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Maybe it's their tendency to abuse substances or rude behavior towards waiters, but red flags in a relationship are indicators that something needs to be questioned. However, our mind sometimes talks itself into disregarding what our intuition is picking up on.

So when Reddit user Loxomednurmusci asked everyone on the platform to share the biggest dating warning signs that many ignore way too often, people were quick to reply. Most adults are still skeptical of whether algorithms can predict love, so we can't neglect our social skills.

#1

30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner “My ex just left one day out of the blue. I came home and her stuff was gone”.

Ladies if you hear this, run.
Abusers know they can’t say my ex was crazy nowadays. This is the new version of it. The woman likely had to flee for safety. Her family members likely had to protect her after fleeing. There’s a reason he couldn’t find her after she left.

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    #2

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Cruelty to animals.

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    User# 6
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not a red flag, that's an arrestable offence and an invitation to a damned good pummeling.

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    #3

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If his friends are racist, sexist, homophobic, etc, but he claims he's not like them.... He is exactly like them, he just learned to hide it better.

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    That One
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not necessarily. He might just be spineless. Which is a different red flag. But still a red flag. So yeah, definitely a nope.

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    #4

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Insults masked as joking
    “Oh that’s just his sense of humor..” No. He’s just disguising his honesty with jokes.

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a form of gaslighting. I'm not a rude, obnoxious arsehole, you just don't have a sense of humor.

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    #5

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If the other person doesn’t exhibit some level of curiosity about you. When there’s chemistry, you want to know more about the other person because you find them interesting. If you find yourself carrying the conversation, trying to learn about the other person but they show no interest in learning about you, then it’s a sure sign that there’s no compatibility. Don’t take it personally—no one can be everyone’s cup of tea and it’s better to know that from the beginning.

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    #6

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When they are rude to everyone but you, big red flag

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    #7

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner They unsettle you. There's a nagging instinct urging you to keep your distance, even though they appear fine on the surface. An internal conflict arises. Don't dismiss this feeling as a flaw in your character or a result of past traumas. If your intuition is screaming at you to flee, heed its warning no matter how 'alright' the other person may seem. Ignoring it will only amplify the persistent unease, making it increasingly challenging to leave the person.

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    #8

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If it bothers you now, it will surely bother you later, only way worse. Lol.

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    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nobody is perfect. I ignore little things bothering me all the time when I interact anybody. How else can we exist together but this way? If I want her as a partner it's a must to glass over her sloppiness or questionable taste of music because she's much more than these things.

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    #9

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Love bombing! Learn to identify it and then DON’T ignore it. It’s not love - it’s a con.

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    Deb Johnston
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Very short lived relationship that I was love bombed. I was a recently divorced single mom. I'm glad I wised up. The guy was a true narcissist. He's still in our friend group. He's had 3 marriages, and I have lost count on the engagements.

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    #10

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Not being polite to service workers.

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    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That tells me about everything I need to know about the other person--date, friend, family, boss. If that's how they behave towards service workers, what am I worth, eh? I USED to be a service worker, and dealt with two-legged jackasses on a regular basis. With very few exceptions, I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone.

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    #11

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When they can't attribute their own fault or shortcoming to a single problem they face in life. Today, it's their parents or boss. Tomorrow it will be you.

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    #12

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner He hadn't actually told his ex they were broken up, just that they needed to "take a break." I should have taken a break too at that point.

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    #13

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious

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    Max Fox
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is important, and a reason to avoid a romantic relationship without either person being wrong.

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    #14

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When people ignore the fact the other person dont put in effort.

    It always buffles me how many people jumping through hoops while getting nothing in return...

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    El Dee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Society has, in fact, sometimes even reinforced this behaviour..

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    #15

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Person already being in a relationship

    Like, you think this person that’s cheating on their partner will suddenly turn into a person that you can trust is some funny s**t.

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    Headless Horseman
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Awww but he CHOSE ME over THAT PERSON. i must be special!!" Oh honey. There will always be someone more special to a cheater.

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    #16

    "All of my exes are b****** or aholes." What's the common denominator here? *you*.

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    Tara L.
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also applies to friends, if they can't keep friends & they complain about all their ex friends being horrible....it's not their friends that are horrible, it's themselves.

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    #17

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When they s**t talk every ex.

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    #18

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Little care when in the wrong, never showing any accountability for basically anything.

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    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I spent five miserable years with someone just like that. One junior college class of Psychology 101, and he was Sigmund Freud. Nothing was ever his fault: the fender bender (not watching the road), losing his job (slacking off), going into debt (used credit cards like they were going to be outlawed at midnight). If I had only known early on, I would have avoided him like what you find in a stockyard.

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    #20

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Love is blind. So blind, that people are often willing to overlook small differences in values and/or needs because it might not matter much in the beginning of a relationship and see it as a "necessary compromise and love will conquer all", but oftentimes those little differences will become huge problems later in the relationship (most often when children becomes part of the equation).

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    C.O. Shea
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I apply this to platonic friendship as well. It saves a lot of drama.

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    #21

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Constantly cancelling because their entire life is so busy. Like, on Saturday evenings?

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    Mrx Mrx
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    k. Sorry, that I'm a healthcare worker with night shifts and weekend duty.

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    #22

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Little white lies should be one of the higher ones in this list. You see them lie to other people or family without a second thought, even about stupid stuff. Trust me, it only gets bigger and worse as time goes on.

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think you're using that term the correct way. A "white lie" is one to protect a person's feeling, spare them sadness, etc. A white lie is done for the feeling of someone other than yourself. Lying is about protecting the person lying. White lie does not equal small lie.

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    #23

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Find out your date has his own photos as phone background.. Just run!

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    #24

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If he has a burner phone, run

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    Aidan Campbell
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A burner phone is a prepaid mobile phone that is typically used for temporary or anonymous communication. It can be easily purchased without requiring identification or a contract, and can be used without providing personal information. Burner phones are often associated with maintaining privacy or anonymity, such as for temporary use in situations like travel, business, or personal security.

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    #25

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Their relationship history. Specifically cheating.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once a cheater... I'm always amazed at how many people are surprised by partners cheating, when they started out having an affair where said partner was already with somebody else. They did it to their ex, they'll do it to you.

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    #27

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Mistaking outer beauty for inner beauty..

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    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And yet we still see it sooo much... and it's supported in media, in games, etc. etc. etc... "beauty equals goodness" - a pretty girl rips off a friend or cheats on a test, she's "edgy" or... "daring" or "wow, such a rebel" - the average-looking person does the same (or less, not even)? Oh, they're PURE VILLAIN SCUM.

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    #28

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner A red flag that people often overlook when dating is inconsistency in communication or behavior. For example, if someone is extremely attentive and communicative one day, but then disappears or becomes distant the next without explanation, it could indicate underlying issues or mixed intentions.

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ... or that they just get busy. People do not have to be in constant communication, particularly at the beginning of a relationship.

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    #29

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Constantly asking your partner if they find random people in public or on TV attractive. In my experience, when they’re asking this, there is no right answer.

    Every once in a while is one thing, but if you find yourself walking around looking at your feet all the time, there might be an issue.

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    El Dee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    God, this reminds me of someone so much. I'd forgotten this..

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    #30

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Someone who is constantly changing jobs. I don't mean they work for 6 months for one place, get a better position at another company for 1.5 years, then go to a different company. That's normal career growth.

    If someone is quitting jobs every few months, even if they immediately get a new job they are not stable.

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I think this is an outdated view. The younger generation is taking no c**p at the workplace and will quit. It's much more common for this pattern now

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    #31

    Gaslighting. It’s crazy how long I let It go before I even realized, and even still It took years of reflection to fully recognize how bad It was..

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    #32

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner I lost count on how many times I saw the boyfriend literally owning his girlfriend’s phone.

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    #33

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Weird controlling behavior coupled with a savior complex.

    Dudes who get with a girl and are like, "she had no idea about (insert something) until I showed her how to do it properly. Hehe she's so cute.".

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    Glen Ellyn
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed. I dumped a guy because he commented on a dinner I made for us. 'This is okay, but if you just ________, it would be better." 🙄

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    #34

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When she says she likes to have a beer after work but it’s actually 11 beers, when Ive been sober for 4 years it’s just awkward.

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    Charles McChristy
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, I hate it when they think I want to play DD and babysit them and their friends.

    #35

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner If they even hint of a third party that is interested in them, don't get caught up in that love triangle shenanigans.

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    Emma S
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It depends on how they react to the interest. If they have made it clear to the other person that it's not going to happen, and aren't doing anything to encourage them than it's not really their fault. If they are enjoying the attention and flirt with the other person then definitely steer clear.

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    #36

    Constantly complaining about the people around them. Their family, friends, ex’s, customer service workers, etc.

    You’ll be on that list too. This person is a perpetuate self identified victim and is 100% going to use it for manipulation and abuse.

    Just to clarify, some people will complain for real reasons and even though being negative all the time sucks, I’m saying watch out for the extreme cases. It’s all they focus on, it’s almost everyone they come in contact with, and they just don’t understand why or how they deserve it.

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    El Dee
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People who are actively LOOKING for things to complain about or be offended by. eg - receives compliment from friend about how good they look, becomes offended and says something like 'what, am I ugly on other days?' You'll have met this kind of person..

    #37

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner 1. Lack of interest of your inner world and often just interested in your looks.
    2. Hasn’t done any personal work, their issues seem to always be other peoples fault
    3. Aren’t sure what they want, they just want to go with the flow…
    5. Much Older men seemingly charming, they are not. They prey on younger women. Run.

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    #38

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Possessiveness.


    To some degree, your partner being possessive is cute because it makes you feel desired but what many people fail to realize is sometimes it gets too toxic to the level of doubt and that's never good cuz trust is important in a relationship.

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Possessiveness isn't cute and it's not about desire. It's about insecurity, entitlement and treating your partner like property.

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    #39

    The family dynamic. You may say you are marrying the person not the family but it's a package deal. Their mess becomes your mess.

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    #40

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Financial incompatibility.

    If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious.

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    #41

    Moving too fast. No it’s not normal to feel like you met your soulmate in 3 weeks. They’re not in love with you. They’re in limerence. Which isn’t long lasting.

    Also the odds are good that this person who is rushing head long into a relationship has a few screws loose.

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    Aileen Grist
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    met, moved in in a week, booked the wedding after a month. Married 3 months later - 4 months to the day from meeting. 33 years since we met 29th April 24.

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    #42

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner Lack of vulnerability and self-awareness.

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    #44

    30 People Share The Dating Red Flags They Wish They’d Seen Sooner When they say " just seeing what's out there".

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    #45

    When only its a one sided conversation and the answers are too short from the person.

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    #46

    Messy house / room. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it really tells you what kind of partner they will be in terms of housework and chores.

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    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This depends. I'm very clean with roommates/partners because I don't want people to have to deal with my messes.

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    #47

    When the partner treats others like garbage or has a over the top attitude over the dumbest things.

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    #48

    When she doesn’t believe in financial equality, meaning that both parties should bear the cost of finding true love, not just the man.

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    sofacushionfort
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “Marry for money and you’ll work for every penny.”

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    #49

    Talking about their ex constantly,

    Not wanting to ever go out.

    My ex never wanted to go out

    and a girl I was FWB with talked about her ex constantly. realized too late that she wasn't over him while I caught feelings.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Describing your current partner as "Friends With Benefits". Definite red flag here.

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    #50

    She mentions she has a kid a few hours before the date.

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm fascinated this says "she", cause only women lie about having kids, right? No, all genders can lie about having kids. One dude I knew he had a kid but it wasn't until the date that he mentioned THREE children.

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