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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Husband That He Absolutely Ruined The Birth Of Our Child?”
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Childbirth is a moment of great joy for parents, but at the same time it is a moment of great danger, because both mother and child risk their health and even their lives. Of course, modern medicine has made tremendous progress in this area recently, but still, any woman in labor needs maximum support from relatives, and medical intervention at any hint of danger.
Unfortunately, not all husbands, as it turns out, are capable of such support. Because some, as our story by the user u/Former_Monitor_4860 confirms, put their beliefs first, even at risk to the health of their wife and baby…
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
The author of the post is a new mom who gave birth to her first baby 2 months ago – even despite her husband’s ideas
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Husband That He Absolutely Ruined The Birth Of Our Child?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/husband-ruined-birth-child-stock4.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Husband That He Absolutely Ruined The Birth Of Our Child?”")
Image credits: jcomp / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy turned out to be adherent to the home birth concept and insisted on it for the wife
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
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Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s MIL also insisted on having a home birth so the mom-to-be had to give up
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
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Image credits: pch.vector / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So the woman was in labor for 3 days and 22 hours of them were active labor – and the husband refused to take her to the hospital
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Image credits: Former_Monitor_4860
After giving birth, the woman felt great stress and told her spouse that he ruined the birth completely
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a new mom who gave birth to her first baby, a daughter, about 2 months ago. However, the circumstances under which the girl was born created a big rift in the relationship between the author and her husband.
The thing is that both the author’s spouse and his mother turned out to be big supporters of home births – and when our heroine first became pregnant, the man immediately expressed a wish for the birth to take place at home.
At that time, the OP considered it a trifle – after all, there were still months of pregnancy ahead. As it turns out, she underestimated it in vain… The closer the birth became, the more persistent the husband turned out to be, and he didn’t even want to hear about going to the hospital.
The woman tried to talk about it with his mother – but she turned out to be even more adherent to the “natural process” than her son. The doula invited by the husband was also overly pushy, so the author had to give up.
The 39th week of pregnancy came – and the original poster felt that it was time to give birth. She was scared and literally begged her husband and relatives to take her to the hospital, but they were completely adamant. The most they agreed to was inviting the doula.
The author was in labor for 3 days, 22 hours of which were active labor. Even the doula finally said that in 2 more hours, it would be time to urgently go to the hospital. Fortunately, the birth ended well, and the girl was born healthy. But for the mom herself, the process was so painful that she couldn’t fully recover from it.
Even weeks after the birth, she experienced stress when she picked up her daughter – because she reminded her of the suffering she had endured during childbirth. Her husband, in turn, said that “she must be strong,” and that if they wanted to have a second child, then the birth would definitely have to be at home as well.
As for our heroine, everything that happened made her think that she doesn’t want to have any more kids. In one of the conversations, she told her husband that he had ruined the birth of their child. The guy got immediately offended – and now the wife is wondering if she had crossed the line here. So the woman decided to seek support online.
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Image credits: pch.vector / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, some experts say that home births per se are quite normal, but only if the mother or the child have no obvious contraindications, and if the process is accompanied by a certified birthing professional: a nurse-midwife, a professional midwife, or a naturopathic or medical doctor who practices obstethics.
At the same time, some research has found that planned home births are associated with a higher risk of infant death or severe injury than births planned at hospitals. Based on this, neither the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) nor the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends home birth, the Health Line website states.
Anyway, in this case, it was the mother who should choose, not her husband or mother-in-law. Simply because they were not the ones risking their health and life. “We encourage each person to weigh the home birth pros and cons for themselves and to choose the type of birth that feels most comfortable, safest, and exciting for them,” the Hearth and Home midwifery website says reasonably.
As for the commenters on the original post, they supported the author en masse, claiming that her husband and his mother were simply insanely wrong here. “You are dramatically under reacting. Personally I’d try to press charges,” one of the responders wrote. “This man and his family are a clear danger to you and your child,” another person added.
And people in the comments sincerely believe that the husband’s behavior effectively put an end to their marriage. “Why are you still with a man who ignored all your wishes, and was able to ignore your crying, fear and pain for hours just to get his way? A normal loving person wouldn’t be able to stand seeing you suffering at all, let alone for this long,” the commenter claimed. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point of view?
People in the comments sided with the author totally and even urged her to file for divorce
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What do you think ?
Alexia 2 months ago
WTF did I just read? This pathetic prick literally put his wife's and unborn child's lives in danger, and he sees no problem with that. It was a traumatizing experience, that could have ended tragically: complications at birth are pretty common and, in some serious cases, they must be addressed immediately. Like, right now - not in an hour, not when the ambulance manages to arrive at your home. And when talking about a future birth, the idiot has the guts to tell her "We'll see". He's treating her worse than an animal. Girl, if you're reading this: your life is at risk. He WILL put you through that again. Contact a lawyer to discuss divorce. And consider pressing charges.
Nikki van Reenen 2 months ago
Exactly! So much could have gone wrong in those 3 days. To be ok to risk the lives of both your wife and child is beyond despicable. It's completely bizarre!
Load More Replies...
Weasel Wise 2 months ago
A person(s) who is willing to torment a pregnant woman like that and spend days watching her being in agonizing pain, and then to say, basically, that he(they) are gonna make her do it again...I can't imagine being around such disgusting and abusive people. That's not only a grown woman being tormented but the consequences are also being brought on that poor baby, before, during, and after birth. I just can't fathom hurting a pregnant lady.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 3 weeks ago
He left her alone part of the time. He should have to sit there with his junk in a vice and with each and every pain tighten it. No breaks. Let him know that father's, true father's are strong he, not so much. Maybe mommy could hold his hand through it all.
Load More Replies... Alexia 2 months ago
WTF did I just read? This pathetic prick literally put his wife's and unborn child's lives in danger, and he sees no problem with that. It was a traumatizing experience, that could have ended tragically: complications at birth are pretty common and, in some serious cases, they must be addressed immediately. Like, right now - not in an hour, not when the ambulance manages to arrive at your home. And when talking about a future birth, the idiot has the guts to tell her "We'll see". He's treating her worse than an animal. Girl, if you're reading this: your life is at risk. He WILL put you through that again. Contact a lawyer to discuss divorce. And consider pressing charges.
Nikki van Reenen 2 months ago
Exactly! So much could have gone wrong in those 3 days. To be ok to risk the lives of both your wife and child is beyond despicable. It's completely bizarre!
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 months ago
A person(s) who is willing to torment a pregnant woman like that and spend days watching her being in agonizing pain, and then to say, basically, that he(they) are gonna make her do it again...I can't imagine being around such disgusting and abusive people. That's not only a grown woman being tormented but the consequences are also being brought on that poor baby, before, during, and after birth. I just can't fathom hurting a pregnant lady.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 3 weeks ago
He left her alone part of the time. He should have to sit there with his junk in a vice and with each and every pain tighten it. No breaks. Let him know that father's, true father's are strong he, not so much. Maybe mommy could hold his hand through it all.
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