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“I’m Not Grounding Them! That’s Awesome!”: 40 Proud Parents Share What Made Them Discipline Their Kids But Just For Show
As children grow and change, so does their behavior. The kid who threw tantrums at two may sass you at seven, and give you major attitude at twelve.
But, according to experts, in order to understand their actions and find the best response, you need to know what the little ones are going through developmentally. This knowledge helps you discipline them without succumbing to yelling, threatening, or having a meltdown yourself.
However, as with many things in life, reality is usually more nuanced than theory. Looking to explore the grey zone of raising children, Redditor SFFChat made a post asking other platform users: "What's something that your kid has done that you pretended to be angry about but secretly impressed or amused you?" And they got plenty of replies!
From operating a "business" to kicking butts, continue scrolling to check out the most memorable ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My 3 year old dragged a chair from the lounge to the kitchen and climbed up to help herself to an icecream from the freezer, I caught her in the act and was prepared to be angry until I realized that before getting herself one, she had taken 2 out for her little brother and sister, unwrapped them and sent them out to the balcony to eat so they wouldn't make a mess. I decided she deserved the icecream.
To learn more about parents, kids, and discipline, we contacted Diana Divecha, Ph.D., who is a developmental psychologist, and an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.
Dr. Divecha told Bored Panda that everything starts with building a loving, respectful, and constructive relationship with your child.
"If your relationship is good—a 'secure attachment'—then children naturally want to collaborate and cooperate with those adult figures, and intentional 'misbehavior' becomes rare," she said.
"The best parent is also a good teacher. It helps to remember that children have not been here before; they weren't born knowing how the world works or how they should behave in it. They have to learn in small bits, and they do this mostly by observing the behavior of people around them," Dr. Divecha explained. "The root word of 'discipline' is 'discere' which means to learn, to be instructed, to be taught. Unfortunately in modern society discipline has come to mean punishment, which studies show doesn't work to change unwanted behavior but instead leads to distressing feelings like shame, avoidance, anger, etc. Of course, hitting children is completely unacceptable, harmful, and illegal in 63 countries around the world."
#2
My son who was in first grade at the time was able to convince the school that he was diabetic and needed a morning snack and afternoon snack.. I got a call from his teacher asking me to come in for a conference. When I arrived there was the nurse, teacher,principal, and a social worker. They started off by saying they didn't call the welfare because I couldn't afford the snacks but because I was putting his life in danger by not informing them and arranging with the nurse to have his sugar tested....when I told them he was not diabetic they were dumb founded and at that point called the doctor. When the nurse got off the phone she told them to go get my son and she asked him why he lied and he said Anna told me she is diabetic and that's why she gets snacks twice a day so I thought I would give it a try. Then he said its not my fault you trusted a first grader..... I could not force myself to punish him because he was right..They shouldn't have taken his word . They should have called me immediately. After I explained it all to my husband we just started busting out laughing... And I thought damn this kid is clever. I then called the school and demanded an apology which they promptly gave me and I asked what his punishment was going to be and they said they would let me know soon as they could stop laughing..... He never did get that punishment...
#3
When my brother and I were teenagers, we got onto an argument one day when we were home alone. I was running up to my room to get away from him but by the time I got to my door and started to shut it, he had braced himself against the hallway wall and stuck his foot in my doorway so the door could not be shut all the way.
I pushed and pushed until we heard a horrifying crack of a cheap hollow door. The crack was about a foot long. We looked at the clock and realized we had about an hour before my mother got home. They had recently taken a door out of the mud room, so we went to the basement (after writing and signing complete confessions of the incident incase we got caught so one of us couldn't flip it on the other), got that door, thanked sweet baby jesus the hinges were on the right side, and would have gotten away with it if she hadn't come home early. (Cue us looking super guilty holding while forcing a hinge screw in place). We did eventually finish.
When she recounted the story to my father that night, he was like, "so wait, they stopped fighting and used teamwork to reinstall the door? I'm not grounding them! That's awesome!"
Dr. Divecha highlighted four steps she thinks are worth keeping in mind when trying to help a child change a behavior:
Calm yourself. "First, staying calm helps you to think more clearly, and tune in more intuitively to your child, than if you become upset," the developmental psychologist said. "Second, it signals to the child that you are staying connected to them, that you are not breaking the relationship—kids are profoundly afraid that their parents will abandon them. Third, it signals your competence, that you can handle this, that you are not undone by their behavior, and that they are not responsible for your feelings. Everyone stays in their lanes. Fourth, your stress or calm physiology is “contagious” to your child, their body will be affected by your body. So exhale a few long breaths, soften your face, put a smile in your eyes, and begin."
Help your child to become calm. "Unless it’s a safety issue or emergency that requires immediate action, wait to process the misdeed until everyone is calm. This might mean sitting with a preschooler until big feelings blow through, or walking or playing basketball with a teenager until they’re ready to talk."
#4
My nine year old son called me into his room because he had a monster in his closet. I tell him he's too old for that kind of thing and to go back to sleep. He pleads with me to check. I open the door and turn on the light, staring back at me is some scruffy looking thing with angry eyes and I scream. It was a mirror.
I'm trying to see if I'm having a heart attack and he's laughing his troll a*s off. I'm proud of his cleverness but considered if he were too old to be left on someone's doorstep.
#5
In sixth grade, my daughter was friends with a boy who had a lot of feminine characteristics. My daughter initially got to know him because the rule in their school was that they had to remain at the table they sat at on the first day. This boy had no friends and had been sitting at the end of their table. Gradually, the girls got to know him and he was taken into their group.
While many were accepting of him wearing pink clothes and nail polish, some were not. One day, I got a call from the disciplinary superintendent at the school. He said "Mrs. Potatoisafruit, I want to preface what I'm going to say by telling you that I am obligated to call about any situation where physical violence is involved (my heart sank), but that I am by no means encouraging you to punish your daughter."
He went on to tell me that one of the boys known for bullying this particular young man had pushed him down a small flight of stairs at the school. My daughter was so angry that she ran up to the bully and kicked him as hard as she could in the shin.
She did have to apologize to the boy she kicked. We did talk about never lashing out physically, no matter how angry we were. But I was so proud of her for defending her friend.
Next, begin problem-solving together. "Be curious about what the child was trying to do," Dr. Divecha pointed out, adding that most misdeeds are simply mistakes that come from a lack of experience/knowledge, an innocent desire to experiment, or a lack of skill in expressing an otherwise legitimate feeling. "Open-ended, neutral prompts like, 'tell me about this,' or 'what's the story here?' or 'what were you trying to do?' or 'what were you feeling?' will allow them to tell their story. Let them talk and talk and talk until everything is out. Use 'mm-hmm, what else?' to keep it going."
And finally, settle on a solution together. After you find out what the story was from their perspective, you can shift the conversation and invite the child to problem-solve together. Think of phrases like 'You wanted to color on that wall, and I'd like to keep the wall clean, what could we do instead?' Or, 'you want to stay out late and I need to know you're safe, how can we manage both, what's fair?'
"Here is where you might introduce a rule, like 'it's not okay to hit someone.' Or you might help them label their feelings, like 'you felt so disappointed when your friend had to leave.' Or you might offer a strategy, like 'let's decide on a signal that you can make when you want your sister's attention instead of biting her.' Or maybe a repair is in order like cleaning up the wall together or rehearsing an apology—there's so much to learn about managing emotions. Check back with your child after some time to see how it’s going, or acknowledge their progress later when you see that they’ve improved." Dr. Divecha explained.
If, for some reason, parents think that their discipline strategy is proving to be ineffective, Dr. Divecha thinks they should regroup, reconnect with their kids, and repeat the above steps.
#6
4 year old wanted to go to the zoo. I didn't. I told him we would go to the park by the zoo, because that didn't cost any money. Then I told him I wanted to get coffee first. His response?
"Oh, so you have money for coffee?"
I was impressed with his very appropriate and timely response.
Edit: calm down people. I had money for both zoo and coffee. The problem is that my kid wants to leave the zoo after approximately 8 minutes, but still wants to go every single day. I don't like spending $40 to go to the zoo to leave after 8 minutes.
Edit 2: also, it's common knowledge among parents to not give your kids what they want all the time. Then they turn into assholes. Our main job as parents is to not have our kids turn into assholes.
#7
So my wife is out of town and I'm by myself with our four-year-old daughter and we go to the shopping mall. While there, I have to hit the mens room. So I go in the stall and park my daughter behind me so she won't see me pee and so she won't get splashed or anything.
She squeezes between my right hip and the stall while I'm peeing and checks out my junk.
"Daddy," she says, loud enough for everyone in the crowded restroom to hear. "Is that your penis?"
I hesitated for a minute, fearing that everybody in the room now thinks I'm a molester or a pervert. "Yes," I said in my instructional, responsible voice. "That's my penis."
She stares for a moment longer and asks: "Why does it have to be so ugly?"
The whole room busted up laughing.
Me 2 years ago
I am always a little confused about stuff like this. I know there are big cultural differencies, but all this "never let the children see you naked" - thing has a strange taste to me. I think children should get to know the human body and its functions in a natural way AND get taught that it is important to accept "no".
TKA 2 years ago
I think it also has to do with the parent just not being comfortable. I showered with my kids until they were maybe 3 but the kids probably never saw my husband naked at any age. He just wasn’t comfortable. (We have a daughter & son, 16 months apart)
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Ross Shaw 2 years ago
Similar-had to take my 2 yo son in to a stall while I relieved myself. He hadn't quite gotten the pronunciation of "penis" down yet, so everyone in the public restroom hears, "Daddy, why do you have fur on your pee-nus?"
Destiny Gilbert 2 years ago
It's sad that he had to fear being called a molester just because his little daughter had to be in the bathroom while he went pee, but a mom can take kids into the bathroom and use the restroom in front of them no problem.
M Rob 2 years ago
Look at the statistics of male vs female child molesters.
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Emeq-kuh 2 years ago
When my oldest daughter was 4, I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest daughter. We were at a restaurant when I had to go to the bathroom really bad, so I brought her with me. All of a sudden she yells "Are you going poop mama?!" *Everyone giggling in the very full bathroom* "Yes, baby." *My soul begins to burn with shame* "WHY DOES IT STINK MAMA?! YOUR BOOTY STINKS!" *Everyone loses it, and I contemplate living in the bathroom forever so they won't see my face*
Addicted to Haribo Goldbears 2 years ago
Yep. I'd gotten my phone out and started ordering furniture from Wayfair to fix up my new bathroom home. Cause 🎶 "Wayfair has just what you need 🎶 Maybe a lil hammock swing to hang in the stall, for when you're just sitting normally and not pooping with your stinky booty. 🤣😆😆
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🧶𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕂𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣🪡 2 years ago (edited)
I have a similar story. We watch pretty raunchy shows, in particular adult animated series that we've never censored from our son. Well, one day when my son about 4, we were doing a big shopping trip at Sam's Club and he had to go pee. It's around this time that he had started being embarrassed about coming into the ladies' room with me so my husband took him into the men's room with him. For whatever reason, THIS is the time my son decides to blurt out "what's butt sex?" My husband came out of that bathroom with my son beet red and immediately told me what happened. All I could do was burst out laughing.
Addicted to Haribo Goldbears 2 years ago
OMG LMAO 🤣 well did dad give him an answer?! I need a follow up on this!
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Sammie 19 2 years ago (edited)
Omg. My kids were 3, 2 and 1, all girls. They had started a new nursery school/daycare in 1 building. When I went to pick them up after I finished work we were getting on a very busy bus and I was struggling to find my wallet. 3 year old got on the bus and normally she knows to ask for a bus ticket for me. This time, to my horror, these words came out of her mouth to the bus driver, do you have a big p*nis or a little one. I was thinking what?! I gave him money and tried to get her and sisters and buggy to our seats. She then proceeded to shout to the driver do you have a big p*nis or a little one? I wanted to die from embarrassment. Everyone just laughed and thought it was hilarious. Driver ignored her totally. We get home and I call the nursery. Apparently for they had mixed toilets and she was intensely curious why boys looked different from girls (single mum no man in the house) teacher tried to explain and may have gone a little overboard with the explaining. 24 years later
Addicted to Haribo Goldbears 2 years ago
Oh Lordy!! I would have to walk everywhere from that day forward. I probably would've gotten off right then and walked 57-1/2 miles to my house with my red face and jaw dragging the sidewalk 💀🤣
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Addicted to Haribo Goldbears 2 years ago
Right?! That alone should've gotten her a trip to the toy store! 😂
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Amy Stone-Chandler 2 years ago
If parents hide their bodies then the children learn to think nakedness is wrong and dirty. Also, don't talk bad about your own appearance. Even if you have an "ugly penis" 😉
Trisha Howson 2 years ago
That would be embarrassing but my kids have done c**p like this in public and they are a girl's and I am there mother. Why dose it have hair on it? Or if I go #2 everyone knows
Addicted to Haribo Goldbears 2 years ago
My son, probably around 3 yo use to come in the bathroom when I was bathing and sometimes we'd shower together. He had watched me shaving my legs and when I was finished, pulled the drain plug and stood up to grab my towel. He then pointed between my legs and said "mama you missed some". We didn't shower or bathe much longer after that 😁
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Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Lololol I agree with the kid that the human bodies private parts are not actually pretty for either sex. Which is why I find societies current obsession with them to be pretty pathetic. (Yes I am married with kids of my own. Most people who have changed as many dirty diapers as I have usually agree with the kid.)
Amanda Russell 2 years ago
Unfortunately American parents can't differentiate between nudity and sex. They also are cripplingly terrified of their kids becoming sexual beings so they avoid the topic at all costs and wig the hell out at anything even remotely sexual ..even if it's entirely innocent
Ata 2 years ago
My kids(8M,9F, and a baby) see me naked since they were very little. I explained to them why Mommy has a pad, why mommy has a squishy belly lol, what this and that is for because I wouldn't want anybody else explaining it the wrong way. And I also always teach them about "if someone touches them here or there and if they try to scare them"... I tell my son sometimes in a funny and surprised way "Baby, you're gonna let me see you naked?😲😲" and he says "that's ok, you're my mother and you also shower me sometimes". Smart!
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
To anyone asking why it can be uncomfortable to be naked around your own children: neither my husband nor I mind them SEEING our anatomy (I'd draw the line at seeing us being intimate), but they're not even 2 yet and are learning body parts by pointing and touching (nose, foot etc.). I dare you to spend comfortable naked time with your daughters once one of them put her toothbrush uncomfortably close to your buttcrack when you were towelling yourself dry, because she was interested in what was wobbling there. Her twin sister grabbed my pubic hair out of the blue. I had run into their room because one of them was screaming after hitting her head, picked up Screamy McScream, and then screamed myself.
Raccoon Queen 2 years ago
I have many childhood stories of me saying s**t and everyone laughing.
Mohamed Fuath 2 years ago
A man should not see another man nude,neither share a bed,likewise BTW women,children should not see their parents nude,if you pee,go alone
#8
My daughter got in trouble in kindergarten for selling pencils to other kids. She was charging kids a quarter, the school charged 50 cents. I was pretty impressed
However, the developmental psychologist agrees that "sometimes children's naïve candor is refreshing and amusing to an adult, or sometimes it’s even cathartic when the child does something you wish you could do."
But we should keep it to ourselves. "Your amusement can be misconstrued as coming at their expense and can create feelings of humiliation or shame in a child. If your words say one thing but your expression says another, kids get confused and you just muddle the message and make a bigger problem. Younger kids will drive a train through your ambiguity, and older kids will disrespect you for the hypocrisy," she warned.
#9
My 8 year old girl was being bullied by two boys at her school.
So she took them both down. Put one in a choke hold (briefly) and the other kid ran. Surprise bi***es, she's being doing Brazilian jujitsu since she was five!
Anyway she came home and told me she took both boys out. When I looked at her in astonishment she said
"Don't worry though! I did it on the grass and not the concrete!"
I was amused and hella impressed. A year later and she is now best friends with one of the boys. :D
#10
My daughter started wearing glasses at the age of 2. She has a very bad astigmatism which requires a very thick lens. Kids being kids tease her about it but a few of the girls in her class get pretty mean. Last year my daughter was using the bathroom at school when one of the girls that bully her popped her head under the toilet and my daughter kicked her in the face and busted the other girl's nose. The school tried to actually suspend my daughter. Called me at work and I had to take the rest of the day off to get her home. She was balling when I got there and of course the other parents were there and f*****g livid. They wanted to actually suspend her for a week until she was asked why she did it and she said that it's not polite to watch people pee. The principal knew then that she would never be able to contest it but still tried to give her disciplinary action and was sent home early and was told to apologize to the other kid. They brought the other kid in with her parents and before the principal could even say anything my daughter looked at the other kid's mother intensely and said "you don't know how to be a good mommy and you made a bad kid" and stormed out. I gave the parents a "she's right, ya know" and proceeded to follow her out the door. I had to pretend to be mad, because you don't hit people, but many ice creams were had that day.
Chicken Nugget 2 years ago
I hate it when the victims are punished instead of the actual bullies!!!!
#11
Stick wars. Third grade stick wars.
The school had a strict policy against pretending to use guns and pretending to play soldier. My son was passionate about the military.
The school was undergoing landscape renovations and had lots of giant dirt piles just off the playground.
My son decides to initiate war games anyway. They find sticks that vaguely resemble guns. Various kids are various ranks. This kid was a corporal. That kid was a major. So on. They'd go on patrols.
The first graders wanted to play but they were deemed too little.
The fifth grades start picking on them. Sneaking up behind and smacking them with sticks. Making fun of them. And so on.
My son gets tired of it. So. Being the colonel he recruits first graders and puts them through boot camp. They all become privates.
They stage an assault on the fifth graders.
My son leads a patrol directly into fifth grader territory. The fifth graders step up.
My son yells, "ATAAAAAAACCK!!!" and suddenly the fifth graders are flanked on their left and right by tons of kids hiding behind the dirt piles.
The fifth graders start getting pelted with dirt clods while little kids run up smacking them with sticks.
***
I had to have a big meeting. He explained all the details to me in front of the principal. So hard not to laugh.
Whodathunkit 2 years ago
My kids loved playing airsoft when they were younger (my oldest is 27 now). The whole neighborhood would get together. They would wear camouflage and have tactical gear. We had a lot of woods and a stream. They'd set up base camps etc. It was really fun for them! They did understand that real war isn't fun... their dad was in Iraq twice with the army. They understood it was hard. But...kids getting together..organizing, communicating, playing and being outside. I think it was good. Nowadays a kid can get shot for carrying a fake gun. At some point- when my younger kids were older- I wouldn't let them carry their airsoft guns on the street to get to the neighbor's house. After the rash of school shootings their innocence was lost. Plying with toy guns became taboo...which I understand. Still, the neighborhood fun is a fond memory.
#12
When I was maybe 4 or 5 my parents got a betta fish. I named it Shimmer and year or so later it died, so we got another one. I wanted to named him Shimmer too but my parents told me that's bad because you don't name things after things that died.
I proceeded to inform them that they'd named me after my dead great grandmother. They let me name the fish Shimmer.
#13
Ok, so not my kid but my significantly younger sibling. When she was a young toddler, the family was out to dinner and she accidentally dropped her fork on the ground. As a reflex that she undoubtedly picked up from my mom, she shouted out "S**T!" Clearly, the entire restaurant heard her. My mom was mortified and immediately tried to repair the situation. "No! No, baby! That's not what we say. What do we say?" she responded, I assume hoping for an "uh oh" or an "oops" or maybe even a "sorry." But my sister took a moment to think this one through. She dug down deep into her recollection of what mommy would say in that situation, and responded with a clear and resounding "F**K!"
#14
My son was 2 at the time.
He bumped into his 1 year old sister and knocked her over, said "oh s**t," then patted her on the back and said "sorry."
My son has high-functioning autism and is mostly non-verbal. I had a serious internal struggle with telling him not to say that word because that is still, nearly 2 years later, the closest to a legit sentence he's said.
Edit: wow! Totally expected this to get buried in the void! Thank you for the responses and upboats!
To clairify, I didn't reprimand him. My husband and I just couldn't bring ourselves to do it. He was in the midst of Early Steps and being over-the-top encouraged to communicate and we didn't want to compromise that in any way so we actually clapped and praised him for being sweet to his sister.
He now has 2 little sisters and goes out of his way to give them snacks and cups first and is an amazing helper. He's nonviolent so they're starting him in big boy head start in 2 weeks :)
I was terrified of labeling him and having him put in a box and teachers not trying to teach him things because he "has autism and doesn't understand." At his meeting with the school board, he was found to only have a mild cognitive delay and moderate-severe speech delay. Now they have it in writing from their own people that he understands pretty well, he just lacks communication skills.
He can even write 3 out of the 4 letters of his name at 3 1/2 :)
#15
My 16 year old son and his buddies decided to call their dodgeball team "Snipe" so that they could "accidentally" stand in front of the whole school with their lettered t-shirts spelling out "Penis." Such a proud mom, I was!
#16
I blocked YouTube on the Ipad. I was a little worried my kid might see some stuff on YouTube not intended for a 5 year old. My 5 year old found a work-around by starting up Angry Birds, clicking on the Angry Birds Cartoons, then browsing to his favorite YouTuber using the Voice Search function.
I have to say, that's brighter than most adults I've seen. He dealt with bypassing Password protection and his own inability to write using the speech function. That's amazing!
#17
When my daughter was 6, a boy in school was bullying her. He was confronting her one day, in front of his buddies, and said, "I bet you don't have the nerve to kick me in the nuts."
She did. We got a call from the school. My ex and I had to stifle laughter while making to the principal. We exploded once we were outside, then had to rein it in once we met up with our daughter. Heh.
The kid who was bullying her left her alone after that.
#18
I think it was second grade when my daughter's teacher took me aside at school pick up time to have a serious conversation about my daughter's behavior in class. Apparently they had discussed Christopher Columbus and my kid had called out every single thing that the teacher said that was wrong (we aren't fan of Christopher Columbus in our house).
I worked really hard on keeping a straight face, and then I noticed that the teacher was expecting me to give my kid a talking to. So I turned to her and said, "Remember how I said sometimes you have to just think things in your head and not say them? This is like that."
It was the best I could do, but I was lying. Good on her for calling that teacher out for trying to teach that b******t.
#19
My 12 year old daughter had a crush on a boy from her class. He sent out a group text to about two dozen kids in her grade with a list of girls he would never date and why. Next to my daughters name he wrote "fat pig". Fortunately, the kids in the text called him out, calling him rude and a jerk.
Then my daughter chimed in. My sweet, kind hearted, gentle baby girl told this kid, "Go eat a bag of d***s you piece of s**t. If you don't like the way I look then don't look at me you c**t."
I was floored. I mean, she's heard me cuss like a sailor her whole life so I know where she heard it from. Another parent called me and alerted me to the group text. She got her phone taken away and a lecture about not stooping to a douchebags level. Real talk though, I was so proud of her for shutting that fool down. According to the other kids, he was always respectful to my daughter after that.
Mattewis88 2 years ago
I've known real dickheads who never cuss ("because it's rude/unladylike etc.") honestly, as long as my kid is a good person, who cares about an f-bomb among others?
#20
I took my daughter to her first movie in the theater -- Frozen. She was 4 at the time, and she did really well mostly staying quiet and watching the movie, so I was super proud of her. The only time she really talked at all was to ask me about things she didn't understand, and quietly at that. So it was a shock, when the major twist came and Hans revealed his plan to murder Elsa, and my daughter finally took the opportunity to speak loudly enough for the surrounding few rows of the theater to hear:
"He's a DOUCHEBAG!"
#21
I've told this story before, but:
> **Middle kid (8):** "MUUUUUM! DAAAAD! <Youngest> TIPPED HIS WATER ON MY LUNCH!"
>
> **Youngest (5):** "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"
>
> **Middle Kid:** "WAS NOT!"
>
> **Youngest:** "IT WAS SO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"
>
> **Eldest (10, chipping in for the first time):** "How could it possibly have been an accident? You tipped your drink over her lunch while saying 'I now declare this sandwich officially... wet.'"
SO HARD to yell at him without laughing. I had to give up and let my wife do it.
#22
My son was three. My husband still laughs at this. I forget why I made the cake, I have a penchant for randomly making cake for folks or to practice my decorating skills to prep for making my sons inevitable fancy birthday cake each year.
So I made a cake. And then had to go to the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom and we hear a :crash:! I come bolting out of the bathroom, my husband comes bolting out of the computer room, I stupidly presumed I had pushed the cake back far enough that the kid couldn't reach it.
We step into the kitchen and see the cake and it's plate on the floor, and half of it gone, and no kid anywhere. NOWHERE. So we're freaking out. Searching all over. part of me pissed because I had spent all this time making this cake, decorating little marzipan chess pieces on it, etc etc and the little s**t had gone for it.
My husband tells me he thinks he found him. Under the futon. I get down to my knees and look and there he is, this totally guilty look on his face and half the cake clutched to his chest, shoveling cake in his face as fast as he possibly can before we can think to take it away from him. It was hilarious in it's sheer cartoonish-ness. I was so so so pissed though because the cake was destroyed and I hadn't even taken pictures yet.
But to this day we can't help but think of it now and then when he asks for cake - he's now almost 12 - and we tell him 'Sure, so long as you don't take it under the futon" He remains to this day, confused and we refuse to tell him.
#23
Today, my seven year old son was upset about losing two games in a row of Go Fish. I have been working on his sportsmanship for a while now, and I was disappointed in his attitude. Trying to coax him back to the table and continue the lesson, I said, "Best three out of five?"
Without missing a beat the tears stopped, and with an intensity usually reserved for a fight weigh in, he spun 'round, gave me a steely-eyed glare and said, "No Dad. We're going to settle this the old fashioned way." He rolled up a sleeve, popped his elbow on the table and presented an arm ready for an epic arm wrestling. I nearly lost it, and I didn't want to indulge this, but I did. With his little sister's help, they were 'victorious' and teased me mercilessly for the next hour. I had to excuse myself for a good giggle after.
#24
My son was 2 years old when he got his first pair of eyeglasses. At first he resisted wearing them until he realized he could see properly for the first time in his life.
A few days into wearing his glasses, I brought home a 5 pound bag of individually wrapped chocolates that I was planning on taking to the office in a few days. He had gone upstairs to his toyroom and he was being way too quiet for too long. I went up there and he was surrounded by wrappers, covered in chocolate. Half the bag was gone, and he was so proud of himself: "Mommy, I not need help to open them, so I not had to ask!" It was the first time he had been able to see where to pull to open the wrappers. I was so happy that he could finally see that I couldn't be angry.
I had to tell him that he still needed to ask permission to take the candy, even if he didn't need help opening it anymore. The punishment was his bellyache. Kid's lactose intolerant.
#25
I did not give birth to them, but I have raised my two nephews as my own, full time, for the past ten years, I'm almost twenty five now, they are fifteen and twelve, and I swear, they are both little scientists. My oldest built a rocket out of fireworks and remote control car parts for the science fair which he successfully launched into our corn field when he was in junior high, home made fart bombs ( principal called on that one ), countless Rube Goldberg machines which destroyed my kitchen, my husband's study and workshop, then there was my youngest. His multiple baking soda volcanos which he figured he could use the same method to create a puking monster, his remote helicopter "flying fox" bat, and passing out Harry Potter jelly beans at school on test day. I really love my boys.
#26
My five year old roommate yelled at his mother "I'm so mad I'm going to poop in YOUR pants!"
#27
My daughter figured out manipulation at age four.
As we were leaving a theme park, pretty worn out, she looked at my husband and said "Daddy, I bet you can't carry me all the way to the car"
#28
It was actually my nephew, but a few years ago (back when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade), his class was learning about onomatopoeia and the teacher was asking the children if they knew any. Apparently, my nephew raised his hand and said "I know one!" and then he farted.
#29
Put a hole in the wall of my room. Repaired it by painting the back side of some photo paper and gluing it to the wall. My dad was fairly upset when he found it about 2 years later, but later admitted that my McGyver repair job was impressive.
#30
I overheard my dad saying he was secretly proud of something I did in school. It's school photo day and what happened is we go in small groups and have our picture taken then the wizard photographers put it all together, I got myself in two of the groups and ended up in the final photo twice.
#31
I was sending my daughter to bed and she was being difficult as four year olds do so I was using an angry but not quite yelling tone. She proceeded to inform me that she found my tone unacceptable and she would rather I not speak to her that way.
I had to explain to her that she is four and if she feels I am hurting her feelings she should tell me but in a respectful way, but really I was kind of being an a*s cause I just wanted some goddamn quiet time and I was impressed she called me out on it.
#32
In my case, I was one of the kids impressing their parents.
My cousin, my brother, and I, all around 10 years old, were walking around a farm about half a mile away from our grandparents' house. It used to have lots of pigs but at the moment only four dogs that guarded the farm were there, living inside tiny cages where they probably stayed most of the time. We found the key to the cages, "freed" all the dogs and wrote some cheesy line like "FREEDOM TO ALL THE ANIMALS" in childish handwriting on a wall with a purple desinfectant spray we found.
Turns out the farm belonged to a close friend of our grandma and since one of the dogs decided to follow us we got caught very quickly. We had to go to the owners' house and apologize and we were grounded for the rest of the summer, but last year (like 10 years later) my parents actually told us they were very proud and impressed!
Brandon Marlowe 2 years ago
Good for you, your cousin and your brother. Animal advocacy is a noble calling. Those dogs "living inside tiny cages where they probably stayed most of the time" at least had a little taste of freedom.
#33
My brothers dad is an alcoholic. He was grounded from absolutely everything at his dad's house and one night my mom took him to dinner to talk about what's been going on. She got a call from his dad. His dad asked her to ask him where his laptop was. He said under the bed. When he went in to look for it he found my brother had took all the alcohol he had in the house and poured it on his bed. When my mom asked why he did it, he said "well if he can drink it all day then he might as well sleep in it too." My mom didn't know whether to be angry or proud.
#34
There was a guy staying with my MIL around the time my little one was 3-4. This guy was completely taking advantage of MIL, psychologically abusing her, terrorizing her, etc. One day my tiny child said to him out of the blue, "I don't like you. You are not my friend. I hate you. I hate you!"
#35
Normal morning rushing around trying to get ready to go out for the day, I notice my daughter playing in her room and generally delaying getting ready for our days adventures. I shout through to her, " You'd better not be making a mess, I want everything off the floor please" i wasn't even mad when I saw her results...
http://imgur.com/zLF23w4
#36
I can speak for my mom by telling the story of my sister and I playing with her bright red lipstick.
My sister and I were about 4 and 5 at the time, watching Peter Pan in our parents' room while they were watching TV or whatever downstairs. My sister and I had seen the movie a bazillion times before and would play along with the movie, singing the songs and just acting silly.
I wanted to be Tiger Lily. I convinced my sister that to look like Tiger Lily, we could use our mom's lipstick to paint ourselves red (thank you, Disney racism). So we go into the bathroom and lock the door, which we were strictly forbidden from doing, and covered our entire faces in lipstick. Even our ears. We were thorough.
Because we likely knew we would get into trouble for what we were doing, we were being really quiet. This was a red flag for our parents, and it wasn't long before our mom was calling up to us to ask what we were doing. Apparently responding, "nothing!" in unison is another red flag.
Our mom came upstairs and tried to come into the bathroom, but we had locked the door, so she told us in her angry mother voice to unlock the door immediately. When we did, she couldn't even imagine what she was going to open the door to. She said years later that it took all her willpower to not laugh when she saw what we'd done and found out why.
#37
Last night while at a restaurant, she loudly sang a song she made up about her vagina.
#38
My son will scowl at me instead of doing what I told him to do. He thinks it's a scary face. It's more of an annoyed pout. And it's adorable. But he can't know that.
#39
Not my story but a friend's and I think it's hillarious:
The family was invited to dinner at their friends' house who also had a daughter around the same age. They had a lovely evening and a few glasses of wine. On their way home - oh s**t - police - stop&search. Where we are from the police always asks if you have had something to drink and the law is very strict about drinking&driving. It's really easy to loose your license with a glass of wine.
The officer had picked them for a random breath test...which the dad (who was driving) failed. He tried to defend himself: "I didn't drink, Sir. There must be something wrong with the machine. Try it on my daughter if you don't believe me." My friend told me that his dad has no idea why the hell he made that suggestion. The 5-year-old daughter was sleeping in the backseat, they gently woke her and she actually took a breath test. And BOOM, the result was positive. The officer was now convinced that his machine wasn't working properly, appologized to the family and let them drive off. Mum & dad were completely puzzled but they just thought they had had a lot of luck that night.
Back at home the friends with whom they had spent the evening called and told them: "Guess what, I just found a half emptied bottle of egg liqueur in my daughter's room. Seems like the girls had a little party of their own." So, the kid actually was drunk while taking the breath test.
Tl;dr 5-year-old saved her dad's driving license by getting wasted.
Fish Fingers 2 years ago
Drink driving with a five year old in the car, and you call that hilarious?
#40
I live with my dad and my 9 year old daughter. I sometimes go to the gym at night and tell my daughter to brush her teeth while I'm gone. When I get back she shows me a video on our tablet of her brushing her teeth as proof. A few days ago I realized that her hairstyle was slightly different in the video, and I figured out that she had simply prerecorded herself brushing her teeth in several different outfits. While I was fairly impressed at this, I kept a straight face and explained to her that when I was a kid, grandpa would beat me savagely with a set of jumper cables whenever I didn't brush my teeth. Since then she's been brushing several times a day on her own.
What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
When I was about 7, I asked, "Why didn't they just check Jesus's pulse?" in religion class. Mom looked very serious when she came to talk to the nun about it... then on the way home, she got me a chocolate bar and said i'd make a good nurse. I'm an MD now. :-)
Rowan/Vin 2 years ago
When I was 2 nearly 3 I phoned 999 and my parents were like, don't do that unless it's an emergency. Welllll a couple weeks later my mum fell when we were playing hide and seek and she dislocated her knee and smashed her head off a table. Cue me coming in shaking her and then deeming this an emergency and calling 999. All I said was mummy is sleeping and she won't wake up but they tracked the phone and kicked down the door. Pice and paramedics come in. I. Was. Butt. A*s. Naked! God save me if my friends find out
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Good for you! :-) Butt naked or not, you saved your mom.
Load More Replies...
Xenon 2 years ago (edited)
Im the kid in this story. When I was about four, my mother had given me an old purse to play with. It had a chain handle. One day a bully had my brother on the ground in our gravel driveway and was beating the tar out of him. I patiently filled that purse up with gravel then took a mighty four year old swing and knocked the snot out of the six year old beating my brother up. Didn't say anything to our parents, just went back to playing. Later that high the doorbell rang. Dad answered, I heard something about your kid hit mine as I walked over to Dad. Still sniffling bully points at me and yells "That's the kid!". The father looks at my 30 pound self in a pink nightgown and just looks incredulous, snorts and stalks off.
Tiffany Spence 2 years ago
When my little girl was 4 she *loved* balloons, like more than the average child, so for her birthday we had a massive balloon drop. After dinner she was going to visit her great-grandmother for a bit and wanted to take *alllllll* the balloons. My partner and I said she could take one. Without missing a beat she grabbed three balloons and"okay, one for you, one for you, and one for me" with a big grin on her face. I almost corrected her, but stopped. She got her three balloons.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Kids are hilarious. I have to hold my tongue every time when one of them does something funny and naughty and just be like *serious face* "that was super naughty don't do that again."
Daffodil 2 years ago
I have a little brother and same! He's learning how to rhyme, so the other day he said "Duck f**k f**k duck" and when we told him not to say that, he said "Do you know why I'm saying that? Because I f****d two ducks!" It was very hard for my mom to tell him not to say that without laughing her a*s off
Load More Replies...
Lee Banks 2 years ago
In first grade, my mom got called by the principal to have a three way meeting with my teacher. I have only the vaguest recollection, but apparently led a small protest in gym class because the teacher would always let the boys have first pick on the kickballs, and I called it out as sexist. Both teacher and principal apologized, and corrected their ways, but asked that I bring any future concerns to them before organizing six year olds. Mama raised me right.
Charlie Spring Heartstopper 2 years ago
Yes she sure did. Calling out bs and protesting it is very impressive.
Load More Replies...
Nicoll Cope 2 years ago
I have one about my youngest brother. He was 3 I think, and my mom always let him sit on the center console of the car while my parents loaded groceries in the trunk, because I was in the backseat watching him. My dad ran the buggy back to the corral and got in the car while my mom was rearranging groceries. My brother was pissed about something, probably that he didn't get a toy or candy, so he's sitting there with his arms crossed. My mom leaned down to grab him to put him in his car seat, and he looked straight at her and goes "stupid b***h." That's what my mom says when she's pissed about someone doing something dumb on the road, like slamming on their brakes to make a turn or cutting her off in a tight spot. Me and my dad were crammed on the other side of the car making ourselves as small as we could and trying not to laugh. As soon as mom took him inside though, we were doubled over laughing.
NY Redneck 2 years ago
My sister had serious health issues years ago so I raised my now 20yr old nephew for the first 10yrs of his life. He was about 11 playing a game on his laptop and got stuck in a glitch that wouldn't let him move forward. He spent a solid 10 minutes pounding on the "up" key and screaming like a maniac. I offered numerous times to help and suggested he try moving left or right, instead of just forward. After almost 15 more minutes of him ignoring me as I tell him to try moving left or right, he gets extra pissy and stands up, knocking the chair back onto the floor, picks up his laptop, takes a step left to the next seat, slams his laptop back down and again slams his finger down on the forward key a few more times. He then looks at me with a combination of rage and "I told you so" and says "SEE! HOW WAS MOVING LEFT OR RIGHT GONNA HELP?!?" I reached past him and hit the "left" key on his keyboard and wouldn't ya know it? Fixed the problem. All I could do was hug him and hope for the best.
Sarah Easton 2 years ago
I took my niece who loves dinosaurs to a dinosaur event. She was allowed to get one thing from the gift shop before we left, and of course she wanted everything. At one point, she tried to convince me that I wanted one of the toys so that I'd buy both that one and another one that she picked out for herself. I thought it was pretty clever for a 4 year old, but I didn't give in. She was learning a very important lesson in decision making that day, otherwise, I may have bought the extra toy.
KimB 2 years ago
I'm an only child and my mom stayed at home, apparently when I was about 3 I used to love to watch the talk shows on daytime tv... she was getting ready to go out and was putting on her make up and I asked her why she was doing that. She replied to make her self pretty. She said I told her she has a self image problem and should talk to someone about it! No more talk shows for me! Lol she said my dad almost fell of his chair laughing when she told him : D
alithenewmc 1 year ago
June 2022, leaving my son's JK end-of-year celebration, and it's HOT. Like 45 degrees and humid. Because of all the cars being there for the celebration, we had parked down the street at a plaza (it was way too hot to walk from home, like usual, and I get sick from the heat). So we're walking back to the car with my sweet little 4 year old, who's sipping on his juice box when he said "Ugh it's so f*****g hot!" slurrrrrp "GOD! I love fruit punch!" I had to stop walking and turn around so he wouldn't see me laughing- he said it exactly how I would and the glare from my husband only made me laugh harder.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
When I was about 7, I asked, "Why didn't they just check Jesus's pulse?" in religion class. Mom looked very serious when she came to talk to the nun about it... then on the way home, she got me a chocolate bar and said i'd make a good nurse. I'm an MD now. :-)
Rowan/Vin 2 years ago
When I was 2 nearly 3 I phoned 999 and my parents were like, don't do that unless it's an emergency. Welllll a couple weeks later my mum fell when we were playing hide and seek and she dislocated her knee and smashed her head off a table. Cue me coming in shaking her and then deeming this an emergency and calling 999. All I said was mummy is sleeping and she won't wake up but they tracked the phone and kicked down the door. Pice and paramedics come in. I. Was. Butt. A*s. Naked! God save me if my friends find out
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Good for you! :-) Butt naked or not, you saved your mom.
Load More Replies... Xenon 2 years ago (edited)
Im the kid in this story. When I was about four, my mother had given me an old purse to play with. It had a chain handle. One day a bully had my brother on the ground in our gravel driveway and was beating the tar out of him. I patiently filled that purse up with gravel then took a mighty four year old swing and knocked the snot out of the six year old beating my brother up. Didn't say anything to our parents, just went back to playing. Later that high the doorbell rang. Dad answered, I heard something about your kid hit mine as I walked over to Dad. Still sniffling bully points at me and yells "That's the kid!". The father looks at my 30 pound self in a pink nightgown and just looks incredulous, snorts and stalks off.
Tiffany Spence 2 years ago
When my little girl was 4 she *loved* balloons, like more than the average child, so for her birthday we had a massive balloon drop. After dinner she was going to visit her great-grandmother for a bit and wanted to take *alllllll* the balloons. My partner and I said she could take one. Without missing a beat she grabbed three balloons and"okay, one for you, one for you, and one for me" with a big grin on her face. I almost corrected her, but stopped. She got her three balloons.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Kids are hilarious. I have to hold my tongue every time when one of them does something funny and naughty and just be like *serious face* "that was super naughty don't do that again."
Daffodil 2 years ago
I have a little brother and same! He's learning how to rhyme, so the other day he said "Duck f**k f**k duck" and when we told him not to say that, he said "Do you know why I'm saying that? Because I f****d two ducks!" It was very hard for my mom to tell him not to say that without laughing her a*s off
Load More Replies... Lee Banks 2 years ago
In first grade, my mom got called by the principal to have a three way meeting with my teacher. I have only the vaguest recollection, but apparently led a small protest in gym class because the teacher would always let the boys have first pick on the kickballs, and I called it out as sexist. Both teacher and principal apologized, and corrected their ways, but asked that I bring any future concerns to them before organizing six year olds. Mama raised me right.
Charlie Spring Heartstopper 2 years ago
Yes she sure did. Calling out bs and protesting it is very impressive.
Load More Replies... Nicoll Cope 2 years ago
I have one about my youngest brother. He was 3 I think, and my mom always let him sit on the center console of the car while my parents loaded groceries in the trunk, because I was in the backseat watching him. My dad ran the buggy back to the corral and got in the car while my mom was rearranging groceries. My brother was pissed about something, probably that he didn't get a toy or candy, so he's sitting there with his arms crossed. My mom leaned down to grab him to put him in his car seat, and he looked straight at her and goes "stupid b***h." That's what my mom says when she's pissed about someone doing something dumb on the road, like slamming on their brakes to make a turn or cutting her off in a tight spot. Me and my dad were crammed on the other side of the car making ourselves as small as we could and trying not to laugh. As soon as mom took him inside though, we were doubled over laughing.
NY Redneck 2 years ago
My sister had serious health issues years ago so I raised my now 20yr old nephew for the first 10yrs of his life. He was about 11 playing a game on his laptop and got stuck in a glitch that wouldn't let him move forward. He spent a solid 10 minutes pounding on the "up" key and screaming like a maniac. I offered numerous times to help and suggested he try moving left or right, instead of just forward. After almost 15 more minutes of him ignoring me as I tell him to try moving left or right, he gets extra pissy and stands up, knocking the chair back onto the floor, picks up his laptop, takes a step left to the next seat, slams his laptop back down and again slams his finger down on the forward key a few more times. He then looks at me with a combination of rage and "I told you so" and says "SEE! HOW WAS MOVING LEFT OR RIGHT GONNA HELP?!?" I reached past him and hit the "left" key on his keyboard and wouldn't ya know it? Fixed the problem. All I could do was hug him and hope for the best.
Sarah Easton 2 years ago
I took my niece who loves dinosaurs to a dinosaur event. She was allowed to get one thing from the gift shop before we left, and of course she wanted everything. At one point, she tried to convince me that I wanted one of the toys so that I'd buy both that one and another one that she picked out for herself. I thought it was pretty clever for a 4 year old, but I didn't give in. She was learning a very important lesson in decision making that day, otherwise, I may have bought the extra toy.
KimB 2 years ago
I'm an only child and my mom stayed at home, apparently when I was about 3 I used to love to watch the talk shows on daytime tv... she was getting ready to go out and was putting on her make up and I asked her why she was doing that. She replied to make her self pretty. She said I told her she has a self image problem and should talk to someone about it! No more talk shows for me! Lol she said my dad almost fell of his chair laughing when she told him : D
alithenewmc 1 year ago
June 2022, leaving my son's JK end-of-year celebration, and it's HOT. Like 45 degrees and humid. Because of all the cars being there for the celebration, we had parked down the street at a plaza (it was way too hot to walk from home, like usual, and I get sick from the heat). So we're walking back to the car with my sweet little 4 year old, who's sipping on his juice box when he said "Ugh it's so f*****g hot!" slurrrrrp "GOD! I love fruit punch!" I had to stop walking and turn around so he wouldn't see me laughing- he said it exactly how I would and the glare from my husband only made me laugh harder.
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