Marital disputes can only be resolved through good, honest, and open communication and a willingness to cross picket lines. Not every hill requires one to die on it, but sometimes one has to draw boundaries over what their partner does.

A woman turned to the internet for advice when she decided to get away from her husband over an argument. Despite them being relatively well off, her partner had a bizarre habit of just taking food from a food bank and he refused to change his ways. So she got up and decided to stay with her brother.

Food banks and other community-run initiatives exist to help people in precarious situations

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

So a woman was quite unhappy when her well-off husband kept taking food from one

Image credits: Sydney Moore (not the actual image)

Image credits: Julia Avamotive (not the actual image)

Image credits: AITAThrowaway012020

Helping the needy with food is important and admirable

Food banks are in many ways an indicator that people can be selfless, and good and take care of each other unprompted. There are thousands of them around the world, ranging from locations that give you ingredients, like in OP’s story, to literal kitchens that produce food around the clock. One of the largest of the latter is the Golden Temple (also known as the Harimandir Sahib) in Amritsar, Punjab, India. This is an important religious site in Sikhism and, keeping to the tenets of their religion, it operates a massive, community-run kitchen to feed anyone who needs a meal. Similar locations exist in most areas with a significant Sikh population, called langars, where people can eat regardless of social status, ethnicity, or any other demographic category.

This is a beautiful and compassionate concept and the well-off are not excluded, but generally, people are also encouraged to donate food, money, and labor throughout the year. This is not a business that is self-sustaining, food banks, community kitchens, and other charitable organizations need regular help and resources to help people in precarious situations. Regularly taking food from them when you do not need it is not just disruptive, it is literally taking food out of the mouths of people who are hungry. Some might argue that since he is taking fresh produce and meat, these are items that spoil quickly, but OP’s subsequent research shows that these were actually needed ingredients. So not only did he unnecessarily take from a food bank, he took the best produce, as most food banks encourage donations of canned goods.

Relationships need common respect and communication to succeed

So not has her husband taken things he absolutely did not need, he nullified the good deed of another citizen. In this day and age, with the cost of living spiraling, giving fresh vegetables and meat is truly a good deed, as some studies even suggest that it helps people in need more than non-perishable goods. Yes, canned items logistically make a lot of sense and can still have a lot of necessary nutritional value, but it can be depressing to eat these sorts of items day in and day out. Survival is important, but some degree of happiness is also vital for recovery. Many of the people who might need a food bank to survive could be dealing with homelessness, addiction, and other issues where psychological support is vital. OP’s husband denied that to a community member in need to save a few dollars.

On top of that, he needed his wife to even point out that what he was doing was wrong. Maybe he was ignorant, but one has to suspend disbelief to think a grown adult man can think what he is doing is acceptable. After all, OP mentions how he purposely tries to look worse off, indicating that he himself feels some degree of shame, though it’s not enough to actually stop him. There will always be some compromise in marriage as in any human relationship, but the fact that his cheapness goes so far as to ignore his wife’s request shows that there is some deeper psychological issue at play. It’s no secret that couples that don’t communicate effectively are more likely to spiral into arguments and ultimately split up. She is not in the wrong to want to die on this hill.

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OP discussed and answered reader questions in the comments

In general, commenters sided with OP

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A few questioned why she would even stay with him

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