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Appalling Texts Sent By Helicopter Parents Who Tried Controlling Adult Kids’ Life (30 Examples)

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How interestingly things are unfolding - just yesterday I wrote about a teen whose mother considers the very idea of knocking when entering his room to be completely ridiculous and outrageous, and today I’m writing about a selection of stories about so-called “helicopter parents.”

Bored Panda has already talked about this contemporary phenomenon more than once or twice, given examples, and compiled collections of strange and rather toxic stories about how parents interfered in the lives of their fully grown-up children. So here is another similar selection for you!

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#1

Yeah Let's Control The Hell Out Of Our Kids So They Don't Become Liberals. Parenting Done Right.

Yeah let's control the hell out of our kids so they don't become liberals. Parenting done right.

vengedwrath Report

Final score:

64points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

This is how prisons work. Does she also want to put an electric foot tag on them and bars at the windows? That would be the full program

61points

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#2

Mother is controlling, and uses her anxiety to treat me like she’s my prison warden, and yet I still worry I’m doing something wrong.

Extreme-Sweet-3680 Report

Final score:

58points

Lil Miss Hobbit 5 months ago

Keep setting boundaries. Proper boundaries are actually healthier for everyone, even if they don't appreciate it

35points

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#3

I am 22 years old, living on my own with my husband, and my dad still trys to control what I do.

MustangLover22 Report

Final score:

54points

Krystal Quigley 5 months ago

I would start liking the weirdest sh*t. That he has to Google just to figure out what it is. Or create a new separate social media account and give that one to my neighbors young child.

64points

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The very concept of ‘helicopter parenting’ first appeared in 1969, when Dr. Haim Ginott released his bestselling book Between Parent & Teenager. The term refers to overly involved and protective parents who not only actively interfere in all their children’s interactions, but also make decisions for them, try to help them achieve their goals, and remove obstacles in their path: a term that has been especially relevant in the last few decades.

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#4

I lost an amazing friend because her mom is a homophobic karen who wants to control way to much of her life. Her mom thinks of me as being a bad influence just because I’m openly bi and acts like her being a lesbo is a bad thing that I caused. I’m honestly really tired of her mom.

Itskawaiicookieuwu Report

Final score:

54points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

People like that shouldn't be allowed to have children or be around them

52points

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#5

I’m almost 22 and my mom is watching my every move from another country. I’m not allowed out past 10 pm and every time I’m going to be late to my apartment even by a few minutes i need to let her know.

She was asking if I went out at night and threatened to stop paying for [stuff]. I use a location faker to get around it (spent the night at a guy’s place lol) but it can cause location to be a little glitchy but it works well enough, one time I went on a 3 day trip to another state without her noticing.

Oh yeah she has a tracker on my car too, she is actually insane. I’m an international student and [stuff] is expensive so she pays for a lot of [it] but in exchange I have to follow her insane rules (location tracker on at all times, no going to guys’ houses, no guys allowed at my apartment, not allowed out past 10 and if I do I need to let her know every time, etc.) Which I mean I get it it’s her money but those are insane rules. Why even let me go study in another country if you’re going to be this bitchy about it?

needygameroverdose Report

Final score:

45points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

OP should try to get independent and maybe find a student job. The only way to get away from financial control is to have finances on your own

55points

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#6

Stepmom trying to control what I do with my internet usage at my biomoms house

gh05t_ur1n3 Report

Final score:

45points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

If the program that causes this can't be removed, make a backup of all important information and wipe the chrome book. There, lock is gone. F these people

36points

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In fact, 'helicopter parenting' is not nearly as new as it may seem, and there have always been parents who have tried to be excessively involved in the lives of their adult offspring. Moreover, if you look at the traditions of many nations, ‘helicopter parenting’ is much older than the helicopter itself, since it was invented only in the middle of the last century.

From year to year, from century to century, parents actively intervened in the lives of their now-adult children, tried to arrange their personal lives, and gave advice, useful and not so much. And when these kids grew up with their own children, the “baton” passed to a new generation of parents. And this actually continued throughout almost the entire human history.

#7

I’m 25F and I moved out three years ago from my mom’s house because she is controlling and mean. I’m going to visit a city about an hour away from my home city. My mom wanted to come over to my apartment but she’s really judgmental and I know she’d criticize everything. Nothing is clean enough for her or organized well or decorated well because it’s not her way of doing things. I told her she couldn’t come over but she kept insisting so instead we made plans to meet in the morning before work to see each other before my trip at the transit station. I woke up early to get ready and meet her but she disowned me. Even when she gets her way and gets to see me, it’s not good enough if it’s not exactly what she demands. She expects me to come over every weekend and sleep over. She’s been nagging me for 3 years to move back home and doesn’t listen when I say no.

Hungry-Temporary-962 Report

Final score:

45points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

If OPs already disowned, fine. They now have a good base never to talk to their raven mother again

40points

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#8

I was recently kicked out of my house by my parents who controlled my bank account and they refuse to give me my money now that I'm in my own.

quepasascar Report

Final score:

43points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

This is theft and can be legally prosecuted. Firstly, get in contact with the bank and tell them what happened so they can lock the thieves out and hand over the necessary recordings of paperwork theft, then court. There are little organisations that help people to get out of abusive situations, those might be able to help paying for a lawyer should one be necessary

56points

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#9

I finally moved out of my controlling and manipulative parents house. I’m 20, and they’ve been harassing my friends trying to find me, and I had to tell the police my situation so they wouldn’t file me as missing.

Neat-Crab Report

Final score:

41points

Memaw Mitch 5 months ago

I hope Cade is a pet, not a child.

41points

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However, we are now far from saying that since some phenomenon is old and historical, this by default means it’s good. Probably not. After all, for a long time, the advice of elders on arranging life was based on the fact that this very life process was virtually unchanged. After all, how was the life of the average city dweller, let’s say, in the 14th century different from the same life in the 18th century? The basic principles remained the same.

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Today everything is completely different. And the life experience acquired by the older generation often looks not only inappropriate, but sometimes even harmful. And what was previously considered worldly wisdom, passed on from generation to generation (sometimes by force), is nothing more than another example of toxic behavior.

#10

Controlling mom thinks I shouldn’t have “boys” in my room. My (21f) entire life I’ve mostly had male friends, and nothing’s ever been said until now.

aborg1999 Report

Final score:

38points

Tuna Beach 5 months ago

Hookers are no longer allowed?

35points

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#11

Parent With Serious Control Issues. I Didn’t Do Anything Wrong And I Get This Message Out Of The Blue.

WhoCaresAnywayy Report

Final score:

38points

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 5 months ago

Thats not a parent, that's a demented person making their shortcomings and serious mental illness everyone elses problem instead of seeking help.

25points

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#12

Mother threatens to kick me out of college for not sharing location

EggShweg Report

Final score:

35points

BigCityLady 5 months ago

What is it with these parents??? My kids never told us where there were in college, except when they moved out but it they were required to live in the dorms for the first two years. Also, both had a full ride as well. And they came home every summer to work too!

16points

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Well, probably, almost every one of us has encountered examples of ‘helicopter parenting’ from our moms or dads (I am no exception, alas). So now please feel free to scroll and read this list to the very end and try to hold these stories in your memory. At least if you are ever tempted to write something similar to your own adult children. And, of course, any comments will be highly appreciated as well.

#13

My mom's response to me asking her for privacy

monke_supremacy Report

Final score:

32points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

Buy a bolt lock with a special key and apply it to the inside and outside of the door when she goes out. OR, which is my personal opinion, just physically fight her if old and strong enough. Not everyone can be dealt with humanely sadly.

10points

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#14

I'm 22 F living on my own and my parents still want to have control on what I buy. It is not making me any more frugal when she yells at me for spending too much.

anonymous Report

Final score:

31points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

NEVER give in to anyone who ferociously demands control over your bank. They will steal your money at some point and use it for themselves, in this case probably because "Uuuh, it's family!" or "If you are so wasteful with your own money I can do the same with it!" OP shouldn't have two bank accounts but one, and the helicopter shouldn't have any access to it.

30points

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#15

My narcissist mother trying to control me yet again

G0ddesyyy Report

Final score:

29points

A S Mora 5 months ago

What is it with narcissistic mothers and trying to control food intake/exercise. My mom was like that, and wonders why she's not allowed to mention my body.

33points

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#16

He's my dad he was VERY abusive when I was living with him and I worry he's abusive to my siblings that still live with him also idk if I used the right flair

throwawayfordid2498 Report

Final score:

28points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

I hope for them that they get the siblings out

12points

#17

Very long history with my parents being extremely controlling. This is a very mild recent taste.

Might not be considered insane compared to what they have done in the past but just wanted to share. FYI, I called her after I finished studying and it was not important lol

Sapeline42 Report

Final score:

28points

Lil Miss Hobbit 5 months ago (edited)

That's so annoying. I'm glad my parents respect my boundaries

9points

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#18

My friends mom tweeted this. Control freak alert is going off the charts!

StevenOkBoomeredDad Report

Final score:

26points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

This kinda sounds like the son isn't even a kid and the father just a POS

16points

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#19

Abusive mother tries to financially control me

Unstability01 Report

Final score:

24points

Bananaramamama 5 months ago

IDK... I'd need more context to judge

23points

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#20

I am 20 years old, my mom tries to set a curfew of 9:30 pm for me. I am trying to push it but she goes crazy like this. Dad is barely any help, even tho he isn’t the one who is controlling like my mother. They always treat me like a kid when I do very very well for myself.

Starcrawlerz Report

Final score:

23points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

What happens if you give her nothing? What's she's gonna do? Whine around, or subject to theft?

22points

Bluonthefront 5 months ago

Good point. Just say "no." No, I am not paying you to be out after 9:30 pm as an adult.

12points

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Sunny Day 5 months ago

Move out.

7points

Kate Johnson 5 months ago

Time to move out.

3points

Valerie Brillhart 5 months ago

WTH is Wrong with these people!!! They are all nuts and they complain about BOOMERS

3points

Lil Miss Hobbit 5 months ago

Curfew would drive me crazy. I never had one and never will.

3points

Tara L. 5 months ago

So move out

1point

Sagegreen 5 months ago

Move out.

1point

LaserBrain 5 months ago

When people say "Here's the deal," it's usually not a deal it's a one-sided dictation

1point

Kate Jones 5 months ago

I mean, I get why you feel this is over the top and 'charging' you certainly is, but if you're 20 you should think about moving out since you're an adult. If you're still depending on your parents and living under their roof, then they have every right to ask you to follow their rules and you aren't really an adult. You're a dependent.

-2points

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#21

The conversation started by him recommending a show on Netflix talking about correctional boarding schools like the one I had been sent to so that I “would know you’re not alone” which helped him understand “….i think”

He gave me the stun gun, and Maria is my former abusive stepmother. My dad is 49 and I am 19. Yeah…

Skya_the_weirdo Report

Final score:

22points

Squirrelly Panda 5 months ago

Alot going on here that isn't explained, like OP talking about neither son talking to dad and dad claiming he only has 1 son.

13points

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#22

My(19f) mom(52f) keeps asking me for my location

NegotiationPitiful55 Report

Final score:

22points

Slay Queen 5 months ago

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#23

So im 16 and my phone was smashed by my dad bc he was mad and I got a new one so I texted him and he is controlling and demands to know every thing about stuff I know when I drive to mc donalds he questions me on how many calories ill be eating

Fit-Fix2047 Report

Final score:

21points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

Heavens, why did OP text him??? Don't do that, cut the fûcker off!

23points

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#24

My mom is so controlling it's crazy. Mind you this is all happening as I'm 18. She has to know where I am at all times and is so controlling it drives me insane.

EnbyEli_ Report

Final score:

19points

Lil Miss Hobbit 5 months ago

I heard my friend's parents talking about having trackers on their kid's phones/watches for safety and I asked my mom why we didn't and she was like "I would never. I trust you." Thanks Mom.

24points

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#25

Dad wants to know everything, mom assumes it's my boyfriend then backs up my dad saying he's not being controlling but if it was my boyfriend then it is. I'm 19.

anonymous Report

Final score:

19points

Sunny Day 5 months ago

Send pics of you & bf in bed. Sheet to armpits, heads sharing a pillow. Say cheese!

18points

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#26

My mother is mad about bills she told me I didn’t have to give her yet, and expects me to take care of her dog

Context I moved out of my narcissistic mom’s house a couple months ago and she’s losing her mind that she no longer has control over my actions. However, my car died and I needed to get a new one, which my mother loaned me money for. My roommate E is who my mother is referring to. She uses she/they pronouns but my mother is transphobic so I have to deadname and misgender them to her (it’s okay with my roommate and I’m also trans so she misgenders and deadnames me to certain people too) When she mentions the dog pooping on the floor, that happened after I left when I was told by her I could leave because she was on her way home Bailey is my mom’s dog and Penguin is my new kitten. My brother, niece, and BIL are all allergic to cats.

WeakReading5450 Report

Final score:

17points

Sunny Day 5 months ago

Take Bailey to your place for the week.

15points

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#27

I'm 24 (F), life is expensive so I still live at home. I'm still in school. My mother has decided that in order for me to focus on my education, I'm not allowed to have my boyfriend sleep over and not allowed to sleep over at my boyfriend's. what the f*ck? my blood is actually boiling, I don't understand who she thinks she is controlling like this? And what does she think I'm assuming? This is more of a rant post but I do need advice on how to even proceed... do I reply? do I let her attempt to talk to me about her "rules"?

jinkamus Report

Final score:

16points

Kate Johnson 5 months ago

Sadly this is unlikely to change until you move out.

21points

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#28

My abusive mother trying to manipulate me to feel bad so that I stay with her after my parents divorce

My mother has been abusive and controlling almost my entire life. She also guilt trips me into thinking I'm 'too young' to know what my gender is. (I am trans male.)After years of her abuse, her and my dad are getting a divorce. She has been trying to get me to stay with her, by bribing me with trips, clothes, on top of gaslighting me.

AshtonAssTin Report

Final score:

16points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

The right answer to this is yes and blocking. Protect trans youth

34points

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#29

My emotionally abusive aunt with my mom after she tried blowing up my phone while I was spending time with my bf (I just told her to leave me alone and respect my boundaries since I cut most contact with her, she's a lying manipulator who tried brainwashingme into thinking my bf was abusive)

JossIsADork615 Report

Final score:

13points

B Jean the Jelly Bean 5 months ago

That's an issue with having a cell phone

6points

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#30

Our roommate's dad has decided we don't get to live in our apartment anymore

He has no power to do this. He does not live with us. His justification is that we aren't suited to living together (because the apartment isn't perfectly clean) despite us being very happy with our arrangement. Our roommate and her mom (who is a wonderful woman, absolutely love her, it just sucks that she's married to this boomer [jerk]) have both tried to tell him that he doesn't get to make that decision for us, but he has ignored them both. His name is on the lease, but only because he and his wife used to rent this apartment before us. They moved out 3 or 4 years ago and now live an hour away. No idea why he thinks this is ok.

AlexTheFlower Report

Final score:

10points

Trillian 5 months ago

Actually if his name is on the lease he legally DOES get to decide who lives in the apartment?

47points

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Oleg Tarasenko

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Denis Krotovas

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

What do you think ?

Alexandra 5 months ago

I get so angry reading this. These people who pretend to be parents act as if they own their children. Remind me: what is it called when one person owns another person and makes him/her do things or else....

18points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

Tracking on smartphones was a BIG mistake seriously. No matter how useful it *could* be, the major use of it seems to control children and spouses to ensure they can't flee from abuse.

13points

Panda 5 months ago

I have a couple of friends that track their spouses with approval. They claim it is for safety reasons. It is weird...

1point

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laura lee 5 months ago

Helps me understand just how heinous my birth family was and is. Wish I had gone NC a long time ago

4points

Kristal 5 months ago

Wow, I have never been more grateful to not have smartphones (they weren't invented yet) when I lived with my mother. I could see her using the tracking thing and holding it over my head, she already did that with finances and anything she offered to 'help' with. Learned long ago not to rely on her for anything.

3points

catastrophegirl 5 months ago

this is where i'm really grateful that i'm gen x and was raised on a diet of independence and self sufficiency. my mom TRIED controlling me through money. at one point she had my only credit card in her possession to try to help me budget better. so i went by the house to get it because my car broke down and i was going to lose my job if i didn't get a new water pump. she spent 20 minutes lecturing me with the card held in between the blades of a pair of scissors. at which point she was still droning on so i told her to forget it and walked out. my friend who gave me a ride was waiting outside and he drove me to the auto parts store where i bought a haynes manual, a water pump, and had a lovely educational conversation with the employees. i had basic tools in the car. this was many years before smartphones or youtube or computerized cars. that day i learned how to replace a toyota water pump in a gas station parking lot in the rain.

2points

catastrophegirl 5 months ago

she didn't give up on trying to control me via money for a long time and it constantly pissed her off to no end that i managed to pay my own way. in my 40s i got laid off and went back college (dropped out in 1994 because she wouldn't pay and they made too much money for me to get financial aid). she offered to pay for it but i had scholarships and grants and she got to go stew over it once again.

2points

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tjh1855 5 months ago

Wow, I thought my parents had boundary issues. The worst I had was mom paying my credit card bills without my permission when I was in college. No major amounts, but I was working and could pay for the occasional snacks or pizza I charged myself.

2points

Agfox 5 months ago

Without knowing al the ins & outs of these relationships, some of these adult children need to grow spines, set boundaries & stick to them

2points

Ace 5 months ago

Yeah, over-controlling parents suck, but many of these appear to be 18 and 19 year olds still living at home with parents, so there's an element of 'our house, our rules' to take into account. Older ones living separate just need, as you say, to tell their parents NO!.

6points

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Belladonna.dreams 5 months ago

How do these people have the time to be like this? I'm a stay at home mom and I don't have the energy but I have hobbies and pets too. So maybe that's the difference

0points

Alex Boyd 5 months ago

Lots of comments with people saying, in effect, If you take their money, you have to take their behavior, which is *true*, but...you get that it sucks that that's the tradeoff, right? People with reasonably normal parents get to have occasional financial help in young adulthood, without having to cater to the demands of an unreasonable person. I'm pretty unsympathetic when the unreasonable parent's money is going towards something optional, like a big wedding or a trip, but if it's car repairs or rent, sometimes there just isn't a good option.

0points

Alexandra 5 months ago

I get so angry reading this. These people who pretend to be parents act as if they own their children. Remind me: what is it called when one person owns another person and makes him/her do things or else....

18points

Zedrapazia 5 months ago

Tracking on smartphones was a BIG mistake seriously. No matter how useful it *could* be, the major use of it seems to control children and spouses to ensure they can't flee from abuse.

13points

Panda 5 months ago

I have a couple of friends that track their spouses with approval. They claim it is for safety reasons. It is weird...

1point

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laura lee 5 months ago

Helps me understand just how heinous my birth family was and is. Wish I had gone NC a long time ago

4points

Kristal 5 months ago

Wow, I have never been more grateful to not have smartphones (they weren't invented yet) when I lived with my mother. I could see her using the tracking thing and holding it over my head, she already did that with finances and anything she offered to 'help' with. Learned long ago not to rely on her for anything.

3points

catastrophegirl 5 months ago

this is where i'm really grateful that i'm gen x and was raised on a diet of independence and self sufficiency. my mom TRIED controlling me through money. at one point she had my only credit card in her possession to try to help me budget better. so i went by the house to get it because my car broke down and i was going to lose my job if i didn't get a new water pump. she spent 20 minutes lecturing me with the card held in between the blades of a pair of scissors. at which point she was still droning on so i told her to forget it and walked out. my friend who gave me a ride was waiting outside and he drove me to the auto parts store where i bought a haynes manual, a water pump, and had a lovely educational conversation with the employees. i had basic tools in the car. this was many years before smartphones or youtube or computerized cars. that day i learned how to replace a toyota water pump in a gas station parking lot in the rain.

2points

catastrophegirl 5 months ago

she didn't give up on trying to control me via money for a long time and it constantly pissed her off to no end that i managed to pay my own way. in my 40s i got laid off and went back college (dropped out in 1994 because she wouldn't pay and they made too much money for me to get financial aid). she offered to pay for it but i had scholarships and grants and she got to go stew over it once again.

2points

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tjh1855 5 months ago

Wow, I thought my parents had boundary issues. The worst I had was mom paying my credit card bills without my permission when I was in college. No major amounts, but I was working and could pay for the occasional snacks or pizza I charged myself.

2points

Agfox 5 months ago

Without knowing al the ins & outs of these relationships, some of these adult children need to grow spines, set boundaries & stick to them

2points

Ace 5 months ago

Yeah, over-controlling parents suck, but many of these appear to be 18 and 19 year olds still living at home with parents, so there's an element of 'our house, our rules' to take into account. Older ones living separate just need, as you say, to tell their parents NO!.

6points

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Belladonna.dreams 5 months ago

How do these people have the time to be like this? I'm a stay at home mom and I don't have the energy but I have hobbies and pets too. So maybe that's the difference

0points

Alex Boyd 5 months ago

Lots of comments with people saying, in effect, If you take their money, you have to take their behavior, which is *true*, but...you get that it sucks that that's the tradeoff, right? People with reasonably normal parents get to have occasional financial help in young adulthood, without having to cater to the demands of an unreasonable person. I'm pretty unsympathetic when the unreasonable parent's money is going towards something optional, like a big wedding or a trip, but if it's car repairs or rent, sometimes there just isn't a good option.

0points

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