That´s clever!

Got called to a location because their server was making strange beeping noises. Went there. Someone had placed a heavy box on the keyboard that was connected to the server. That's what you get when your server room is also the closet where the cleaner and gardener keep their stuff.

This.

At least when I had to do an upgrade over a weekend on my birthday, the client bought me a cake and sang Happy Birthday to me! :D

CEO: Here I found this shady free program on getyourvirus.ru and I want you to install it on the server. /S

100%

For work I have approx 20 different modules/sites I have to log into, most with unique requirements for usernames and passwords, as well as forced password change cycles. Some of these I will only use about once/year. Not allowed to save passwords, nor write them down electronically or physically.....Yes, I'm going to forget and IT is usually the only place to turn.

Own stupid fault. Should have told them to power the server off with some story how the server didn't properly start up because the southbridge had an undercurrent which cause the flux-capacitor to go in survival mode affecting the data flow in the PCI-X lines which in its turned caused the Kb's to get stuck in the memory slots sending an overflow signal to the PSU which triggered the secondary converter circuit to shut down as you would expect to happen in a case of ID10ts.

Please tell me how a Google search gives me the network admin password I apparently need to be able to connect to the drive that IT tell me I already have access to.

Charge for the time in the car and expense the petrol. That's what I used to do in my old job.

Can completely relate to this.

Most computer problems start somewhere between the back of the chair and the front of the monitor.

Yes and? The pure fact that you are in no way affiliated to any internet service provider doesn't get you of the hook. You will be held responsible for anything from dogs pooping in the park to climate change and, even worse, expensive internet subscriptions. /S

Dumb and a liar to boot. Great combo.

IT guys are great interrogators. "I have problem. Excel won't start..." "So what happened when you clicked uninstall Office 2020?"

scope-creep is one thing, but a lot of the time it is dancing goalposts with no actual end in sight. I worked on one project for 3 months, only to get told that there was a load more requirements decided on in a meeting no one in the dev team was invited to. Our manager "forgot" to pass on the information. Roll on another 3 months and the spec changes again, more features. The peice of software has now been in development hell for 3 years, as no-one can understand the simple concept that is, if you change the spec, it takes more time. New features require more time to write.

But than I get this strange screen asking me for a username and password. But my username isn't J.Brown and I don't know his password. /S

Jerks are jerks to everyone. This doesn't happen on IT. Trust me, I work in Marketing: people do not read. Even if they do, they don"t understand what they are reading.

PR-department gets a annual budget of $3 million. IT-department gets a voucher for $5 discount at Best Buy.

No, but I feel that I shouldn't have to. And I also didn't consult your FAQ-database where the problem and the solution in 2 easy to follow steps are documented with screen shots.

And next refuse to do what you tell them because people in their position don't take orders from some nerd in the basement.

Tel a computer do this and the computer does this. Tell a human to do this and the human will do everything except this.

Listen to what I'm _actually saying_, as opposed to what you *think* you're hearing.

PICNIC = Problem In Chair, Not In Computer. ID10T = Idiot. Used in ticket systems to inform co-workers about the computer skills of the one who submitted the ticket for support.

Step one, tell them they didn't break the program, the code is broken. Now I need you to show me what you did to make it happen, so I can fix it. Always. Thanks, and have a better day.

cust. "I need toner. Me "ok you have a color machine which one?" cust; :"it says I need toner." Me: but is hac a letter c,m,y or K behind it which letter is showing?" cust: "It says It needs toner!" Me: drags a whole set because they can't read. Same thing with an error code.

Small benefit of the doubt here - our IT support staff don't take the headsets off between calls, so it's a reasonable question to ask of you know that's their habit.

Sometimes the IT persons are contractors.

Unsupported Access databases were my favourite.