Raising a human is one of the toughest challenges anyone can take on, and that’s no secret. Still, some people treat it like something that just naturally happens without fully understanding the weight of it.

This woman’s husband seemed to think that as he unexpectedly announced their 9-year relationship was missing something—specifically, a child—and he wanted one soon. Since she’s always been openly childfree, the news left her completely blindsided.

Shocked and heartbroken, she turned to Reddit to vent and make sense of it all.

Read on for the full story.

The woman had always been clear about not wanting children

Image credits: A. C. (not the actual photo)

So when her husband brought it up after nine years together, she was completely blindsided

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Image source: MeetMeAtTheIsobar

More and more women are saying no to kids

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Fertility rates have been steadily declining across many regions, and the trend shows no signs of slowing down.

In the U.S., the fertility rate in 2023 dropped another 3% from the year before, reaching a historic low of around 55 births per 1,000 women aged 15 to 44. Europe is seeing similar patterns—births in the EU fell below four million in 2022 for the first time, and 2023 closed with another 5.4% decline, down to just 3.67 million babies. Meanwhile, East Asia has some of the lowest birth rates in the world.

“There are more women of childbearing age without children than at previous points in history,” Dr. Amy Blackstone, author of Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence, told Refinery29.

“Women who opt out of parenthood do so for many reasons,” she explained. “Some of the most common include a desire to live an autonomous or spontaneous life, an interest in nurturing other relationships, a feeling that one would not make a good parent and an interest in pursuits that may be at odds with parenthood.”

There’s also the financial strain to consider, along with growing fears about the world’s instability and what kind of future children would inherit. For many, the idea of raising kids in this environment just doesn’t feel right.

And for women, the decision carries even more weight. Besides the lifelong responsibilities of raising a child—often in societies that still expect them to take on the bulk of caregiving—there’s also the pregnancy itself. The physical toll, the body changes, and the experience of giving birth can be overwhelming and even terrifying for some. Like the original poster in this story, many women simply don’t want to go through that.

“Ideally, couples will discuss their goals and wants—with respect to parenthood and all kinds of other things—very early in a relationship and continue to discuss them over time,” said Blackstone. “Whether differences in parent aspirations is a dealbreaker probably depends on the couple, but if each member of a couple is dead set in their position, I’m afraid it likely is.

“But don’t beat yourself up if you don’t want children,” she added. “There are so many ways to live a fulfilling life, to make a difference in the world, and to leave a legacy. For some, the path is parenthood. For others, it is something else.”

In the OP’s case, her husband changing his mind after nine years is understandably heart-breaking, especially when they had already agreed that children weren’t part of their future. While it’s true that people can change over time, that doesn’t make it any easier to accept when core values no longer align.

At the end of the day, wanting or not wanting children is a life-defining decision, and no one should feel pressured to compromise on something so fundamental.

Readers felt deeply sorry for the woman’s experience

Many offered advice on how she could handle the situation

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