Take this Redditor, for instance – she recently had a row with her husband, who proposed she stay home with the baby for a while even though she makes three times more money than him.

This couple is expecting their first child together

Recently, the man suggested one of them stay at home with the baby for a while

“AITA for telling my husband if he wants someone to stay home with our baby, he can do it?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if she’s indeed a jerk for bringing up their pay disparity when her husband proposed she stay home with their soon-to-be-born baby for the first year. The post managed to garner over 12K upvotes as well as 2.7K comments discussing the situation.

Smoking everywhere, spanking and paddling as disciplinary measures in school, a lack of environmental consciousness, normalized child labor, arranged marriages, casual racism – times change, as does our notion of what is “normal” and what isn’t, yet for some intricate reason a fair share of men still believe that being a stay-at-home dad is emasculating, even if their partner is the so-called breadwinner! 

Yes, some families still choose to stick to the once-believed traditional gender roles (which really hold no value in the modern world anymore), where women are happy to take on household and childcare responsibilities – however, that only tends to work when both parties want to do that, not when it’s being dictated by some old-fashioned societal stigma that’s been engraved in people’s heads from an early age.  

Raising a kid is a tough gig, and there’s no place for sexism, ego-driven decisions, and shaming remarks. Despite how cliché it might sound, it’s vital to maintain open and respectful communication to understand each other’s viewpoints and ensure that you’re indeed on the same page, or else you risk getting yourself into an unpleasant situation, just like the author of today’s Reddit post whose husband got brainwashed by his idiotic “man’s man” divorced brother. 

Thanks to their ability to discuss things freely, the couple was able to get to the root of the issue and, at last, establish what was best for their family! They’ve agreed to look into a counselor to work on their relationship and make it even stronger, and will also consider a nanny service so that neither of them has to put their career on hold. 

The mom-to-be said that it should be him as she earns a lot more

Now, to gain additional perspectives and perhaps grasp this rather delicate situation better, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a couple of experts!

Emma Bradley, a mom of three, parenting coach, and qualified teacher, kindly agreed to offer some commentary, and we first pondered about her views on stay-at-home parenting: “Stay-at-home parenting has become more and more difficult as we live in a society that demands two salaries now. Unlike in the 1950s, housing, food, and lifestyle costs are so much more and based on two salaries. Therefore, it is often a struggle to choose to be a stay-at-home parent.

I also don’t think we should expect a mum to be a SAHM as this is outdated and now it is whatever works for the family. There are many reasons for a woman to work as I want to see women have financial freedom. It can also be isolating and lonely staying at home long term.”

We then asked Emma why many men still find the notion of being a stay-at-home dad emasculating: “Because of outdated views about nurture. We are still shocked when gender norms are twisted. Lucy Letby, the killer, for example – many think it’s worse because a woman killed babies. A man would probably be less shocking, unfortunately. We equate nurturing with women still, and this is crazy as it was just based on capitalism anyway and the bid to keep women as property and shackled to the home.

By default, men are seen as the providers. This outdated notion is breaking down, but slowly – it’s the same when dads are referred to as babysitting their own kids. They are more than capable of being the primary carers or taking children on holidays by themselves. Women need to also let this happen.”

However, he got upset as he felt that this idea was ‘emasculating’

Our second interviewee, the face behind a blog called StressedMum, also shared some interesting thoughts!

“I was lucky to be a stay-at-home mum as we were in a position to let me do that. My husband was setting up a new business, and I worked on promoting it and taking bookings etc. around looking after the baby. We also had my parents who could look after the kids anytime. Some parents have no choice but to use daycare from a very early age. My mum worked in a nursery and would see babies being dropped off very early and picked up late. They only really saw their parents on a weekend. That was something I could not consider. My daughter started nursery part-time when she was 2 and a half. She was ready for it and loved it,” shared Sam when BP wondered about her opinions on stay-at-home parenting.

Last but certainly not least, the woman added: “With families struggling with the cost of living now, I think you have to look at the best option for your family. Childcare is expensive. I know people who have given up work as they were just working to pay the childcare. Look at who is the highest earner – can you afford to live on one wage? Not forgetting how much more a newborn costs. You need to do what is right for your family and not what others think. There are a lot of stay-at-home dads now, some great dad bloggers out there as well.”

So, do you agree that the original poster is not a jerk?

Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions