People change. Usually, over time. But the antagonist of this story did a complete 180 in just a moment after the wedding bells rang for him and his wife.

A few weeks ago, Reddit user u/aitalightswater posted a story about her husband who, right after they got married, quit his job and took the family’s finances into his own hands.

Now, he even keeps the lights on and water running in the house all day, every day. Literally.

When u/aitalightswater tries to confront him, the man just repeats an analogy he came up with and lets her know he’s having none of her “nagging.”

Lost and confused, the woman asked other Redditors to hear her out and share their opinion on the situation. Here’s what she said.

Image credits: Imani (not the actual photo)

u/aitalightswater’s Reddit account has been suspended so I doubt we’ll hear from her again. And I’m not sure about her situation, but the American Psychological Association (APA) says that with practice, couples can learn to talk about finances in a healthier, more satisfying way.

Which is reassuring, given that the 2014 APA Stress in America survey found almost a third of adults with partners (31 percent) reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship.

“The old idea that opposites attract may have some basis in reality,” the APA wrote. “We are often drawn to a partner whose personality and style complements our own. But differing beliefs about money can be a recipe for conflict.”

“We develop beliefs about money long before we comingle our finances with a romantic partner. Research shows we inherit attitudes, values and beliefs about money from our parents and other family members. We may not even be fully conscious of our beliefs about spending and saving.”

Early on in a relationship, many people discuss their views on marriage, children and where they want to work and live. Unfortunately, they rarely sit down together for an honest talk about their attitudes on finance.

As the story was going viral, OP provided more information on the conflict

The good news is that there might be a solution to many of these problems.

“Couples often divide duties, and financial duties are no exception,” the APA said. “One partner might handle day-to-day household spending, while the other focuses on long-term savings and investing. But those roles are naturally at odds with one another. Such a division of labor is often a source of conflict.”

To avoid any imbalance, some couples trade the jobs back and forth: one month you might handle household spending and your partner might focus on savings and investment. The next month, you can swap.

“Another good option is to share roles equally. Set up a regular day and time each month to sit down, pay the bills, discuss your expenses and review your savings plans. Try to schedule something fun for after the meeting; if you know you’ll be going to the movies or on a bike ride afterwards, your money date will feel less like a chore.”

But if some issues appear too big and you find yourself arguing with your significant other about the same thing again and again, keep in mind that psychologists are experts in helping people change their behaviors and break out of unhealthy patterns. Many of them specialize in relationships and marital issues, and can actually help you and your partner learn healthy ways of communicating.

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As for splitting bills, you can read a comprehensive piece I’ve written about it here.

And replied to a few commenters

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