of them really took to me and I fell in love with him. After he passed, I cried...I equate this story to my dog. I would have kicked him to the curb if he treated my dog like that. Despite what kind of pet it was, it's not right.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
Bunzilla isn't talking about regular people. "These types of people..." are narcissistic control-freak bullies that cats won't put up with like dogs (who'll return to the owner that beats them instead of leaving). It's a "personality flaw" common in abusers.
Zenozenobee 3 years ago
I don't think it's a matter of cat. The dude reminds me of a former classmate that got her boyfriend sell his PS3 (yes it didn't happen yesturday). I heard her in various occasion saying that she didn't like him playing console. I thought, maybe he was playing too much, but no, an adult shouldn't play console, never, according to her. She was making scene when he played, and she started to be concerned he could enjoy she wasn't there so he could play. She ended up deciding their home would be "no console at all". After he accepted that, she decided he played too much football and coach too much the kid team.... When you SO tries to make you give up something you enjoy (and that does'nt hurt you or anyone), that's definitivly about controle. They may be not aware of this, but it's clearly a matter of "prove me you love me that much".
Viviane 3 years ago
A lot of people tolerate a partner's pet for the sake of the relationship. Some make exceptions for individual pets. One of my colleagues didn't like cats, but he was fond of his girlfriend's two cats because they were affectionate and came when called (so more dog-like).
Janine B. 3 years ago (edited)
Most non-cat persons often never had much contact with cats. I love both, cats and dogs and I don't prefer one over the other. They're all different personalities, not every dog is as easy to handle as most people think. Both need attention, entertainment, activities and love in general. Personally I have never met a shy cat that didn't get more confident and open when you spent time with her / him. You just gotta know how. Same goes for frightened dogs. They're not toys,they're living beings. No one wanted our black cat when he was still at the shelter. He was scared as hell and hissed and puked and tried to escape. Two weeks after being home, he first allowed us the touch him. We were very patient, never confronted him, talked a lot to him. Another four weeks later we were allowed to give him scritches but he was still afraid of my hubby. Long story short, after about half a year later he was the biggest cuddlebug ever. We have him for more than seven years now and he's still improving. :)
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Your kitty is lucky to have patient understanding owners :) some kitties can take a long time to come out of their shell and learn to trust again, but it is worth it to keep being there for them: they are indeed the best cuddlebugs! I have a similar rescue, took me years and me going to hospital unexpectedly to earn her full love: when I came home I think she realised that even though she still had the house, food and daily pats from my mum, she had missed me ^-^
classbag 3 years ago (edited)
I think a lot of these responses are a bit over the top. I'm a cat person and love cats, and I'd never get rid of any pet just because my SO didn't like them. However, people saying he's controlling and abusive and that he'll eventually hurt the cat, hurt her, or hurt his future kids because of one incident of inappropriately verbally expressing his distaste for a cat is a bit much. I also understand his reaction to being kicked out--again, he said one shitty thing to a cat and was told to leave the apartment. To me, that deserves discussion, not kicking someone out of the home they share with you. I'd have broken up with him too because I don't believe in compromising on pets, but I also don't agree that this guy is that evil. He's just very incompatible with a cat-mom.
StrawberryParfait 3 years ago
Oh, f**k that. He showed her exactly who she is. Do you think cat-hating dudes are rare? Smartly, she believed him when he showed his creepiness and true feelings for her beloved pet. Her instincts told her the truth, as instincts always do. She saved her cat's life by getting rid of the dude.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
There is no circumstance where you should have to get rid of your cat. I'd be over the moon if I was dating someone with a cat.
Viviane 3 years ago (edited)
Sweet! One of my nephews broke up (on good terms) with someone who has three cats. He asked for and obtained visitation rights to see the cats. :)
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Joe Reaves 3 years ago
I feel like if the person you're dating forms a bond with your pets that's the right thing to do (provided your break up was amicable of course). How do you explain to a dog/cat why the person they liked and got used to living with is no longer there?
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
I’m totally in agreement. My husband is the best-he made sure that I could bring my Tigger, when I moved in his apt, after the wedding; he knew how much I’ve been through. Thankfully, he’s also a Cat Person. When we had to take Tigger to put him out of his misery, over the Rainbow Bridge, my husband grieved for him: Tigger gave him much more love than his own dad and it hurt to see me grieve too. Our new TJ is our catbaby.
tw 72 3 years ago (edited)
It's not even about the cat. He wants ALL of the attention. Trust me on this - he will not like it when you spend time with your friends and family either or on your own personal hobbies. Don't even THINK about having kids! You will spend your days making sure his personal pedestal is high enough to keep him happy, while everything and everyone in your life suffers.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
He is a controller & I’ll attest to that. My own dad was exactly that way & I grew up being resented at times, because I simply existed & took away from what he could’ve had. In fact, he made all 3 of us (mom, brother, me) miserable. I was legally old enough to get a beer before my mom finally ditched him for good. Interestingly, he treated our pets better. These days, cats are preferable to me ( and more & more people) over kids; we made the responsible decision to not bother having them. So when it comes down to controlling (monster) people, it’s All about them. Someone didn’t grow up. The GF with Millie was wise to kick out the BF. I hope she kept her apt secure & had locks changed, even looked into a restraining order.
Lara M 3 years ago
It doesn't matter what the ostensible reason is - someone who is mean to an animal is not a good person. Period, full stop, end of story. It shows how they're willing to treat someone who is small and powerless.
Beth L 3 years ago
My sister married a not-a-cat-person person. He learned pretty quickly how to get along with the cat she already had when they met, and they all peacefully co-existed for over a decade before the cat died of old age.
Joan Zatorski 3 years ago
Studies in psychology show that over time, Abusive and violent behaviors escalate if the underlying issues (deep insecurity, lack of coping or skills, etc) are not addressed via counseling, therapy, etc. So I suspect the BF would become more verbally abusive toward Millie the cat , eventually crossing the line to physical abuse or making Millie "disappear". We also know that people who are abusive toward animals are more prone to crossing over to abuse of people. OP is wise to have no further contact with this exBF. Were I OP, I would even move to a new apartment with no forwarding address & change my phone #. At the very least, OP must change her locks & make neighbors aware they broke up. Hope Milli lives a long sweet life with OP!
Laugh or not 3 years ago
She did better : she learned about gaslighting and removed the guy before the situation got bad.
Load More Replies... classbag 3 years ago (edited)
A person who is abusive has far more indicators than saying something awful to a cat once (that OP knows of, admittedly). If verbally expressing your anger towards or disapproval of something in a mean way is indicative of abuse, then half the people on BoredPanda should be in jail by now. And OP didn't note a pattern of this type of behavior; in fact, she said it shocked her. What she did note a pattern of was him not liking the cat and not wanting to be around her/wanting to get rid if her, which tells me this guy just really doesn't like cats, not that he's an abuser. It would be an insane overreaction for her to go through the trouble of moving and changing her number over her ex not liking her cat.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
@Classbag: He scared her. Legit frightened her into a protect-the-loved-one reaction. To me, that indicates his tone of voice was *not* teasing, and it seemed that to OP. Also, he indicated he felt outranked by a *cat*. Seriously? That is a red flag. If he can't handle her having a pet, guess how he'd do if they had kids, or if she has close friends.... I've helped clean up those train wrecks. I agree that extreme caution now can prevent extreme trauma later. Also, it's common sense to change locks if you lived with someone and break up. You want an angry ex to have keys to your place, that is your choice, but it's commonly discouraged.
S. 3 years ago
You can never be too careful. Also, the boyfriend didn't even properly say sorry after what he said to the cat, he didn't even acknowledge that his behaviour could've been hurtful. Straight up says he was joking, then trying to make her look like the bad guy. At least, when reasonable people say something hurtful, they often apologise afterwards and feel some guilt.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Absolutely: slamming the door, no apologies, claims he was joking, then trying to turn it around onto her shows that he does not have the maturity to own up to his mistake, feel guilt, and didn’t care about her or Millie. I see the lack of empathy as part of a dark personality complex, stemming from unresolved fundamental issues in him. Yes, she was wise to send the xBF packing. I should know-my own father was/may be still like that.
Rissie 3 years ago
If someone is "caught" acting like that, it means that all the other times they are keeping up appearances. It's that contrast that makes it most likely very real that there are underlying issues that are very serious. It's easier to handle someone that's just a consistent asshole, because those at least vent their frustration predictably. But if people bottle it up and just act out when they think no one is looking, then they are bound to at some point have the crazy escalate. If the underlying issues are not addressed. The fact that he came back with that story and the guilt tripping is another sign of someone that's very much in distress and rather put their life partner down than face their own problems.
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
Here's the thing. Cats are independent, they do what they want, and they don't take any crap. I prefer dogs, but I love their unflaggingly positive energy. Cats are awesome, you just have to let them be who they are. Controlling guys can't do this, and it's an excellent litmus test. There's a world of difference between 'I am not really a cat person/used to cats' and 'I am exclusively a dog person because cats are evil / terrible / cold / unfeeling creatures who hate me'.
Max 3 years ago
Yep. Person who doesn't like cats is entitled to their opinion. Person who hates cats is a big red flag.
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Joan Horton 3 years ago
In my experience anybody who hates any animal is expressing some kind of psychological instability.
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
That's fair. I hate spiders, and I understand that the panic attacks I get from seeing them are highly irrational. I'd just hope that people could at least extend empathy to other mammals, or at least the small and vulnerable ones like kittens. Reptiles too, of course, granted they aren't dangerous. It's a bit difficult to draw a line, other than "if this animal isn't a threat to you, don't hurt them", and I am definitely working to address my arachnophobia when it comes to common house spiders. ("Immediate threat" is an important distinction-- empathy should still be given to predators that are endangered, abused or suffering from manmade environmental damage).
Naomi 3 years ago
Absolutely. I think people tend to think dogs "love unconditionally", when in reality, they just don't have the capacity to hold grudges. Few animals do, other than ravens, crows, elephants, and ourselves. (There might be some others that are still up for debate.) That coupled with the fact that dogs depend on us makes them the perfect target for abusive jerks.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
I'm an extremely insecure person but when I see people getting jealous over pets I know I'm good.
TheWickedOne 3 years ago
I'd do the same if someone tried to make me get rid of my dog/cat... GTFO then... nobody forces you to live with me.. F**K OFF
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
If you think he’s going to be cruel to your cat, or any animal, dump him. That cruelty could possibly spread to you, and to your children, in the future. Nope. My criteria was along the lines of “love me, love my cats”. My now husband originally said he was allergic to cats, but found he was just fine, as long as we kept on top of vacuuming. Within a week, he would watch TV with at least one, if not both, cats on his lap, and put himself in charge of buying their food—-he even upgraded them to a more expensive brand. That was 20 years ago, and we have had up to 4 cats at a time since then. All of which he loves/loved just as much as I do/did.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
You have a great husband & I’m so glad it worked out for you. That’s awesome that you both were able to have cats, after all.
8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago
I absolutely agree. These are underlying issues and she's fortunate that her cat provided the right trigger to expose them early in the relationship.
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kath morgan 3 years ago
I tell my cat he is a horrible little s**t loser all the time but I say it with love. You knew the tone was off. He was off. Glad to hear she chucked him
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago (edited)
Absolutely correct. And the way she described her reaction to hearing him say that (without even knowing at that point that he was talking to the cat) was everything I needed to read. Her gut feeling already told her to get rid of this guy - that was a clear warning...
Otter 3 years ago
DONT TAKE HIM BACK!!! The person who resents the love you give your pets will turn out to resent the attention you give to your friends and family! This person will eventually try to isolate and control you, while all the time lying about their behavior and end game. This is a red flag, a sign of someone likely to turn abusive.
Rob Dabank 3 years ago
WOW - insecure much? Having said that I do call my cat an a-hole quite frequently, but only when she is being one!
Laugh or not 3 years ago
A**hole, or other insults, can be said affectionately or in jest. But there is no way for worthless to be an endearment word.
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Auntriarch 3 years ago
I used to call one of mine Stripey Little Scumbag. But it's all in the tone.
Viviane 3 years ago
One of my friends adores her dog and she'll occasionally tell me that he's being "a little brat".
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
Not Insecure, proactive...the carp that spurned lovers pull is unbelievably insane. You've clearly never dealt with someone who will do anything to keep you in their life and under their control. I had one who was killing my pets and making me think it was my fault...real gaslighting. Animals aren't a-holes, they are just animals being animals. People are a-holes and the Anthropomorphism of Animals is dangerous, even deadly. Google it if you don't believe me.
Adam Belaire 3 years ago
I read the title "Guy Calls GF’s Cat Worthless, Gets Kicked Out Of Her Apartment" and soon as I got to the "AITA fo..", it's a hard nope. You're fine. he's the AH. No animal is worthless. Period.
Lily Mae Kitty 3 years ago
When I met my husband he'd never been around cats and thought he was a dog guy(not that he wanted a dog) and in the 1st 3-4 weeks I was thinking it might not work out b/c he didn't understand how cats work and was playing too rough. by the end of month 2 he was a cat whisperer. turns out he's very much a cat guy; he just had to get to know a couple of cats. when he fell apart almost as bad as I did when the 17 year old died a few months later, I knew he was a keeper. 15 years and a couple cats later...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I was thinking he was being sincere until his last statement that "you threw him out over and animal when he's a person." The cat is not just an animal...it's a member of her family. And the cat is also a member of the family that is relatively defenseless compared to the human that's treating her badly. Always think of a pet like a child..because that's what it is to it's owners...their baby. How would you treat a human child. He's giving you insight on how he would treat future kids. Kick him to the curb while you have the chance.
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
Right? Also, humans are animals, and if he's not willing to acknowledge that, then that definitely shows that he sees other animals as being below him. I understand that some people have religious beliefs that conflict with viewing themselves as animals, but in general, the sentiment usually shows a degree of selfishness and narcissism.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
I'm a guy with two cats, they aren't going anywhere. If you're a cat hater, then i guess we can't date, lol.
8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago (edited)
If you want to see the true character of a person, watch them interact with a cat, a.k.a. psychic mirror. You'll know then.
E B 3 years ago
I had a neighbor years ago who was afraid of cats, I found out because he needed to borrow my phone to call the phone company. I put the dog in the other room, and came back to find that my super friendly chonker had treed my neighbor in an armchair. He was not mean to the cat, he didn't say anything bad, so I think being scared is not an excuse for abusive behavior. (I took the cat into the other room as well!)
Mica Silvia 3 years ago
No, you're absolutely right.. I'm terrified but I would never ever harm them and that's not just because I couldn't touch or be near them !
qwerty 3 years ago
Fair point. I have cynophobia and I wouldn't want to be judged based on that.
Mica Silvia 3 years ago
I actually do have ailurophobia.. it's so bad that when I was 8 months pregnant with my Daughter I actually ran up a steep hill just to get away from a meowing cat lol .. God knows how funny that looked 🙈
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
If they were afraid of cats, they wouldn't even be near them. I'm an arachnophobe and I regularly sleep on the couch whenever I find a spider in my bedroom, or sleep on the guest room couch if there's a spider in the living room too. If the person I'm dating has pet spiders, there's no negotiation unless we're working to resolve my fear, which it doesn't seem like is the case here.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Yes: they can sense evil, whether in a person’s spirit, or other spirits hanging around. They know when a person is “off.”
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I would be very scared for Millie. This AH sounds like someone who would kill her and make it seem like an accident.
LaGitanaTriste 3 years ago
So NTA. You dodged a bullet sweetie! All I needed to know about this dude was what he said to the cat and that he felt second best... to a cat. So 2 red flags. What if that was a baby? I guarantee dude ends up abusing animals, women and children. I
Manuela Martins 3 years ago
Number 1: One may think her reaction is exaggerated, but I firmly believe that people show their true character through little things. Number 2: He moved in with you, so technically it is YOUR apartment because you lived there first, right? Number 3: Stop apologizing so much! He made you feel very uncomfortable and you have every right to be upset. Number 4: Trust your gut and re-evaluate your situation. And finally: If someone makes you choose between them or your pet? Unless your SO is deadly allergic..... Nope. What a weakling to feel threatened by a cat.
snipergun 3 years ago
Sounds narcissistic, I mean yeah sometimes I call my bf 17 yo dog silly mean old grumpy lady, because she is, but I still love her and do everything also for her (was basically awake with her nights in a row when she had brain bleeding due to old age and she needed big supervision just to stand up), but you know if it felt like you described he will always feel being on second place, no matter if you have baby or just go out with friends or help your parents. Cat is just a convinient excuse because he's big dog person (which I assume is also bs because none of you have a dog, and it would be pretty much same with dog).
Eliska Klimentova 3 years ago
Someone who is capable of saying “you’re so f*****g worthless” to an animal is perfectly capable of saying it to another person. She didn’t catch him being playfully mean (if that was it, he’d feel comfortable doing it in front of her), she caught him showing his true colors. She didn’t “choose the cat over him”, that was her gut screaming that he isn’t a safe person.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
The next ones whom he would say that to, would be the GF, then any children they may have had. Yes, he'd abuse them, likely in all ways.
Michael Fuhry 3 years ago
NTA. Girl dodged a bullet with this guy. And, yes, please change locks. If his tone was as full of malice as claimed, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that he might transfer his animus over being kicked out onto the cat.
3 years ago
I'm not going to read this. Threaten my cat and you're no longer welcome in my house. Some things are final. Out!
Biba Little 3 years ago
Girl, no way you are an asshole here! kicking your loving pet out for a man is NOT a compromise, it's manipulation from his side to get what he wants. To be honest, a man who would tell me straight forward that he hates cats and wants me to get rid of mine, even as a joke (of course I have cats!), would be a deal breaker for me from the start. Not just because I like animals and pets are members of family, but it sounds like manipulating you and even ordering you to do as he wants. It's not compromise, because there is no compromise from his side, he just wants it his way or no way.
H Edwards 3 years ago
If they want to continue living together then they need to get a place that is theirs, not hers or his. Regardless of the reason, if one person holds the power to banish the other from what is supposed to be a shared home then there will always be an imbalance. I don't really have a comment on the situation at hand because it's difficult to tell exactly what happened and we are only hearing her side of the story. Maybe she overreacted, but then I can see why she would. But after this he will never feel like he's at home there and this will cause more problems down the line. On the other hand, if he really feels threatened by a cat then it may be time to just throw the whole man away.
Viviane 3 years ago
That last one: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/
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Tracy Jones 3 years ago
he has shown you who he is. believe him. get him gone before he 'accidentally' loses the cat
Rami Hatton 3 years ago
I am personally not a cat lover!! I would never own one myself! However, I would also NEVER disrespect an animal! I feel he was in the wrong and from past events of my life with non-cat lovers, could see him doing what I have unfortunately seen!! You need to lose him as a boyfriend, lover, friend, etc. Or else you will end up being his "kitty"!!!
𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 3 years ago
I feel like how you treat and talk to animals really reflects how you are as a human being. She really needs to leave him!
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
The second he asked to get rid of the cat dump him immediately. He has zero empathy and can’t create a bond with an animal. Total narcissist with horrible potential.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
People who are cruel to animals can be cruel to humans, particularly children. Lock the door behind him.
Bettye McKee 3 years ago
When my ex-husband said, "It's me or the cat," the cat won. My niece's boyfriend gave her cat away when she wasn't home. She recovered her cat and dumped the boyfriend. You are NTA, he is. When a guy must have your undivided attention all the time, he has issues you shouldn't have to deal with. I have been married for 32 years to a man who also loves cats.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
I'm so glad that your husband loves cats, too. You married a really good man. You were wise to choose your cat over your ex. I'm so sorry that your niece had a bad exbf that gave her cat away--> total breach of trust & boundaries. She was wise to dump him.
Enlee Jones 3 years ago
He’s an insecure douchebag who would have ended up hurting or killing the cat. Never trust people who don’t like animals.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
What struck me is when she said, "he sounded like a different person." She most likely overheard who he really is. I thought--he's going to do that to her one day. Not everyone shows you who they really are--and it's often after you move in today. I'm glad she's free.
Jonny Man 3 years ago
Anyone who talks to ANY BEING, whether they have a human or an animal body, in that fashion needs to be sent out. People who are mean to one type of being will be mean to any and all types of being. He needs to learn what his cruelty will bring. And maybe, just maybe, understand that he can't be like that, even in private.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Karma has a way of dealing with their awful kind; the sooner the better. Do you think abusers will learn or are they blind, arrogant & that dumb?
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Karl Baxter 3 years ago
We have two fantastic cats that have been great buddies in many ways over the years. If I demanded that my wife choose between them and me then I’d fully expect to find my suitcase packed and waiting by the front door (& I wouldn’t fancy my wife’s chances if it was the other way round either…)
Analyn Lahr 3 years ago
I would have dumped his ass as soon as I found out he didn't like cats. Even if he prefers dogs, he sounds like the type of owner who kicks their dog and makes it ride in the back of the truck.
Dasha Slepenkina 3 years ago
RED FLAG. People who are willing to be abusive with animals can and do progress to be abusive with humans. No matter what tone he uses, saying that a living creature is "f***ing useless" and constantly trying to get rid of them is creepy AF. I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled about cats because I can't read their body language well and I'm scared of them. I'm amazing with dogs, horses, farm animals, whatever, but am not great with cats. But I would never, EVER be cruel to one. Especially if that cat meant something to my partner. That's a sign of a manipulative, cruel personality. So glad to see these two have broken up.
DC 3 years ago
Being abusive towards nonhuman animals is even logically considerable as lower than being abusive towards humans - humans can defend themselves, and even if not so while in the act, they're able to exactly tell what happened. Other animals can't. Whatever isn't caught in the act, isn't caught at all. Therefore, this has a lowness abuse of humans doesn't have ... which, still, makes any abuse abuse and therefore opposeworthy by any means. Also ... being positive towards cats tells a little bit about you ... because they are how they are, and do like they do, you can right away judge that a cat person is willing and able to come forward, to love a cat before being loved by said cat. I started loving the cat living at my place right away ... because the first thing she did here was peeing in her litterbox. Just a few drops, seemingly to make it hers, and it allowed me to assume she's of the clean and cleanly type ... which she still is. And now, she loves me too.
anarkzie 3 years ago (edited)
On paper it could be interpreted either as a threat or a joke but if she heard his tone and it sounded genuinely like a treat then she should follow her gut. I think it's an unreasonably request to just expect someone to give up a pet for you, I say this as a person who would not want to live with certain animals.
deanna woods 3 years ago
She was not TA, he was. He had absolutely no right to speak to the cat that way. He was not being playful, he was being malicious. Animals are family as well and she every right to tell him to leave. Things could have gotten much worse and he could have killed the cat.
H.L.Lewis 3 years ago
Would he have expected her to rehome a child? Existing pets are our children as much as a human child. Love me, you better be willing to exist with my animals. They are a big part of who I am. I will Not betray them. Yes they have feelings too. And yes animals feel love. I have seen proof of this.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago
I have a relative who really dislikes cats but when it comes to my cats they will pat them and baby talk to them. Why? Because of the love and respect that person has for me. They stopped by one day to drop something off, not realising I was home, and I caught them chatting in a cute way to my cats. If you love someone respect and appreciate the things they love.
bv7hearts 3 years ago
I am allergic to cats and I still have two foster fails that I couldn't bear to part with. This guy's a douche. I'm glad they broke up.
Inclusion 2020 3 years ago
If your partner is overtly jealous of your pet he should go, there's something wrong with him. Of course your cat prefers you and she/he comes first. My bf knows that my dog will always come first because I am literally responsible for my dog and my dog is my BFF. My pup will always prefer me bc I'm his momma. But if my partner had an issue with this it would absolutely be the end of our relationship. Pets are family.
Iapetos 3 years ago
Girl: Get rid of that guy! Cat haters are truly awful and, as you could see, false people.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Thank you. Yes. Cat haters are to be ditched, and abusers are also demon monsters / zombies, disguised as humans.
Load More Replies... Bettye McKee 3 years ago
I also have allergies, but a house is not a home without a cat or two.
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
Animal abuse is the precursor to girlfriend/wife abuse. EVERY abuse story begins that way. And every animal control official says when they are called out for animal abuse cases, there's always something going on with the kids and wife, too. Good thing you saw his true colors!
Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 3 years ago
People who hate cats ( Or animals in general) tend to be misogynistic. Also whether its a animal or a human, they have feelings and you cant treat it that way.
Lyone Fein 3 years ago
If I had a pet, and someone I had a date with told me they did not like that type of pet, I would never go out with them again. How did the relationship get as far as it did in the first place?
ChariotLee 3 years ago
Oh, hell. Please keep him kicked out. From what I can tell, this is not a man who will respect you in the long run. Besides, as the mother of three cats myself, I have and will choose them over a man. Their love is unconditional. His is likely not.
Blatidae 3 years ago (edited)
I won't lie... I am much, much, MUCH more a cat person than a dog one. Throughout childhood, I was actually terrfied of dogs because of once being bitten. That said... I would never ever expect someone to give up their pet for me. I certainly wouldn't give up my cat for them! :D
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Good grief woman how many red flags do you need!! It would be you next. And I wouldn't trust him with a dog either
Iapetos 3 years ago
If you hate cats, then you don't deserve a dog either. Or any animal.
Load More Replies... Brian Bennett 3 years ago
If he has this grand dislike for Millie, I really believe he will harm her if something isn't done! I would not get rid of her at all. And I think if you are not careful some harm may come to you because of the way he thinks. I may not have read the post thoroughly but you really only professed affection for the cat and I don't blame you! He or you never professed affection for each other. So dump this dangerous guy and keep your affectionate cat. Got along without him before!
Azure Adams 3 years ago
Oh you young little 20s baby still growing up. KICK HIS DUMB ASS OUT AND DUMP IT HARD!!!!!! He gave you all the red flags and your programming taught you to ignore them. Always take everything at face value!! He says he does not like cats, he doesn't like cats. Dump him right away it won't work out. Let this be a lesson for the future
Keeker Dee 3 years ago
After the cat was gone, it would then be you he would take his frustrations out on you would be called f*****g worthless. Sounds like he is a bully
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Oh he is. Bullies are cowards that never grew up. They are sick & need intensive help (if it does any good). Jails & prisons are loaded with them. The OP would be wise to keep him out of her life. If she was ever foolish to take him back, he'd act even worse: resenting her for even kicking him out & kicking more serious abuse into motion. You see: this is what I saw from the kid's perspective. Yes, I suffered & had no say in my mom's foolish decision. To this, I still feel resentment & compelled to warn others of the dangers and consequences of allowing abusers a wrongful place in the home. I have trust issues.
Odile Wipp 3 years ago
The things he said to the cat and about her, are huge signs of further toxic behavior. People who cannot be kind to animals are usually not kind people IMO.
Kaleb Prichard (MiraiKuma) 3 years ago
NTA. As a person who doesn't like dogs at all, if I were dating with a person with a dog I would say, "I'm willing to live with this current dog but I do not wishto get another dog after" It would be up to the person to decide whether or not I am worth a dog after. That being said I would never be mean to the dog on purpose like that. That guy is just a butt.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
"That guy is just a butt."...😹🤣😹🤣😹🤣😹 Most apropos comment here, you cut right to the chase, Kaleb! 👏😻👍
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
I used to volunteer at a no-kill shelter. I couldn't tell you how many calls I fielded with guys wanting to get rid of their SO's pet while they were gone for the weekend. We never took them in. I can't even imagine coming home to find my precious pet gone.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
He sounds like a jealous control freak. If he can be abusive to a sweet innocent animal, just image what he would do to a human. His behavior is just going to escalate.
Alexandra Comeau 3 years ago
someone who asks you if you would get rid of your beloved animal is no one worth spending your time with.
Gremlan jonnson 3 years ago
Always stay away from men that hates cats, they're usually macho imbeciles
Rhon Young 3 years ago
He knew that you had a cat when he entered the relationship. If he expected you to change your life for him then he needs help!!!
Robecca Leyden 3 years ago
I’m not a cat person, but i would never tell someone to get rid of their cat because i don’t like it. I have a dog and I’m very open that he comes first and i love him more. Everyone loves their pet the most, it’s your baby and companion. Guy needs to know his place.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
P.S. Other commenters are correct about the red flags. He sounds controlling and potentially abusive. That guy would become impossible if she ever needs to care for children or aging parents! BTW, my live-in fiancée is sensitive to cat hair and dander. Rehoming them was never mentioned. We simply limit the time my cats (2) spend on the main floor of the house and keep them out of the bedroom. They have the run of the guest room and my home office. He earned the affection of both cats.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
If the cat was a dealbreaker for him, he should have let you know as soon as he found out you had one. People should remember that peoples' relationships with their pets often outlast romantic relationships. You had the cat long before you met him. He sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't want his girlfriend to pay attention to anyone or anything other than him. I hope you meet a wonderful guy who loves you and your cat.
Seabeast 3 years ago
A wise person once told me that a person who hates cats and only likes dogs will be controlling. They hate cats because cats don't obey, and you can bet that they'll want you to obey them after they have you hooked. Also, men who hate cats are very often misogynists as well.
StrawberryParfait 3 years ago (edited)
Get rid of him. Like YESTERDAY. He is a loser who is sponging off you and hates your cat. NEVER stay with a man who hates your pets. NEVER NEVER NEVER. You and Millie will have much better lives without this creep in them.
Naomi 3 years ago
"Because Millie's an animal, and he's a person" news flash, cats and humans are both animals, and Millie's cooler than you'll ever be. In all seriousness, somebody who would say something like that to your beloved cat when they think you're not around is not a person you want in your life. Imagine what he'd say to your kids, to your parents or siblings, the respect he'd give your belongings, and overall, how he'd treat you. When you see a cute little cat like Millie, your instinct should be that you want to protect her, and if that level of empathy isn't there, it's not going to be there for an adult human.
Derek Clark 3 years ago
If a guy jokes about getting rid of your cat a few dates in, that's a red flag. Don't ever think it's not. It will always stand between you and who even dates an animal hater when you're an animal lover? Get rid of guys like that, nobody needs them.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
So what do y'all think of the guy that swapped his girlfriend's crazy aggressive, attack & scratch everyone on sight, demon-cat with a safe, friendly look-alike (from a shelter) while she was away & he was seriously attacked (again) when cat-sitting? (He took it to a no-kill shelter.) She didn't realize, they married years ago & still have the "nice" cat. On the one hand, I've returned every one that was brought to my animal rescue farm (ARF) as soon as I found out the real owner didn't know/approve. On the other, she didn't even notice and ended up with a safer pet and fewer doctor bills. I'm torn 🙉
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
I think that's messed up, and if she still doesn't know, then he's been lying to her for years and their relationship is no longer built on trust. Cats aren't "demons", no animals are, they are just either behaved animals or misbehaving animals. Whoever raised that cat failed her, and if they wanted to fix the issue, they should've got a trainer or seen a doctor or pet ethologist.
Keerthi Vardhan 3 years ago
I feel both are at wrong..during the initial phases, there were clear indicators of not wanting a cat. It's just that it was not taken seriously. Could have asked if he was serious then. Just because she took it for a joke is not an excuse. Now both have to reconcile their idea that the other was not joking at this point of life. It's just immature relationship from both ends. Heartache to the end.
Stephanie Hewitt 3 years ago
Trust your instincts. It might seem like an overreaction on the surface, but something in the back of her mind is sending her red flags causing that reaction
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
I'm torn. I'm a cat person (see profile pic) but the whole "my place" can really mess with the relationship (i know because i've moved in with people before and you never really feel at home until you move somewhere else together). I do feel that was a "come back" to the cat-issue though and he used it as defence for his actions - and i'm not ok with that.
Josie Bisbano 3 years ago
Was she sure she wasn't hearing the CAT saying "You're worthless!" to the BOYFRIEND?
GlitterQueen541 3 years ago
I had a cat when my ex and I started dating. He didn't love the cat but wasn't horrible to him. We moved in together and he started getting worse, nothing actually mean towards the cat, but obviously not a fan of him. One day I'm at work and he tells me my cat go out (cat was always an indoor cat) we searched for hours after I got home. I never saw that cat again, it has been years and I still miss that cat. Part of me wonders if he got rid of the cat on purpose.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
What does your gut feeling say? To be frank: I think he got rid of your cat on purpose (God knows how). Who was he to do that. Your cat was yours, not his. I’m so sorry that you lost your cat. 😿😿
Load More Replies... TheAnimalLady 3 years ago (edited)
My guess is yes😿 When "indoor" cats (good job 👏😻👍) get out they don't go far, they prefer the familiarity of a known/safe environment and abundant food.
Logic and Reason 3 years ago
The amount of snap judgements and s**t takes on AITA is frankly astonishing. I really don’t think there’s enough information presented to make an intelligent call.
RME 3 years ago
I think she did the right thing. Boyfriend's come and go but your special companion will always be with you no matter what. In my opinion pets are like children and it's the same saying boyfriends come and go but your child will always be your child no matter what. You know that your pets will always give you unconditional love and no matter what type of person your are you will always be perfect for them.
Lillukka79 3 years ago
Why the f**k would you move in with someone who has made his/her thoughts clear? ESH for not listening to each other to beguin with.
More Thinking Needed 3 years ago
Ridiculous. Even Reddit all but admits that the majority of these stories are fake.
Rannveig Ess 3 years ago
You're 30 years old asking for relationship advice about a 24 year old? A 24 year old who told before he moved in that he doesn't like cats. You have had a cat most of your life and hopefully will always have one. Or Two. Then you fall apart and sob and shake when you have a fight and he lies and storms out, slamming doors. I'm just shaking me head here.
Gaby Almodovar 3 years ago
Oh, I saw in the comments a lot of single Karens and Kevins, who never have the chance of a human-relationship.... As Metallica already stated: Sad, but true!
Don't Look 3 years ago
Don’t suppose a lesson was learned here. Because really that’s all that we can hope for, in this instance.
Aleksandra 3 years ago
Being jealous of a CAT is a reason to visit a specialist, loving a cat and not wanting abusive asshole to call it awful names is normal
Load More Replies... Gaby Almodovar 3 years ago
You'll never have a loving human partner... and it's better for him so...
Aleksandra 3 years ago
Have one and he's secure enough to not be jealous over my pet. I wish you a partner who won't be childish and insecure to be jealous of an animal/family/child. Have a nice day
Joan Zatorski 3 years ago
Chris, loving an animal deeply doesn't make someone "crazy", just like NOT liking cats doesn't make someone "crazy" either. I think OP and the BF had an unhealthy, even toxic, imbalance in their relationship from the very beginning and should probably not have ever moved in together. I think they are ALL "better off" now that OP, the exBF, AND Milli the cat are no longer living together.
Load More Replies... Viviane 3 years ago
The upshot: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Good. He knew there was a cat. If it was a deal-breaker, he could've walked. And if he's that mean to a cat, he'll be that mean to children and her.... or odds are in favor of it.
Load More Replies... Eucritta 3 years ago
He already was that mean to her, what with bullying her about getting rid of her cat.
Debra Robinson 3 years ago (edited)
What an evil, immature asshole bitchweed shitpile! So glad he's gone and hopefully completely out of their lives! This toxic psycho monster should stay away from all decent humans and animals.
BarkingBunny 3 years ago
That was exactly what I was thinking. That level of manipulation(and the attempt at guilr) can come from either side, but the "excuse" he laughably came up with wasn't even plausible!
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Thank God! This time he was talking to the cat, next time he would be talking like that to his girlfriend. There is something seriously wrong with that guy. And the whole "I am sad because you like the cat more than me" business? No, I don't buy that for one second...
Teresa Spanics 3 years ago
Good for OP! That jerk deserves that! OP will find a nice man who not only also loves dear sweet kitties, but has one of his own or more.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
The fact that he feels upstaged by a cat says something about him. The bottom line for me would be that he's someone who would want you to get rid of a beloved pet, simply because he's 'not a cat-person'. I mean, if you're heavily allergic I can see how living with someone who has a cat may be an issue, but 'I'm not a cat-person' is NO reason to then expect someone else to get rid of their cat.
Bunzilla 3 years ago
He isn't just 'not a cat person', he's a cat-hater. A grown man jealous of a cat suggests he's controlling and he doesn't like that her cat is 'coming between them'. And honestly, those are huge red flags. He's hiding his true colours, and she just heard it come out when he cursed at her cat when he thought she wasn't around. I don't see how a dog is any more 'useful' than a cat? These types of people like dogs because dogs obey and love unconditionally. They hate cats because cats are more independent and you have to EARN a cat's love and trust. Then he totally gaslit her by saying he was just being 'playful'. I hope she dumped the creep before he could hurt her cat-- or her.
Load More Replies... Cyndielouwhoo 3 years ago
@classbag: There's a huge difference between not liking cats and being vicious and cruel to any animal. He clearly lacks empathy ahd that is dangerous. Today he yells at the cat, tomorrow his gf. Who knows what he did or said when she wasn't around. He had no respect for her, her feelings or her life before he was part of it, he is a very selfish, mean person.
classbag 3 years ago (edited)
There's really not anything wrong with not liking cats. Preferring dogs over cats doesn't mean you have a need for control and unconditional love. These two people should probably have just never moved in with each other since the guy just can't tolerate cats. That's not a personality flaw, though.
Suz66 3 years ago
Exactly. I'm not a cat person but I would never feel threatened that the cat would be more loved. We stayed at a friends house when visiting San Diego. They had cats. One of them really took to me and I fell in love with him. After he passed, I cried...I equate this story to my dog. I would have kicked him to the curb if he treated my dog like that. Despite what kind of pet it was, it's not right.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
Bunzilla isn't talking about regular people. "These types of people..." are narcissistic control-freak bullies that cats won't put up with like dogs (who'll return to the owner that beats them instead of leaving). It's a "personality flaw" common in abusers.
Zenozenobee 3 years ago
I don't think it's a matter of cat. The dude reminds me of a former classmate that got her boyfriend sell his PS3 (yes it didn't happen yesturday). I heard her in various occasion saying that she didn't like him playing console. I thought, maybe he was playing too much, but no, an adult shouldn't play console, never, according to her. She was making scene when he played, and she started to be concerned he could enjoy she wasn't there so he could play. She ended up deciding their home would be "no console at all". After he accepted that, she decided he played too much football and coach too much the kid team.... When you SO tries to make you give up something you enjoy (and that does'nt hurt you or anyone), that's definitivly about controle. They may be not aware of this, but it's clearly a matter of "prove me you love me that much".
Viviane 3 years ago
A lot of people tolerate a partner's pet for the sake of the relationship. Some make exceptions for individual pets. One of my colleagues didn't like cats, but he was fond of his girlfriend's two cats because they were affectionate and came when called (so more dog-like).
Janine B. 3 years ago (edited)
Most non-cat persons often never had much contact with cats. I love both, cats and dogs and I don't prefer one over the other. They're all different personalities, not every dog is as easy to handle as most people think. Both need attention, entertainment, activities and love in general. Personally I have never met a shy cat that didn't get more confident and open when you spent time with her / him. You just gotta know how. Same goes for frightened dogs. They're not toys,they're living beings. No one wanted our black cat when he was still at the shelter. He was scared as hell and hissed and puked and tried to escape. Two weeks after being home, he first allowed us the touch him. We were very patient, never confronted him, talked a lot to him. Another four weeks later we were allowed to give him scritches but he was still afraid of my hubby. Long story short, after about half a year later he was the biggest cuddlebug ever. We have him for more than seven years now and he's still improving. :)
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Your kitty is lucky to have patient understanding owners :) some kitties can take a long time to come out of their shell and learn to trust again, but it is worth it to keep being there for them: they are indeed the best cuddlebugs! I have a similar rescue, took me years and me going to hospital unexpectedly to earn her full love: when I came home I think she realised that even though she still had the house, food and daily pats from my mum, she had missed me ^-^
classbag 3 years ago (edited)
I think a lot of these responses are a bit over the top. I'm a cat person and love cats, and I'd never get rid of any pet just because my SO didn't like them. However, people saying he's controlling and abusive and that he'll eventually hurt the cat, hurt her, or hurt his future kids because of one incident of inappropriately verbally expressing his distaste for a cat is a bit much. I also understand his reaction to being kicked out--again, he said one shitty thing to a cat and was told to leave the apartment. To me, that deserves discussion, not kicking someone out of the home they share with you. I'd have broken up with him too because I don't believe in compromising on pets, but I also don't agree that this guy is that evil. He's just very incompatible with a cat-mom.
StrawberryParfait 3 years ago
Oh, f**k that. He showed her exactly who she is. Do you think cat-hating dudes are rare? Smartly, she believed him when he showed his creepiness and true feelings for her beloved pet. Her instincts told her the truth, as instincts always do. She saved her cat's life by getting rid of the dude.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
There is no circumstance where you should have to get rid of your cat. I'd be over the moon if I was dating someone with a cat.
Viviane 3 years ago (edited)
Sweet! One of my nephews broke up (on good terms) with someone who has three cats. He asked for and obtained visitation rights to see the cats. :)
Load More Replies... Joe Reaves 3 years ago
I feel like if the person you're dating forms a bond with your pets that's the right thing to do (provided your break up was amicable of course). How do you explain to a dog/cat why the person they liked and got used to living with is no longer there?
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
I’m totally in agreement. My husband is the best-he made sure that I could bring my Tigger, when I moved in his apt, after the wedding; he knew how much I’ve been through. Thankfully, he’s also a Cat Person. When we had to take Tigger to put him out of his misery, over the Rainbow Bridge, my husband grieved for him: Tigger gave him much more love than his own dad and it hurt to see me grieve too. Our new TJ is our catbaby.
tw 72 3 years ago (edited)
It's not even about the cat. He wants ALL of the attention. Trust me on this - he will not like it when you spend time with your friends and family either or on your own personal hobbies. Don't even THINK about having kids! You will spend your days making sure his personal pedestal is high enough to keep him happy, while everything and everyone in your life suffers.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
He is a controller & I’ll attest to that. My own dad was exactly that way & I grew up being resented at times, because I simply existed & took away from what he could’ve had. In fact, he made all 3 of us (mom, brother, me) miserable. I was legally old enough to get a beer before my mom finally ditched him for good. Interestingly, he treated our pets better. These days, cats are preferable to me ( and more & more people) over kids; we made the responsible decision to not bother having them. So when it comes down to controlling (monster) people, it’s All about them. Someone didn’t grow up. The GF with Millie was wise to kick out the BF. I hope she kept her apt secure & had locks changed, even looked into a restraining order.
Lara M 3 years ago
It doesn't matter what the ostensible reason is - someone who is mean to an animal is not a good person. Period, full stop, end of story. It shows how they're willing to treat someone who is small and powerless.
Beth L 3 years ago
My sister married a not-a-cat-person person. He learned pretty quickly how to get along with the cat she already had when they met, and they all peacefully co-existed for over a decade before the cat died of old age.
Joan Zatorski 3 years ago
Studies in psychology show that over time, Abusive and violent behaviors escalate if the underlying issues (deep insecurity, lack of coping or skills, etc) are not addressed via counseling, therapy, etc. So I suspect the BF would become more verbally abusive toward Millie the cat , eventually crossing the line to physical abuse or making Millie "disappear". We also know that people who are abusive toward animals are more prone to crossing over to abuse of people. OP is wise to have no further contact with this exBF. Were I OP, I would even move to a new apartment with no forwarding address & change my phone #. At the very least, OP must change her locks & make neighbors aware they broke up. Hope Milli lives a long sweet life with OP!
Laugh or not 3 years ago
She did better : she learned about gaslighting and removed the guy before the situation got bad.
Load More Replies... classbag 3 years ago (edited)
A person who is abusive has far more indicators than saying something awful to a cat once (that OP knows of, admittedly). If verbally expressing your anger towards or disapproval of something in a mean way is indicative of abuse, then half the people on BoredPanda should be in jail by now. And OP didn't note a pattern of this type of behavior; in fact, she said it shocked her. What she did note a pattern of was him not liking the cat and not wanting to be around her/wanting to get rid if her, which tells me this guy just really doesn't like cats, not that he's an abuser. It would be an insane overreaction for her to go through the trouble of moving and changing her number over her ex not liking her cat.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
@Classbag: He scared her. Legit frightened her into a protect-the-loved-one reaction. To me, that indicates his tone of voice was *not* teasing, and it seemed that to OP. Also, he indicated he felt outranked by a *cat*. Seriously? That is a red flag. If he can't handle her having a pet, guess how he'd do if they had kids, or if she has close friends.... I've helped clean up those train wrecks. I agree that extreme caution now can prevent extreme trauma later. Also, it's common sense to change locks if you lived with someone and break up. You want an angry ex to have keys to your place, that is your choice, but it's commonly discouraged.
S. 3 years ago
You can never be too careful. Also, the boyfriend didn't even properly say sorry after what he said to the cat, he didn't even acknowledge that his behaviour could've been hurtful. Straight up says he was joking, then trying to make her look like the bad guy. At least, when reasonable people say something hurtful, they often apologise afterwards and feel some guilt.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Absolutely: slamming the door, no apologies, claims he was joking, then trying to turn it around onto her shows that he does not have the maturity to own up to his mistake, feel guilt, and didn’t care about her or Millie. I see the lack of empathy as part of a dark personality complex, stemming from unresolved fundamental issues in him. Yes, she was wise to send the xBF packing. I should know-my own father was/may be still like that.
Rissie 3 years ago
If someone is "caught" acting like that, it means that all the other times they are keeping up appearances. It's that contrast that makes it most likely very real that there are underlying issues that are very serious. It's easier to handle someone that's just a consistent asshole, because those at least vent their frustration predictably. But if people bottle it up and just act out when they think no one is looking, then they are bound to at some point have the crazy escalate. If the underlying issues are not addressed. The fact that he came back with that story and the guilt tripping is another sign of someone that's very much in distress and rather put their life partner down than face their own problems.
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
Here's the thing. Cats are independent, they do what they want, and they don't take any crap. I prefer dogs, but I love their unflaggingly positive energy. Cats are awesome, you just have to let them be who they are. Controlling guys can't do this, and it's an excellent litmus test. There's a world of difference between 'I am not really a cat person/used to cats' and 'I am exclusively a dog person because cats are evil / terrible / cold / unfeeling creatures who hate me'.
Max 3 years ago
Yep. Person who doesn't like cats is entitled to their opinion. Person who hates cats is a big red flag.
Load More Replies... Joan Horton 3 years ago
In my experience anybody who hates any animal is expressing some kind of psychological instability.
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
That's fair. I hate spiders, and I understand that the panic attacks I get from seeing them are highly irrational. I'd just hope that people could at least extend empathy to other mammals, or at least the small and vulnerable ones like kittens. Reptiles too, of course, granted they aren't dangerous. It's a bit difficult to draw a line, other than "if this animal isn't a threat to you, don't hurt them", and I am definitely working to address my arachnophobia when it comes to common house spiders. ("Immediate threat" is an important distinction-- empathy should still be given to predators that are endangered, abused or suffering from manmade environmental damage).
Naomi 3 years ago
Absolutely. I think people tend to think dogs "love unconditionally", when in reality, they just don't have the capacity to hold grudges. Few animals do, other than ravens, crows, elephants, and ourselves. (There might be some others that are still up for debate.) That coupled with the fact that dogs depend on us makes them the perfect target for abusive jerks.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
I'm an extremely insecure person but when I see people getting jealous over pets I know I'm good.
TheWickedOne 3 years ago
I'd do the same if someone tried to make me get rid of my dog/cat... GTFO then... nobody forces you to live with me.. F**K OFF
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
If you think he’s going to be cruel to your cat, or any animal, dump him. That cruelty could possibly spread to you, and to your children, in the future. Nope. My criteria was along the lines of “love me, love my cats”. My now husband originally said he was allergic to cats, but found he was just fine, as long as we kept on top of vacuuming. Within a week, he would watch TV with at least one, if not both, cats on his lap, and put himself in charge of buying their food—-he even upgraded them to a more expensive brand. That was 20 years ago, and we have had up to 4 cats at a time since then. All of which he loves/loved just as much as I do/did.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
You have a great husband & I’m so glad it worked out for you. That’s awesome that you both were able to have cats, after all.
8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago
I absolutely agree. These are underlying issues and she's fortunate that her cat provided the right trigger to expose them early in the relationship.
Load More Replies... kath morgan 3 years ago
I tell my cat he is a horrible little s**t loser all the time but I say it with love. You knew the tone was off. He was off. Glad to hear she chucked him
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago (edited)
Absolutely correct. And the way she described her reaction to hearing him say that (without even knowing at that point that he was talking to the cat) was everything I needed to read. Her gut feeling already told her to get rid of this guy - that was a clear warning...
Otter 3 years ago
DONT TAKE HIM BACK!!! The person who resents the love you give your pets will turn out to resent the attention you give to your friends and family! This person will eventually try to isolate and control you, while all the time lying about their behavior and end game. This is a red flag, a sign of someone likely to turn abusive.
Rob Dabank 3 years ago
WOW - insecure much? Having said that I do call my cat an a-hole quite frequently, but only when she is being one!
Laugh or not 3 years ago
A**hole, or other insults, can be said affectionately or in jest. But there is no way for worthless to be an endearment word.
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 3 years ago
I used to call one of mine Stripey Little Scumbag. But it's all in the tone.
Viviane 3 years ago
One of my friends adores her dog and she'll occasionally tell me that he's being "a little brat".
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
Not Insecure, proactive...the carp that spurned lovers pull is unbelievably insane. You've clearly never dealt with someone who will do anything to keep you in their life and under their control. I had one who was killing my pets and making me think it was my fault...real gaslighting. Animals aren't a-holes, they are just animals being animals. People are a-holes and the Anthropomorphism of Animals is dangerous, even deadly. Google it if you don't believe me.
Adam Belaire 3 years ago
I read the title "Guy Calls GF’s Cat Worthless, Gets Kicked Out Of Her Apartment" and soon as I got to the "AITA fo..", it's a hard nope. You're fine. he's the AH. No animal is worthless. Period.
Lily Mae Kitty 3 years ago
When I met my husband he'd never been around cats and thought he was a dog guy(not that he wanted a dog) and in the 1st 3-4 weeks I was thinking it might not work out b/c he didn't understand how cats work and was playing too rough. by the end of month 2 he was a cat whisperer. turns out he's very much a cat guy; he just had to get to know a couple of cats. when he fell apart almost as bad as I did when the 17 year old died a few months later, I knew he was a keeper. 15 years and a couple cats later...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I was thinking he was being sincere until his last statement that "you threw him out over and animal when he's a person." The cat is not just an animal...it's a member of her family. And the cat is also a member of the family that is relatively defenseless compared to the human that's treating her badly. Always think of a pet like a child..because that's what it is to it's owners...their baby. How would you treat a human child. He's giving you insight on how he would treat future kids. Kick him to the curb while you have the chance.
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
Right? Also, humans are animals, and if he's not willing to acknowledge that, then that definitely shows that he sees other animals as being below him. I understand that some people have religious beliefs that conflict with viewing themselves as animals, but in general, the sentiment usually shows a degree of selfishness and narcissism.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
I'm a guy with two cats, they aren't going anywhere. If you're a cat hater, then i guess we can't date, lol.
8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago (edited)
If you want to see the true character of a person, watch them interact with a cat, a.k.a. psychic mirror. You'll know then.
E B 3 years ago
I had a neighbor years ago who was afraid of cats, I found out because he needed to borrow my phone to call the phone company. I put the dog in the other room, and came back to find that my super friendly chonker had treed my neighbor in an armchair. He was not mean to the cat, he didn't say anything bad, so I think being scared is not an excuse for abusive behavior. (I took the cat into the other room as well!)
Mica Silvia 3 years ago
No, you're absolutely right.. I'm terrified but I would never ever harm them and that's not just because I couldn't touch or be near them !
qwerty 3 years ago
Fair point. I have cynophobia and I wouldn't want to be judged based on that.
Mica Silvia 3 years ago
I actually do have ailurophobia.. it's so bad that when I was 8 months pregnant with my Daughter I actually ran up a steep hill just to get away from a meowing cat lol .. God knows how funny that looked 🙈
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
If they were afraid of cats, they wouldn't even be near them. I'm an arachnophobe and I regularly sleep on the couch whenever I find a spider in my bedroom, or sleep on the guest room couch if there's a spider in the living room too. If the person I'm dating has pet spiders, there's no negotiation unless we're working to resolve my fear, which it doesn't seem like is the case here.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Yes: they can sense evil, whether in a person’s spirit, or other spirits hanging around. They know when a person is “off.”
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I would be very scared for Millie. This AH sounds like someone who would kill her and make it seem like an accident.
LaGitanaTriste 3 years ago
So NTA. You dodged a bullet sweetie! All I needed to know about this dude was what he said to the cat and that he felt second best... to a cat. So 2 red flags. What if that was a baby? I guarantee dude ends up abusing animals, women and children. I
Manuela Martins 3 years ago
Number 1: One may think her reaction is exaggerated, but I firmly believe that people show their true character through little things. Number 2: He moved in with you, so technically it is YOUR apartment because you lived there first, right? Number 3: Stop apologizing so much! He made you feel very uncomfortable and you have every right to be upset. Number 4: Trust your gut and re-evaluate your situation. And finally: If someone makes you choose between them or your pet? Unless your SO is deadly allergic..... Nope. What a weakling to feel threatened by a cat.
snipergun 3 years ago
Sounds narcissistic, I mean yeah sometimes I call my bf 17 yo dog silly mean old grumpy lady, because she is, but I still love her and do everything also for her (was basically awake with her nights in a row when she had brain bleeding due to old age and she needed big supervision just to stand up), but you know if it felt like you described he will always feel being on second place, no matter if you have baby or just go out with friends or help your parents. Cat is just a convinient excuse because he's big dog person (which I assume is also bs because none of you have a dog, and it would be pretty much same with dog).
Eliska Klimentova 3 years ago
Someone who is capable of saying “you’re so f*****g worthless” to an animal is perfectly capable of saying it to another person. She didn’t catch him being playfully mean (if that was it, he’d feel comfortable doing it in front of her), she caught him showing his true colors. She didn’t “choose the cat over him”, that was her gut screaming that he isn’t a safe person.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
The next ones whom he would say that to, would be the GF, then any children they may have had. Yes, he'd abuse them, likely in all ways.
Michael Fuhry 3 years ago
NTA. Girl dodged a bullet with this guy. And, yes, please change locks. If his tone was as full of malice as claimed, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that he might transfer his animus over being kicked out onto the cat.
3 years ago
I'm not going to read this. Threaten my cat and you're no longer welcome in my house. Some things are final. Out!
Biba Little 3 years ago
Girl, no way you are an asshole here! kicking your loving pet out for a man is NOT a compromise, it's manipulation from his side to get what he wants. To be honest, a man who would tell me straight forward that he hates cats and wants me to get rid of mine, even as a joke (of course I have cats!), would be a deal breaker for me from the start. Not just because I like animals and pets are members of family, but it sounds like manipulating you and even ordering you to do as he wants. It's not compromise, because there is no compromise from his side, he just wants it his way or no way.
H Edwards 3 years ago
If they want to continue living together then they need to get a place that is theirs, not hers or his. Regardless of the reason, if one person holds the power to banish the other from what is supposed to be a shared home then there will always be an imbalance. I don't really have a comment on the situation at hand because it's difficult to tell exactly what happened and we are only hearing her side of the story. Maybe she overreacted, but then I can see why she would. But after this he will never feel like he's at home there and this will cause more problems down the line. On the other hand, if he really feels threatened by a cat then it may be time to just throw the whole man away.
Viviane 3 years ago
That last one: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/
Load More Replies... Tracy Jones 3 years ago
he has shown you who he is. believe him. get him gone before he 'accidentally' loses the cat
Rami Hatton 3 years ago
I am personally not a cat lover!! I would never own one myself! However, I would also NEVER disrespect an animal! I feel he was in the wrong and from past events of my life with non-cat lovers, could see him doing what I have unfortunately seen!! You need to lose him as a boyfriend, lover, friend, etc. Or else you will end up being his "kitty"!!!
𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 3 years ago
I feel like how you treat and talk to animals really reflects how you are as a human being. She really needs to leave him!
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
The second he asked to get rid of the cat dump him immediately. He has zero empathy and can’t create a bond with an animal. Total narcissist with horrible potential.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
People who are cruel to animals can be cruel to humans, particularly children. Lock the door behind him.
Bettye McKee 3 years ago
When my ex-husband said, "It's me or the cat," the cat won. My niece's boyfriend gave her cat away when she wasn't home. She recovered her cat and dumped the boyfriend. You are NTA, he is. When a guy must have your undivided attention all the time, he has issues you shouldn't have to deal with. I have been married for 32 years to a man who also loves cats.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
I'm so glad that your husband loves cats, too. You married a really good man. You were wise to choose your cat over your ex. I'm so sorry that your niece had a bad exbf that gave her cat away--> total breach of trust & boundaries. She was wise to dump him.
Enlee Jones 3 years ago
He’s an insecure douchebag who would have ended up hurting or killing the cat. Never trust people who don’t like animals.
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
What struck me is when she said, "he sounded like a different person." She most likely overheard who he really is. I thought--he's going to do that to her one day. Not everyone shows you who they really are--and it's often after you move in today. I'm glad she's free.
Jonny Man 3 years ago
Anyone who talks to ANY BEING, whether they have a human or an animal body, in that fashion needs to be sent out. People who are mean to one type of being will be mean to any and all types of being. He needs to learn what his cruelty will bring. And maybe, just maybe, understand that he can't be like that, even in private.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Karma has a way of dealing with their awful kind; the sooner the better. Do you think abusers will learn or are they blind, arrogant & that dumb?
Load More Replies... Karl Baxter 3 years ago
We have two fantastic cats that have been great buddies in many ways over the years. If I demanded that my wife choose between them and me then I’d fully expect to find my suitcase packed and waiting by the front door (& I wouldn’t fancy my wife’s chances if it was the other way round either…)
Analyn Lahr 3 years ago
I would have dumped his ass as soon as I found out he didn't like cats. Even if he prefers dogs, he sounds like the type of owner who kicks their dog and makes it ride in the back of the truck.
Dasha Slepenkina 3 years ago
RED FLAG. People who are willing to be abusive with animals can and do progress to be abusive with humans. No matter what tone he uses, saying that a living creature is "f***ing useless" and constantly trying to get rid of them is creepy AF. I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled about cats because I can't read their body language well and I'm scared of them. I'm amazing with dogs, horses, farm animals, whatever, but am not great with cats. But I would never, EVER be cruel to one. Especially if that cat meant something to my partner. That's a sign of a manipulative, cruel personality. So glad to see these two have broken up.
DC 3 years ago
Being abusive towards nonhuman animals is even logically considerable as lower than being abusive towards humans - humans can defend themselves, and even if not so while in the act, they're able to exactly tell what happened. Other animals can't. Whatever isn't caught in the act, isn't caught at all. Therefore, this has a lowness abuse of humans doesn't have ... which, still, makes any abuse abuse and therefore opposeworthy by any means. Also ... being positive towards cats tells a little bit about you ... because they are how they are, and do like they do, you can right away judge that a cat person is willing and able to come forward, to love a cat before being loved by said cat. I started loving the cat living at my place right away ... because the first thing she did here was peeing in her litterbox. Just a few drops, seemingly to make it hers, and it allowed me to assume she's of the clean and cleanly type ... which she still is. And now, she loves me too.
anarkzie 3 years ago (edited)
On paper it could be interpreted either as a threat or a joke but if she heard his tone and it sounded genuinely like a treat then she should follow her gut. I think it's an unreasonably request to just expect someone to give up a pet for you, I say this as a person who would not want to live with certain animals.
deanna woods 3 years ago
She was not TA, he was. He had absolutely no right to speak to the cat that way. He was not being playful, he was being malicious. Animals are family as well and she every right to tell him to leave. Things could have gotten much worse and he could have killed the cat.
H.L.Lewis 3 years ago
Would he have expected her to rehome a child? Existing pets are our children as much as a human child. Love me, you better be willing to exist with my animals. They are a big part of who I am. I will Not betray them. Yes they have feelings too. And yes animals feel love. I have seen proof of this.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago
I have a relative who really dislikes cats but when it comes to my cats they will pat them and baby talk to them. Why? Because of the love and respect that person has for me. They stopped by one day to drop something off, not realising I was home, and I caught them chatting in a cute way to my cats. If you love someone respect and appreciate the things they love.
bv7hearts 3 years ago
I am allergic to cats and I still have two foster fails that I couldn't bear to part with. This guy's a douche. I'm glad they broke up.
Inclusion 2020 3 years ago
If your partner is overtly jealous of your pet he should go, there's something wrong with him. Of course your cat prefers you and she/he comes first. My bf knows that my dog will always come first because I am literally responsible for my dog and my dog is my BFF. My pup will always prefer me bc I'm his momma. But if my partner had an issue with this it would absolutely be the end of our relationship. Pets are family.
Iapetos 3 years ago
Girl: Get rid of that guy! Cat haters are truly awful and, as you could see, false people.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Thank you. Yes. Cat haters are to be ditched, and abusers are also demon monsters / zombies, disguised as humans.
Load More Replies... Bettye McKee 3 years ago
I also have allergies, but a house is not a home without a cat or two.
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
Animal abuse is the precursor to girlfriend/wife abuse. EVERY abuse story begins that way. And every animal control official says when they are called out for animal abuse cases, there's always something going on with the kids and wife, too. Good thing you saw his true colors!
Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 3 years ago
People who hate cats ( Or animals in general) tend to be misogynistic. Also whether its a animal or a human, they have feelings and you cant treat it that way.
Lyone Fein 3 years ago
If I had a pet, and someone I had a date with told me they did not like that type of pet, I would never go out with them again. How did the relationship get as far as it did in the first place?
ChariotLee 3 years ago
Oh, hell. Please keep him kicked out. From what I can tell, this is not a man who will respect you in the long run. Besides, as the mother of three cats myself, I have and will choose them over a man. Their love is unconditional. His is likely not.
Blatidae 3 years ago (edited)
I won't lie... I am much, much, MUCH more a cat person than a dog one. Throughout childhood, I was actually terrfied of dogs because of once being bitten. That said... I would never ever expect someone to give up their pet for me. I certainly wouldn't give up my cat for them! :D
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Good grief woman how many red flags do you need!! It would be you next. And I wouldn't trust him with a dog either
Iapetos 3 years ago
If you hate cats, then you don't deserve a dog either. Or any animal.
Load More Replies... Brian Bennett 3 years ago
If he has this grand dislike for Millie, I really believe he will harm her if something isn't done! I would not get rid of her at all. And I think if you are not careful some harm may come to you because of the way he thinks. I may not have read the post thoroughly but you really only professed affection for the cat and I don't blame you! He or you never professed affection for each other. So dump this dangerous guy and keep your affectionate cat. Got along without him before!
Azure Adams 3 years ago
Oh you young little 20s baby still growing up. KICK HIS DUMB ASS OUT AND DUMP IT HARD!!!!!! He gave you all the red flags and your programming taught you to ignore them. Always take everything at face value!! He says he does not like cats, he doesn't like cats. Dump him right away it won't work out. Let this be a lesson for the future
Keeker Dee 3 years ago
After the cat was gone, it would then be you he would take his frustrations out on you would be called f*****g worthless. Sounds like he is a bully
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Oh he is. Bullies are cowards that never grew up. They are sick & need intensive help (if it does any good). Jails & prisons are loaded with them. The OP would be wise to keep him out of her life. If she was ever foolish to take him back, he'd act even worse: resenting her for even kicking him out & kicking more serious abuse into motion. You see: this is what I saw from the kid's perspective. Yes, I suffered & had no say in my mom's foolish decision. To this, I still feel resentment & compelled to warn others of the dangers and consequences of allowing abusers a wrongful place in the home. I have trust issues.
Odile Wipp 3 years ago
The things he said to the cat and about her, are huge signs of further toxic behavior. People who cannot be kind to animals are usually not kind people IMO.
Kaleb Prichard (MiraiKuma) 3 years ago
NTA. As a person who doesn't like dogs at all, if I were dating with a person with a dog I would say, "I'm willing to live with this current dog but I do not wishto get another dog after" It would be up to the person to decide whether or not I am worth a dog after. That being said I would never be mean to the dog on purpose like that. That guy is just a butt.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
"That guy is just a butt."...😹🤣😹🤣😹🤣😹 Most apropos comment here, you cut right to the chase, Kaleb! 👏😻👍
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
I used to volunteer at a no-kill shelter. I couldn't tell you how many calls I fielded with guys wanting to get rid of their SO's pet while they were gone for the weekend. We never took them in. I can't even imagine coming home to find my precious pet gone.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
He sounds like a jealous control freak. If he can be abusive to a sweet innocent animal, just image what he would do to a human. His behavior is just going to escalate.
Alexandra Comeau 3 years ago
someone who asks you if you would get rid of your beloved animal is no one worth spending your time with.
Gremlan jonnson 3 years ago
Always stay away from men that hates cats, they're usually macho imbeciles
Rhon Young 3 years ago
He knew that you had a cat when he entered the relationship. If he expected you to change your life for him then he needs help!!!
Robecca Leyden 3 years ago
I’m not a cat person, but i would never tell someone to get rid of their cat because i don’t like it. I have a dog and I’m very open that he comes first and i love him more. Everyone loves their pet the most, it’s your baby and companion. Guy needs to know his place.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
P.S. Other commenters are correct about the red flags. He sounds controlling and potentially abusive. That guy would become impossible if she ever needs to care for children or aging parents! BTW, my live-in fiancée is sensitive to cat hair and dander. Rehoming them was never mentioned. We simply limit the time my cats (2) spend on the main floor of the house and keep them out of the bedroom. They have the run of the guest room and my home office. He earned the affection of both cats.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
If the cat was a dealbreaker for him, he should have let you know as soon as he found out you had one. People should remember that peoples' relationships with their pets often outlast romantic relationships. You had the cat long before you met him. He sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't want his girlfriend to pay attention to anyone or anything other than him. I hope you meet a wonderful guy who loves you and your cat.
Seabeast 3 years ago
A wise person once told me that a person who hates cats and only likes dogs will be controlling. They hate cats because cats don't obey, and you can bet that they'll want you to obey them after they have you hooked. Also, men who hate cats are very often misogynists as well.
StrawberryParfait 3 years ago (edited)
Get rid of him. Like YESTERDAY. He is a loser who is sponging off you and hates your cat. NEVER stay with a man who hates your pets. NEVER NEVER NEVER. You and Millie will have much better lives without this creep in them.
Naomi 3 years ago
"Because Millie's an animal, and he's a person" news flash, cats and humans are both animals, and Millie's cooler than you'll ever be. In all seriousness, somebody who would say something like that to your beloved cat when they think you're not around is not a person you want in your life. Imagine what he'd say to your kids, to your parents or siblings, the respect he'd give your belongings, and overall, how he'd treat you. When you see a cute little cat like Millie, your instinct should be that you want to protect her, and if that level of empathy isn't there, it's not going to be there for an adult human.
Derek Clark 3 years ago
If a guy jokes about getting rid of your cat a few dates in, that's a red flag. Don't ever think it's not. It will always stand between you and who even dates an animal hater when you're an animal lover? Get rid of guys like that, nobody needs them.
TheAnimalLady 3 years ago
So what do y'all think of the guy that swapped his girlfriend's crazy aggressive, attack & scratch everyone on sight, demon-cat with a safe, friendly look-alike (from a shelter) while she was away & he was seriously attacked (again) when cat-sitting? (He took it to a no-kill shelter.) She didn't realize, they married years ago & still have the "nice" cat. On the one hand, I've returned every one that was brought to my animal rescue farm (ARF) as soon as I found out the real owner didn't know/approve. On the other, she didn't even notice and ended up with a safer pet and fewer doctor bills. I'm torn 🙉
Naomi 3 years ago (edited)
I think that's messed up, and if she still doesn't know, then he's been lying to her for years and their relationship is no longer built on trust. Cats aren't "demons", no animals are, they are just either behaved animals or misbehaving animals. Whoever raised that cat failed her, and if they wanted to fix the issue, they should've got a trainer or seen a doctor or pet ethologist.
Keerthi Vardhan 3 years ago
I feel both are at wrong..during the initial phases, there were clear indicators of not wanting a cat. It's just that it was not taken seriously. Could have asked if he was serious then. Just because she took it for a joke is not an excuse. Now both have to reconcile their idea that the other was not joking at this point of life. It's just immature relationship from both ends. Heartache to the end.
Stephanie Hewitt 3 years ago
Trust your instincts. It might seem like an overreaction on the surface, but something in the back of her mind is sending her red flags causing that reaction
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
I'm torn. I'm a cat person (see profile pic) but the whole "my place" can really mess with the relationship (i know because i've moved in with people before and you never really feel at home until you move somewhere else together). I do feel that was a "come back" to the cat-issue though and he used it as defence for his actions - and i'm not ok with that.
Josie Bisbano 3 years ago
Was she sure she wasn't hearing the CAT saying "You're worthless!" to the BOYFRIEND?
GlitterQueen541 3 years ago
I had a cat when my ex and I started dating. He didn't love the cat but wasn't horrible to him. We moved in together and he started getting worse, nothing actually mean towards the cat, but obviously not a fan of him. One day I'm at work and he tells me my cat go out (cat was always an indoor cat) we searched for hours after I got home. I never saw that cat again, it has been years and I still miss that cat. Part of me wonders if he got rid of the cat on purpose.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
What does your gut feeling say? To be frank: I think he got rid of your cat on purpose (God knows how). Who was he to do that. Your cat was yours, not his. I’m so sorry that you lost your cat. 😿😿
Load More Replies... TheAnimalLady 3 years ago (edited)
My guess is yes😿 When "indoor" cats (good job 👏😻👍) get out they don't go far, they prefer the familiarity of a known/safe environment and abundant food.
Logic and Reason 3 years ago
The amount of snap judgements and s**t takes on AITA is frankly astonishing. I really don’t think there’s enough information presented to make an intelligent call.
RME 3 years ago
I think she did the right thing. Boyfriend's come and go but your special companion will always be with you no matter what. In my opinion pets are like children and it's the same saying boyfriends come and go but your child will always be your child no matter what. You know that your pets will always give you unconditional love and no matter what type of person your are you will always be perfect for them.
Lillukka79 3 years ago
Why the f**k would you move in with someone who has made his/her thoughts clear? ESH for not listening to each other to beguin with.
More Thinking Needed 3 years ago
Ridiculous. Even Reddit all but admits that the majority of these stories are fake.
Rannveig Ess 3 years ago
You're 30 years old asking for relationship advice about a 24 year old? A 24 year old who told before he moved in that he doesn't like cats. You have had a cat most of your life and hopefully will always have one. Or Two. Then you fall apart and sob and shake when you have a fight and he lies and storms out, slamming doors. I'm just shaking me head here.
Gaby Almodovar 3 years ago
Oh, I saw in the comments a lot of single Karens and Kevins, who never have the chance of a human-relationship.... As Metallica already stated: Sad, but true!
Don't Look 3 years ago
Don’t suppose a lesson was learned here. Because really that’s all that we can hope for, in this instance.
Aleksandra 3 years ago
Being jealous of a CAT is a reason to visit a specialist, loving a cat and not wanting abusive asshole to call it awful names is normal
Load More Replies... Gaby Almodovar 3 years ago
You'll never have a loving human partner... and it's better for him so...
Aleksandra 3 years ago
Have one and he's secure enough to not be jealous over my pet. I wish you a partner who won't be childish and insecure to be jealous of an animal/family/child. Have a nice day
Joan Zatorski 3 years ago
Chris, loving an animal deeply doesn't make someone "crazy", just like NOT liking cats doesn't make someone "crazy" either. I think OP and the BF had an unhealthy, even toxic, imbalance in their relationship from the very beginning and should probably not have ever moved in together. I think they are ALL "better off" now that OP, the exBF, AND Milli the cat are no longer living together.
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