Having a newborn is one of the most beautiful yet exhausting experiences in the world. Finally, this tiny human that you’ve been waiting 9 months for has arrived, and they’re the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. But along with all of the cuteness comes screaming, crying and long nights full of more changing diapers and feeding than actual sleep.

So one father who’s had enough of feeling tired decided that he deserves to sleep in during some weekend mornings. However, the internet swiftly gave him a reality check. Below, you’ll find the story that this dad shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with Giles Alexander, author of the parenting book You the Daddy.

Being a new parent is amazing yet exhausting

Image credits: Felipe Salgado / unsplash (not the actual photo)

So when this dad requested some mornings off to sleep in, the internet was quick to give him a reality check

Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Sam Pak / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: tireddad667

“Nothing can prepare you for the insane levels of bleary-eyed exhaustion you’ll experience during those first few weeks and months of parenthood”

To learn more about what it’s like to be a new parent, we reached out to Giles Alexander, father, blogger and author of You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and the Early Years of Fatherhood. Giles was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain just how challenging it can be to get any sleep when you have a newborn.

“Nothing can prepare you for the insane levels of bleary-eyed exhaustion you’ll experience during those first few weeks and months of parenthood,” the father shared. “It’s no coincidence that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, because that’s exactly what it feels like. Sleep, or your lack of it, will consume most of your daily thoughts and conversations. Everyone you see will ask if you’re getting any. And you’ll compete with your partner over who’s had less of it (if she’s breastfeeding, she’ll win this argument every time).”

According to a survey from Snuz, 70% of parents lose an average of at least 3 hours of sleep per night during their baby’s first year of life. And while plenty of people love recommending that new parents “sleep when the baby sleeps,” this is much easier said than done. Nearly half of new parents say that they are unable to catch up on sleep during the day with naps, often citing household chores as the reason they are kept awake and busy. 

Even getting children to fall asleep can be a challenge, as almost a third of parents admitted they’ve driven their babies around in the car in an attempt to lull them to sleep. The Bump also reports that bedtime turns into a source of stress for 88% of new parents, and 77% start to feel anxiety as nighttime approaches and they begin to worry if it will be a sleepless night.

Image credits: Isabella Fischer / unsplash (not the actual photo)

“It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders”

Giles urges parents to remember that, although this period is painful, you will get through it. “Your Sunday morning lie-ins are not lost forever,” he noted. “If you work together to establish a routine and support each other, there will come a time, in the not-too-distant future, when your baby will learn to sleep through the night.”

The parenting expert also touched on why it’s so important for parents to equally split their duties. “Parenting really is one of the toughest, least appreciated, and most physically and mentally exhausting jobs around,” he told Bored Panda. “And yet, society still massively undervalues the huge amount of work it takes to raise the next generation. Given that gender inequality at work is still commonplace, this often leads to the bulk of the parenting and domestic load being heavily biased against new mums, who end up taking on the lion’s share.”

“As modern fathers, we shouldn’t just accept this as the status quo,” Giles says. “It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders. Add to this all the other daily tasks we all need to complete just to get through the day – the laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking and general life admin – and it’s even more unrealistic to expect one person to do it all alone. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.”

“You both made this baby together, and it is only fair that the responsibilities of parenthood should be a 50:50 partnership too,” the father added. “Sharing the physical and mental load of parenting, as a team, is the only way to make it through in one piece.”

“Just because one parent works outside of the home and receives a salary doesn’t mean the parent at home should work 24/7”

Image credits: Mikael Stenberg / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Giles also shared some wise words for new fathers. “If you’re being paid to work full time outside of the home, and your partner is working full time raising your baby at home, think of yourselves as having two distinct jobs – your paid job and her unpaid one, focused on childcare and household tasks,” he noted. “Both jobs are a Monday to Friday deal, with the same hours worked. When you’re both at home in the morning, evening and weekends, the job of childcare and household tasks is a team effort, split between you equally. Just because one parent works outside of the home and receives a salary, it doesn’t mean the parent at home should work 24/7.”

“Be responsive to calls and messages from home during the working day, so your partner doesn’t feel forgotten or unsupported,” the dad suggests. “And check in regularly if you haven’t heard anything. If your partner gets ill, try to find someone to help her with the baby at home or better yet, ask to take some sick or compassionate leave yourself to help out until she gets better. If you wouldn’t go to work when ill, she shouldn’t be expected to.”

“And don’t expect praise or a thank you from your partner for being hands-on. She will have gone the whole day at home without any recognition for her hard work, so praising you might not be front of mind. Show her gratitude daily, and you’re more likely to get it back,” the father says.

The challenges of parenting also make it imperative for couples to prioritize their relationship. “It doesn’t matter how close-knit you are as a couple; the pressures of family life will test the limits of any relationship,” Giles warns. “Parenting is hard work. Arguments, petty irritations, and heated conversations are to be expected. It’s how you react to them in the moment and reconnect afterwards, that’s most important.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this dad was wrong for asking for mornings off? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing a similar topic, look no further than right here!

Readers unanimously agreed that the father was in the wrong, and many explained why in the comments

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