It must be uncomfortable to be someone’s best friend and to have their partner dislike you at the same time. Jealousy, miscommunication, and just a clash of personalities are common pitfalls, but what if your friend’s partner thinks you are secretly into them?

A queer woman turned to the internet for advice when she learned that her best friend’s husband wanted to ban her from the delivery room for an absurd reason. As it turns out, he truly believed that OP was playing a long game to seduce his wife and he was having none of it. This quickly diverged into him airing his homophobic laundry and throwing a fit.

A best friend giving birth should be a time of joy and celebration

Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)

But one queer woman was at a loss when her friend’s homophobic husband banned her from the delivery room

Image credits: Crypto Crow (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Image credits: DimmistApollo

Image credits: 宇宙无敌 Daddy (not the actual photo)

The core of the issue is the husband’s somewhat hidden homophobia

The husband’s later admission to homophobia shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s still telling that he attempted to “spin” his demands first. By saying that he legitimately believed that OP was after his wife, he is attempting to place himself in the position of a victim while hiding the fact that he simply does not like OP for being queer.

While the husband’s friends might not mind his homophobia, the fact that his wife seems unaware should indicate that he at least knows that she wouldn’t approve. This is very likely a dealbreaker, as it’s a downright bigoted belief and he knows his wife’s literal best friend is queer.

The married couple’s views, despite being quite apart, do make sense in the context of the general distribution of homophobia in the population. Studies have shown that people who have more general experience and interactions with queer folk are, on average, less homophobic. However, the husband seems to be particularly comfortable in his bigotry, refusing to even accept his wife’s friend as a friend.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

The husband seems to truly see OP as a threat to his relationship

One potential explanation for his disdain for OP and his general homophobia towards her could be a combination of jealousy and insecurity. While the idea that OP is some mastermind schemer, laying in wait for years to “strike” sounds absurd to a mature adult, an insecure person will, naturally, think of themselves as simply worse than any potential “rival.”

This speaks volumes about just how inferior the husband feels, not just towards OP but, presumably, any person his wife is friendly with. Insecurity is a real and relevant problem, one that he should try to address with a specialist. But that requires admitting there is an issue. Similarly, having this sort of issue is no excuse for his behavior which is both controlling and somewhat weird.

After all, OP’s friend is the ultimate judge of who is in the delivery room, not her husband. While shutting him out completely might seem extreme, he should still hear her thoughts before issuing blanket bans. Instead, his jealousy towards OP’s friendship has caused him to be objectively rude.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Insecurity can kill any relationship in the long run

OP does give a few more details about her friend’s relationship which does somewhat raise the question, what exactly does she see in him? He appears to be insecure, jealous, homophobic, and controlling, without even having a job. It would appear that he doesn’t contribute emotionally, nor materially to the relationship.

The reality is that insecurity is like a poison that, ironically, makes the person less and less attractive as a partner, even if they started out as a good match. It starts to seep into all the person’s interactions and assumptions. OP’s story is a good demonstration of that. Hopefully, OP’s friend managed to find something that works in the long run.

People overwhelmingly sided with OP

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