Job opening: "We are looking for a Junior worker with experience as a Senior worker with the pay of an intern."

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It's only an unpaid internship if you don't steal enough office supplies.

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The intern dialed the wrong number by mistake and called the boss: "Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 minutes."
Boss (shouting): "Do you know who you are talking to?"
Intern: "No!"
Boss: "I'm the boss!"
Intern (in the same tone): "Do you know who you are talking to?"
Boss (puzzled): "No!"
Intern: "Thank God!"

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The internship has become a code word for "Job that requires the same basic qualifications but that we can get away with paying less or nothing for."

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"Once I was interviewing for an internship that I was super excited about and when my interviewer asked me, "Why do you want to work here?" I choked and couldn't speak for like 10 seconds because I had like 50 reasons I wanted to say at once and she laughed and hired me."

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Telepathetic

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2 years ago (edited)

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" A pay check" ? (Shows how much I know right ?)

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Every new inter: "I'm not sure who my boss is and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask."

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The internship is when you pretend to be busy and get caught.

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The internship requires previous internship experience.

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What is the most common intern question?

"Should I stay late? Am I allowed to leave?"

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Telepathetic

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2 years ago

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"YES !" "NO !"

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You are not a helpless intern. You are a problem-solver-in-training.

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Interviewer: "You're asking a pretty high salary for someone with no experience."
Intern: "Well, this job is going to be super hard since I don't know what I am doing."

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"I plugged out the main server in order to plug in phone charger."

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2 years ago

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Quick ! Call IT ! (At $400/hour)

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Boss to an intern: “Do you believe in life after death?”
Intern: “Certainly not! There’s no proof of it.”
Boss: “Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral, he came here looking for you."

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"I always tell the story about me getting fired from "Jimmy Johns" for laughs but it's actually not funny! I was working there to do an unpaid media internship and worse than losing the min wage check I lost the free sandwich every day which was a guaranteed meal."

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The difference between an internship and slavery is that internship requires 5+ years of experience and a master's degree.

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Practice makes perfect, but if nobody’s perfect, why practice?

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"When I make a mistake, I am a stupid intern. When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human."

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Intern - an affordable alternative to an expensive employee.

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"Funny story, literally went up to the job interview and told them straight up how I didn’t want that job since it didn’t go with my professional degree. Came out of an internship interview and the job guy called me up saying that they hire me."

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The most important task of your internship may be to copy and paste.

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Interviewer: "Do you have any office experience?"
Intern: "Yes, I have seen the entire series 19 times."

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What internship look like?

Greeting a co-worker whose name you don’t know, and having to point and call them “You.”

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"Being an eldest daughter is like an unpaid internship for the rest of your life."

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Showing new interns around work like: "This is where I come to cry."

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Intern: "How's getting you a sandwich going to help me get a job?"
Boss: "Call it an internship on your resume."

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When do you know that it's your first day of the internship?

When your supervisor walks in and asks you why you're deleting the database.

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A summer internship is a great way to learn how people at a company pretend to work.

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Internship - when you pay tens of thousands of dollars to get a degree but have to do unpaid internships to actually get a job.

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Boss: "What are the methods of your code? Any other optimizations?
Intern: "Well, Norvig's Claims..."
Boss: "Retype these documents."

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Summer internship - didn't have to make coffee a single time, because almost everyone is on vacation.

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"Here's hoping our news interns serve as a reminder that someone out there actually wants our jobs."

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Interviewer: "As the intern, it will be your job to work for free."

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"I wish I could hire an intern to help me with the work from my internship."

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What do unpaid internships have in common with raising kids?

You get paid in experience. And you get a "family."

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Interviewer: "I hope you have manners. We sacked the last guy for disrespect. He compared me to a bird."
Intern:" Wow, I can never do that!"
Interviewer: "Good. So you're here for the mentorship program?"
Intern: "Yes, take me under your wing!"

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"I'm currently working on a management-oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks. I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it."

Cordially,
Mrs. Team Lead

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"I heard Google was hiring. You can't spell internet without intern!"

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Graduation is when your summers of unpaid internships finally earn you a full-time unpaid internship.

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"I wanted to chat-up the girl serving in the coffee shop, so I looked at her name badge and said: "That's a beautiful name, Trainee."

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Pandalea

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2 years ago

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Sorry, un coopérative French autocorrect. So Lidl started that hiring campaign with posters that said "Start your career, become a trainee", the poster fast became viral, with comments about what a nice career it was

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"At my first internship, they had me send a Fedex package and told me, ‘Just put bill sender.’ I wrote on the form, ‘To: Bill Sender.’ I thought it was a person, not billing instructions. They still hired me and I made a career there.”

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"I joined at the beginning of my internship under the username www (they are my initials), and all the engineer's sandboxes started to redirect to mine because of the address. So yes, I managed to break things without even writing a single line of code."

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"I always tell new interns, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you."

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"Medicine internship is like deep breaths, ask all the questions, remember to eat at some point, and find the bathrooms sooner rather than later, the nurses are your best friends, you will get the hang of it, and if all else fails more coffee is usually the answer."

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"During my internship, just to save up on food we used to wait outside the canteen and cafeteria to try to order food at the same time as our prof used to place an order and 99% of the time he picked up the bill. We used to befriend profs just so we could get free food."

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Money? What money? It is the experience that counts.

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"Once I sent promotional emails to a client database and got the discount codes mixed up and cost the client about 15 grand. Still here."

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"I was interviewing a 22 or 23 years old student for an internship. He not only showed up with his mother but also wanted to be accompanied by her during the interview."

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Mel G

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2 years ago

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Time to take the titty outa your mouth and grow a set

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"I was interviewing a candidate when she told me she had forgotten to lock her car and asked for permission to go check on it. I said yes. She left and never came back or answered my calls."

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"Sometimes I wish I was a tree. So I could make a living from all the exposure I get from an unpaid internship."

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What do you call a boat whose captain has no idea what he's doing and works for free?

The Internship.

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"I decided to become a doctor's intern. The only thing I'm testing is my patience."

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What's the difference between a normal intern and a tech intern?

One gets people coffee, and the other sends Java programs.

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Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the experience.

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"It is 2 pm and I still don't know when my lunch break is."

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Co-worker: "We need you to be in the Instagram story."
Intern: *puts on makeup and fixes hair.*
Co-worker: "Oh, just your hand."

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"World of Beer" has an internship called "Drink it intern" that pays 12000 dollars and traveling costs for four months to travel, drink beer and write about it.

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"If you don't get hired for an unpaid internship it literally makes no difference. Just show up and start working. What are they gonna do, pay you?"

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"I bought a boat and named it 'The Intern.' Now I can tell people I have an intern-ship."

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Interviewer: "Why I should hire you?"
Intern: "Because you hiring."

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"They told me that it’ll take a few years before my medical practice gets off the ground. But I don’t have the patients."

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Investigator to trainee helicopter pilot: "So you survived the crash. How did it happen?"
Trainee: "Flying too high. I was shivering. Too cold."
Investigator: "Then what?"
Trainee: "Then, I switched off the fan."

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"I've been training a woman for four months, I asked her to reboot her computer. She thought that was done via the power button on the monitor."

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"Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!"

Signed,
Richard
Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer Intern

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A human resource person was quizzing a new intern on the company’s safety manual. "What steps do you take in case of a fire?", she asked. The new intern replied, "Quick ones."

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What does the new intern say after his first day at work?

"Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?"

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"I don't get why people get hired as unpaid interns. It doesn't make any cents."

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What did the thirsty weatherman say to his intern?

"I need my thermos, stat!"

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NY Times said Gen Xers spend the most amount of time on the internet. Data were collected by survey monkey, analyzed by baby boomers, and written up by the millennial intern.

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What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

One's constantly preparing for lunch.

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"We had one intern count all of the windows on the outside of the building to confirm existence."

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"Coworker finally learns my name 4 weeks into my internship. Today was a good day."

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Boss to new intern: "Every word you need is in the dictionary. You just have to put them in the right order."

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"Internship builds real - world experience they said, get us coffee they said!"

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Internship - sacrificing your vacation to get an extra line on your resume.

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"Welcome to an unpaid internship. Work hard, and get paid less than people without internships after graduation."

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What do you call someone who's doing an internship at a railroad company?

A trainee.

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"My company just conducted a one - day motivation training for all the new practicants. It was a roaring success. All the interns are really motivated to find new jobs now."

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"Who needs a coffee cause I'm doing a run,
I'm writting down the orders now for everyone.
The coffee is free, just like me,
I'm an unpaid intern." - Bo Burnham

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"Best of luck with your internship here and on getting me a coffee right now."

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"I got an internship job at a nudist camp. I'm doing it for exposure."

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What do you call a lamp that's an intern?

A lantern!

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You can always improvise a high voltage tester with two paper clips, a rubber band... and an intern.

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"I work for an organization that sets group names, like a "pride of lions", and I have to hire a new intern. This will take a while; I have a whole grovel of resumes to go through."

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Boss: "Why do you want time off next week?"
Intern: "To go on a date."
Boss: "What stupid girl would date you?"
Intern: "Your daughter!"

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"Was told to make 10 copies. Made 100 in case they needed extra."

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Where do companies look for interns?

On INTERNet.

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Me and my colleagues getting our paychecks.
Our new intern: "You're getting paid??"

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It's tough out there, but if you take your education and apply yourselves, you will eventually succeed in finding... an unpaid internship!

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A new intern at work asked me if I knew where the coloured printer was. I said, "It's 2016, Jamal, you can use any printer you want."

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