ADVERTISEMENT

When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.

People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.

So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.

@richtiktoxic

Stitch or Duet me with your favorite indicator!! #stitchthis #toxicmasculinity #peab

♬ Esco Like Yhop ft. Shawn P - Èsco Upp🗣

RELATED:
    #2

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    richtiktoxic Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Edward Shaw
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe the word "Alpha" has just replaced the word "Arsehole".

    View more commentsArrow down menu

    Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”

    “It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.

    #3

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    toxicatok Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Brendan
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love that my wife earns more; it means we have more money. Who cares you which of you has the higher paycheck?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT

    “In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”

    Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”

    #5

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Dana Dara
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”

    ADVERTISEMENT

    “Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”

    #7

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    xaviertainment Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT

    “The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”

    “Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”

    #9

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    nazcanukagirl Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    JXXXF
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone who has ever played team sports and had to have a communal shower knows the foot/p*nis size thing is a myth... in fact, its more of an insecurity from those who have big feet but are ashamed of the size of their manhood...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #10

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.

    #13

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Mojones
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't this when they don't want to date trans girls, only born girls? Makes sense for me to give it a name.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #14

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    “However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #15

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need one of those insecure men as a referee this morning. Hubby and I are fighting over who gets to wear the forest green sweater in the Zoom meeting.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #16

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    cwelz_ Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I'd share with you, but I know tough guys don't eat chocolate." Yum, I get the whole box to myself.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #17

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    fullstripe Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Brendan
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to admit that, in my teenage years, I denied liking anything feminine (such as rom coms and soppy love songs). I now look back and laugh at the old me.

    View more commentsArrow down menu

    Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.

    #19

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'

    M Kate McCulloch
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WE KNOW it's not ALL men, just like we KNOW it's not ALL police - but when they do not step up and call out the assholes - it is effectively all men/police.

    ГЛАЗ
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    men who say 'not all men' are just ridiculous. like not all dogs bite, but when you're constantly around dogs that bite you, you're going to naturally be cautious of all other dogs, no matter what.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone was cautious around black people, you'd call them a racist. So that means people who are cautious around men are sexist.

    Load More Replies...
    K Witmer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But it is all women 99% to be exact suffer sexual harassment or violence at some point in our lives usually bc of insecure men. Not all men does not help. It's a saying meant to downplay what women need to voice in order to survive.

    Load More Replies...
    Brendan
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd say I'm comfortable with my level of masculinity. I'm happy to admit to people that I love chick flicks, female artists, flower arranging etc. And I'm also happy to say, "Not all men".

    K Witmer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You sound so insecure. Utterly and completely. Why are you gendering s**t? Female artists are artists. Flowers are gender neutral chick flicks are movies. Wtf is wrong w you? Not all men does not help! It's meant to shut women up when they want to be heard that's all. Get a grip. You're proving this whole article right. Are you that so unself aware you can't even see it?? Absolutely mind blowing how much men like you project your insecurities onto others and don't even have the slightest clue. Is it a mental block or something? No one can be this dumb can they?? Omg I hope not.

    Load More Replies...
    J. F.
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This implies that all men are the same. So are all PoC, women, Americans or [insert any group here] the same? Didn't know denying such nonsense means being toxic....

    Alphabet Soupy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just like COVID, this affects people of all cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds, and yep, it’s most likely MEN doing the abusing.

    Load More Replies...
    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...but they do. Bad behavior isn't limited to one gender. People who think only men do bad things are sexist.

    Load More Replies...
    Dillon Hughes
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Haha and all the haters on here say all men so much, and thats fine! So stupid

    Jef Robyns
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one is just ridiculous. Of course men are gonna answer this when someone is generalizing... "All women are gold diggers".

    K Witmer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have the sense to know it doesn't mean all women we don't need to say or hear it. The thing is when insecure men generalize they really do hate all women. They only like the women they fantasize about like virgins for example or women that don't curse and serve their man. Insecure men are usually very toxic and dangerous.

    Load More Replies...
    Sven Devestele
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    As in not all men are rapist? Because not all men are. That's just a fact

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A man who says "not all men" is lending their weight to social inertia, not acknowledging that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. It's similar to saying "all lives matter" at a BLM protest.

    Load More Replies...
    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #20

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #22

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #23

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Jaekry
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men can wear whatever they want; nice clothes, nice shoes, nice haistyles, nice rings, nice jewelry, nice nails. You know,... like ALL ppl... ;)

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #25

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    JXXXF
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    European here, unpopular opinion here... I just don't get the US obsession with trucks full stop... they are ugly, slow, poorly made, a massive waste of space, drive awfully and almost everyone who has one just uses it for their commute or to pop down to Walmart...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #26

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    guncledann Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Bobert Robertson
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #28

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    multistan79 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    JXXXF
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am sorry but stating their opinion is fine, taking it further by trying to belittle them or make fun of them is where the line is crossed...

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda