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Man Tries To Have One Day Off, Wife “Forgets” Their Agreement, Is Shocked When He Just Leaves
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Man Tries To Have One Day Off, Wife “Forgets” Their Agreement, Is Shocked When He Just Leaves

Interview With Expert Man Tries To Have One Day Off, Wife “Forgets” Their Agreement, Is Shocked When He Just LeavesHusband Gets Back At Wife Conveniently Forgetting About His Day Off From “Babysitting”Tired Dad Leaves The House After Wife Won’t Stop Asking For Help, Says “It’s Her Job To Babysit”Husband And Wife At Each Other’s Throats After Man Tries To Have One Day Off But Wife “Forgets” Man And Wife At Each Other’s Throats Over Chore Overwhelm After Wife Ignores AgreementSAHM Enjoys 3-4 Girls Trips A Year, Yet Denies Husband A Day Off: “Am I Less Deserving?”Husband Requests A Day Off Without Chores And Childcare After 60-Hour Weeks, Wife “Forgets”“AITA For Telling My Wife It’s Her Job To Babysit The Kids And Leaving The House?”Husband's Day Off From Chores Sparks Tension, Leaves Wife Overwhelmed With KidsWife
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Every parent needs a break once in a while. The bigger part of their day revolves around taking care of someone else, and the all-consuming tasks can quickly become emotionally and physically exhausting. Time off helps them refill their cups and be a better parent for their children. 

After working intense 60-hour weeks and balancing parenthood, redditor Holiday-Kangaroo4152 was long overdue for a day to himself. So he informed his wife he would be taking a brief break and asked her not to assign childcare or any chores to him. However, on the day, she ‘forgot’ about it, majorly getting under the husband’s skin.

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with psychologist Dr. Tamara Soles and parenting coach Jamie Buzzelle, who kindly agreed to tell us more about the importance of taking mental health breaks for parents.

Every parent needs a break once in a while. However, this can be impossible without the support of significant other

Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)

This husband found himself not being able to have even one day off because his wife refused to free him from housework

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Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Image source: Holiday-Kangaroo4152

66% of parents around the world suffer from burnout

In the last few years, more than 66% of parents have suffered from burnout, thanks to the pandemic. A 42-country study has found that parents in the United States are feeling the most exhausted. While paid parental leave and aid for childcare would help to take things off parent’s plates, making sure to take care of themselves should be more of a priority. 

Parenting coach Jamie Buzzelle tells Bored Panda that parents work around the clock, which takes a toll on their mental health as caring for others takes a lot of emotional energy. “If we don’t replenish our emotional cups, we are not only pouring from an empty cup, but this has a drastic impact on our nervous systems, and over time this leads to burnout, and chronic stress, which then impact our bodies through secondary illnesses,” she says.

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“Our mental health drives our physical health in so many ways, and it is a cycle where one impacts the other on repeat. So by taking mental health breaks, you are taking care of yourself not only mentally, but physically as well, and it can be considered a form of prevention.”

Psychologist Dr. Tamara Soles mentions that parents who care for themselves are better at regulating their emotions, which is, understandably, the toughest part of raising children. “We have to be able to manage our own emotions before we can help them learn to manage theirs,” she explains.

“Caring for ourselves as parents also means we are modeling good self-care to our children. As many of us work toward gender parity and reducing the mental and emotional load of mothers in particular, it’s important not to buy into the narrative that we are “good parents” if we are always busy and never have a moment to breathe.”

Image credits: Dương Nhân (not the actual photo)

When a parent is struggling, they should let the other one know if a break is needed

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How this break looks may depend on the individual. One person might need to leave home and catch some fresh air outside, while the other may feel content going to a different room and meditating or listening to relaxing music. The focus should be not on when and how long the activity is, but on how it makes one feel. If the person is left refreshed and rejuvenated after, it can count as a mental health break. If not, there are plenty of different things to try. Remember, everyone’s needs are different, and understanding your individual ones is key. 

In order to get the most out of your rest, Buzzelle recommends setting boundaries with the family and scheduling time off by proactively communicating with them. This would look like, ‘You are so important to me, but I am also important, and I need some time to take care of myself, just like I take care of you. I need x time for me this week, so how can we make this happen?'” she explains.

“Asserting your needs is great modeling for kids as well because they see their parents taking care of themselves rather than running ragged with no breaks. This can also help break generational patterns of behavior from continuing to be passed on down the familial line,” Buzzelle adds.

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When a parent is struggling, they should let the other one know if a break is needed. Soles suggests having a code word or something as straightforward as saying, “I’m finding myself having a very hard time tonight. Would you be able to do story time tonight so I can take a walk?”

She also recommends keeping in mind that “when we think of mental health breaks in small, everyday actions, it makes it much easier to integrate into a family culture. Going for a walk after dinner, taking some deep breaths at bedtime, and eating slowly to enjoy our meals are all examples of self-care.

I think society sets parents up to fail when we present mental health breaks as only being big things like a spa day or a vacation. Those things may be relaxing, but they are not as restorative as daily habits that are good for your brain and body.”

Without a partner’s support, it’s still important to find ways to have activities that help parent’s mental health

In those cases where a parent doesn’t receive support from their partner when a break is needed, Soles advises them to still find ways to have those activities that support their mental health. “Maybe it is going for a walk during your lunch at work, calling on friends and family for support, trying to focus on your sleep and exercise. If couples are struggling to align their values even after conversations and efforts, a couples therapist may be helpful.”

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Meanwhile, Buzzelle recommends checking in with the other person and taking a deeper look into the relationship. “Sometimes your partner may also be burned out, or feeling overwhelmed, and so they might feel threatened or worried when you need to take your own time.

Remember, that, as parents and partners, you’re on the same team. If you’re receiving some pushback, then get curious about what’s going on, and try to come up with a plan that works for both partners.”

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

The author provided more information in the comments

Some readers supported the husband

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Others thought he was the jerk in this situation

Some even believed that they were both wrong

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

Ieva Pečiulytė

Ieva Pečiulytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

Read less »

Ieva Pečiulytė

Ieva Pečiulytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

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Nikole
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should have taken his gaming system to a hotel for a few days and told his wife he was having a boy’s weekend.

Alexandra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure why all this 24/7 parenting comments have to do with this. It's simple; he and his wife agreed on him having a day off after a strenuous few weeks of work. When the day comes, his wife suddenly breaks her promise. That's it. He's not a bad parent, he shares chores, he works hard so that, presumably, his wife is able to be a SAHM, something which has become a bit of a luxury today anyhow. Also, it's just a single day folks! Don't turn this into something which it isn't. Even parents need breaks every once in a while. True, the term 'babysit' is not appropriate to use for these parents: babies are only 'sat' by others than their parents. Parents look after their children.

Hannah Taylor
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"One rule for me; another rule for thee." A surefire way to tank a marriage. Little Miss Privileged needs to get her head out of her butt and let her husband have a break. He does his fair share around the house already. If she can take "girls trips" 3-4 times of the year, why in the name of all that's sensible can't he have one frigging day or weekend to himself? Maybe he should put a moratorium on her annual trips, then step out with his friends twice a month. Let her see what work imbalance REALLY looks like.

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stress is the biggest killer in office environments, and working that many hours a week will catch up up on a peep - usually a stroke or a heart attack if it goes on too long.

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Duvet Woman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surely the YTA commenter on the post didn't read ot properly. She goes away about 3 times a year. He doesn't. So if he chooses his " me" time at home then that's still should be the same as " me" time for her when she's away.

Hphizzle
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Spouse one clearly states they need a day to recover. Gives weeks out and days out reminder. Spouse two agrees. Said day arrives spouse two completely ignores agreed upon boundary set by spouse one. Yes, spouse two is the AH.

Tenebre
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can tell 80% of people don't have kids. Yes. You do get days off from your children. Why else do you think parents send them to daycare, after school programs friends houses, or families houses? Because NO ONE can parent 24/7. Just doesn't work that way. Ask any parent and unless they have absolutely no form of support net, they will tell you how they get their time off. People are crying about them using the word babysit rather than actually addressing the post. OPs wife gets vacations, why can't OP? Oh, right. Because we hate men. Forgot about that.

J Howard
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no children, and I think this is bogus. 24 hours. He asked for 24 freaking hours!! They had a conversation. She agreed to let him have a moment. She literally changed her mind because… she wanted to spend an hour talking to her friend? It’s not like he left for a week with his boys. One damn day. She’s the AH. Being a SAHM is not easy work. I get it. It’s also not easy working 60 hours a week.

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pineapple87
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who thinks the problem here isn't how either party was acting but how they communicate? I see a lot of telling the other person what the other person should do instead of asking and making presumptions instead of communicating. And indeed, taking care of your own kids isn't called babysitting, it's called being a parent.

iseefractals
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But....he did communicate. If your spouse is allowed to peace out on all responsibilities for days at a time, multiple times per year without being bothered, there doesn't need to be a discussion when it comes time for you to enjoy the same. He told her, repeatedly that he was going to take 1 day for himself. Not a week, or a weekend, ONE single day, after spending months putting in 12 hours a day financially supporting a family of four, before coming home and continuing to do chores and parent, and spending his weekends doing the same. The problem here is that he's married to a selfish, entitled brat, and it's kinda disgusting. Not only because this situation has become so incredibly common, but that it's defended as "fair"

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adobe blue
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People on this site seem reactionary. OP explained clearly what the situation was. His wife seems selfish. I think some advice or suggestions would have been more productive. In the future, he needs to set up his time off so clearly that there can be no mistaking that he is off the clock. Work is work and watching your kids is work. He requested no work for a few hours and it wasn't unreasonable. Now he has to appease his wife when she doesn't honor the request. Help a brother out, don't be rude.

Vanessa MacKenzie
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

agreed! All they see is "woman grew foetus, must have break" not "family raise children together, including earning income to do so." Wife goes on holiday 3-4 times a year. Clearly that means husband is home that entire time for their children. How does he not have the right to a day off? I'll also guarantee that he wasn't thinking 24 hours, just waking ones - 12 hours or so, to de-stress, chill.

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Cooking Panda
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people seem to forget that SOME CHORES CAN WAIT. Your kids need help with homework, order some dinner. You're having a guest, do the dishes later.

Sue User
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, she HAD to do the dishes? Let them wait. Wife should have taken care of kids because dad was trying to take care of hinself by resting. I think most people dont realise how hard it is to work 60 hours a week for months. Then also do house chores and childcare? I would have left the house with the kids and made sure there was beer/ soda in fridge and favorite snacks.

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MR
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only part of this entire post that mattered was he made the request 2 weeks earlier and she agreed. If she had objections to it, she had literally two weeks to make them. And not being able to clean up a child because you're doing the dishes? The dishes aren't going anywhere. You can do both. You're friend isn't more important than your son's needs. This mother seems rather controlling. Hard to gauge over a single, biased post. But he's an NTA for needing a day. And he's definitely NTA for letting her know we'll ahead of time.

DrBronxx
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose OP knows now that to really get a break, he has to actually leave his home. That sucks. It does seem that, maybe communication problems aside, OP is NTA. That said, we don't fully know his wife's side. Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed. I know that's happened with my wife and I. We give each other breaks and try not to get the other involved while they're taking a nap or something, but sometimes it's just necessary. Lastly, I totally get where OP is coming from on the work front. I have a similar schedule right now, and it's stressing me out. However, the difference is that I want to spend what little spare time I have with my family. My wife has offered to give me the day off parenting for Father's Day (which is what I just did for her this past Mother's Day), but I feel I'd just be missing out. Logically, I will need to rest at some point, but I don't want to miss more than I already do.

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get really overwhelmed when I spend hours chatting with my friends at home too. It's such a difficult task, I'd give up our hourly chat anyday if I could replace it with 60+ hours of hard labor per week.

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Susan
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like he needs to start planning his own trips away to even things out. If he's more introverted he can plan a solo trip somewhere interest to him, or go camping/hiking, or just book himself a massage day and a night at a nice hotel. But there's got to be balance.

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Next time a 'girls' trip comes up (if she refuses to admit she was the AH), say you 'forgot' and what an AH she is if she goes. Honestly, a word comes up, and a percentage of responders melt like a snowflake. I'm a woman/mom/Grandma and knew what he meant. jeeze.

Jon Steensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

meeting fire with fire almost always just makes the conflict worse, as everyone will always tend to think that the "enemy's" revence is uncalled for, and that their retaliation was much bigger than the harm you did to them. Since we are so bad at spotting our own mistakes, that calls for a revence for the revence, and then it gets just a noch more... and then the downwards spiral gets started.

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Mad McQueen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parenting is a 24/7 job he's told. Ok so she can take the kids on two of her four trips a year. He could have easily been reached at the park by phone in case of an emergency. He didn't abandon her. He took time to recharge. She really blew it. I can understand if one kid was crying and one got into something to ask for his help. But she spent an hour gabbing to a friend. So she got to relax when he had a chore. She's really delusional. He needs some trips for himself to even out her being away.

Rahul Pawa
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is NTA for wanting a day off. These people need marriage counseling to work on their communication and respecting boundaries. OP seems to communicate his feelings and needs pretty well (according to him, so taken with a grain of salt). His wife on the other hand sounds demanding and aggressive. If she really used the words "a*****e" and "abandoned" then she needs a lot of help.

Gwyn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if you are a parent you never get a day off ever? These people are idiots. Parents need downtime too and the other parent should be capable of watching the kids, so the parents can take turns giving each other breaks. That's how it works unless you are actually trying to kill yourself with overwork.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what did you learn? If you stay home on an off day, you’ll get sucked into parenting and your kids and wife will expect to interact with you. Do what your wife does and go out on your off days.

Mona
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't an a-hole situation. The husband simply needs to change how he does things. You can't stay in the house and ignore your family — I mean, you can, it's physically possible, but it won't go well. If you need a break, go elsewhere. It's that simple!

Don Johnson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then no more girls trips for mom, wouldn't want her ignoring her family. What on earth will dad do if an issue arises while he is washing dishes? You made a good point, for the good of the children no more girls trips for the mom.

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Occam's Chainsaw
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me like they need to get a babysitter and BOTH take a break. OP deserved his day, no question. If his wife (who presumably also hasn't had a girls' trip, or break during the time he has been working 12 hours a day) also needs a break, she deserves one, too. Win/win?

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds to me like something wifey should've piped the f up about when hubby asked for ONE DAY OFF. For f***s sake people

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A Jones
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, she should get a calendar if she forgets important dates/agreements.

C W
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't even read this because you're parenting. Not babysitting.

Bones
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I"m guessing English is not his first language based on him using babysit for both him and his wife's act of child rearing. NTA though, he asked for a day ""off" like her weekends away. She agreed. She broke the agreement.

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow... the YTAs really showed their true face on what scumbags they are. The entitlement and hate runs deep in that trash... guess next time he wants a day off he should book a hotel, and leave telling his gaslighting garbage partner he's out of town.

Say No to Downvoting
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like weekends away with my friends, my husband is a die hard gamer. When I go away for a weekend, my husband does the house and the kids. When he has a gaming weekend, he gets to shut himself up in his study and game while I do the house and kids (and occasionally throw a bag of chips or an energy drink in his direction if I’m feeling nice). They’re exactly the same - we both get time out. I agree with OP - I want to sit and have a chat to his wife because I think she has misunderstood things.

ADZ
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys of reddit should remember having a penis will always make YTA to 70% of people on there no matter what.

Game Guy
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haven't bothered with that site in a long time but at least in the past it was one of the most misogynistic sites on the Internet. Unless that's changed significantly, the 70% figure is difficult to believe.

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Janet L
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh for goodness sake - where do these people get off with their “it’s your responsibility too” c**p? This poor guy works his guts out to provide for his kids and lazy a*s wife, shares the chores when he’s not at work, and gets called out for wanting a few hours to himself. Let the people criticising him take on his life for a couple of days before they dish it out.

Jon Steensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, you don't babysit your own children, you take care of them and raise them as a parent. Well that misnomer being cleared, lets get to the real issue. In most well funtioning relationships there is a certain amount of work that must be done to make things work. There is a workload needed to scape enough money toghether to pay for stuff, and then there is all the work in the house. When you choose to split the task such that one is the sole bread winner, he/she has to do all the work outside the house, and will probably have to put in more than the usual amount of work-hours to make the ends meet financially. This means that that person will not have enough time to also put in half of the work that is needed in the house, so the other partner can enjoy a priviledged posistion of doing less. Hence if you are a stay at home parent you must expect that the vast majority, if not all, of the tasks related to chores and raising children will be placed on YOUR shoulders.

Shelli Aderman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s not called “babysitting” when it’s your own children. It’s called parenting.

Don Johnson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course some bashed the man while ignoring wife gets multiple girls trips a year. Because of course, reddit hates men almost as much as BP

similarly
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my kids were little, I used to work long days and long weeks. When I had a day off, that was time for me and kids to spend time together, and it was time for my wife to have time to breathe, to do other things. I feel, from my experience, that parenting isn't a part-time job. It also doesn't last forever. One day, your kids grow up and they're off like rockets on their own adventures, and you're left in a house that's too quiet and too clean, and you have too much time on your hands. I now understand why grandparents are so excited about their grandbabies.

Id row
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why have kids if you don't want them? They could both be enjoying their lives, which it seems is what the want to do. There's nothing wrong with that. Seems people have kids because they think that's what they're supposed to do and don't realize they don't *have* to in order to enjoy a fulfilling life.

Mikey Kliss
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

ESH is probably the best answer. Ok, he's been working 60 hour work weeks, guess whose been on her own with the kids during that?!? I have huge respect for good SAHM. Its a hard a*s job and dont blame either for needing time to recoup but she's on her own for 5 days a week and he's like, ya I need another day, good luck. As I said, both are crappy in this situation and some better solution is needed.

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ignoring the facts presented. Wife gets breaks. She gets vacations. The point isn't that she ALSO works 60 hours. The point is only one parent is allowed to take breaks, because she wants to go out and he wants to stay in and play games. She should've respected his time off the same way he did hers.

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Mariaf
Community Member
6 months ago

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babysit the kids....their own kids....yeah, nothing to worry about here. They are not parenting after all, they are just guarding the kids to not kill themselves.

madbakes
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post said English is not OP's first language. It's a misunderstanding. Chill.

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Nikole
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should have taken his gaming system to a hotel for a few days and told his wife he was having a boy’s weekend.

Alexandra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure why all this 24/7 parenting comments have to do with this. It's simple; he and his wife agreed on him having a day off after a strenuous few weeks of work. When the day comes, his wife suddenly breaks her promise. That's it. He's not a bad parent, he shares chores, he works hard so that, presumably, his wife is able to be a SAHM, something which has become a bit of a luxury today anyhow. Also, it's just a single day folks! Don't turn this into something which it isn't. Even parents need breaks every once in a while. True, the term 'babysit' is not appropriate to use for these parents: babies are only 'sat' by others than their parents. Parents look after their children.

Hannah Taylor
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"One rule for me; another rule for thee." A surefire way to tank a marriage. Little Miss Privileged needs to get her head out of her butt and let her husband have a break. He does his fair share around the house already. If she can take "girls trips" 3-4 times of the year, why in the name of all that's sensible can't he have one frigging day or weekend to himself? Maybe he should put a moratorium on her annual trips, then step out with his friends twice a month. Let her see what work imbalance REALLY looks like.

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stress is the biggest killer in office environments, and working that many hours a week will catch up up on a peep - usually a stroke or a heart attack if it goes on too long.

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Duvet Woman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surely the YTA commenter on the post didn't read ot properly. She goes away about 3 times a year. He doesn't. So if he chooses his " me" time at home then that's still should be the same as " me" time for her when she's away.

Hphizzle
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Spouse one clearly states they need a day to recover. Gives weeks out and days out reminder. Spouse two agrees. Said day arrives spouse two completely ignores agreed upon boundary set by spouse one. Yes, spouse two is the AH.

Tenebre
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can tell 80% of people don't have kids. Yes. You do get days off from your children. Why else do you think parents send them to daycare, after school programs friends houses, or families houses? Because NO ONE can parent 24/7. Just doesn't work that way. Ask any parent and unless they have absolutely no form of support net, they will tell you how they get their time off. People are crying about them using the word babysit rather than actually addressing the post. OPs wife gets vacations, why can't OP? Oh, right. Because we hate men. Forgot about that.

J Howard
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no children, and I think this is bogus. 24 hours. He asked for 24 freaking hours!! They had a conversation. She agreed to let him have a moment. She literally changed her mind because… she wanted to spend an hour talking to her friend? It’s not like he left for a week with his boys. One damn day. She’s the AH. Being a SAHM is not easy work. I get it. It’s also not easy working 60 hours a week.

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pineapple87
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who thinks the problem here isn't how either party was acting but how they communicate? I see a lot of telling the other person what the other person should do instead of asking and making presumptions instead of communicating. And indeed, taking care of your own kids isn't called babysitting, it's called being a parent.

iseefractals
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But....he did communicate. If your spouse is allowed to peace out on all responsibilities for days at a time, multiple times per year without being bothered, there doesn't need to be a discussion when it comes time for you to enjoy the same. He told her, repeatedly that he was going to take 1 day for himself. Not a week, or a weekend, ONE single day, after spending months putting in 12 hours a day financially supporting a family of four, before coming home and continuing to do chores and parent, and spending his weekends doing the same. The problem here is that he's married to a selfish, entitled brat, and it's kinda disgusting. Not only because this situation has become so incredibly common, but that it's defended as "fair"

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adobe blue
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People on this site seem reactionary. OP explained clearly what the situation was. His wife seems selfish. I think some advice or suggestions would have been more productive. In the future, he needs to set up his time off so clearly that there can be no mistaking that he is off the clock. Work is work and watching your kids is work. He requested no work for a few hours and it wasn't unreasonable. Now he has to appease his wife when she doesn't honor the request. Help a brother out, don't be rude.

Vanessa MacKenzie
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

agreed! All they see is "woman grew foetus, must have break" not "family raise children together, including earning income to do so." Wife goes on holiday 3-4 times a year. Clearly that means husband is home that entire time for their children. How does he not have the right to a day off? I'll also guarantee that he wasn't thinking 24 hours, just waking ones - 12 hours or so, to de-stress, chill.

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Cooking Panda
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people seem to forget that SOME CHORES CAN WAIT. Your kids need help with homework, order some dinner. You're having a guest, do the dishes later.

Sue User
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, she HAD to do the dishes? Let them wait. Wife should have taken care of kids because dad was trying to take care of hinself by resting. I think most people dont realise how hard it is to work 60 hours a week for months. Then also do house chores and childcare? I would have left the house with the kids and made sure there was beer/ soda in fridge and favorite snacks.

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MR
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only part of this entire post that mattered was he made the request 2 weeks earlier and she agreed. If she had objections to it, she had literally two weeks to make them. And not being able to clean up a child because you're doing the dishes? The dishes aren't going anywhere. You can do both. You're friend isn't more important than your son's needs. This mother seems rather controlling. Hard to gauge over a single, biased post. But he's an NTA for needing a day. And he's definitely NTA for letting her know we'll ahead of time.

DrBronxx
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose OP knows now that to really get a break, he has to actually leave his home. That sucks. It does seem that, maybe communication problems aside, OP is NTA. That said, we don't fully know his wife's side. Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed. I know that's happened with my wife and I. We give each other breaks and try not to get the other involved while they're taking a nap or something, but sometimes it's just necessary. Lastly, I totally get where OP is coming from on the work front. I have a similar schedule right now, and it's stressing me out. However, the difference is that I want to spend what little spare time I have with my family. My wife has offered to give me the day off parenting for Father's Day (which is what I just did for her this past Mother's Day), but I feel I'd just be missing out. Logically, I will need to rest at some point, but I don't want to miss more than I already do.

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get really overwhelmed when I spend hours chatting with my friends at home too. It's such a difficult task, I'd give up our hourly chat anyday if I could replace it with 60+ hours of hard labor per week.

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Susan
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like he needs to start planning his own trips away to even things out. If he's more introverted he can plan a solo trip somewhere interest to him, or go camping/hiking, or just book himself a massage day and a night at a nice hotel. But there's got to be balance.

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Next time a 'girls' trip comes up (if she refuses to admit she was the AH), say you 'forgot' and what an AH she is if she goes. Honestly, a word comes up, and a percentage of responders melt like a snowflake. I'm a woman/mom/Grandma and knew what he meant. jeeze.

Jon Steensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

meeting fire with fire almost always just makes the conflict worse, as everyone will always tend to think that the "enemy's" revence is uncalled for, and that their retaliation was much bigger than the harm you did to them. Since we are so bad at spotting our own mistakes, that calls for a revence for the revence, and then it gets just a noch more... and then the downwards spiral gets started.

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Mad McQueen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parenting is a 24/7 job he's told. Ok so she can take the kids on two of her four trips a year. He could have easily been reached at the park by phone in case of an emergency. He didn't abandon her. He took time to recharge. She really blew it. I can understand if one kid was crying and one got into something to ask for his help. But she spent an hour gabbing to a friend. So she got to relax when he had a chore. She's really delusional. He needs some trips for himself to even out her being away.

Rahul Pawa
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is NTA for wanting a day off. These people need marriage counseling to work on their communication and respecting boundaries. OP seems to communicate his feelings and needs pretty well (according to him, so taken with a grain of salt). His wife on the other hand sounds demanding and aggressive. If she really used the words "a*****e" and "abandoned" then she needs a lot of help.

Gwyn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So if you are a parent you never get a day off ever? These people are idiots. Parents need downtime too and the other parent should be capable of watching the kids, so the parents can take turns giving each other breaks. That's how it works unless you are actually trying to kill yourself with overwork.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what did you learn? If you stay home on an off day, you’ll get sucked into parenting and your kids and wife will expect to interact with you. Do what your wife does and go out on your off days.

Mona
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't an a-hole situation. The husband simply needs to change how he does things. You can't stay in the house and ignore your family — I mean, you can, it's physically possible, but it won't go well. If you need a break, go elsewhere. It's that simple!

Don Johnson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then no more girls trips for mom, wouldn't want her ignoring her family. What on earth will dad do if an issue arises while he is washing dishes? You made a good point, for the good of the children no more girls trips for the mom.

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Occam's Chainsaw
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me like they need to get a babysitter and BOTH take a break. OP deserved his day, no question. If his wife (who presumably also hasn't had a girls' trip, or break during the time he has been working 12 hours a day) also needs a break, she deserves one, too. Win/win?

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds to me like something wifey should've piped the f up about when hubby asked for ONE DAY OFF. For f***s sake people

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A Jones
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, she should get a calendar if she forgets important dates/agreements.

C W
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't even read this because you're parenting. Not babysitting.

Bones
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I"m guessing English is not his first language based on him using babysit for both him and his wife's act of child rearing. NTA though, he asked for a day ""off" like her weekends away. She agreed. She broke the agreement.

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow... the YTAs really showed their true face on what scumbags they are. The entitlement and hate runs deep in that trash... guess next time he wants a day off he should book a hotel, and leave telling his gaslighting garbage partner he's out of town.

Say No to Downvoting
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like weekends away with my friends, my husband is a die hard gamer. When I go away for a weekend, my husband does the house and the kids. When he has a gaming weekend, he gets to shut himself up in his study and game while I do the house and kids (and occasionally throw a bag of chips or an energy drink in his direction if I’m feeling nice). They’re exactly the same - we both get time out. I agree with OP - I want to sit and have a chat to his wife because I think she has misunderstood things.

ADZ
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys of reddit should remember having a penis will always make YTA to 70% of people on there no matter what.

Game Guy
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haven't bothered with that site in a long time but at least in the past it was one of the most misogynistic sites on the Internet. Unless that's changed significantly, the 70% figure is difficult to believe.

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Janet L
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh for goodness sake - where do these people get off with their “it’s your responsibility too” c**p? This poor guy works his guts out to provide for his kids and lazy a*s wife, shares the chores when he’s not at work, and gets called out for wanting a few hours to himself. Let the people criticising him take on his life for a couple of days before they dish it out.

Jon Steensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, you don't babysit your own children, you take care of them and raise them as a parent. Well that misnomer being cleared, lets get to the real issue. In most well funtioning relationships there is a certain amount of work that must be done to make things work. There is a workload needed to scape enough money toghether to pay for stuff, and then there is all the work in the house. When you choose to split the task such that one is the sole bread winner, he/she has to do all the work outside the house, and will probably have to put in more than the usual amount of work-hours to make the ends meet financially. This means that that person will not have enough time to also put in half of the work that is needed in the house, so the other partner can enjoy a priviledged posistion of doing less. Hence if you are a stay at home parent you must expect that the vast majority, if not all, of the tasks related to chores and raising children will be placed on YOUR shoulders.

Shelli Aderman
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s not called “babysitting” when it’s your own children. It’s called parenting.

Don Johnson
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course some bashed the man while ignoring wife gets multiple girls trips a year. Because of course, reddit hates men almost as much as BP

similarly
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my kids were little, I used to work long days and long weeks. When I had a day off, that was time for me and kids to spend time together, and it was time for my wife to have time to breathe, to do other things. I feel, from my experience, that parenting isn't a part-time job. It also doesn't last forever. One day, your kids grow up and they're off like rockets on their own adventures, and you're left in a house that's too quiet and too clean, and you have too much time on your hands. I now understand why grandparents are so excited about their grandbabies.

Id row
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why have kids if you don't want them? They could both be enjoying their lives, which it seems is what the want to do. There's nothing wrong with that. Seems people have kids because they think that's what they're supposed to do and don't realize they don't *have* to in order to enjoy a fulfilling life.

Mikey Kliss
Community Member
6 months ago

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ESH is probably the best answer. Ok, he's been working 60 hour work weeks, guess whose been on her own with the kids during that?!? I have huge respect for good SAHM. Its a hard a*s job and dont blame either for needing time to recoup but she's on her own for 5 days a week and he's like, ya I need another day, good luck. As I said, both are crappy in this situation and some better solution is needed.

Thanos'Fingers
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is ignoring the facts presented. Wife gets breaks. She gets vacations. The point isn't that she ALSO works 60 hours. The point is only one parent is allowed to take breaks, because she wants to go out and he wants to stay in and play games. She should've respected his time off the same way he did hers.

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Mariaf
Community Member
6 months ago

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babysit the kids....their own kids....yeah, nothing to worry about here. They are not parenting after all, they are just guarding the kids to not kill themselves.

madbakes
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post said English is not OP's first language. It's a misunderstanding. Chill.

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