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Woman Hates Living According To Husband’s Selfish Ex’s Schedule, Plans To Give Hubby Ultimatum
In today’s world, many blended families find ways to coexist without members causing too much trouble to each other. Time management, setting expectations, and other strategies help them to do so. At the same time, there are also blended families whose members struggle to figure out their roles in each other’s lives.
Like the one from today’s story. On paper, they look like a perfectly functioning family – a man who shares his kids with his ex 50% of the time while living with his wife and their small child. Sadly, their reality is way more chaotic than that. In fact, the man’s current wife is thinking about leaving.
More info: Mumsnet
While some blended families find ways to coexist, unfortunately not all do
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A man has two kids with his ex-wife of 5 years and a kid with his current wife
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His ex is a nurse, so her schedule can be quite messy, so both he and his wife agreed to accommodate it
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The problem is that his ex never informs them about her schedule ahead of time, making chaos of their lives
Image credits: PicassoDiBablo
The chaos is so frustrating that the man’s current wife is considering leaving him if he doesn’t convince his ex to be more accommodating, like they have been to her
The OP’s husband shares two kids with his ex of 5 years. Around 2 years ago, said ex finished her nursing studies and she has been working in the National Health Service (NHS) ever since.
Since the exes share the kids for 50% of the time, when the woman started her job, her ex-husband agreed to accommodate her shifts. Nursing shifts are usually flexible in the sense that they can range from 4 to 16 hours. So, you might see why it might require accommodation from other people.
The OP agreed to the accommodation, and let’s just say that eventually, she came to regret this decision.
The main problem that arose was that the ex-wife never gave her schedule ahead of time. The most she has given them is a day’s notice, which isn’t much when you need to prepare for taking care of kids.
If the family asks the woman to send over her schedule, oftentimes she simply ignores this request or says she “forgot” to do it on time, which frustrates the OP even further.
All this instability causes chaos in their family and surely is not beneficial for the kids. Schedules and routines are important for children, as they can make them feel safe and comfortable, and be aware of what is coming next and what they should do. In this story, not only the kids that OP’s husband had with his ex are affected, but their 2-year-old daughter is too.
Plus, routines aren’t only beneficial for kids, it’s good for the whole family too. For instance, it helps parents to be at least a little bit less overwhelmed during busy or stressful times of the day. Plus, it also helps with time management – knowing that a specific activity fits into a certain time slot can make it easier to plan other activities around it.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Yet, in the case of this story, it’s hard to keep up their routines when they never can be sure when the kids will be at their place. Since these kids are pretty young, 7 and 10 years old, planning for them is a necessity. The parents can’t simply, for example, leave them home alone for a couple of hours.
Meal planning is also a nightmare – the couple can never be sure whether they need to prepare food for three people or five people.
No wonder the author hates this whole accommodation – she has to base her whole life on her husband’s selfish ex, who clearly doesn’t respect their time.
To make matters worse, her husband doesn’t really want to create any waves. He wants to have an easy life and worries that if he complains too much, the ex will stop letting him see his kids.
This bugs his current wife so much that she is considering giving him an ultimatum – either he does something about it or she’s gone because she can’t live like this anymore.
Of course, she also asked the online world whether this sounded unreasonable and became today’s OP in the process. She got the answer from Mumsnet users that it doesn’t sound unreasonable at all. The way she’s living seems irritating at least – accommodating someone who basically doesn’t respect you is not a way to live.
Well, of course, it’s sad that the relationship has reached the point where an ultimatum is needed. What we can only hope is that an ultimatum will work and this insufferable situation will soon be fixed.
The woman asked the online world whether this was an overreaction to her current situation and got the answer that it wasn’t – her husband’s ex is being overly selfish
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What do you think ?
Tiger 1 day ago
SDC? DSD? DSC? Can we please stop with these weird and awkward abbreviations, folks? It makes it so much harder to read and understand the story. The abbreviations are incredibly cringy too (who tf refers to their family as “dear husband” “dear son” etc every time they talk about them?). wtf does SDC mean? Step-dear-children?
KatSaidWhat 2 days ago
Ex needs to get actual childcare in place. She is taking advantage and being disruptive. I have all the respect in the world for NHS nurses, they have one of the toughest jobs in the world - but get your s**t together and get some daycare.
Sally Horrocks 1 day ago
Nurses very often work 12 hour shifts. A 7 to 7 shift means leaving the house at 6.30 or earlier and getting home at 7.30 or later. Professional childcare isn't usually available at these times.
Load More Replies...
Debby Keir 1 day ago
She's either really disorganised (rare for a nurse) or she's just having a larf. Most will usually get their rota at least a week in advance, often a month at a time. It can change with emergencies, but that's life. Your husband has joint custody. She's the one who needs the childcare as well. Agree to fit in with her schedule on the understanding that NOTICE is given, and allowance for occasional, but not regular 'emergencies'. She needs him more than he needs her and the kids deserve stability and both of them.
Rdj 1 day ago
I had this situation too. I had no rights cause they thought I was crazy. You only got the kids back by just being kind to the dad. I always said yes. It was always short notice. I didn't mind and neither did the kids, but the partner I had then couldn't handle it and later we broke up. Now I have rabbits. You can't have a partner in a situation like this. Only if they utterly enjoy it when the kids come. Yay! Yippie! We get em extra! Later another guy showed interest. I warned him. I said I'm not gonna ruin your life. Find someone without kids.
notlikeyou1971 7 hours ago
It's NOT unreasonable at all. She has no right to be inconsiderate and make you disrupt your whole life because she refuses to release her schedule. Walking into a mystery/ surprise every single day isn't fair and your husband expecting you to deal with it is unreasonable and selfish. He wants an easy life? Well he's not going to have an easy life being selfish and spineless. He's going to end up divorced if he doesn't start thinking of you and your daughter and make a proper schedule for the children showing up and stop making you just rearrange your whole life because he's too much of a coward to ask for her schedule and some consideration and consistency. There's either going to be a schedule with advanced notice or his spineless a** can find himself awfully lonely when he's single again. Give him the ultimatum! Since he's a coward, I believe it's the only way to get through to him . Either the schedule WITH NOTICE is disclosed or this ends . Don't let his spineless a** squirm out of this either and BELIEVE ME he's going to try. Put your foot down or this will never end. Do you want to live in discomfort, resentment and misery forever? Only YOU can stop this!. He's inconsiderate of what you want and need and you need to fix it or be stuck in this situation.
Voice of reason? 21 hours ago
This is unacceptable. I don't know about NHS, but most nursing schedules are posted 4-6 weeks in advance minimum. Some are posted six months and more out. She is clearly just very unorganized and needs to have firm boundaries set. She cannot keep the father from seeing his children, he needs to get serious with her about expectations for days, or just stick with a set schedule and then she'll need to sort childcare if needed and might not see them on some of her days off.
Lee Gilliland 1 day ago
Get a lawyer NOW. This needs to be settled quickly and legally. Do NOT allow.the ex-wife to skate.
Anton Swanepoel 1 day ago
There are more acronyms in this post than in the US f*****g military. I'm tired of having to constantly stop to look stuff up so I know who the writer is talking about. Otherwise, she not being unreasonable, and needs to have a serious talk with her husband about his ex-wife's behaviour.
Tiger 1 day ago
SDC? DSD? DSC? Can we please stop with these weird and awkward abbreviations, folks? It makes it so much harder to read and understand the story. The abbreviations are incredibly cringy too (who tf refers to their family as “dear husband” “dear son” etc every time they talk about them?). wtf does SDC mean? Step-dear-children?
KatSaidWhat 2 days ago
Ex needs to get actual childcare in place. She is taking advantage and being disruptive. I have all the respect in the world for NHS nurses, they have one of the toughest jobs in the world - but get your s**t together and get some daycare.
Sally Horrocks 1 day ago
Nurses very often work 12 hour shifts. A 7 to 7 shift means leaving the house at 6.30 or earlier and getting home at 7.30 or later. Professional childcare isn't usually available at these times.
Load More Replies... Debby Keir 1 day ago
She's either really disorganised (rare for a nurse) or she's just having a larf. Most will usually get their rota at least a week in advance, often a month at a time. It can change with emergencies, but that's life. Your husband has joint custody. She's the one who needs the childcare as well. Agree to fit in with her schedule on the understanding that NOTICE is given, and allowance for occasional, but not regular 'emergencies'. She needs him more than he needs her and the kids deserve stability and both of them.
Rdj 1 day ago
I had this situation too. I had no rights cause they thought I was crazy. You only got the kids back by just being kind to the dad. I always said yes. It was always short notice. I didn't mind and neither did the kids, but the partner I had then couldn't handle it and later we broke up. Now I have rabbits. You can't have a partner in a situation like this. Only if they utterly enjoy it when the kids come. Yay! Yippie! We get em extra! Later another guy showed interest. I warned him. I said I'm not gonna ruin your life. Find someone without kids.
notlikeyou1971 7 hours ago
It's NOT unreasonable at all. She has no right to be inconsiderate and make you disrupt your whole life because she refuses to release her schedule. Walking into a mystery/ surprise every single day isn't fair and your husband expecting you to deal with it is unreasonable and selfish. He wants an easy life? Well he's not going to have an easy life being selfish and spineless. He's going to end up divorced if he doesn't start thinking of you and your daughter and make a proper schedule for the children showing up and stop making you just rearrange your whole life because he's too much of a coward to ask for her schedule and some consideration and consistency. There's either going to be a schedule with advanced notice or his spineless a** can find himself awfully lonely when he's single again. Give him the ultimatum! Since he's a coward, I believe it's the only way to get through to him . Either the schedule WITH NOTICE is disclosed or this ends . Don't let his spineless a** squirm out of this either and BELIEVE ME he's going to try. Put your foot down or this will never end. Do you want to live in discomfort, resentment and misery forever? Only YOU can stop this!. He's inconsiderate of what you want and need and you need to fix it or be stuck in this situation.
Voice of reason? 21 hours ago
This is unacceptable. I don't know about NHS, but most nursing schedules are posted 4-6 weeks in advance minimum. Some are posted six months and more out. She is clearly just very unorganized and needs to have firm boundaries set. She cannot keep the father from seeing his children, he needs to get serious with her about expectations for days, or just stick with a set schedule and then she'll need to sort childcare if needed and might not see them on some of her days off.
Lee Gilliland 1 day ago
Get a lawyer NOW. This needs to be settled quickly and legally. Do NOT allow.the ex-wife to skate.
Anton Swanepoel 1 day ago
There are more acronyms in this post than in the US f*****g military. I'm tired of having to constantly stop to look stuff up so I know who the writer is talking about. Otherwise, she not being unreasonable, and needs to have a serious talk with her husband about his ex-wife's behaviour.
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