My mother was a sahm. She was extremely lazy. Barely did any housework. Her idea of parenting was to sit us in front of the television and tell us to shut up. When she started working something happened. She started taking better care of the house, the kids and herself. I can't explain it. Maybe she just needed more purpose to her life.

The relationship sounds very transactional, maybe because they are only together because of the pregnancy. Wife sounds like she hates staying at home. It's not for everyone. They are financially stable, wife should go back to work, get a cleaner and pay for child care. Clearly things worked better when both were working. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't, but with a try before divorce.

OP is a troll or a horrible excuse of a human being.... some examples of the many putrid comments made by the OP .... EDIT COMMENTS BELOW ARE OP QUOTES FROM REDDIT - NOT MY COMMENTS!!

All I know is with his attitude it doesn't matter what the problem actually is. He sounds callous and full of himself.

How condescending and what a liar. 3 meals plus 2 snack total of 40 minutes is only possible if they were all pre prepared by wife before she left and microwaved and even then, cleanup of dishes, kitchen and Brandon, cos TODDLER makes it impossible. No mention of shopping, day excursions for Brandon, deep cleaning, bathroom, sheets changed, just rubbish on his part. Hope she leaves him.

Either rage bait, or bag of d***s husband

Been a dental assistant for 30 years. Dentists are a******s. Their job is not that difficult. Most are used to telling staff members how to do their job, although they have never performed the task themselves. A dental assistant will do 80% of a procedure that the law allows. Dentist attitudes are usually arrogant,

Maybe start by asking what else she's doing? 20 mins of laundry isn't a weeks worth by any means. Children behave differently with the "fun" parent. Take over for a month, or ask her to do a time tracking exercise. I bet there's a lot of running errands, arranging play dates, getting him in and out of the car, to nursery, etc. Yes, she's not in control of the situation, but don't go into it assuming she's being lazy - there could be a lot of work you aren't taking into account, because it isn't obvious when it's put off for two days. Also, PPD or being unsuited to being a SAHM are real possibilities here - ask if she wants to go back to work or to further education.

He doesn't even like her.

It's some teenager writing in anyway. Those times are ridiculous.

I takes me about 1.5-3h to deep clean my tiny studio apartment (depending of if I need to fold laundry or do dishes). There's no way he cleaned an entire house in less that that. Unless by cleaning me means wipe the table and pick up his kid's toys, maybe do some lazy vacuuming, oh and 3 meals in 40 min is pretty much only doable if he's a trained chef, very very into cooking, made pasta an meatballs or only heated up already cooked food. Something about his math ain't mathing here. The bigger issue is that they don't even seem to care for each other. I'm not talking the typical tired just had a baby not caring, but not caring as in there was never any love in this relationship. They need to get someone to mediate between them so they can talk this out, because clearly something isn't working and I have a feeling OP won't be able to do this in the way it needs to be done. (Not saying his wife is telling the truth either, she may just sit by the TV all day like op says, but in that case that needs to be addressed as well)

The way he speaks about his wife is super gross.

Some people are slobs and some are not. I (68) was a sahm while my husband's work took him out of the country 2 weeks out of every month. I did it all and that includes yard work, painting the inside of my house ( I wanted to redecorate) plus caring for our child, kept a clean house and cooked meals. I did all this because I wanted to. I enjoyed it immensely. My son's best friend lived across the street. His house was the polar opposite. To each her own

Would just like to point out the fallacy in OP's comparison. He was not cooking for his wife, doing her laundry, cleaning up after her during that week she was gone and he had the baby. No one walked in the door at 5.30 or 6pm and started hauling him over the coals for not washing dishes. When his wife is there, she's expected to take care of both the baby and the husband, not just the baby. And his math is sus, he hasn't said anything about laundry, errands, grocery shopping. I do not believe that changing diapers takes only 20 mins/day, dirty diapers are nasty messy things where you have to take it off the child and dispose of it, clean the child really well because they are all poopy! powder them and then put a fresh diaper on. And then go scrub your own hands because you've been handling fecal matter. And what is this dude cooking that he only spends 40 mins/day on making meals?? Sounds like the wife needs some counseling or therapy because she's struggling. OP YTA.

How bold of OP to assume he would even NEED a nanny if he left his wife. Chances are high the child will live with mom unless she's neglecting the child or abusing him. Yes, the courts are finally starting to be fair and give custody of dads who deserve it but the court could easily decide she's the primary caregiver.

I was done at "afford to keep her".

I'm seriously fortunate and yet, I had "feet of clay" when I had my first child. Now, all these years later, I know it was depression. Other medical issues made it worse. Seriously, I should not have been depressed which is maybe why I didn't know it. I'm actually on the husbands side but he shouldn't be harsh. He needs to reason with her and hopefully she'll step up and do a better job as I'm convinced she's not being fair to their family life. Depression is awful but there are many methods to deal with it. I eventually started using a "happy light", taking vitamin D, got a great dog which forced us to get out every day. Best wishes to anyone who cannit summon the energy to shake off the feeling of being bogged down.

'To *keep* her as a SAHM' 'I had her move in' 'I never really believed her' 'Hold up your end of the deal' Where is the partnership or care in this. What a sad way to talk about someone you should treasure.

Nickie LaRue

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I'm a single mom, and I had moderate PPD after my son was born. He was born early, emergency c-section, and for some reason I was sent home the day after, although my son was in NICU for 2 weeks. He was in a larger city 2 hrs away, so my life consisted of driving 4 hrs every other day to spend 2 with him, although I was only allowed to hold him for a short period of time as he needed to be in the incubator. When he finally came home I was exhausted, depressed, and still in enormous pain (no pain meds). For about a month after he came home I was a robot. He had underdeveloped lungs, and since I was afraid he'd stop breathing, I'd just lie awake at night, listening to him breathe. I probably got 2 hrs of sleep a night total. I took care of all my son's needs but none of my own. It took 4 mos before my mom noticed I wasn't taking care of myself and forced me to get help. All I managed to do was get up and take care of my son, sounds like the wife is having the same issues, and needs help.

I understand how the house should be cleaner, but 25 mins of cleaning? 40 mins to cook all meals? Is he an idiot? Yes, he is. Hw doesn't love her, he doesn't respect her, he treats her like a human resource. It would be better for her to leave with the baby and take alimony money. The fact the baby is well behaved seems to be her efforts as well... What an awful man he is

I have ADHD, my husband used to have the idea I was being lazy or not doing enough and other days being surprised that I did everything and then get frustrated about why I can't be perfect everyday... I just got diagnosed this year after 8 years of marriage, so now I'm owning my ADHD, I know my brain it's not collaborative with my timetable but I try, somedays when I recognise I'm in hyper focus I go through the house and admin work as much as possible, some days after I feel like I need to recover from the mental effort I made, I have a 6mo too, 2 girls age 6 & 7 and a 14 teen and I keep everything in my dairy, but the moment the put it away I forget to check until I find it again. My husband has always been very hands on and my kids entertain themselves and I've taught them small routines to keep things in orden, 2 of them have ADHD as well, so I have to keep an eye on them all the time to put them back on track, my husband is learning that our brains just work different, but we're..

I can't bare men like this! How dare you treat and talk about her this way? You haven't once said that you love her or what's lovely about. You're a dictator who demands this this and this. I hope she leaves because she's never going to be good enough. I feel for her. Your math is way off and you only did it for a week. You're not a nice man! YTA that won't come as a surprise though. Take a good look at the comments and give your head a shake. Oh and find some love in your heart too!!!

Do you love your wife? Is she depressed? Sounds like you aren't really partners at all....talk to your wife and find out what's going on. She's probably exhausted.

My kid is totally different person with my husband. The second he leaves the house she becomes whiny, aggressive, annoying, attention seeking cave troll. She snaps back just the second he returns so he never believes me. She is almost 7 and sometimes I think she is bipolar or schizophrenic, because really, it's like having two different children at home.