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“The Last 6 Days Have Been Hell”: Friend Expects To Be Treated Like A King, Gets A Reality Check
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“The Last 6 Days Have Been Hell”: Friend Expects To Be Treated Like A King, Gets A Reality Check

“The Last 6 Days Have Been Hell”: Friend Expects To Be Treated Like A King, Gets A Reality Check“The Last 6 Days Have Been Hell”: Woman Is Tired Of Entitled Guest’s Demands, Moves Into A HotelWoman Is Tired Of Being Treated Like A Doormat While Husband’s Friend Is VisitingWoman Angry And Hurt After Husband Won’t Kick Out His Entitled Friend, Moves Into A Hotel“No Peace In My Own Home”: Husband’s Friend Moves In, Gives A List Of Entitled DemandsEntitled Houseguest Makes Hosts’ Lives Hell For His Own Convenience, Wife Has Enough“A Total Social Drain”: Woman Makes Husband Choose Between Her And His Entitled Visiting FriendWoman Can No Longer Take Husband’s Friend From Hell In Their House, Moves Into A HotelWoman Stays A At Hotel In Response To Spouse Lacking Any Backbone To Tell Entitled Friend OffEntitled Friend Expects To Be Chauffeured Everywhere, Wife Finally Snaps After Husband Gives In
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Having a home large enough to accommodate guests is a double-edged sword. You have the freedom and flexibility to help out people coming to visit, but this capability quickly becomes a nuisance when some folks try to see just how far they can push the concept up guest rights.

A woman shared a lengthy story about her frustration with a houseguest who absolutely overstayed his welcome, all while making demand after demand. She later shared a sizable update about her thoughts on the entire experience. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

Having guests is all fun and games until it’s not

Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)

A woman’s husband let a friend stay over, only to learn that he had a whole list of demands

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Image credits: MargJohnsonVA / Envato (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: nd3000 / Envato (not the actual photo)

She later added some more details

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Image credits: Impressive_Detail553

Guests tend to get some privileges, depending on where you are

Image credits: KostiantynVoitenko / Envato (not the actual photo)

Most cultures inherently have some degree of protections for people staying under your roof. Even though, for the most part, we no longer live in the age of wolves and bandits, there are still certain expectations a host is pressured to meet. Setting aside centuries old traditions, if a friend or family member needs a place to stay, it’s not unreasonable to help them out.

This entire concept came from a time where travel was not only long and arduous, but also often very, very unsafe. There would be an implied reciprocity, as the host could very well be a guest on a cold winter night in the future. Air travel, motels and cars have all made this point somewhat moot, but ideas tend to have an inertia past their expiration date. All in all, guests also need to understand their place and realize that if they want a certain level of service, at some point, they are going to have to just pay for it.

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However, this highlights the importance of communication. A guest can mean a lot of things, to basically another dependent staying for an indeterminate amount of time to a person who sometimes occupies a bed. However, this is the worst case, a person who doesn’t perhaps say as much as they should, but then blatantly starts to make demands around things like transportation.

But entitled people tend to take it too far

Image credits: DragonImages / Envato (not the actual photo)

But as this story demonstrates, it’s pretty easy for a guest to get a little too comfortable, particularly if the hosts struggle with boundaries and confrontations. After all, saying no to people you ostensibly like or love is often harder than it looks. It’s even harder when the person with the most sway, in this case the husband, seems to be taking more of a passive role. At least a roommate acting strange is one thing, but a guest isn’t even paying for their accommodations. If they want to make demands, they should go to a hotel.

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What is normal in one place might be strange elsewhere. For example, if the idea of feeding your guests (particularly kids) is optional, you might be from Scandinavia. Even driving a guest somewhere isn’t that strange. After all, airports tend to be far away, so giving your buddy a lift is often a very nice gesture. In general, while a host has some responsibilities, the guests can’t just mooch as well, they have to communicate preferences or suffer when things don’t go their way.

However, a lift and being a dedicated chauffeur are two very different things. Offering your friend gas money for what amounts to a private driver is really the least someone can do, but this is just not what happened. While giving a visiting friend a tour of your town or city is generally pretty fun, it being done “for free” by a person who already has a long list of demands seems positively exhausting.

The real crux of the story is the gap between the wife’s expectations and the husband’s actions. As she later states, in an update that can be found below, this created a riff in their relationship that might be pretty hard to fix.

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Some readers had questions

Image credits: gpointstudio / Envato (not the actual photo)

The woman shared her thoughts on the experience later

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Image credits: romankosolapov / Envato (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Impressive_Detail553

Commenters still had some questions

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Justin Sandberg

Justin Sandberg

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

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Justin Sandberg

Justin Sandberg

Writer, BoredPanda staff

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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arthbach
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a prime example of people failing to communicate clearly. Stop hinting. Stop trying to get partners to be mind readers. Actually take the time to talk about the situation. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, 100%. Especially considering that the guest is autistic. I know it's a spectrum, but most autistic people have a hard time picking up/understanding social cues.

Load More Replies...
Charles McChristy
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not entirely on the husband. The wife needs to be more direct with her feelings instead of waiting for everything to hit the boiling point. They both have a lot of work to do.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did a lot of hinting and seething, then exploded. You needed to say what you wanted in the beginning. As for the friend’s entitlement, what was the invitation from your spouse? How does the friend entertain your spouse when he visits him? I have a friend who complains that her in laws come to stay for weeks, expect to be driven around and waited on. These are the same in-laws she visited for weeks who drive her and the kids around and waited on her.

Katrin Pana
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

În some countries, a house guest is managed like a king. 3 meals a day, visiting and all. I know as I live in such a country. Giving the fact the this person said that the spouse is a foreigner, I'm thinking is from a country like mine.

Penguin Panda Pop
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought this too. The spouse may well come from a culture where treating the guest the way they did was the social expectation and norm.

Load More Replies...
Janet Graham
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so tired of people using autism as their excuse to behave badly! My son (28) is a high-functioning autistic. He was taught early on how to express his needs and listen to the needs of others. It was a long, uphill climb, but he is fairly easy to get along with. He does not blame others for his limitations or theirs. He also has dealt with bullies at work and has walked away from a good job because his boss couldn't deal with his emotional limitations. It is time for this friend to stand on his own 2 feet and for your spouse to help him by talking with him straight on, man-to-man on how to get along with others. Your spouse should have told him the ground rules when they first discussed the trip. Someone needs to teach him the rules because it does not seem that anyone has yet cared enough to do so.

v
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is failing to see that the problem is that they are relying on hints, rather than clear communication. If they were half as clear with the person causing them trouble as they were with the anonymous internet ego stroking society they likely wouldn't have had a problem to bring to the internet in the first place.

adobe blue
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems like OP is blaming the wrong person. I don't know why this person doesn't confront the guest and let the person know they are taking advantage of their hospitality, they can't take it anymore financially or otherwise. To put this all on her partner, even threatening to end the relationship seems ridiculous. The OP doesn't have a relationship with the guest so she should be blunt (calm, but blunt). Her partner does not have the communication skills to handle this. Furthermore, the OP now knows to confront the situation before the guest arrives as she would not be comfortable with the most well-mannered guest in her house for 2 weeks and there would be tension. "Guests like fish begin to smell after 3 days."

Gale Christensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate. My ex's brother wanted to stay with us for "just a few weeks" after his mom moved to SD to "get things straight" That turned into 8 months of waiting on that spoiled manchild hand and foot, spending money we did not have on him. Cleaning up after him. It was like having another toddler. I finally sat hubby down and said "Call your mom. Either he is gone by Friday ( it was Wednesday ) or she'll have two sons and not three. Hubby was shocked, but he called her. Jerk brother was gone on Friday. None of them ever said ranks or I'm sorry.

Crissy Newbury
Community Member
Premium
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My somewhat entitled niece came to the U.K. from Australia and did exactly the same thing. Never offered to pay for a thing, ever. Helped herself to food and drink, never once said please or thank you. I was never so happy to see the back of anyone in my life. And now that my sister has d.i.e.d. I will never have to see her horrible daughter ever again.

Simba
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the horrors and fears of hosting comes true in this case. This is why no one is allowed to stay at my home. Your visit is welcome but arrange and pay everything on your own!

Lena Flising
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course you're not happy! You were still just second fiddle to the friend, during your mother's difficult surgery. That stress is still there. The spouse ought to have put you first from the start, THAT would make you happy. Less hinting, more stating in the future, OK? Especially with people on the spectrum, they might not pick up on hints. As far as I know, i'm not autistic, and I have sometimes still been in situations when I have thought "How do I express my willingness to contribute, without people getting offended, who wanted it to be their treat?".

Isa
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should have told that friend instead. It is hard to be out of that people-pleasing shell. I have been there before and from what I see your husband is not a bad person.

varwenea
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH all around. OP failed to communicate or even demand a change of plans once the surgery is known. The spouse failed to comprehend the level of stress OP is experiencing; isn't it kind of obvious?? The friend sux, neurodivergent or not, which is not an excuse for poor behavior and taking advantage of people. They're all idiots who failed to properly communicate.

Mary Guerinot
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel for your situation and hate that you had to go through that. If it had been me, I'd have said/done something sooner. I don't take c**p easily. I do want to say that I found your post very hard to read. I don't normally talk about people's spelling, grammar, etc. However, you said the word "spouse" so many times (about 66 times in all) I just wanted to slap someone! Sorry.

Damien McDallydally
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is red flag after red flag.. If i was in this situation, i would SERIOUSLY reconcider any future with spouse. He f'ed up on so many levels, didn't respect wife, was rude to wife when friend was asked to leave, wasn't there for wife AT ALL, prioritized friend over wife.. That shows so much about the spouse, and none of it is positive. I would concider breaking off the relationship. Why be with him when they CLEARLY can't count on them..

millac
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like this LW. This was a very expensive trip planned a full YEAR in advance. She had an entire year to say no. She also had ample time to request a reschedule. She didn't do either. It makes perfect sense to me that the friend wants the husband to go with him places, both because different countries have different traffic laws and because the purpose of the trip was to see the husband. A car rental and a hotel could easily tack on $300+ per DAY onto this trip, which is a big, unexpected expense, even if the guest "has money". She skulked around, threw little snit fests, and expected her husband to be a mind reader. She displaces her worry about her mom as anger on everyone else. She just ruined one of her husband's longest friendships because of her unhappy self martyrdom and feels smug and self righteous about it. She definitely worked herself into a "b- eating crackers" froth over this guy (like, he's watching TV in the room she prefers to be in? JFC)

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't necessarily see why the guest's expectations were unreasonable. Not saying thank you was a bad call. And blaring the TV so loud was also bad form. But not expecting to pay for things like gas and food cooked at home is pretty standard, right? Additionally, where I come from at least, not showing your guest around town can actually be a bit rude on the host's part. It sounds like there should have been more conversations before the friend came in regards to expectations.

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For example, I have to work during the week that my family is coming to visit me over the summer. So I made sure to have conversations with them about that, and how it would impact their visit. We discussed/brainstormed together different options for them and eventually settled on something we think will work for everyone. Just... talk to each other. Plan things ahead of time. Make sure everyone is on the same page and expectations are established ahead of time.

Load More Replies...
arthbach
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a prime example of people failing to communicate clearly. Stop hinting. Stop trying to get partners to be mind readers. Actually take the time to talk about the situation. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, 100%. Especially considering that the guest is autistic. I know it's a spectrum, but most autistic people have a hard time picking up/understanding social cues.

Load More Replies...
Charles McChristy
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not entirely on the husband. The wife needs to be more direct with her feelings instead of waiting for everything to hit the boiling point. They both have a lot of work to do.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did a lot of hinting and seething, then exploded. You needed to say what you wanted in the beginning. As for the friend’s entitlement, what was the invitation from your spouse? How does the friend entertain your spouse when he visits him? I have a friend who complains that her in laws come to stay for weeks, expect to be driven around and waited on. These are the same in-laws she visited for weeks who drive her and the kids around and waited on her.

Katrin Pana
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

În some countries, a house guest is managed like a king. 3 meals a day, visiting and all. I know as I live in such a country. Giving the fact the this person said that the spouse is a foreigner, I'm thinking is from a country like mine.

Penguin Panda Pop
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought this too. The spouse may well come from a culture where treating the guest the way they did was the social expectation and norm.

Load More Replies...
Janet Graham
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so tired of people using autism as their excuse to behave badly! My son (28) is a high-functioning autistic. He was taught early on how to express his needs and listen to the needs of others. It was a long, uphill climb, but he is fairly easy to get along with. He does not blame others for his limitations or theirs. He also has dealt with bullies at work and has walked away from a good job because his boss couldn't deal with his emotional limitations. It is time for this friend to stand on his own 2 feet and for your spouse to help him by talking with him straight on, man-to-man on how to get along with others. Your spouse should have told him the ground rules when they first discussed the trip. Someone needs to teach him the rules because it does not seem that anyone has yet cared enough to do so.

v
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is failing to see that the problem is that they are relying on hints, rather than clear communication. If they were half as clear with the person causing them trouble as they were with the anonymous internet ego stroking society they likely wouldn't have had a problem to bring to the internet in the first place.

adobe blue
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems like OP is blaming the wrong person. I don't know why this person doesn't confront the guest and let the person know they are taking advantage of their hospitality, they can't take it anymore financially or otherwise. To put this all on her partner, even threatening to end the relationship seems ridiculous. The OP doesn't have a relationship with the guest so she should be blunt (calm, but blunt). Her partner does not have the communication skills to handle this. Furthermore, the OP now knows to confront the situation before the guest arrives as she would not be comfortable with the most well-mannered guest in her house for 2 weeks and there would be tension. "Guests like fish begin to smell after 3 days."

Gale Christensen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate. My ex's brother wanted to stay with us for "just a few weeks" after his mom moved to SD to "get things straight" That turned into 8 months of waiting on that spoiled manchild hand and foot, spending money we did not have on him. Cleaning up after him. It was like having another toddler. I finally sat hubby down and said "Call your mom. Either he is gone by Friday ( it was Wednesday ) or she'll have two sons and not three. Hubby was shocked, but he called her. Jerk brother was gone on Friday. None of them ever said ranks or I'm sorry.

Crissy Newbury
Community Member
Premium
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My somewhat entitled niece came to the U.K. from Australia and did exactly the same thing. Never offered to pay for a thing, ever. Helped herself to food and drink, never once said please or thank you. I was never so happy to see the back of anyone in my life. And now that my sister has d.i.e.d. I will never have to see her horrible daughter ever again.

Simba
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the horrors and fears of hosting comes true in this case. This is why no one is allowed to stay at my home. Your visit is welcome but arrange and pay everything on your own!

Lena Flising
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course you're not happy! You were still just second fiddle to the friend, during your mother's difficult surgery. That stress is still there. The spouse ought to have put you first from the start, THAT would make you happy. Less hinting, more stating in the future, OK? Especially with people on the spectrum, they might not pick up on hints. As far as I know, i'm not autistic, and I have sometimes still been in situations when I have thought "How do I express my willingness to contribute, without people getting offended, who wanted it to be their treat?".

Isa
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should have told that friend instead. It is hard to be out of that people-pleasing shell. I have been there before and from what I see your husband is not a bad person.

varwenea
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH all around. OP failed to communicate or even demand a change of plans once the surgery is known. The spouse failed to comprehend the level of stress OP is experiencing; isn't it kind of obvious?? The friend sux, neurodivergent or not, which is not an excuse for poor behavior and taking advantage of people. They're all idiots who failed to properly communicate.

Mary Guerinot
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel for your situation and hate that you had to go through that. If it had been me, I'd have said/done something sooner. I don't take c**p easily. I do want to say that I found your post very hard to read. I don't normally talk about people's spelling, grammar, etc. However, you said the word "spouse" so many times (about 66 times in all) I just wanted to slap someone! Sorry.

Damien McDallydally
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is red flag after red flag.. If i was in this situation, i would SERIOUSLY reconcider any future with spouse. He f'ed up on so many levels, didn't respect wife, was rude to wife when friend was asked to leave, wasn't there for wife AT ALL, prioritized friend over wife.. That shows so much about the spouse, and none of it is positive. I would concider breaking off the relationship. Why be with him when they CLEARLY can't count on them..

millac
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like this LW. This was a very expensive trip planned a full YEAR in advance. She had an entire year to say no. She also had ample time to request a reschedule. She didn't do either. It makes perfect sense to me that the friend wants the husband to go with him places, both because different countries have different traffic laws and because the purpose of the trip was to see the husband. A car rental and a hotel could easily tack on $300+ per DAY onto this trip, which is a big, unexpected expense, even if the guest "has money". She skulked around, threw little snit fests, and expected her husband to be a mind reader. She displaces her worry about her mom as anger on everyone else. She just ruined one of her husband's longest friendships because of her unhappy self martyrdom and feels smug and self righteous about it. She definitely worked herself into a "b- eating crackers" froth over this guy (like, he's watching TV in the room she prefers to be in? JFC)

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't necessarily see why the guest's expectations were unreasonable. Not saying thank you was a bad call. And blaring the TV so loud was also bad form. But not expecting to pay for things like gas and food cooked at home is pretty standard, right? Additionally, where I come from at least, not showing your guest around town can actually be a bit rude on the host's part. It sounds like there should have been more conversations before the friend came in regards to expectations.

Petra
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For example, I have to work during the week that my family is coming to visit me over the summer. So I made sure to have conversations with them about that, and how it would impact their visit. We discussed/brainstormed together different options for them and eventually settled on something we think will work for everyone. Just... talk to each other. Plan things ahead of time. Make sure everyone is on the same page and expectations are established ahead of time.

Load More Replies...
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