I know it sounds morbid, but let me explain.

The first symptoms started to show when I was still in high school. My parents never believed in psychological help, they always said that "all this medical stuff is for the real patients, who are bed-bound and act like vegetables and I should just stop being lazy". So I learned how to adapt and find my own ways to stay above water.

After graduating high school, I had to go to university, and reach higher levels of education like a normal, well-behaved kid would. Only, I started to realize that I was not that "normal" and went to the academy of arts. I mean, if I HAVE to go let's make it as least miserable as possible.

During my third year of studies, I really wanted not to be alive anymore. Since it's not an option, I started to dream about it in an artistic way. What if I did a performance of my own funeral?

And that idea fascinated me a bit more than it should. In my head, I had planned everything, all the flowers, decorations, the dress, guest list, just like some wedding!

The point of this performance would have been a message, that it's too much. Everything is too much. The lack of sleep, stress, etc. I never wanted to study or live this "normal" life like everyone else, I wanted to find some joy in life, and cure my mind before going further, but I never had a choice. So this fake funeral was my way of saying that I had enough. I never made it happen. Until, some years later, I met my true partner in life.

More info: Instagram

There it is in all its glory

This idea of a coffin came back to me as a huge slap in the face when I saw other photographers building these things one after another as cute and sexy decorations for their Halloween boudoir photo shoots. My eyes popped as I remembered my old little performance that never happened. Now I finally have all the tools, skills, place, AND help to actually bring it to reality. And we did. Joyfully!

Ready for the photoshoots

I had so much fun making this thing. We did everything by ourselves, all the woodwork, metal details, and burning to achieve this old historic vibe and painting. I couldn’t be more proud.

Both of us built it from scratch

Proudly 100% handmade! Few finishing touches and it’s ready to be painted

Now it stands in my gothic photo studio where all my guests and clients can see it any day they like. I use it for the photo shoots of my clients, for the Halloween of course, I plan to take it to the events as a portable photo wall.

Painting is my favorite part!

Painting and realizing it looks more like a boat than a coffin… Does anyone have two silver coins?

All done, transported and decorated. Ready to be used as a decoration, star of all parties, conversation ice-breaker and what ever my imagination comes up with

What about the performance? It has changed its form into a photo shoot. Since I’m not in the academy anymore, I don’t have this artistic background AND the audience that it was created for. But I still think about making a photo shoot for myself as a memory or a statement. But I will talk more about it in the next article.

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