As an adult, there are certain tasks and responsibilities that you’re almost never going to be able to permanently avoid. Even if your partner is the breadwinner, you might need to have a part-time job. Even if you do most of the laundry, there will be times when your spouse has to run a load by themself. And even if your husband is Gordon Ramsay, you might need to whip up dinner every now and then.

One woman, however, seems to believe otherwise. Below, you’ll find a story that her husband recently shared on Reddit detailing why he’s decided to stop cooking for her altogether, as well as an interview with couples therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon. 

This man is used to doing the majority of cooking in his household

Image credits: Malte Helmhold (not the actual photo)

But after his wife helped herself to a few of his meal-prepped dishes, he decided she needs to learn how to take care of herself

Image credits: Ello (not the actual photo)

Image source: UnrulyGentlemen

Later, the man clarified how the meals were eaten

It’s common for one spouse to take on the majority of cooking in a household

Image credits: Le Creuset (not the actual photo)

I grew up in a household where my mother did all of the cooking. Occasionally, my father would bake his classic spicy mac and cheese to take to a work Christmas party, but when it came to family meals in the home, Mom was in charge or we were eating out. And while I do the majority of the cooking between my partner and I today, mostly because I enjoy it more and am more concerned about us getting enough vegetables in, it’s still quite common for women to do more cooking than men in any household. According to a Pew Research Center survey, 80% of women with children in the US say they’re typically in charge of grocery shopping and preparing meals, and even 75% of women who don’t have kids take on the culinary responsibilities in their homes. 

While it’s less common for men to be the usual meal preppers in any household, as only 19% of men in the US are their families’ chefs, it is rare for both parents or partners to equally balance the responsibilities in the kitchen. And while some argue that it’s better for one spouse to always be in charge of preparing meals, as long as the other balances it out by taking on extra chores around the house, it’s up to each individual couple to agree on what the best arrangement is for their lives.

To learn more about this specific situation, we reached out to clinical psychologist and founder of Couples Therapy Inc., Dr. Kathy McMahon. Dr. McMahon shared her thoughts on this post, noting that it’s confusing what exactly is bothering this man so much. “Fights between couples happen, and that’s not the problem,” the therapist shared. “The problem is that this guy is escalating it, and his wife didn’t apologize for doing something that (at least from his perspective) she did wrong.”

“It’s never just about the food or the prep when something like this escalates”

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Image credits: Jimmy Dean (not the actual photo)

Dr. McMahon also noted that the issue here is not about whether or not one person in a relationship should be responsible for all of the cooking. “He likes to cook, and he’s good at it,” she shared. “Not everyone can do everything. He is just ‘punishing’ her now, and that is never cool to do to your spouse. Cook for her or don’t cook for her, but don’t try and punish her for calling you names. You aren’t her father; you are her husband. Tell her she hurt your feelings and you want her to apologize to you. Be direct.”

We also asked the expert if it’s fair for this man to meal-prep only for himself when he knows his wife doesn’t want to adhere to the same diet. “Sure. Anyone can do anything in a marriage as long as there is agreement and subjective fairness between them,” Dr. McMahon says. “I had understood from my reading that he was prepping to make the cooking of dinner easier for himself, and he is the primary cook. She ate his food, and that made him mad because he was left without anything to eat. Totally understandable. However, it’s never just about the food or the prep when something like this escalates,” the therapist added. “It’s about his sense of fairness and his feelings getting hurt.”

“They might have had a clarifying conversation; instead, it turned into a war”

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

And contrary to what some of the commenters claimed, Dr. McMahon says this is not a case of weaponized incompetence. “The both of them had an agreement that he was a better cook, so he would cook,” she noted. “He decided she was too terrible a cook to eat her food. In this one case, she crossed his boundary, and she should have apologized. But it is not a chronic problem because he was saying he was content with the arrangement up until she ate his stuff… Instead of cooking something on her own.”

“There might be 100 legitimate reasons why she crossed his boundaries,” the expert added. “Nevertheless, she left him hungry, and she should have apologized. They might have had a clarifying conversation. Instead, it turned into a war.”

“It isn’t about the food she ate or the remote control someone steals,” Dr. McMahon reiterated. “There are deeper issues these two aren’t talking about.”

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We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this father was right to stop cooking for his wife altogether? Or would you have handled the situation differently? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring a spouse who refuses to prepare food for himself, we recommend reading this piece next. 

Many readers assured the man that he did nothing wrong, noting that his wife is perfectly capable of cooking

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Others, however, believed that both spouses could have handled the situation more maturely

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