"Domestic violence history" is enough to end the relationship. It sounds like his service has caused some mental instability. He needs PTSD counselling or similar to get him back into normal society.

"Also, he wants to work for the sheriff, which I think is a terrible idea for someone with a domestic violence history." Holy. Flercking. Schmidt. Way to bury the lede, there. TOO MANY red flags to count, from stem to stern, but this wins the prize. Run, don't walk.

Genuinely - LEAVE THIS "MAN" NOW!!! wtaf?!?! In your own words "with a domestic violence record" - ABUSERS DO NOT CHANGE WITHOUT EXTREME THERAPY - he is bullying you, your mother, he is destoryinf your self esteem and making you entirely dependant on him so that you're stuck with him. FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER NOW. Take his key, box his things and lock them in shed/garage that he can collect from without you needing to be there. This man WILL either a)love-bomb the F outta you so you forgive him, or b) turn nasty/violent. RUN, do not walk, away from this assault and battery charge waiting to happen. You will never be happy with him, truthfully look back and see what has he actually done to show love? And not "in his own way" that needs explaining, in a way anyone else would go "awww, how lovely" - otherwise we'll be seeing your picture on the evening news under the heading "women beaten to death by husband over a dish left on the counter". I know this is harsh, but it could be your reality

You need to reach out to some domestic violence support services and learn about gaslighting and coercive control.

Only AH thing to do is putting a cat that is used to being inside outside, (no wonder it got run over so quickly). But aside from that, run for the hills, woman.

Your man has anger issues, control issues, entitlement issues... Now, it could be a result of his service, however what I've read is not consistent with the PTSD cases I've dealt with; And I suspect that he is in fact, a sociopath. He does not see you as a person, but as a possession. It's likely too late for therapy, and your life is going to get more and more messy. Cut all contact, move away, and file for divorce. In that order!

I was so frightened reading this; this is a very, VERY bad (and stupid!) man, and I’m frightened for any females near him, and his wife most of all by an order of magnitude. I got to this sentence, though, which cracked me up: “Why should we buy a house when your mom has a house?” What does Ma having a house hafta do with the price of rice in China? Mr Johnson next door has a house, too, and so do Stu and Dolly Glombacker up the road. None of these houses has anything to do with him. If he wants a house, too, he needs to rent or buy one, ideally in another Galaxy where he can’t hurt some other poor girl. Panda, this is no way to live; get out NOW while you’re still able to, before he breaks your limbs and teeth (then blames it on you). Go find the love of your life who WANTS you to grow, thrive, and BE HAPPY, and who respects you and your desires. This jerk is only interested in this jerk, and you’re in his way. (And there’s NO WAY that he qualifies for “trophy” ANYTHING but JERK.)

I believe you didnt see the red flags before getting married for whatever reason. Now you see them. He is toxic. You also seem to be at your limit. Get out.

I don't understand why you're even here. He is controlling you, financially abusing you, and the domestic violence history? Get a restraining order, and go and live with your Mum (without him) until you're ready to get your own place. Someone who loves you doesn't act like this.

Honey, you need to get out and I think you know that already. You know his behavior isn't okay. It will escalate, it always does. I know you worry about money and where to live, but almost anything is better than staying with him. But if you go, do it quietly. Like @HTakeover said, get your friends to help with getting your stuff out, and contact a divorce lawyer behind his back. You need an exit plan before you leave, and you have to be smart about it. Also, seperate your finances asap. Change banks if you and your husband have yours at the same bank. I've read too many horror storys about that. And you need to get out NOW. The sooner the better. He won't change, and like I said, his behavior will escalate. Be smart and be safe. I wish you all the best.

Oh my. I just read this . Please,please get away from this man. Please get out before you have children. This is not good. Having children will make it harder for you to leave . Trust me. Please get out. Do not move him into your mother's house.

Your husband is abusive. Take half the money out of the account, take your stuff, go to your mum's, and file for divorce. Request a restraining order due to his history of domestic violence. Go to the local sheriff, tell him you're divorcing a husband with a history of DV, and ask if there's anything he can do, or advises you to do. This way, if your STBex comes looking for a job, he hopefully won't get it with the sheriff. Get away from him, and get your life together. You and your mom are a******s about the cat though. Putting an inside cat outside like that is a cruel.

No. No no no. No. Don't even try to fix this, it can't be fixed. You have to save yourself.

No d**k is worth staying through abuse.

I cannot even read the whole thing. I'm not going to do the ckiche thing and tell you toeave him, but I do want to point out that his behaviour is completely unacceptable. Even IF (and you are not) the person in the wrong, not doing enough ect (and you ARENT) How he us treating you is unacceptable. He has no respect for you as a partner or a person. He is in no way showing any form of love or a desire to help you. I hear that the military has a lot of strict and borderline abusive behaviour, (due to being able to handle under pressure and such. Reasonable I think.) But he's treating you like you are nothing to him. This in unexcuable behaviour. Since you know him far better, you are in a better position to say if he needs help, especially if he hasnt always been this way. He likley needs professional help. Help you, yourself, cannot provide, as it requires someone's whos trained to understand the neurological conditions of the human brain. His behaviour is unacceptable.

Time to leave this uncivilized, unhinged, hypocritical abusive animal.

She posted about the domestic violence incident a year and a half ago. Looks like she didn't take the advice that was given then. Sounds like things have only gotten worse. I wonder what kept her in the relationship after that.

There is way too much in this story. Please tell me you made it all up.

There is NO amount of good times. no ties and history strong enough, to justify and make up for even one of these things he has said and done to you. Even if he did a complete 180 today, it's not enough. Why fear the unknown without him when you live a miserable and fearful reality with him? There is no low lower than what you are living right now. Even being all alone, having no money and nowhere to stay is STILL a much better place to be in. Take a chance on an unknown tomorrow than a guaranteed sh*tty one that you know.

RUN AWAY. You have to listen to people when they tell you who they are...

My answer is always: does this person (still) bring you joy? If not, time to let go. Life is too precious to be wasted on people who don't bring any positive emotional value to you.

Before you do anything, keep copies of those bank statements. Work with a lawyer first so that if (when) you leave, the money doesn't suddenly disappear..All of that money is also half yours. As soon as he gets wind that you may leave, he will immediately move/hide/spend the money

Get. Out. Now. He's abusing you and he wants to abuse your mother, at least financially, and is lying about money. Get screenshots of everything for your divorce lawyer. And please don't let him be a cop in your area.

Kick his abusive grifter @$$ straight to the curb and don't look back.

I really hope this is fake because she posted a year ago detailing how badly and abusive her husband treats her, and now she's back with even worse and doesn't see that she needs to leave him? Honestly, I think this is a shitpost.

Legal advice, divorce, no contact, possibly restraint order.

I'm sorry, he treats her like this, has a domestic violence history, is in the military (which does not instill confidence in me at all), and is super controlling? Girl, do you just like red flags??? Is that why you've ignored him all this time?? GTFO!!!

Get a divorce NOW . Please don’t have children with this man. He’s emotionally immature, unstable & bordering on abusive. Picture the entire rest of your life, one angry tirade after another about one clean dish left on a bench . Nothing will ever be good enough for him, he will find fault with Everything you do. Run.

You definitely deserve better...just cos he's probably seen his squad buddies do this to their spouses does NOT mean he has to do the same, NOT below him in rank and shouldn't put up with his bullying and abuse...he needs to speak to someone cos he has problems...perhaps a word to his superiors as well

If he is showing signs of domestic abuse now it will only get worse when he is no longer in the military and no money coming in. He may even go at your mother! He is constantly berating you and after awhile that will start to mess with your self esteem if hasn't already. I would say it's time to end this marriage before it's too late and I would also consider restraining orders too!

The husband is an a*s, but OP is no better for what she did to his cat. A cat that's never lived outside DOES NOT understand the dangers. That poor animal had no idea why it was no longer allowed in the house. Divorce the husband, OP, but know this: you suck.

Run

Girl. Get. Out. He's not just waving red flags, he has a f*****g parade of them! I am a survivor of domestic abuse and I will tell you this- it doesn't get better. You need to get out of this. But don't tell him. Find an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. He can threaten to sue you all he wants. Odds are, he's bluffing. He doesn't expect you to call his bluff, and quite frankly, what he is threatening is financial black mail to keep you doing what he wants you to. That's abuse. He is demeaning you and calling you stupid. That is emotional abuse. He is gaslighting you and just in general being a horrible person. Also abuse. And it will get worse the longer you stay. So get out. If you need to, find a friend or family member who has been against him your entire relationship - they are the ones who will fight for you and protect you. Record everything he texts you and sends you - you will need this evidence to turn in when you file your restraining order, and trust me,

RUN!!!!!

ESH, husband sounds awful, she did murder his cat.

RUN, GIRL, RUN

‘ Should I be worried about my husbands behaviour towards me’ Read what you wrote. Do you really need to ask? Domestic violence history, constant verbal abuse, financial abuse. No way can he live in your mother’s house. His attitude to that, her home being his home, no rent etc is appalling. His divorce threats. Scan or photo his bank balance for a start. You have married a monster. Run. Divorce. Don’t give second chances if he changes to ‘I’ll change. Stay. ‘ Etc. He’s dangerous.

He sounds terrible but her and her mother killed his cat so IDK, they are both terrible.

She needs to divorce this a*****e but I can't forgive her for the cat dying. The poor animal was innocent.