His sidepiece/backup fell through, now he's crawling back.

When someone wants out of the relationship, LET THEM GO. Blow out the torch, and move on. The trust factor is gone. If OP were to take him back, what's to stop him from yet again chasing after "something better"? He is, at best, unreliable, and is certain to let OP down again. And again. If this is how the rake behaves when a family member is ill, picture the scenario should OP because seriously ill. As to the divorce being out of the blue: it wasn't. He was hoping to spend forever and a day with a side piece, only to have his dream shattered and reality barge in. I hope OP doesn't take him back. Life is too short to exist as an afterthought.

You know, there are vows made that cover when times aren’t 100% perfect in a marriage. Spending less time together because of work responsibilities—-work that pays the mortgage and bills, btw—-a close family member becoming terminally ill, other responsibilities, etc, are things that happen when you live with someone for years. That’s why marriages are considered committed relationships, because you’re supposed to stick together through all the difficult stuff TOO. You’re NOT supposed to just unceremoniously dump your partner right out of the blue. You’re supposed to communicate and work out issues together. And you most certainly do NOT dump divorce papers on your spouse for no real reason, start the divorce proceedings, then suddenly beg to reconcile. When you’re supposed to care about the OTHER person’s feelings, you don’t put them on an emotional roller coaster like that, just to satisfy your whims. That kind of selfishness has no place in a marriage. OP is way better off without him—-and ironically, he knows he’s not better off without her. But he f****d around (literally) and found out (crushingly) by blowing up his marriage, and NO, he doesn’t get a do-over. I hope OP finds a wonderful man who cherishes her and would consider himself so lucky to be with her that the thought, much less the desire, to be with anyone else wouldn’t even cross his mind.

His brother wants him out and he needs a place to live.

Get rid of the cheating (if not physically, mentally) manchild-bastard!

He was cheating (probably before he asked for a divorce). She dumped him, and he doesn't want to be alone. It's really really weird that he brought his brother with him to have a such a personal conversation though.

Play stupid games, etc.

Hubby FAFO. If he dumped her once, he'll do it again. Divorce his whiny @ss and don't look back.

Anyone else catch that he couldn't come back to talk to her by himself, had to bring his brother along for ?

I'm wondering if you are going to be receiving an inheritance from your father. Maybe your BIL told your husband to wait so if that money hits your joint account it then becomes community property, THEN he can ask for a divorce.

I am so glad that this woman is not asking "should I go thru with the divorce?" She is asking, "How do I convince him we are never getting back together?" Finally, a reddit poster with some sense and self-respect!!

When her STBX and his brother showed up at her door, she should have said, "So your mistress dumped you. Why is that my problem?"

Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

"Husband asks for divorce to be with his side piece. When it doesn't work out, husband cries to wife to take him back." There - fixed it. Hope OP divorced his stinky a** + is better off now.

I don’t get it. He started the divorce out of the blue, you grudgingly agreed and HIS parents ask you to give HIM a second chance? Second chance for what? To keep on not loving you? This story is just as stupid as the dads who think living alone would be easier, or that getting child support would somehow make them rich. But they realize finally how much their wives actually did in the home, which they now have to do themselves, with no-one to share it with, and they see that child support only covers very basic stuff, if they even cover that. Perhaps this guy’s woman-on-the-side liked him better now and then, just the “honeymoon” stuff you can have when you only see each other now and then, and didn’t want him full time.

I don't think it's fair to speculate on whether he was already cheating, had someone in mind, or thought he could do better. What matters is how she feels and if the trust is gone and she isn't wanting to reconcile, then he's simply out of luck. She can be the better person and kindly tell him that and that action is all that's required. There's no better way to navigate this, feelings will be hurt and there is no way around it. Sounds like she's done with him and that's totally up to her, her feelings are valid. If she does want to try to save it, they should get a good year of couples therapy before tearing up those divorce papers though.