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Dogs are called man’s best friend for a reason. Or rather, for so many reasons. If you have ever interacted with a good boi or gal, you know how happy they are just to be around you and to participate in all the fun. And I am completely sure that if they could speak, they would not only appreciate dog jokes but would also come up with some pet jokes themselves. Especially about the cat.
Whoever first decided to domesticate a dog probably did so for very practical reasons – in prehistoric days, humans could greatly benefit from a guard and a hunter. But little did that person realize what a great service they were doing to all the generations to come. They gave us a wonderful companion that will stick to your side through thick and thin.
Even if you don’t own a dog and can’t wake up to your dog making funny faces at you, there is one thing that can still make your morning perfect, and that’s a good collection of dog puns combined with photos of cute funny dogs.
In this article we’ve collected funny dog jokes that you can enjoy together with your doggo. In return, you can post the funniest dog pics you have ever taken in the comments.
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#1
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, “What'd he do?”
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#2
How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?
"Konichihuahua."
#3
A woman brings her parakeet to the vet. The bird is stiff and lifeless. "I'm sorry miss, but this parakeet is dead"
"How can you know so quickly?" she replies, "Is there a better way so that you can be absolutely certain?"
The vet whistles and a black Labrador walks into the room. The Lab sniffs the parakeet, then looks at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
"A dog shakes his head and I'm supposed to accept that?!" the woman cries. "You're going to have to do more than that to prove my poor parakeet is dead!"
The vet leaves momentarily and comes back with a cat. The cat hops up on the table and looks closely at the parakeet. After walking around it, she prods the bird a bit, then shakes her head and jumps off the table.
Finally, the woman is convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $400.
"$400?!" she asks. "How in the world is it that much just to tell me my parakeet is dead?"
"Well, it would've been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan..."
#5
Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.
#6
What do you call a dog who is getting old?
GrandPAW.
#7
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
#8
Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs?
Because you might step in a poodle.
#10
Which dog breed is Dracula's favorite?
Bloodhounds.
#11
Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
#12
Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple?
A New Yorkie.
#13
I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought “Wow, dogs are so easily entertained”. Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
#14
Why is it called a litter of puppies?
Because they’ll trash the place.
#15
Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a Boxer.
#16
Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
#17
When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get?
A lot of trouble with a postman.
#19
Policeman: "Excuse me Mr, but were you aware that your dog has been chasing a guy on his bike?"
Dog Owner: "Are you nuts? My dog is not even able to ride a bike."
#21
Why can't you tell knock knock jokes to a dog?
"Knock knock"
Dog: "grrrr, woof, woof, bark, bark, bark."
#22
What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common?
One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
#23
What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.
#24
What was the little Scottish dog's reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied.
Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago
My husband and I have adopted Boston terriers for years.They're full of intelligence and mischief. A while back, there was a lot of rhetoric in the U.S. about "We can't do such-and-such, or the terrorists have already won," We substitute "terriers" for "terrorists."
#26
Why aren't Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
#29
"The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles." — Bill Maher
#30
After a talking Sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the Sheepdog, “but I rounded them up.”
#32
Why are dogs terrible dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
#33
When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened?
He stole the show.
#38
What is called when a cat wins a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy.
#39
What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.
#42
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
#45
A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today.
Police are looking for leads.
#46
Man 1: "My dog has no nose."
Man 2: "How does he smell?"
Man 1: "Awful."
#49
What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah?
You'd get a dog that chased after cars, but was actually fast enough to catch them!
#52
What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?
#53
When you cross a sheepdog with a rose, what do you get?
A collie-flower
#54
What do you get of you cross a dog with a film studio?
Collie-wood!
#55
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
#56
What breed of dog goes after anything that is red?
A Bulldog.
#57
What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time?
A chili-dog.
#58
What happens when a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
#60
Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
#63
When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
#70
Every single day I have a German Shepherd come and take a dump on my lawn in the morning.
Today he even brought his dog with him!
#71
Why are Dalmatians not considered good at playing hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.
#72
When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I'm not sure, but if it begins laughing, I'm going to join in.
#75
After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.
#78
"I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’" — Steven Wright
#79
I asked my dog what he’d actually do if he caught the Fed Ex person, and he admitted he hadn’t thought that part through yet.
#80
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets." — Jerry Seinfield
#81
"My dogs love me. Of course, by “love” I mean “poop” and by “me” I mean “everywhere.”" — Dana Gould
#84
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
#86
I have stopped the dog from digging up the garden.
I confiscated his shovel.
#87
Paddy is extremely upset when his dog runs away.
His wife says to him "Paddy, why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
Paddy thinks that this is a great idea so he proceeds to do so.
Paddy hasn't heard anything back from the ad in weeks when his wife asks him "What did you you put in the ad for our missing dog Paddy?"
Paddy replies "here boy."
#88
I can't take my dog down to the local pond anymore., because the ducks keep attacking him.
It is my fault for choosing a dog that is a pure bread.
#90
Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for it.
#92
What term do you use to refer to a dog that researches old trees?
Well, you can call him a barkologist.
#95
What's a dog's favorite fashion magazine?
Vanity Fur.
#96
What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
#97
I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except...
The bark is much quieter.
#99
What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?
A watch dog.
#100
What kind of dog consumes food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
#101
When my friend's dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up...but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them?
"What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!"
#103
Why are dogs' barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.
#104
What do you call a dog that can't bark?
A hushpuppy.
#108
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When he's a greyhound!
#112
I bought a dog from a blacksmith, when I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
#113
A man walks into his local vet and says "My dog Rover is cross-eyed, is there any way in which you can help him?"
"Hmm, let me take a look at him" says the vet as he picks up Rover.
Whilst holding the dog, the vet checks Rovers paws, eyes, teeth and tail until finally the vet says "I think I am going to have to put Rover down".
The man is shocked is shocked and says "Really? Just because he is cross-eyed?"
The vet then replies "No, because he is too heavy to hold any longer."
#116
What would you call a dog from Asgard that owns a mighty hammer?
A labrathor.
#117
How did the dog laugh after listening to the joke?
Chi-ha-ha.
#118
What did the man name his two watch dogs?
Rolex and Timex.
Kitten Dog Mom 2 years ago
We nicknamed ours that because they would stare at us at the same time every night for their treats.
#124
What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?
All breeds can, since buildings can't jump!
#127
What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
#129
When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get?
A cockerpoodledoo!
Aunt Riarch 2 years ago
Hmm, missed opportunity there to have the punchline cockerpoodledoo-doo
#131
How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you're driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
#132
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You're not going to get any mail, that's for sure.
#133
When does a mother flea become satisfied?
When her entire family has decided to go to the dogs.
#134
"You don’t have to save so your dog can go to college and then find out after they graduate that they want to be an actor." — Jim Gaffigan
#135
What do you call a dog that doesn't have any legs?
It doesn’t matter! It still won't come when you call its name.
#142
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite.
#151
Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering.
#159
How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
#162
How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied!
#163
What term do you use to refer to a dog that researches old trees?
Well, you can call him a barkologist.
#166
What makes a businessman different from a hot dog?
The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
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