Nobody wants to be seen as a pushover, and if you genuinely are entitled to something, you shouldn’t be afraid to say so. Boss refuses to accept your time-off requests even though you’ve acquired dozens of days off? Speak up. Food courier forgot half of the meal you paid for at the restaurant? You deserve to get your money back. But it’s important that we all understand what we’re actually entitled to versus what our delusions tell us we deserve.

The Entitled “Batch” subreddit (who’s name we’ve had to censor) is all about calling out individuals who believe they are owed much more than they really are. It describes itself as a place “to post and read about experiences with people who think they can always get their own way and are better than everyone,” and it’s become quite popular. With over 343k members, this online community is the perfect place to remind yourself that not everyone has great manners.

We’ve all encountered entitled behavior before, whether it’s a Karen demanding that a restaurant seat her party before others even though she doesn’t have a reservation or a couple expecting to get free wedding photos from a professional photographer because they went to high school together. But most of us know that this behavior is totally inappropriate, so where does it come from? 

To gain more insight on this topic for a previous Bored Panda piece, we got in touch with Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist Al Hoberman. Al was kind enough to have a chat with us and explain how exactly people justify their entitled behavior. 

“Entitlement can come across as overconfidence, but turned on its head, we can see it as an expression of some kind of need,” Al explained. “Maybe it’s wanting to feel special, to be cared and provided for, or to know that you’ll be there for them. Wanting a lot is a sign that someone feels that they’re lacking a lot, whether they’re fully aware of it or not.”

Al also noted that entitlement amongst family members can sometimes be a bid for connection. “Just like a young child who is all smiles at daycare, and then comes home and has a meltdown, we tend to show our most difficult feelings around people we trust,” he previously shared. “So if a family member is asking a lot of you, it may be an unconscious way of asking ‘how much can I lean on you and have you still love me?’”

“On the other hand, if someone has grown up in an environment where this kind of behavior was rewarded, or they observed it in others, it could be that this is just what feels normal to them,” the therapist pointed out. “They might not even see it as special treatment, it’s just what they’re used to doing.”

We also asked the expert for some advice on dealing with relatives who make others feel guilty about not giving into their selfish demands. “This is what practicing boundaries is all about,” Al noted. 

“It’s a common misconception that setting boundaries is about getting the other person to do something you want. Actually, it’s about figuring out what your limits are, and deciding how you’re going to respond when they’re crossed,” he explained. “Then, importantly, you communicate that decision ahead of time.”