Was just thinking the same thing! The helping out with cooking and cleaning just got to me. Sounds like "Tim" is too much of an AH to do "women's work." (Written with much snark intended.)

Remember that she *also* just gave birth and has a 4 year old at home. Every time she goes to check on the neighbor she has to pack up her two children in and out of not only her familiar home but in and out of a nearly complete stranger's house, you wouldn't expect her to leave her kids at home unsupervised, would you? She then would have to care for two preschoolers, two infants, and an unwell woman even if for 15 minutes a day is too much. But the fathers in this situation go further and want her to do that *several times a day* as well as cooking and cleaning for both households. Just checking in even once a day sounds so much less reasonable now, doesn't it.

My last 3 wanted to be fed almost non stop! My first was maybe every 2 hours, but the others were taking little cat naps between feedings. Things didn't get better until they started eating at about 6 months old.

👍 I was very lucky in that respect, 😊 and it made up for the 57 stitches inside and out, oof 😢.

I'm pretty sure the only sleep I got for the first 4 months was hour long naps here and there. I finally started adding a teaspoon of baby cereal to her bedtime bottle so she'd sleep at night for longer than 2 hours.

Why would you be down-voted? You would handle the situation differently; that's fine. OP, however, has a number of valid reasons for not wanting to comply with Tim's request. For one, she has a baby and child of her own to look after, which is difficult enough for her at this point. Secondly, she doesn't really know Tim's wife so how can OP support her? Thirdly, there is family: surely Tim's wife is better off with people she knows and who love her? Fourthly, Tim is the primary carer; it's his job to look after her instead of palming her off to a relative stranger. Fifthly, OP's husband should have told Tim to ask OP himself. OP was asked something, she had her reasons to say "no" and there should be and end to it. She has no obligation whatsoever to do as she was asked and this doesn't make her selfish. It makes her a woman who stands her ground and has her priorities right. Oh, and has anyone noticed the definite streak of misogyny in the whole situation?

Its awesome that yours went so smoothly... thats not the expirence most people report however. Its awesome that you would be able to do such a thing, but the fact is this woman ISNT in this situation. She's in the many women who should still be in bed resting and recovering, she shouldnt be cleaning her OWN plave just yet.

This is not about you. This is about OP and she is already tired and exhausted. You staring what you would do is shaming a mother of two who's struggling herself. That's why you'll get downvoted. It doesn't matter what you would or could do. It's about what OP can do and the fact that the demands made of her are unreasonable. You being willing and able to help doesn't change the fact that demanding it from a woman in that situation is entitled and cruel. You stating that for you it would be okay is making excuses for a partner who tries to pressure his wife, who is not in your fortunate situation, to do housework for a stranger.

Not just "check in"; cook and clean, too. That's what was being asked. How about the husband come home at lunch and check in? Make her and their older kid something to eat. Why would any of this be the responsibility of the neighbor, who has enough to deal with? The dad needs to get his act together and take responsibility.