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“What’s Something Society Thinks Is Inappropriate For Women, But You Love About Yourself?”
Society has a lot of rules, regulations, and expectations for how you ‘should’ behave. Don’t be rude. Be demure. Be a good student. Go to college. Be skinny but not too skinny. Work at a good company. Get engaged. Get married. Have children. Buy a house. Have even more kids. Get a second car. Get along with everyone, etc.
The list is endless. Those unmet expectations can introduce a lot of stress into a person’s life. The reality is that you don’t have to meet any of those expectations. You’re free to live your life however you want and to find your path despite what you're pressured to do. In short, live as authentically as you can. The members of the popular AskWomen online community revealed the things that they love about themselves that society thinks are ‘inappropriate.’ Scroll down for their stories.
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#1
I love having sex, I loved sleeping around when I was single, I am super sexually liberated and I have no shame about it.
Libstak 1 hour ago (edited)
Women being judged for enjoying sex is the epitomy of mysoginy. We have a body that can give us pleasure too why are we not allowed to enjoy it? Oh because a mans enjoyment might be diminished somehow if the woman he is with has enough experience to chase her own pleasure? Its the crux of what is sickest about male chauvinists. You know how you sometimes just cant help but self pleasure because it feels good? Guess what? Both sexes have the nerve bundles to experience that, why is it only considered natural for men?
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#2
That I love being alone, in my own company. I do have a handful of close friends, but I prefer my own company above all others. I never get lonely and I never get bored. I don’t understand someone who wants to be around another person 24-7 like in a marriage. I lived with someone for 8 years when I was in my 20’s and NEVER EVER again. I’ve had relationships here and there over the years but am never looking to be in one. This seems to baffle so many people.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago
Can't upvote this enough! Do not want anyone's company 365 a year! Do not want to "compromise" about everything I eat, watch, or do. Do not want to share every damn thing! I'd consider another marriage only if it was part-time, like "weekend marriage".
#3
Lack of desire to become a mother.
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
In recent years, I'm seeing a polarizing shift that desiring to become a mother is frowned upon and to decide to not have kids is met with "Good on you for not playing a part in over-populating the world."
The way that specific cultures view femininity and masculinity affects life in a myriad of ways. For example, it can also influence the types of extracurricular activities (like sports) that people feel pressured to embrace or avoid. Some attitudes are hard to shake.
But something to keep in mind is that these attitudes vary from society to society. What’s ‘weird’ in one geographic area can be perfectly acceptable elsewhere.
A 2017 study found that the choice of sports still corresponds to sports traditionally associated with men or women. That being said, these activities also coexist with other ‘neutral’ sports. Typically, girls’ sports practice was more diverse than boys’, who were more resistant to embracing female activities.
#4
This might sound kind of shallow but my height and flat chest! I was insecure about it for the longest time because people always say that women who are tall and/or have no chest are “just men” but more recently I’ve started to love it! I’m a runner and do cross country and track and field for my college and my body is so functional for my sport!
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
Tbh, I hate having boobs. I'd rather be flat chested and not have to deal with underwire bras being top heavy. My back and shoulders are probably bearing more of the brunt than I'm knowing because I'm just used to it. Until I jump.
#6
Being confrontational. It's not that I go out and look to have a fight, but I will speak up about annoying behaviour when others are too afraid to do so. I've been called quite a few b-words because of it, but I don't care.
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
It wasn't that long ago women were expected to apologize for getting upset, even when justified. This mentality is still staying strong as we are told to "calm down" whenever we show any emotion. We get spoken to about showing outward emotion, regardless of positive, neutral or negative. Just speaking with our hands gets us in trouble. Now, we have derogatory terms and women's names being used as insults. Just another move to keep women down.
As per the researchers from the University of Vigo, the University of Leon, and the University of A Coruña, a person’s gender is still the most defining factor when it comes to sports. Generally, feminine extracurricular activities are associated with rhythm, expression, and dancing. Swimming was also found to be more feminine, as was walking.
According to research, stereotypically, masculine sports were associated with more danger, risk, violence, speed, strength, endurance, challenge, and team spirit.
However, there were some cultural exceptions. For instance, in Portugal, football was one of the most practiced sports among girls, though in Spain, football was associated with activities that boys focus on.
“Likewise, sports practiced by girls in other European contexts did not feature so noticeable rhythmic-expressive characteristics,” the researchers noted.
#7
So many times I’ve been told I won’t get married if I don’t change the way I speak or live. People would say things like, ‘Men don’t like women with careers,’ or ‘You’re too independent.’
Well, I’m still not married, and I absolutely love it. I get to do everything I want, and I’m completely in love with myself. 🥰
StrangeOne 3 hours ago
Marriage is pretty scary. You're legally tied together and I hear registering for divorce is more expensive that getting the marriage license. My mom told me, actually, not to get married. lol She did 3 times.
#8
Man spreading. Like, it’s just a comfortable way to sit
#9
Being direct in the workplace. I don't always say good morning, how was your weekend, sorry to bother you, blah blah - I just ask my question plainly or speak up whenever I feel like something needs to be said, especially when everyone is thinking something but no one has the balls [pun intended] to say it. People may not always like it but I know damn sure they respect it.
I'm like this in my personal life, too. I just say the damn thing or ask for what I want to know so there is no ambiguity. I have no patience for passive-aggressive behavior, it causes so many problems in relationships (familial or otherwise).
No one every has to wonder where they stand with me. Confrontation doesn't bother me and it doesn't have to be contentious - it's just the most open, direct, effective way of dealing with an issue.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago (edited)
I'm the same way, but people don't appreciate it. OP's mistaken on that point!
#10
Having a “high body count.” I enjoyed myself a lot in my 20s and have zero regrets. I went on lots of dates, met a lot of interesting people, learned a lot about people, had a lot of fun, and tried out everything I wanted to try. I feel calm in my 30s knowing that my sexual curiosities were fulfilled.
Andy Pandy 1 hour ago
As a man, this makes sense to me too. I had a lot of fun when I was younger, now I'm married with kids I don't want anyone else and have no interest in being with anyone else sexually. I've also gained the experience where I can please my wife in bed every time
#11
I'm not nice. I'm kind, and thoughtful. But I am not nice, and I love that for me. I think more women should try not being so damn nice to everyone all the time.
I say NO often, and often with no explanation or context....because sometimes a NO is just that.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago
Learning to be assertive rather than a doormat is a wonderful thing! Defense class 101, nice and polite won't protect you...
#12
I have zero interest in sex, romantic relationships, or children. I keep getting told I’ll change my mind or I’m a naive young person but I don’t care.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 hour ago
Aroace! I'm aromantic, too, and tried dating because it's what society tells you to do- find a soul mate etc etc. I absolutely hated it
#13
Not wanting kids or having any maternal instincts. I may have the required parts to give birth, that doesn't mean I want to or that I should.
#14
Woodworking, doing (minor) work on appliances/cars, using power tools, etc.
I have been building furniture and fixing up random things here and there around the house. When people ask what I have been up to, what my hobbies are, etc, and I tell them, at least half of the responses I get are “ugh, why don’t you let your husband do that?”
The simple answer is this: because people still ask me that.
I also love baking, sewing, and s**t like that, but those are things I feel pressure/obligation to be good at. Building/fixing s**t is a task that I am not *expected* to be able to do, and excelling at it (or even just managing it at all) makes my dopamine go bzzzzzzt. It’s a thrill, not a chore.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago (edited)
Love working with my hands! This reminds me though, of how much I really wanted to wash the dishes when I was a little girl, because I wasn't expected to. As soon as I was "allowed" to do them myself, it was a chore I had to do all the time.In high school I not only aced auto shop class, but I was free labor one day a week for staff car repairs, replacing brakes, radiators, rebuilding carburetors, it also became a chore. Now I grow food and flowers for myself, and repair anything in the house or garage that needs it.
#15
Being a lesbian, having tattoos, being masculine, not caring for men’s opinions or wanting to be with men or ever needing them, fishing, hiking, hunting, camping, driving fast cars, long boarding, landscaping, mechanics, working with tools, fixing my own s**t and wanting to disable the patriarchy
#16
People are starting to get a little worried that I’m now in my thirties, unmarried, and have no kids.
I have spent 31 years of my life doing what I want, when I want, how I want. I’m comfortable financially. I’m happy. I have a wonderful group of friends.
I don’t really want a spouse. S**t, now that I’m in my thirties and my libido’s calmed the hell down I don’t even want to date anymore. I’m a very happy auntie just living my best life
StrangeOne 3 hours ago
One thing I've observed about these rhetoric from others, they can't handle that someone dare live a better, freer, easier life than they have decided to live because, in their minds, it's the adult thing to do to overwhelm yourself with responsibilities and meeting those adulting milestones. It's the same when you have a job you enjoy and have fun with. Then they come along with "work is not supposed to be fun".
#17
Being ecstatic at the idea I may possibly never marry and will end up in an apartment full of cats and dogs.
#18
I’m plus size and always have been. My whole life I’ve received messaging from media and fashion and advertising and certain social circles that “fat” is one of the worst things a woman can possibly be. It’s unfeminine, it’s grotesque, it’s unattractive, it’s ugly.
But truth be told, I absolutely adore my curvy body. I think it’s the epitome of femininity and abundance and sex appeal and beauty. When I was around 17, I said “f**k it” and actually started *living* that way. And ya know what? I found that the vast majority of people I encountered viewed my body the same way I did. I’ve had numerous lovers over the years (many of whom have been very conventionally attractive) who treat me like a queen and can’t get enough of my body. I’ve found friends who don’t buy into diet culture and who admire my beauty for exactly what it is. I can be fashionable and trendy and cute just like anybody else. People don’t laugh at me or judge me for living my life like movies and advertisements always told me they would. Sure, fatphobia exists, but in my experience, the vast majority of the time it’s a media/Internet thing, not a real life thing. Usually fatphobia comes from a place of somebody either trying to sell you something, or projecting their own personal insecurities onto you. I’m so comfortable in my own skin and people admire that about me. They’re drawn to me *because* of my love for my plus size body, not in spite of it.
Apatheist Account2 13 minutes ago
Mostly what gets overlooked is that it's unhealthy. Your heart is having to work harder than it should, you may well have high cholesterol, which could lead to heart attacks and/or strokes and shorten your life. Getting you into an ambulance will be harder work too.
#19
I don't smile a lot. It's just exhausting. Even at work. I'll occasionally flash a smile to customers and just people in general that I have a favorable attitude towards, but for the most part, straight-faced and just trying to get through the day. My voice is also a little lower naturally and I don't make an effort as much anymore to speak in a super cheery, high-pitched voice.
On top of that, I'm not very fond of men and I'd be completely fine with never having a partner. I love my independence and alone time a lot.
StrangeOne 3 hours ago
Totally agree. Smiling is exhausting and after a short while it hurts your cheeks.
#20
Having visible muscles, I do.
#21
In my 30s I decided to start lifting weights. Then I started competing in powerlifting competitions. I had the time of my life! And the confidence boost was so addicting. I'd think to myself, "wait, I just squatted 396lbs in front of an audience and I don't think I can apply for this job? Get outta here!"
Also - having very visible tattoos, being child free (and surgically making sure of that), owning a home by myself (I'm on my 3rd one), owning my 2nd pitbull, not being overtly feminine, cursing a lot, etc.
#22
Learning stuff that society only expects men to do, for example, changing a flat tire or fixing what's broken...because I realized how essential these tasks were for any individual alongside being able to cook and to take good care of myself.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago
I was "lucky" enough to learn all these things at school and by being forced to do the majority of cooking and cleaning at home before I was kicked out at 17. And yes, NC with most of family since.
#23
I stopped shaving a few years back. I think my armpit hair is lovely. Honestly. Hahah
StrangeOne 3 hours ago (edited)
My daughter used to shave but not in a long time. It's not something I encouraged. She made that decision on her own. She's tried shaving but doesn't like it. The hair grows back quickly for her, very stubbly and itchy for her. It did eventually get softer. One day, her grandpa says to her "Looks like you forgot to shave your legs." HIGHLY inappropriate and gross. But it just goes to show how deeply ingrained it is in the older generations that women are expected to be hairless. Now, I don't' seem to get armpit hair anymore, for some reason. But I do shave my legs in the summer because the wind blowing that hair makes me itch lol.
#25
Having b**bs bigger than D.
People both men and women will assume you’re a sl*t or loose because your body decide to develop more than the norm.
If Breast size was correlated with how much sex you had; wouldn’t p*rn star be attached to wheel barrel to wheel their “sex counter” around. Oddly enough, many of the popular ones are in the small size or get breast implants around a D cup.
Proving that breast size has no relation to sexually activity.
Breast are marks of women hood, motherhood, sexual maturity and fertility.
It’s insane that modern society now deem larger breast as obscene or “too much” when they were celebrate on the past to be able to feed one child or other children who lose their mothers to young.
No one has a choice in their breast size and there very little correlation between weight and breast tissue. There are women who fit in Xsmall where size 32F bras, and women wearing size 24 with 42B bra.
The biggest thing that changes with weight lost/gain is the band size. The cup size might shrinks if you had some fat around the breast tissue.
#27
I have a deep voice. Which I adore, but it's definitly not something society wishes for in a woman.
#28
Appreciating the value of my physical strength.
For example, I'm more than happy to exert strength in opening up a jar of pickles (and being proud of myself for getting it done!). I'm not the type that will quickly ask a man to open it for me.
StrangeOne 4 hours ago
That's not really related to the topic, though. I don't think anyone thinks it's inappropriate for women to open a jar on their own, without asking for assistance of a man.
#30
I like being tall, 5'11". I look like a super model mixed with an Amazon.
#31
Not shaving my legs for months at a time, specially during winter, I couldn't care less!
#32
As a tattooed woman, I honestly didn’t realize how many men find them so unattractive on women. I don’t surround myself with Judgmental Judy’s either though.
#33
Not wearing a bra in public
#34
Following dreams over money.
Now, in general, society likes to pretend that it wholeheartedly supports people to follow their dreams, but in my experience, every time I've mentioned I willingly take a pay cut to do things for a non-profit where I could be making double in a corporate world, or they see how much stuff I do voluntarily for absolutely nothing, I get some kind of lecture about how I'm going to want more financial stability in the future.
I love that I'm a caring person who thinks about the impact of my work, and that I'm not just a cog in a machine working for a paycheque. Sure, I would love more money, but I cannot and will not ever compromise my enjoyment and feeling like what I do matters for a few more dollars.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago
Would love to be able to do this but can barely afford rent as it is....
#35
Not coddling men. Sorry if you got upset but I’m not going to entertain your dismissive behavior toward me and make excuses for it. You’re an adult and you can pick up the phone if you really care.
#37
Being both fat and unable to do makeup. Normally if a fat woman is to have any shot at being respected she has to constantly dress to the nines and do a full face every day. I never got the hang of it and in any case, I quite like my face as is?
I’ve also been single my whole life, unsurprisingly 😂
Feathered Dinosaur 1 hour ago
The last line is BS. The more desperate men would settle for anything that has a vag and still breathes. It's good her bar seems to be higher than that
#38
That I don’t want my own kids, or to just raise in kids in general.
I have so much love to give that I give to everyone around me. My life goal is to create a farm animal sanctuary where animals get to live out their full lives. I have *so* much love for animals. I’m a doer, so things will always get done. So I think finding a mate to create this dream with will be the most challenging part, as not as many people know how to do basic labor work (or enjoy it at least) anymore. But I’m driven, so it’ll happen regardless. Just… may take years to rack up the cash to make it happen..
#39
Being child-free, unmarried, and loving it. I don't center men in my life if I don't have to. I enjoy a lot of activities alone: hiking, surfing, swimming in wild water, going to concerts, going out, etc. I dress for myself rather than for the male gaze. Perhaps the most "inappropriate" thing about me is that I stopped living for the validation and approval of others, and I'm thrilled with my life.
#40
I’m a very direct and assertive woman. Growing up I was told that it wasn’t ladylike and that I needed to tone it down. I’m no longer that little girl but a direct and assertive woman. It’s served me well my whole life and I’m happy I never listened to those comments.
#41
Tats and piercings and Pink hair
Handful of Male friends
Grew up camping and fishing
"Breadwinner" status
Independent
Educated
"Sailor Mouth"
In my mid 30s and still no kids
Married to a man who's NOT afraid of getting in touch with his feminine side
#42
Being direct, having great physical strength, and not kowtowing to men.
Men in particular tend to hate all three of these things, but I love these things about myself. It also makes for fantastic douchebag radar.
#44
My piercings! i have about 13 in total w 2 on my face and one is a septum that a lot of ppl (particularly on reddit) seem to hate and think it takes away from my beauty but it compliments my look soooo perfectly! i love it so much, never taking it out
#46
When I was younger, my female friends would tease me that I wanted to go play with the boys. They were happily staying back to get food ready and gossip, while the boys were outside riding atvs, or jet skis and such. I was SO BORED inside… and I hate gossip and the latest fashion trend discussions. I just never got the “take care of the man” mentality, while they got to play. Ughh. So I stopped caring about what they thought and started dating domesticated men. I’m very much feminine, and love dressing up, just not every day.
#47
I love that I'm happy doing nothing at home.
Not sure if this is a women thing but I hate feeling pressured to go out and socialize
#48
I swear a lot & i have zero trouble standing up to anybody, particularly men. you’re not about to tell me s**t :)
#49
I shave my head. Have for years. My hair is curly and unruly and I don’t want to deal with it.
#51
I travel alone a lot. Usually by hitchhiking, often stealth camping, sometimes bikepacking. Once in a while I'll do a regular backpacking trip with hostels and such. Everyone constantly tells me how dangerous it is, that I should buy a gun or pack pepperspray and blah blah blah. I never carried anything around like that. My wits have so far been enough to keep me safe. Been doing this a long time and never had anything bad happen. I've got tons of experience and funny stories.
Jane No Dough 3 hours ago
Do not recommend, used to do this too. It's all fun and games until it isn't. It only takes one wrong move...
#52
Being polyamorous. Most people think that’s inappropriate for any gender honestly. There’s so much stigma attached to it yet it requires a lot of emotional intelligence that I think would have helped in my monogamous relationships in the past too.
Also, being assertive. No one expects it and then they learn I’m a bit of a force.
Tropical Tarot 28 minutes ago
Yes!!! I recently been more open about it. My family knows my wife and I have an open relationship but they don't know that we have a long distance partner. Or who that partner is. He's planning on coming up here for my birthday so they'll probably find out in a few months.
#53
I have no problem saying no. I don’t care about being agreeable when it’s something that is going to hinder me or make me resentful in the future. If my ‘no’ offends people then they aren’t the ones for me *shrugs*
#54
I don’t have a strong opinion of myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses, but I don’t love or hate myself, which seem to be the options we’re usually presented. It gives me a good perspective on others, allows me to be grateful for what I have, and put work into areas of improvement.
People who think I should hate myself don’t like that about me, in the same way that people who think everyone should love themselves don’t like it. Both kinds of people seem to find it offensive that I am relatively just ok with myself, but I’m happy with it.
#55
That I'm okay not being stick-thin.
I've been fat my whole life and even at my lightest and healthiest I was still considered overweight. I actually like being curvy, my husband does too. I hate when everyone acts like I should be dieting or working really hard to lose weight. It really shocks people when they find out I'd be happy just being 170 again. Everyone thinks I should be more like 115-120 at my height but when I was 170 I was swimming 4 days a week, taking on the Disney parks, and wearing not Plus-Size clothes.
#56
Since I had my gallbladder out, I can burp like a bullfrog!
#57
I love the word 'f**k' and I use it more than I should 🤷🏽♀️
#58
I love being crass and grossing out dudes that think women should be polite and say eww to things. I like to take people gross comments one step farther, and it honestly upsets men sometimes. I've heard comments about men not finding that attractive or men have said they hope their daughters never speak like that... I love flipping the tables and letting them know how little their opinions mean to me.
#63
Making weak men cry when they treat me poorly.
No children with no desire to have any.
Mechanical inclination and a love of all things cars.
Tattoos.
Independence.
Confidence.
#65
Being traditional and old school as a woman who leans liberal.
Yes I know that used to be the status quo but nowadays people question you if you want to follow certain traditional values. Yes I have a great career but I still want to take a sabbatical if I have children, I enjoy cooking and taking care of the house and I absolutely would take my husband’s last name unless he wants to take mine. And finally, I’m only attracted to men with a provider mentality despite myself being able to provide myself.
What do you think ?
Bartlet for world domination 12 minutes ago
I think I'm very happy to have been raised by a mom who's very self sufficient and hasn't expected a girly thing from me ever.
Jane No Dough 2 hours ago
Waaaaay too repetitive! This "list" should have been 10 entries max! Maybe read them first?? AND not one of them said "I hate make-up and I won't wear it" (one said she didn't know how).
Bartlet for world domination 12 minutes ago
I think I'm very happy to have been raised by a mom who's very self sufficient and hasn't expected a girly thing from me ever.
Jane No Dough 2 hours ago
Waaaaay too repetitive! This "list" should have been 10 entries max! Maybe read them first?? AND not one of them said "I hate make-up and I won't wear it" (one said she didn't know how).
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