Whether a person is tidy or messy doesn't depend solely on their gender. But it does play a role, Clinical Psychologist Forrest Talley tells Bored Panda.

"Although there is a great deal of variability between individuals (both men and women) regarding what infuriates them about a romantic partner's behavior and how intensely they become annoyed, there appears to be some trends associated with each sex."

He points out a study by ter Laak, Olthof, & Aleva (2003). "[It] suggests that men become more frustrated by behaviors that threaten their autonomy (e.g., jealousy, moodiness in a partner), and women become more annoyed by [their] partner's behaviors that threaten the relationship (e.g., condescension, aggression, and emotional distance/neglect)."

Living together can cause friction between two romantic partners. It's natural. But the key to a successful relationship can sometimes be knowing what really matters and what doesn't. If partners can differentiate between minor irritations and real issues, they might enjoy a more successful relationship in the long run. But how can they do that?

Talley says there are three important things to consider: 

• Does the annoying behavior occur because your love interest does not care about the impact [it] has on you, or is it due to a personal quirk, an unintentional habit?
• Is your reaction to the behavior reasonable? In other words, is it really a 'you' problem? Let's be honest; all of us are capable of overreacting.
• No matter your answers to Questions One and Two, ask yourself whether the annoying behavior [is] something you can imagine living with long term. For example, if every time he eats something, the love of your life smacks his lips loudly and slurps, can you imagine sitting across the table listening to that for years upon years?

It's all about choosing your battles, he explains. "If the behavior appears innocent and harms nothing other than your sense of annoyance, try to let it go. No relationship is perfect, and every good relationship is packed to the brim with compromise and forgiveness."

"At the same time," Talley goes on, "know your limits and realize that those things that annoy you today will very likely annoy you five years from now. On balance, consider all the qualities of the person you are with and weigh this against how disruptive the annoying behavior is to your relationship. The results of this comparison will tell you whether to put energy into making changes or simply let it go."

In addition to being inaccurate, stereotypes about which gender is tidier don't benefit either of them. Then one group are slobs, and the other has to face constant pressure to be 'the clean ones.' Is there any evidence to support the claims that either men or women are cleaner?

A 2012 study found that men's office desks tend to be "consistently more contaminated." Other research in the past has also suggested that men wash their hands and brush their teeth less than women do. And that's especially true when it comes to using the bathroom. A 2013 study revealed that only 77% of men whom the researchers observed at the Michigan State University campus washed their hands after using the bathroom.

What were the numbers for women? Considerably better. 93% of women washed their hands after a visit to the bathroom. Out of those who washed their hands, 50% of men used soap, compared to 78% of women. And here's the bad news for all: only 5% of all people the researchers observed washed their hands long enough to kill all germs.

Another interesting phenomenon comes to light when we look at what cleanliness factors people say are important to them. Interestingly, both men and women (98%) agree that washing their hands after using the toilet is important. But only 84% of men believe this habit is very important, while the percentage for women is much higher – 91%.

The same trend follows throughout the rest of the poll. More women than men believe that changing undergarments and clothes and washing hands after using public transportation are crucial behaviors. The same goes for habits like sanitizing mobile devices, living spaces, and work spaces: only about a third of men find these practices to be important.

However, just because women say that cleaner spaces and personal hygiene matter to them greatly doesn't mean that they are, in fact, tidier or that they have better personal hygiene.

Susan Michie, health psychology professor and director of the Centre for Behavior Change at the Department of Clinical, Educational, and Health Psychology at University College London, believes that such behaviors are socially programmed, not genetic. "Women are more focused on care than men – childcare, household care, personal care," she explained.

The researcher who conducted the Michigan State University campus study, Carl Borchgrevink, suggested that men washed their hands less because they believe fearing germs is emasculating. "We did talk to some of [the men] and ask, 'Why didn't [you] wash your hands?' And they would look at us indignantly and say, 'I'm clean, I don't need to wash my hands.' They had a sense of invincibility."

Men and women also perceive their messy surroundings differently. In a 2012 UCLA study, mothers and fathers did video tours of their homes with researchers who observed their levels of the stress hormone cortisol. They found that the mothers felt more stressed in cluttered environments, and the fathers remained psychologically unaffected.

The mothers used words like "mess," "not fun," and "very chaotic" when describing their homes. The fathers, on the other hand, didn't mention the messy environments at all. "Fathers in their home tours would walk in the same rooms their wives had come through and often made no mention whatsoever of the messiness and were unaffected psychologically," UCLA professor of anthropology, Jeanne Arnold, said.

But that doesn't mean that men don't notice the mess. In 2019, researchers showed participants photographs of messy rooms. They found that "men and women respondents do not differ in their perceptions of how messy a room is or how urgent it is to clean it up."

However, the respondents did care about to whom the messy room belonged. Upon hearing that a woman lives in the clean room, the participants judged it as less clean than when a man lived there.

They also thought that guests would judge the woman more and that she would feel uncomfortable having people over. And it was here that the main difference presented itself: we hold women to a higher standard of cleanliness than men.

It's also worth mentioning that the conclusions of the study played into the stereotype that men are lazy slobs. Respondents said that if the messy room belonged to a man, he was less responsible and hardworking. Yet participants didn't think that visitors would judge the man. "There's no expected social consequence to that," one of the researchers, Sarah Thébaud, said. "It's that 'Boys will be boys' thing."