Hilarious

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I, a 50yo queer who has to work at it to pass, texted a new employee to confirm she was good to start the following Friday. From my work mobile, which was on several documents she was given and which was pointed out to her. “Hey Kehlani. It’s Marco from ********. Are you good to go this Friday?” She replied with, “F**k off, I got a boyfriend.” When she called the Monday after to find out when she was to begin, she was told she was a no show and we’ve rescinded the offer. Mostly because I’m not obligated to explain myself once someone speaks to me that way. Period.

Our local pizzeria gave us free pizza when they found out that my husband was fighting for his life at the hospital. It saved our Christmas. We are still loyal customers 20 years later.

YOU DISGRACE OF A HUMAN BEING YOU LET YOUR DOG TAKE THE BLAME. I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOW ARE WARM TONIGHT

So yall b*tch about richer people buying brand name things right off the rack but also won't allow them to shop at thrift stores? 😒 it can't be both ways. Pick a side and shut up.

LMAO

I know some very intelligent people who have no interest in correct spelling or grammar, their minds do not work linguistically. If the job involves communication, you are perhaps right to reject them. If not you may have rejected many very intelligent, capable people. We have a strange fixation on spelling and grammar as an indicator of intelligence.

I'm a survivor of abuse with severe PTSD - I have made a point of getting unique tattoos on my arms, legs, and torso. I love tattoos so no one questions my motivation but the the truth is that if I am ever dismembered, and only one piece of me is found, the police will have an easier time identifying my body.

Maybe prep them for that so they don’t make your GF uncomfortable or offended by accident?

Evil😆

Unsure how I feel about this

You can get ones that aren't all sticky and smell good. I hate sun cream too, but if I have to put it on, I want to smell nice.

I sometimes call my dog "Doofus Features". I yelled it at the park once to get his attention, and some guy turned around and gave me a filthy look. I'm not sure that I'm the one who should be embarrassed in this situation.

That is absolutely hilarious. And very much justified. :]

Oh, I proper belly-laughed at this one!

Don't keep this secret. Your family needs to know you're on antidepressants and should be part of your support network.

If they did it habitually it couldn’t have tasted so bad…?

That's actually sweet...

For those that don't know, Kew Gardens is a botanical gardens in Richmond, south of London. They have trees & plants there from all over the world.

I like this one !

and shagging is? edit: im to young for this

😂

Good citizen award 🏆

That's a good friend.

So far this one is my favorite.

chocolate hostage my new phrase to describe going for a poop

Weird but seems like you helped

Funnily enough, I have a friend who got fit by getting really into Pokémon Go.

It makes you feel fancy as well since it was seen as a treat when I was growing up!

Yes but not food waste 😭

And this is a beautiful example that "smart" kitchen appliances do not make any sense. Why on earth does one need to control the fridge via an app? You buy it, place it, set the temperature and let it be for the next years. And his wife might have thrown out the "malfunctioning" fridge long ago. OP will either annoy a complete stranger or took a perfect good appliance to the scrapyard. Fool.

Okay but food poisoning can be deadly

put the fridge temp as low as possible to keep their beverages frozen.

Well now you’ve had your fun, why don’t you grow up and stop being wasteful.

You’re a below average person

Can someone help me understand the use of "their" in place of his/her when the gender of the subject is known? We can assume OP knows their ex's gender, right?

So OP likes to make more trash for the landfil (or compost. But not all food should go on the compost so still also more for the landfil) in order to make ex's life a tiny tad inconvenient? And honestly.... the ex probably quickly thought the fridge was broken and got a new one, so OP is sitting there in England laughing their butt off for thinking they are making the ex upset while in reality doing nothing. Great, OP. And also, move on and live your life. Your ex is in the past and you are currently not even in the same country. (Sorry, but I got a bit annoyed with this one. )

Look, maybe adding c**p they hate to their Netflix queue might be "ok" but food poisoning is not. There are less harmful ways to get petty revenge.

This is my favorite so far 😂

Laughing while hurting some1...perhaps poisoning some1. You need to be arrested~~that's attempted murder, fraud & a bunch of other charges for which a U.S. Dist Att'y will sue yr a*s off. Well-earned punishment. Some1 pls tell her to buy a new 'frig.

Haha

Volunteer with a local shelter. There are always dogs that need walking, brushing, and training. Or foster dogs for one. It's never too late to start doing something you love.

Thats right! You show that mug who's boss!

This is basically the plot of a black mirror episode, it's scary that that kind of thing is possible

That's just wholesome. Good on you both. :]

What happens at GnomeCon stays at GnomeCon

God bless her

If have an entire world to see after I die, I'm not spending time watching relatives wanking. Have some common sense 🤣

Which they then passed along to their customers, congrats you're part of the problem