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35YO Chops Down Tree Husband’s Family Cherished Without Asking, Leads To Massive Relationship Rift

35YO Chops Down Tree Husband’s Family Cherished Without Asking, Leads To Massive Relationship Rift

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Humans are wired to find meaning in even the most random things, which is why we hold onto old letters, clothes, and objects. Sometimes, these items are also connected to special memories and are then handed down from generation to generation. That’s why it can be tough to part with such meaningful things, even if others don’t understand it.

This is the dilemma a man was faced with when his husband chopped down a tree that his entire family had loved for decades. Though it was ‘just’ a tree, it symbolized so much more.

More info: Reddit

Even though it’s sometimes hard to apologize for your mistakes, If one partner does something wrong, they should take ownership out of love and respect for their significant other

Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster shared that when his grandparents built their house, they planted a tree in their yard, and since then, it grew alongside their family and became a part of their memories

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Image credits: wirestock / Freepik (not the actual photo)

When his grandparents passed away, they left him their house, so his husband, who loved renovations, decided to do an entire makeover of the place

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Image credits: wayhomestudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The problem happened when the poster returned home from his work trip to find his grandparents’ tree chopped down as part of his husband’s renovation project

Image credits: throwawayyyy_81901

The man was heartbroken over losing something so precious, but his husband didn’t empathize and kept insisting he wasn’t wrong to have cut down the tree while renovating the house

One of the biggest things in this story that probably all of us can relate to is feeling sentimental about something from our past. The 35-year-old had always known his grandparents’ tree, and his family members had taken pictures by it, played under it, and grown up alongside it. So, it’s no wonder why he was shellshocked when he came back from his trip to find it gone.

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He and his husband had never encountered big problems in their marriage, so it was shocking to suddenly be faced with a situation like this. He even told netizens that his spouse had started renovation work on the rest of the house and had not touched the yard at all, which is why it was so surprising to suddenly see the tree gone.

The husband could have easily apologized to his partner for getting rid of something that meant so much to him. The problem is that he doubled down on his actions and tried to invalidate the other man’s feelings, which created a rift in their relationship.

Psychologists say that when you undermine someone’s emotions like this, you might make them feel like you don’t understand them or just don’t care. This can hurt the other person, who is probably only trying to express their feelings. The poster especially just wanted his spouse to understand why the tree meant so much to him, but clearly, that’s not what happened.

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Image credits: Racool_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The couple’s argument eventually reached a standstill. The poster felt resentful of his partner for chopping down the family tree, while the other man didn’t see any problem with his actions and considered it to be a normal part of the renovation work. Neither of them wanted to concede or forgive the other person.

A big thing to understand from this is that resentment towards your partner can lead to a whole host of unresolved issues. If people don’t openly share their feelings with the other person, it can just fester and then cause problems later on.

Netizens wondered if the husband even knew about the tree’s significance to his partner before he cut it down. Other people came up with a bunch of sinister theories about the man’s motives for getting rid of something so special. 

Unfortunately, it’s tough to truly know how to handle complex situations like this, but the most important thing is to be honest with your partner about how it affects you. Actions like this can’t be undone, but they can be made better.

What do you think the author should have done about his husband’s big mistake?

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Most people were angry on the poster’s behalf and said that if they were in the same situation, they’d not be able to forgive their partner

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Beverly Noronha

Beverly Noronha

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

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Beverly Noronha

Beverly Noronha

Writer, BoredPanda staff

You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

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Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

How would you react if a family heirloom was taken without your consent?
Add photo comments
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arthbach
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To move forward, there needs to be a discussion. The 'inheritor' needs to have their feelings acknowledged. The 'renovator' needs to be able to explain it was a genuine misunderstanding, and apologise. If they still have the tree, wood from it could be used to make something for their house, and they could plant a new tree in the new garden to symbolise their love and shared life together.

Mark Childers
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this happened while he was out of town, it seems intentional. If he had been doing renovations for months, he waited until an opportune time to work on the yard. And there's no way he didn't know how much that tree meant. I'm leaning on him wanting his hands on the property and wanting to go ahead and make it his knowing it will be some day.

Trillian
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he ever tell him about the tree or its significance? I would never notice that a random tree in family pictures was always the same one and therefore "special". I would never cut down a tree without explicitly agreeing with my spouse but from the way he writes it he didn't take any interest in the renovations at all, so I can see how this would happen.

Happynyss
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what I was thinking, but the fact he didn't even try to apologize is messed up. Even if he didn't realize how important the tree is, he should've realized he f***ed up when OP confronted him and gave a sincere apology, instead of defending himself.

Load More Replies...
TruthoftheHeart
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The op should get some vitamin powder and there's some plant supplements that you can get if a stump is left or maybe you could even go find the tree wherever he dumped it and take a cutting you might be able to regrow the tree

Lola July
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how house could be understood to mean yard. I would have asked prior to obliterating the tree. There had to have been photographs everywhere in this home showing how beloved the tree was. I think this was an act of jealousy and then he doubled down.

G A
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some sort of weird dominance power play. I wonder what the dynamic is here? Make the bugger pay for a good sized replacement to be planted and put him on notice to rein it in.

michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whether or not the partner knew about the significance of the family tree, he had no business or right to do anything with out consulting or discussing it with the rightful owner of the house and property, inherited property is NOT community property. The fact that he waited until the partner was away on a business trip to do this is very suspicious. This is a humongous red flag! The fact the partner refuses to acknowledge his lack of feelings towards the hurt he caused and is attempting to gaslight the OP for his transgressions is untenable. OP should set very firm boundaries with this moron or kick him to the curb. No further "renovations " are to be made. He's attempting to remove all factors of your family's history with this property and make it his. Not today Satan!

Sarah Ellison
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's husband has hurt him, and that hurt can't begin to heal until their husband apologizes and acknowledges that what they did was wrong. And if OP's husband can't do that, then the hurt will just fester until the relationship ultimately fails.

person (i think)
Community Member
3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This would be a deal breaker for me. His reply would be the nail in the coffin of that relationship

Eve
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask a tree expert asap. Perhaps you could save the base, or grow cuttings into new trees. Whilst if possible drying the remaining wood to use in furniture around the house. (Perhaps theres a local lumber mill with a kiln you could ask for advice) Here in UK, it caused outrage when a vandal cut down a dearly loved tree. Theres a charity working to save it. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/news/our-statement-on-the-felling-of-the-sycamore-gap-tree

Eve
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A tree is like a pet, a living member of your family. Ask a tree expert asap if there is any chance of shoots from base, or planting leaves to make new growth, new trees. Here in the UK, a famous tree was vandalised/chopped down and it caused outrage. The National Trust charity has various things to try to save it's memory. Maybe you could do something similar. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/news/our-statement-on-the-felling-of-the-sycamore-gap-tree

Barbara Williams
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did he do with the tree after he cut it down? Obviously you can't resurrect it, but if you still have the lumber, maybe have some lovely yard furniture made with

Morgan Hamilton
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone above said it was most likely introduced to a wood chipper. The results are either tossed, being used as mulch in the yard, or bagged up waiting to be used.

Load More Replies...
Nina
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, this is deeply cruel. Can't see this relationship lasting much longer.

Cor
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this can’t be undone, you can either choose to forgive or break up. You definitely should have been clearer regarding the tree.

Eric Torrey
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are the roots still there? It is a long shot, buy you may want to check with an arborist to see if there is anyway to dig up little bits of the roots and use them to sprout new "Little Sally's" If you can, and can get enough sprouts -- you could pot them and give one to each family member. I realize it takes a generation to grow a tree like Sally, but a tiny sprout for each person will maybe keep the memories alive. I understand... I inherited my parent's house after COVID. The front yard has two massive oak trees towering over the ranch-style house. I took am renovating. I do worry about them, considering it is Florida and we deal with hurricanes. But, I remember when they were planted shortly after we moved in. They were maybe 5 feet tall then. Now, they are GRAND!!! I did have a tree trim company with an arborist on staff come out. They trimmed a few branches and cleaned out some areas where dead leaves had accumulated... but, overall, roots run deep and trees are healthy.

Zsazsa Light
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Stop letting this idiot to do whatever he wants to YOUR inheritance. You need to shine that spine of yours. Who gives a f**k what his little style is? It's your family's. Yta to yourself letting husband walk all over you. Just stop. Take control. Seek attorney immediately.

arthbach
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To move forward, there needs to be a discussion. The 'inheritor' needs to have their feelings acknowledged. The 'renovator' needs to be able to explain it was a genuine misunderstanding, and apologise. If they still have the tree, wood from it could be used to make something for their house, and they could plant a new tree in the new garden to symbolise their love and shared life together.

Mark Childers
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this happened while he was out of town, it seems intentional. If he had been doing renovations for months, he waited until an opportune time to work on the yard. And there's no way he didn't know how much that tree meant. I'm leaning on him wanting his hands on the property and wanting to go ahead and make it his knowing it will be some day.

Trillian
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did he ever tell him about the tree or its significance? I would never notice that a random tree in family pictures was always the same one and therefore "special". I would never cut down a tree without explicitly agreeing with my spouse but from the way he writes it he didn't take any interest in the renovations at all, so I can see how this would happen.

Happynyss
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what I was thinking, but the fact he didn't even try to apologize is messed up. Even if he didn't realize how important the tree is, he should've realized he f***ed up when OP confronted him and gave a sincere apology, instead of defending himself.

Load More Replies...
TruthoftheHeart
Community Member
5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The op should get some vitamin powder and there's some plant supplements that you can get if a stump is left or maybe you could even go find the tree wherever he dumped it and take a cutting you might be able to regrow the tree

Lola July
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how house could be understood to mean yard. I would have asked prior to obliterating the tree. There had to have been photographs everywhere in this home showing how beloved the tree was. I think this was an act of jealousy and then he doubled down.

G A
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some sort of weird dominance power play. I wonder what the dynamic is here? Make the bugger pay for a good sized replacement to be planted and put him on notice to rein it in.

michele mbennett101044@yahoo.c
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whether or not the partner knew about the significance of the family tree, he had no business or right to do anything with out consulting or discussing it with the rightful owner of the house and property, inherited property is NOT community property. The fact that he waited until the partner was away on a business trip to do this is very suspicious. This is a humongous red flag! The fact the partner refuses to acknowledge his lack of feelings towards the hurt he caused and is attempting to gaslight the OP for his transgressions is untenable. OP should set very firm boundaries with this moron or kick him to the curb. No further "renovations " are to be made. He's attempting to remove all factors of your family's history with this property and make it his. Not today Satan!

Sarah Ellison
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's husband has hurt him, and that hurt can't begin to heal until their husband apologizes and acknowledges that what they did was wrong. And if OP's husband can't do that, then the hurt will just fester until the relationship ultimately fails.

person (i think)
Community Member
3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This would be a deal breaker for me. His reply would be the nail in the coffin of that relationship

Eve
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask a tree expert asap. Perhaps you could save the base, or grow cuttings into new trees. Whilst if possible drying the remaining wood to use in furniture around the house. (Perhaps theres a local lumber mill with a kiln you could ask for advice) Here in UK, it caused outrage when a vandal cut down a dearly loved tree. Theres a charity working to save it. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/news/our-statement-on-the-felling-of-the-sycamore-gap-tree

Eve
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A tree is like a pet, a living member of your family. Ask a tree expert asap if there is any chance of shoots from base, or planting leaves to make new growth, new trees. Here in the UK, a famous tree was vandalised/chopped down and it caused outrage. The National Trust charity has various things to try to save it's memory. Maybe you could do something similar. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/news/our-statement-on-the-felling-of-the-sycamore-gap-tree

Barbara Williams
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did he do with the tree after he cut it down? Obviously you can't resurrect it, but if you still have the lumber, maybe have some lovely yard furniture made with

Morgan Hamilton
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone above said it was most likely introduced to a wood chipper. The results are either tossed, being used as mulch in the yard, or bagged up waiting to be used.

Load More Replies...
Nina
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, this is deeply cruel. Can't see this relationship lasting much longer.

Cor
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since this can’t be undone, you can either choose to forgive or break up. You definitely should have been clearer regarding the tree.

Eric Torrey
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are the roots still there? It is a long shot, buy you may want to check with an arborist to see if there is anyway to dig up little bits of the roots and use them to sprout new "Little Sally's" If you can, and can get enough sprouts -- you could pot them and give one to each family member. I realize it takes a generation to grow a tree like Sally, but a tiny sprout for each person will maybe keep the memories alive. I understand... I inherited my parent's house after COVID. The front yard has two massive oak trees towering over the ranch-style house. I took am renovating. I do worry about them, considering it is Florida and we deal with hurricanes. But, I remember when they were planted shortly after we moved in. They were maybe 5 feet tall then. Now, they are GRAND!!! I did have a tree trim company with an arborist on staff come out. They trimmed a few branches and cleaned out some areas where dead leaves had accumulated... but, overall, roots run deep and trees are healthy.

Zsazsa Light
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Stop letting this idiot to do whatever he wants to YOUR inheritance. You need to shine that spine of yours. Who gives a f**k what his little style is? It's your family's. Yta to yourself letting husband walk all over you. Just stop. Take control. Seek attorney immediately.

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