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Woman Doesn’t Even Know How To Cut Fruit, MIL Calls Her Pathetic
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Woman Doesn’t Even Know How To Cut Fruit, MIL Calls Her Pathetic

MIL Tells Woman It’s Pathetic She Can’t Cook, Husband Agrees: “I Embarrassed Her”31YO Can’t Hold A Knife Properly, Is Embarrassed When MIL Calls Her Out And Husband Stays SilentWoman Doesn't Even Know How To Cut Fruit, MIL Calls Her PatheticWoman Blows Up At Husband After He Didn’t Defend Her When MIL Called Her PatheticHusband Is Tired Of Wife's Cooking Skills, Agrees With His Mom When She Calls Her Pathetic“I Didn’t Defend Her”: Husband Agrees That Wife Not Being Able To Cook Is PatheticHusband Torn Between Mother And Wife Whose Man Lets Mom Tell His Wife What He’s Been Thinking And Upsets Wife By Not Defending Her“If Things Don’t Change I Will Be Out”: Man Is Sick Of Doing All The Cooking Because Wife Can’tHusband Frustrated By Wife's Cooking Skills, Mother-In-Law Adds To The Fire Calling Her Pathetic
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There’s a line of thinking that says healthy relationships aren’t 50/50—instead, they’re 100/100, meaning that both partners bring their A game, and whenever one is lacking the energy or will, their combined effort will still be enough.

However, a husband who goes on Reddit by the nickname Plastic_Voice_6229 believes his wife is purposely lowering her bar so that he contributes more to their household.

In a post on ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, he recalled a time when his mother came over for dinner and harshly critiqued her daughter-in-law’s cooking skills. Since he agreed with the underlying message, the man didn’t step in to defend his spouse, and that is the main reason why his wife got mad at him.

This man married his partner knowing that she couldn’t cook

Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)

And it has eventually led to frustration and tension in their relationship

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Image credits: Marcus Aurelius / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Plastic_Voice_6229

Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Our wants and needs change together with us, and it’s important to be able to talk everything out with your partner and create compromises that work for both

Some people who read the story said that it’s a vivid example of weaponized incompetence, a phenomenon that occurs when an individual, consciously or not, demonstrates helplessness in order to avoid certain responsibilities, resulting in others stepping in and doing the tasks for them.

Indeed, weaponized incompetence can occur in a lot of everyday situations. For example, “Imagine you’ve just come home from a business trip, and the house is in disarray,” said psychotherapist Emily Mendez. “You ask your partner, ‘Why is our home a mess?’ They respond with ‘I’m not good at cleaning, so I thought you could do it,’ or they try to flatter you by saying, ‘I don’t know how to stack the dishwasher the way you do it, so I just left the dishes in the sink.'”

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In the worst-case scenario, these actions are intentional and calculated. “Sometimes it’s used by a partner strategically to shift the responsibility of tasks to you,” Mendez explained. “This is a very skillful form of manipulation that can go unnoticed for some time.”

But she added that isn’t always the case. “It doesn’t always come from a bad place. It can stem from a lack of confidence or self-esteem; they may genuinely believe that they’re unable to perform those actions or tasks.”

And judging from the man’s post, he was aware of his wife’s cooking skills even before marrying her.

However, according to Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., who has five decades of clinical experience, compatibility is an ever-moving target because what’s important to us now in a relationship may be very different than what it was five or ten years ago. Time passes, we grow, and our personalities as well as our schedules change together with us.

Most importantly, the relationship should feel balanced and couples ought to be able to have productive problem-solving conversations.

“If you don’t feel safe to say how you feel but are always walking on eggshells and anxious, or are always giving in because you don’t want to upset your partner, you never get what you need because your needs are never voiced; you’re running on fear and ultimately not solving problems,” Taibbi wrote.

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And not feeling safe creates an imbalance where the other person’s needs and wants dominate the relationship, or where you feel like you’re always initiating, reaching out, and doing the emotional and practical heavy lifting. “Instead, you want a more equal relationship where you both feel that the other person has your back, that your happiness and needs are just as important as theirs, that your problems are taken seriously rather than minimized or dismissed, and where they are willing to step up and do as much as you.”

Whether or not this Redditor and his wife will be able to stop their arguments that keep circling back after the dust settles and create a win-win compromise might very well determine their future together.

The reactions to the story were mixed; some people said the man did nothing wrong

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Some claimed everyone involved should have more empathy for one another

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And some believe the husband is responsible for causing the tension

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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Trillian
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL is right. Any adult that can't even cut up some fruit? That is pathetic. Maybe not her fault for not having been taught but definitely her fault for refusing to learn.

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was freaking strawberries. So yeah, if you can’t even cut those as an adult, that is pathetic

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lenka
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't know she couldn't cook before you got married? Did you not live together before you got married or at least prepare a meal together at all while you were dating? I think there is more to this story than what we are being told.

Matt Du
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do all of the cooking in our house and really enjoy it. But when we first moved in, I didn't know how to boil an egg, boys weren't allowed to take cooking as a subject in school and my mother refused to have a man in her kitchen. So I agree with you, there is something missing here.

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Lara Verne
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's pretty weird that she can't cut strawberries, but calling her pathetic won't motivate her to get better. I need more info- what does wife do? I wonder if she have a job, if she do any chores at home, etc.

lenka
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also wondered that... what does the distribution of the rest of the domestic chores look like?

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The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife is a talented and accomplished woman, but she can not cook. At all. To the point that it has become a running joke in our family. There was an episode of the sitcom "Reba", where Barbara Jean tries to teach Cheyenne how to cook, but ends up getting drunk on cooking sherry instead, becsuse Cheyenne is so incompetent. That episode gets referenced a lot in our kitchen. And in my wife's case, it is not weaponized incompetence; it's more like her brain refuses to store that knowledge. Her mother tried to teach her to cook. I've tried to teach her to cook. I've even gone so far as to explain the chemical processes going on during cooking to try to help her understand. She will earnestly follow along and seem to learn what I'm teaching her, but the next time we're in the kitchen, it's like that knowledge is just gone. Anything being putting cold cuts between two pieces of bread or slicing vegetables into a salad seems to be beyond her ability. But I knew that going into our relationship, and she contributes so much more that is has never been an issue.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant summation. I'm a writer who enjoys cooking and I even have recipes (totally original) in my books. But I'm not so conceited or dim that I cannot imagine someone else NOT KNOWING how to cook. It's a fact of life that not everyone was taught to and/or needed to cook. There are people with kitchens who never set foot in them; they're wealthy so it's never an issue. No one has the right to come to your house and insult you, MIL or not. I'd like to add that when I am in the throes of a novel or story, I HATE COOKING OR ANYTHING that gets in the way of my writing. So it's a blessing I'm married to a partner who enjoys and is good at, cooking. Also, it's no issue if I don't feel like cooking sometimes. My value is far more than just what I can or cannot do - to him and myself. .

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Neb
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh, difficult to say. I was not and still am not the best in the kitchen because of my late diagnosed ADHD. I manage to mix up recipes and take a half from one, another half from second. That said, personally I have no idea how to cut strawberries as well. I always ate them uncut, only leaves pulled out. Do I cut out core with leafy part? Do I cut first in half and then pull out leaves?

Carrie Laughs
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would it help to just photocopy only the recipe you want to keep it separate from others? Just a thought. Otherwise, a strawberry should really be hulled. When they are properly ripe enough you can usually pull at the leafy part and the central, tougher hull of the strawberry should pop out or you can use a fruit knife or the pointy part of a peeler (eg a Lancashire style peeler) which you just run around the top of the strawberry (see vid) to take out the leafy part and the hull. You can then leave them whole or slice them up or whatever you want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7D9vgO4lEc Hope that makes sense!

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Skogsrået
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's one thing not knowing how too cook but not even being able to cut up fruit or even knowing how to hold a knife? Come on, sounds like weaponized incompetence tbh. This is a 30 year old adult we are talking about, not a child or a disabled person.

Bruce Mills
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is similar to the situation with my wife. When we met, we were always going out to eat, and we had 3+ years of long distance relationship at the start, so we were never really at home to eat until we lived together. I knew she wasnt interested in cooking but now it was clear she had this womans level fo cooking ability. Same as that guy, I didnt mind doing all the cooking at first. But eventually, expecially when kids came along, its a point of friction. Its definitely weaponised incompetence, with heavy heavy layers of guilt about how 'I dont understand how stressed she is' which is why she doesnt cook. Would I join in shaming her when a family member did it? Hell no, incredibly rude, but if she complained later about me not 'defending her' she'd get a dose of reality in private. But really, she would proudly state at the time 'Yup, cant do anything, better leave it to you experts' and she'd walk away.

Fred L.
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is not good to not find your way around the kitchen (speaking as somebody with issues oneself). However calling your partner pathetic is a recipe for disaster.

Little Wonder
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can 100% understand not *wanting* to cook, it can be boring. Every day? Picking food? Preparing it? Tedious AF, however it's a life skill and not wanting to doesn't cut it (no pun intended) once you're an adult.

Okiedokie
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

‘Pathetic’ is a terrible thing to call anybody. He should have defended her against that. But she really needs to learn how to at least chop produce. That’s barely even cooking: it’s basic hand-eye coordination.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but some of us didn't exactly have good parents growing up. I am disabled and on top of that I had verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive parents that favored my sister and I was put down and yelled at a lot. I also wasn't taught life skills for the real world.I sure could not cook. I knew how to use a microwave, follow directions, or if someone was patient enough to show me how to make it, I would try to. I can use the top of the stove right now. Now truthfully with the exception of following directions on that have directions on them,I can't make anything in a regular oven. My man knew this coming in to our relationship because he broke the rules of the guy code and immediately started dating me right after he best friend and I broke up whether his best friend liked it or not. ( we met when he brought him to my house as a visitor) His best friend and us actually stayed good friends. I am more than willing to learn how to cook if people are willing to show me how to make things, but people are surprised and sometimes we laugh about it. My man can cook. There's plenty of things/ chores he hates doing that I actually have no problems doing and I actually don't mind doing extra things if he asks ( no not bedroom stuff lol) plus at the present time, I am picking up MOST of the extra expenses because I have more money a month coming in than he does. Yelling and putting people down sure won't get results from anyone. I also know that I might mess it up the 1st time unless I was shown properly. Yelling at me ,I would probably either walk away from you or yell back, then walk away. If my man didn't defend me and it was in my house, he might not like the results of being disrespectful to me . He knew what he was getting into. He also knows my best friend and knows his temper and overprotective nature towards me. They became friends when they met as well.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You sound a lot like me. I actually GREW GREAT skills and abilities, due to being abused as a child. And I have a strictly controlled, though fearful temper. However, in the Caribbean, kids are taught to cook early and that's one difference.

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Kit Black
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This post just screams sexism to me. No one is ever surprised when a grown man doesn't know how to cook, and then shifts to asking if he does the dishes, or if the house work is balanced in some other way. Op mentions nothing in any of his comments about her childhood, nothing about her parents and absolutely nothing whatsoever about anything else she does around the house. But somehow, after having known her for 2 years and having been married to her for a year - now that mommy has poked her nose in, he wants a divorce if his wife doesn't learn to cook? He's not offended because his wife can't cook. He's offended because his wife called him out for not being more supportive when his mother was rude to her. And she didn't even have that conversation with him until after his mother left! She was not rude to the mother in law, but apparently pointing out that his mother was rude offended the heck out of him...

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT'S MY POINT, exactly! He seems so callous to her feelings. "Mommy" insulted his wife and he's okay with it. He knew she couldn't cook going into the marriage - if it's affecting them, then like adults, they work it out. But "mommy's" bad manners are a NO-NO! And I have no dog in this fight. I'm a great cook - but - I can feel for someone else's pain and embarrassment.

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Cee Cee
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had absolutely no idea how to cook when I got married. First meal I attempted was a Vesta risotto. Packet dried stuff. Didn't realise I should have read the instructions. Rice went off like popcorn. Muddled through using a Margaret Patten cook book for idiots (beginners).

TribbleThinking
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decades ago, late night TV was new in the UK. Cheap programmes abounded to fill the air space. There was one with an enthusiastic title along the lines of "Let's Eat!". Each programme was literally one recipe for students, scrambled egg, beans on toast, etc. The one that stuck with me had the two high energy presenters brandishing a plastic bowl each, then earnestly explaining how to scoop in cereal, lavishing care in the milk pouring. The piece de resistance was the selection of a large spoon each. It finished with them tucking into their milky cereal.

G Bono
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My SIL can't cook at all. She actually put spaghetti in a pot with 2" of water and couldn't understand why it wasn't the same as it was when anyone else cooked it. My family is 2nd generation Italian, she isn't. On Christmas Eve, we do the traditional 7 fish dinner. When the holiday was given to my brother & SIL to host, my mother and grandmother were horrified to see my brother cook (and clean) everything. SIL's lack of knowledge in the kitchen became a source of "humor" The irony is SIL is a brain surgeon, but they didn't care because their darling 1st born son had to do the cooking. I know its screwed up, but my grandmother was born in Italy in 1912, which doesn't make it ok, but somewhat understandable given the time. Now we sort of laugh about it, but Nonnie never saw the humor

Lyoness
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I hope so, because what kind of person lets someone 1. Insult their partner, 2. Agree with them to their partner's face and 3. Lets mommy fight their battles? Now that's pathetic.

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Celestial Phalanx
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man or woman, i don't discriminate when it comes to this subject. If you are unable to cook basic food or meals to feed yourself, and you don't have some sort of disability that is preventing it, then you are, indeed, pathetic. I see it in the same bracket as being unable to cross the road safely, or use the toilet correctly.

Certainly not Dan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her behaviour it’s childish, petulant, and pathetic. Even toddlers would be able to cut a strawberry, MIL has clearly lost her temper in the face of her pretending she can’t cut a strawberry

Schmebulock
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is it even possible you do not know she has no cooking skills at all before you get married? In all the time you were dating you had to have had a meal at home. If not then that's on the OP and they should not have gotten married. Everyone should have basic kitchen skills.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree that "Everyone should have basic kitchen skills". It's a life or death matter after a disaster, for one. I enjoy cooking. Taught my son and my daughter. But NO ONE has the right to insult someone in their own house. MIL has terrible manners and would be persona non grata to me after this. Her husband sounds like a jerk.

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Pyla
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I can't take on food the rest of my life" It's funny because that's exactly what women have to do and have done. One key factor in why women are unhappy with men is due to BOTH working outside the home, then having to continue to work like the maid when they get home. So he cooks. And MIL should shut up. Sure, she could wash a dish, but it's a gender swap and he's not liking it. Welcome to women's lives, bro.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

RIGHT? Imagine if she was a top student at school, taking extra classes, graduating early and attends college with a heavy course load and graduates SUMMA LAUDE; takes on a CEO role or starts her own company... She's never had to - in her life - learn to cook. Doesn't like it. Who has the right to insult her because she happens to be married to a jackass?

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Natasha Clark
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA for marrying someone you barely knew in the first place. Before a year of marriage did you even bother to find this out well in advance?

Pam
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s an a$$ for letting his mother be a bi#ch openly to his wife and joining in. They made an agreement and he’s not happy, that’s not how to handle it. The wife on the other hand is a complete twat for acting like acquiring any semblance of kitchen skill is akin to reading the Dead Sea Scrolls. All three are seriously childish.

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I got married at 18, I didn't know how to cook a meal, but I knew how to read. As my father in law told me, if you can read, you can cook. He also added that he knew I liked to eat good food so he knew I would learn to cook.

Tabitha
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if he only made it into an issue because his mother was there. Seems he was OK with it when it’s just the two of them, but Mama had to see it, butt in where she wasn’t invited, and put in her catty two cents about it. I don’t care who it is doing the cooking, you simply do NOT let ANYONE—-and that especially includes family—-insult your partner. Period. I don’t think OP is the one who will be filing for the divorce. I think his wife will be running to the lawyer real soon, if he doesn’t apologize—-and make his mother apologize too.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well said, Tabitha. His wife can do better. If she re-marries to a wealthy man, you can bet she won't need to cook. Obviously she's well-adjusted, since that appears to be the only issue in the marriage.

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Isa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's how many(most) of the men are!! Anyways she should learn how to cook even if she is not cooking just as she knows how to poo ,clean ,dress up and brush her teeth .This is the least basic thing every human should know. Believe me no one is bad at cooking becoz everyone is able to do that rich ,poor ,educated or not ,child or adult coz its basic .That's what my mother told me when I said the same to her as this young lady.Even my father is a good cook and helps my mother.

Monica G
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you cut strawberries? Is this happening in South Korea?

Matthew Famolare
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t see how this could be grounds for divorce. Do what everyone else does, make meals for a couple days in advance. Teach her how to do some basic prep if it really bugs you.

Red Skye
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahaha, funniest thing I've read all day, at last a woman who practices weaponised incompetence, Mister, you KNOW she's pathetic in the kitchen, just buy some micro-wave meals, you can pop in the unit push a few buttons and dinners on with no prep, no fuss, and no bother, that's how you deal with it, and get her to participate in meal times, also you could try making cooking lessons sexy time, embrace your wife from behind, kiss her head, show her something to do with cookery/meal prep, and for god sake get a timer, and a loud one and teach her what its for, start simple. Hell men think using power tools is easy, I'll at least try but some things, No way, my neighbour who was a long term user of a band saw cut off three of his fingers, its so easy to do. Using knife's is like that, until your taught, CAREFULLY,. start out like a kid, easy to cut with a dining knife things, she might be afraid of knives. Just a thought, stear clear of knives for now and teach her like she's a daughter

Layla Holston
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bro I knew how to cut strawberries when I was younger granted I watched my mom cut them but still.

Selena Wilson
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister can't cook, other than heating pre-prepared frozen meals/canned foods, making sandwiches, cutting fruit/veggies, making stuff like Mac and cheese. Also, she absolutely just plain hates to cook on the rare occasions she's felt the need to try. My sister is 43. She is married with a toddler. Her hubby does the cooking most of the week and they eat something she can toss together or frozen meals when he doesn't. She is not incompetent or pathetic. She has many strengths, but cooking is not one of them. It's not the end of the world.

CBolt
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It IS her fault she doesn't know how to cook - she doesn't WANT to know how. If she did, she'd take classes; get MIL (I have no problem with her telling DIL it was pathetic that she couldn't even cut up fruit) to teach her how to make some of OP's favorites; even, FGS, get in the kitchen with OP & learn some basics. I still have the "My First Cookbook" my mom gave me when I was abt 9 - excellent start, regardless of age - it has a killer recipe for fudge + one for a really good meatloaf. If a 9-year-old can follow a recipe & make a meatloaf, OP's wife can learn to cook - if she wants to. She's not pulling her weight & OP is fed up.

jmdirks
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife and I have been married 36 years. She can't really cook. I have no problem with that. I am a pretty good cook myself. Can make/bake many, many things from scratch. The fact that she boasts to her co-workers that she loves my cooking and baking is a big ego boost for me. I have cooked/baked for her work events and get at least polite compliments. Before retiring, I worked full time 9-10 hour shifts and had no problem doing the cooking. Maybe did takeout one or two times a month but usually on my days off. Prep is the key.

zovjraar me
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when i was first married, my husband didn't know how to cook. i taught him. he wanted to learn. i think that's the difference. i was willing to teach, he was willing to learn. so we could share the chore of cooking (i hate cooking). also, cooking is a basic life skill. you can't rely on take out for your entire life. idk, maybe you can if you make a boatload of money.

Milady Blue
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe acting like a jackass to someone holding a knife - competent or no - is a BAD idea?

Robin Roper
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP and wife really need a good marriage therapist, but I suggest just saving time and money and to straight to a divorce lawyer; that's where this will end regardless.

Damned_Cat
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one can know something unless someone teaches you. A long time ago, I knew a girl who had no idea that there were such things as measuring cups. She thought a cup of flour or whatever was just a coffee cup full, a teaspoon was just some random spoon from the drawer. She couldn't figure out why her cooking always turned out bad. That said, it's still up to this wife to learn from her husband or the internet, wherever, so she can be a better contributor to the partnership.

George Costanza
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cooking isn't some innate skill. It takes practice, practice, and more practice. She's refusing to practice and even attempt to learn and claims she can't do it. That's weaponized incompetence.

Rebel Peewee
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No shame in shaming someone who should be shamed and feel ashamed. She smushed up strawberries? She wasn't even trying. My 5 year old can dice up apples, oranges, strawberries OFC...

Katharina Sei.
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That he didn't know she couldn't cook before the marriage sounds a bit like an arranged marriage. The fact that she can't even cut strawberries (which children in western cultures can do at the age of 3) indicates that she doesn't use a knife and fork but rather other means of eating. (Anyone who can eat with a knife and fork should normally be able to cut strawberries). Nevertheless, I also suspect weaponized incompetence. I also think that she is not necessarily happy with the marriage and that is one reason for the behavior.

Mariaf
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cutting fruit is not cooking. I would judge any human being on this planet with much more than "pathetic" if they lacked such an basic skill. Can she chew or does she need help with that too?

OrangeStripey Hat
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can judge all your want but you do not go into their home and insult them to their face. Or were you taught to use knives but not basic manners?

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Glasofruix
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every (able) adult should be able to cook basic meals and have at least an idea which end of a knife is the pointy one. Anything less is indeed pathetic. I know a few adults who can't open a can when there is no tab on it, those people will be eaten first during the apocalypse.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. The world needs only three months. Then all the zombies are dead, provided they get no fresh brains. They cannot climb, or think or strategize. Many of us WILL outlive the (Goddess Forbid) zombies.

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Mark Childers
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA big time. Most married women take on the cooking duties 100%, and no one blinks an eye. If she complains that it's too much for one person to do every night, she gets crickets but no help. How many other chores do you do, or is this the only one, and you are still complaining? Some people can't drive, no matter how many lessons they take. The same is true of cooking. Maybe knives scare her. Maybe she has undiagnosed ADHD. But oh, no, you don't want to cook every evening, so divorce time. Why did you bother with marriage at all if you're just going to bail at the first bump?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All other things aside, You didn't have to defend her, she's right there and can defend herself. It was one to one, not lots of people ganging up on her. Doesn't seem like there's a language barrier. She could speak for herself.

Janissary35680
Community Member
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1 month ago

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Janissary35680
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1 month ago

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KatSaidWhat
Community Member
1 month ago

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Does he cut up her meals for her into small pieces so she can eat?

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

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Wow! Was she born in a rich family environment and waited hand and foot by servants? Maybe? Did she then expect her husband to take over from them? YES. This sounds more deliberate than having no clue, tbh. My 14yr old G.daughter can cook her own meals, and her parents take turns in the kitchen. The wife sitting around while he does all the work in the kitchen, is awful (& the same if it was the other way round too, btw). I'm assuming they both work, but he doesn't get to relax when he gets home. If either were SAH, that's a different kettle of fish. BIG NTA re: OP, & anyone saying different are the AHs, too.

Christos Arvanitis
Community Member
1 month ago

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Sure the MIL was out of line to say it so harshly, but she is 100% right. I have a pet peeve with people who say "I can't cook" and use it to manipulate others into doing all the cooking for them. Also, she can't cut strawberries? She was faking it. Can she not cut and eat food that is on her plate? Yes, weaponized incometance for sure.

Trillian
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL is right. Any adult that can't even cut up some fruit? That is pathetic. Maybe not her fault for not having been taught but definitely her fault for refusing to learn.

Bernd Herbert
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was freaking strawberries. So yeah, if you can’t even cut those as an adult, that is pathetic

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lenka
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't know she couldn't cook before you got married? Did you not live together before you got married or at least prepare a meal together at all while you were dating? I think there is more to this story than what we are being told.

Matt Du
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do all of the cooking in our house and really enjoy it. But when we first moved in, I didn't know how to boil an egg, boys weren't allowed to take cooking as a subject in school and my mother refused to have a man in her kitchen. So I agree with you, there is something missing here.

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Lara Verne
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's pretty weird that she can't cut strawberries, but calling her pathetic won't motivate her to get better. I need more info- what does wife do? I wonder if she have a job, if she do any chores at home, etc.

lenka
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also wondered that... what does the distribution of the rest of the domestic chores look like?

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The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife is a talented and accomplished woman, but she can not cook. At all. To the point that it has become a running joke in our family. There was an episode of the sitcom "Reba", where Barbara Jean tries to teach Cheyenne how to cook, but ends up getting drunk on cooking sherry instead, becsuse Cheyenne is so incompetent. That episode gets referenced a lot in our kitchen. And in my wife's case, it is not weaponized incompetence; it's more like her brain refuses to store that knowledge. Her mother tried to teach her to cook. I've tried to teach her to cook. I've even gone so far as to explain the chemical processes going on during cooking to try to help her understand. She will earnestly follow along and seem to learn what I'm teaching her, but the next time we're in the kitchen, it's like that knowledge is just gone. Anything being putting cold cuts between two pieces of bread or slicing vegetables into a salad seems to be beyond her ability. But I knew that going into our relationship, and she contributes so much more that is has never been an issue.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant summation. I'm a writer who enjoys cooking and I even have recipes (totally original) in my books. But I'm not so conceited or dim that I cannot imagine someone else NOT KNOWING how to cook. It's a fact of life that not everyone was taught to and/or needed to cook. There are people with kitchens who never set foot in them; they're wealthy so it's never an issue. No one has the right to come to your house and insult you, MIL or not. I'd like to add that when I am in the throes of a novel or story, I HATE COOKING OR ANYTHING that gets in the way of my writing. So it's a blessing I'm married to a partner who enjoys and is good at, cooking. Also, it's no issue if I don't feel like cooking sometimes. My value is far more than just what I can or cannot do - to him and myself. .

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Neb
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh, difficult to say. I was not and still am not the best in the kitchen because of my late diagnosed ADHD. I manage to mix up recipes and take a half from one, another half from second. That said, personally I have no idea how to cut strawberries as well. I always ate them uncut, only leaves pulled out. Do I cut out core with leafy part? Do I cut first in half and then pull out leaves?

Carrie Laughs
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would it help to just photocopy only the recipe you want to keep it separate from others? Just a thought. Otherwise, a strawberry should really be hulled. When they are properly ripe enough you can usually pull at the leafy part and the central, tougher hull of the strawberry should pop out or you can use a fruit knife or the pointy part of a peeler (eg a Lancashire style peeler) which you just run around the top of the strawberry (see vid) to take out the leafy part and the hull. You can then leave them whole or slice them up or whatever you want. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7D9vgO4lEc Hope that makes sense!

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Skogsrået
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's one thing not knowing how too cook but not even being able to cut up fruit or even knowing how to hold a knife? Come on, sounds like weaponized incompetence tbh. This is a 30 year old adult we are talking about, not a child or a disabled person.

Bruce Mills
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is similar to the situation with my wife. When we met, we were always going out to eat, and we had 3+ years of long distance relationship at the start, so we were never really at home to eat until we lived together. I knew she wasnt interested in cooking but now it was clear she had this womans level fo cooking ability. Same as that guy, I didnt mind doing all the cooking at first. But eventually, expecially when kids came along, its a point of friction. Its definitely weaponised incompetence, with heavy heavy layers of guilt about how 'I dont understand how stressed she is' which is why she doesnt cook. Would I join in shaming her when a family member did it? Hell no, incredibly rude, but if she complained later about me not 'defending her' she'd get a dose of reality in private. But really, she would proudly state at the time 'Yup, cant do anything, better leave it to you experts' and she'd walk away.

Fred L.
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is not good to not find your way around the kitchen (speaking as somebody with issues oneself). However calling your partner pathetic is a recipe for disaster.

Little Wonder
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can 100% understand not *wanting* to cook, it can be boring. Every day? Picking food? Preparing it? Tedious AF, however it's a life skill and not wanting to doesn't cut it (no pun intended) once you're an adult.

Okiedokie
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

‘Pathetic’ is a terrible thing to call anybody. He should have defended her against that. But she really needs to learn how to at least chop produce. That’s barely even cooking: it’s basic hand-eye coordination.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but some of us didn't exactly have good parents growing up. I am disabled and on top of that I had verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive parents that favored my sister and I was put down and yelled at a lot. I also wasn't taught life skills for the real world.I sure could not cook. I knew how to use a microwave, follow directions, or if someone was patient enough to show me how to make it, I would try to. I can use the top of the stove right now. Now truthfully with the exception of following directions on that have directions on them,I can't make anything in a regular oven. My man knew this coming in to our relationship because he broke the rules of the guy code and immediately started dating me right after he best friend and I broke up whether his best friend liked it or not. ( we met when he brought him to my house as a visitor) His best friend and us actually stayed good friends. I am more than willing to learn how to cook if people are willing to show me how to make things, but people are surprised and sometimes we laugh about it. My man can cook. There's plenty of things/ chores he hates doing that I actually have no problems doing and I actually don't mind doing extra things if he asks ( no not bedroom stuff lol) plus at the present time, I am picking up MOST of the extra expenses because I have more money a month coming in than he does. Yelling and putting people down sure won't get results from anyone. I also know that I might mess it up the 1st time unless I was shown properly. Yelling at me ,I would probably either walk away from you or yell back, then walk away. If my man didn't defend me and it was in my house, he might not like the results of being disrespectful to me . He knew what he was getting into. He also knows my best friend and knows his temper and overprotective nature towards me. They became friends when they met as well.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You sound a lot like me. I actually GREW GREAT skills and abilities, due to being abused as a child. And I have a strictly controlled, though fearful temper. However, in the Caribbean, kids are taught to cook early and that's one difference.

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Kit Black
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This post just screams sexism to me. No one is ever surprised when a grown man doesn't know how to cook, and then shifts to asking if he does the dishes, or if the house work is balanced in some other way. Op mentions nothing in any of his comments about her childhood, nothing about her parents and absolutely nothing whatsoever about anything else she does around the house. But somehow, after having known her for 2 years and having been married to her for a year - now that mommy has poked her nose in, he wants a divorce if his wife doesn't learn to cook? He's not offended because his wife can't cook. He's offended because his wife called him out for not being more supportive when his mother was rude to her. And she didn't even have that conversation with him until after his mother left! She was not rude to the mother in law, but apparently pointing out that his mother was rude offended the heck out of him...

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT'S MY POINT, exactly! He seems so callous to her feelings. "Mommy" insulted his wife and he's okay with it. He knew she couldn't cook going into the marriage - if it's affecting them, then like adults, they work it out. But "mommy's" bad manners are a NO-NO! And I have no dog in this fight. I'm a great cook - but - I can feel for someone else's pain and embarrassment.

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Cee Cee
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had absolutely no idea how to cook when I got married. First meal I attempted was a Vesta risotto. Packet dried stuff. Didn't realise I should have read the instructions. Rice went off like popcorn. Muddled through using a Margaret Patten cook book for idiots (beginners).

TribbleThinking
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decades ago, late night TV was new in the UK. Cheap programmes abounded to fill the air space. There was one with an enthusiastic title along the lines of "Let's Eat!". Each programme was literally one recipe for students, scrambled egg, beans on toast, etc. The one that stuck with me had the two high energy presenters brandishing a plastic bowl each, then earnestly explaining how to scoop in cereal, lavishing care in the milk pouring. The piece de resistance was the selection of a large spoon each. It finished with them tucking into their milky cereal.

G Bono
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My SIL can't cook at all. She actually put spaghetti in a pot with 2" of water and couldn't understand why it wasn't the same as it was when anyone else cooked it. My family is 2nd generation Italian, she isn't. On Christmas Eve, we do the traditional 7 fish dinner. When the holiday was given to my brother & SIL to host, my mother and grandmother were horrified to see my brother cook (and clean) everything. SIL's lack of knowledge in the kitchen became a source of "humor" The irony is SIL is a brain surgeon, but they didn't care because their darling 1st born son had to do the cooking. I know its screwed up, but my grandmother was born in Italy in 1912, which doesn't make it ok, but somewhat understandable given the time. Now we sort of laugh about it, but Nonnie never saw the humor

Lyoness
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I hope so, because what kind of person lets someone 1. Insult their partner, 2. Agree with them to their partner's face and 3. Lets mommy fight their battles? Now that's pathetic.

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Celestial Phalanx
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man or woman, i don't discriminate when it comes to this subject. If you are unable to cook basic food or meals to feed yourself, and you don't have some sort of disability that is preventing it, then you are, indeed, pathetic. I see it in the same bracket as being unable to cross the road safely, or use the toilet correctly.

Certainly not Dan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her behaviour it’s childish, petulant, and pathetic. Even toddlers would be able to cut a strawberry, MIL has clearly lost her temper in the face of her pretending she can’t cut a strawberry

Schmebulock
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is it even possible you do not know she has no cooking skills at all before you get married? In all the time you were dating you had to have had a meal at home. If not then that's on the OP and they should not have gotten married. Everyone should have basic kitchen skills.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree that "Everyone should have basic kitchen skills". It's a life or death matter after a disaster, for one. I enjoy cooking. Taught my son and my daughter. But NO ONE has the right to insult someone in their own house. MIL has terrible manners and would be persona non grata to me after this. Her husband sounds like a jerk.

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Pyla
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I can't take on food the rest of my life" It's funny because that's exactly what women have to do and have done. One key factor in why women are unhappy with men is due to BOTH working outside the home, then having to continue to work like the maid when they get home. So he cooks. And MIL should shut up. Sure, she could wash a dish, but it's a gender swap and he's not liking it. Welcome to women's lives, bro.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

RIGHT? Imagine if she was a top student at school, taking extra classes, graduating early and attends college with a heavy course load and graduates SUMMA LAUDE; takes on a CEO role or starts her own company... She's never had to - in her life - learn to cook. Doesn't like it. Who has the right to insult her because she happens to be married to a jackass?

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Natasha Clark
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA for marrying someone you barely knew in the first place. Before a year of marriage did you even bother to find this out well in advance?

Pam
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s an a$$ for letting his mother be a bi#ch openly to his wife and joining in. They made an agreement and he’s not happy, that’s not how to handle it. The wife on the other hand is a complete twat for acting like acquiring any semblance of kitchen skill is akin to reading the Dead Sea Scrolls. All three are seriously childish.

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I got married at 18, I didn't know how to cook a meal, but I knew how to read. As my father in law told me, if you can read, you can cook. He also added that he knew I liked to eat good food so he knew I would learn to cook.

Tabitha
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if he only made it into an issue because his mother was there. Seems he was OK with it when it’s just the two of them, but Mama had to see it, butt in where she wasn’t invited, and put in her catty two cents about it. I don’t care who it is doing the cooking, you simply do NOT let ANYONE—-and that especially includes family—-insult your partner. Period. I don’t think OP is the one who will be filing for the divorce. I think his wife will be running to the lawyer real soon, if he doesn’t apologize—-and make his mother apologize too.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well said, Tabitha. His wife can do better. If she re-marries to a wealthy man, you can bet she won't need to cook. Obviously she's well-adjusted, since that appears to be the only issue in the marriage.

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Isa
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's how many(most) of the men are!! Anyways she should learn how to cook even if she is not cooking just as she knows how to poo ,clean ,dress up and brush her teeth .This is the least basic thing every human should know. Believe me no one is bad at cooking becoz everyone is able to do that rich ,poor ,educated or not ,child or adult coz its basic .That's what my mother told me when I said the same to her as this young lady.Even my father is a good cook and helps my mother.

Monica G
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you cut strawberries? Is this happening in South Korea?

Matthew Famolare
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t see how this could be grounds for divorce. Do what everyone else does, make meals for a couple days in advance. Teach her how to do some basic prep if it really bugs you.

Red Skye
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahaha, funniest thing I've read all day, at last a woman who practices weaponised incompetence, Mister, you KNOW she's pathetic in the kitchen, just buy some micro-wave meals, you can pop in the unit push a few buttons and dinners on with no prep, no fuss, and no bother, that's how you deal with it, and get her to participate in meal times, also you could try making cooking lessons sexy time, embrace your wife from behind, kiss her head, show her something to do with cookery/meal prep, and for god sake get a timer, and a loud one and teach her what its for, start simple. Hell men think using power tools is easy, I'll at least try but some things, No way, my neighbour who was a long term user of a band saw cut off three of his fingers, its so easy to do. Using knife's is like that, until your taught, CAREFULLY,. start out like a kid, easy to cut with a dining knife things, she might be afraid of knives. Just a thought, stear clear of knives for now and teach her like she's a daughter

Layla Holston
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bro I knew how to cut strawberries when I was younger granted I watched my mom cut them but still.

Selena Wilson
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister can't cook, other than heating pre-prepared frozen meals/canned foods, making sandwiches, cutting fruit/veggies, making stuff like Mac and cheese. Also, she absolutely just plain hates to cook on the rare occasions she's felt the need to try. My sister is 43. She is married with a toddler. Her hubby does the cooking most of the week and they eat something she can toss together or frozen meals when he doesn't. She is not incompetent or pathetic. She has many strengths, but cooking is not one of them. It's not the end of the world.

CBolt
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It IS her fault she doesn't know how to cook - she doesn't WANT to know how. If she did, she'd take classes; get MIL (I have no problem with her telling DIL it was pathetic that she couldn't even cut up fruit) to teach her how to make some of OP's favorites; even, FGS, get in the kitchen with OP & learn some basics. I still have the "My First Cookbook" my mom gave me when I was abt 9 - excellent start, regardless of age - it has a killer recipe for fudge + one for a really good meatloaf. If a 9-year-old can follow a recipe & make a meatloaf, OP's wife can learn to cook - if she wants to. She's not pulling her weight & OP is fed up.

jmdirks
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife and I have been married 36 years. She can't really cook. I have no problem with that. I am a pretty good cook myself. Can make/bake many, many things from scratch. The fact that she boasts to her co-workers that she loves my cooking and baking is a big ego boost for me. I have cooked/baked for her work events and get at least polite compliments. Before retiring, I worked full time 9-10 hour shifts and had no problem doing the cooking. Maybe did takeout one or two times a month but usually on my days off. Prep is the key.

zovjraar me
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when i was first married, my husband didn't know how to cook. i taught him. he wanted to learn. i think that's the difference. i was willing to teach, he was willing to learn. so we could share the chore of cooking (i hate cooking). also, cooking is a basic life skill. you can't rely on take out for your entire life. idk, maybe you can if you make a boatload of money.

Milady Blue
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe acting like a jackass to someone holding a knife - competent or no - is a BAD idea?

Robin Roper
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP and wife really need a good marriage therapist, but I suggest just saving time and money and to straight to a divorce lawyer; that's where this will end regardless.

Damned_Cat
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one can know something unless someone teaches you. A long time ago, I knew a girl who had no idea that there were such things as measuring cups. She thought a cup of flour or whatever was just a coffee cup full, a teaspoon was just some random spoon from the drawer. She couldn't figure out why her cooking always turned out bad. That said, it's still up to this wife to learn from her husband or the internet, wherever, so she can be a better contributor to the partnership.

George Costanza
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cooking isn't some innate skill. It takes practice, practice, and more practice. She's refusing to practice and even attempt to learn and claims she can't do it. That's weaponized incompetence.

Rebel Peewee
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No shame in shaming someone who should be shamed and feel ashamed. She smushed up strawberries? She wasn't even trying. My 5 year old can dice up apples, oranges, strawberries OFC...

Katharina Sei.
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That he didn't know she couldn't cook before the marriage sounds a bit like an arranged marriage. The fact that she can't even cut strawberries (which children in western cultures can do at the age of 3) indicates that she doesn't use a knife and fork but rather other means of eating. (Anyone who can eat with a knife and fork should normally be able to cut strawberries). Nevertheless, I also suspect weaponized incompetence. I also think that she is not necessarily happy with the marriage and that is one reason for the behavior.

Mariaf
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cutting fruit is not cooking. I would judge any human being on this planet with much more than "pathetic" if they lacked such an basic skill. Can she chew or does she need help with that too?

OrangeStripey Hat
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can judge all your want but you do not go into their home and insult them to their face. Or were you taught to use knives but not basic manners?

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Glasofruix
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every (able) adult should be able to cook basic meals and have at least an idea which end of a knife is the pointy one. Anything less is indeed pathetic. I know a few adults who can't open a can when there is no tab on it, those people will be eaten first during the apocalypse.

ValdaDeDieu
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. The world needs only three months. Then all the zombies are dead, provided they get no fresh brains. They cannot climb, or think or strategize. Many of us WILL outlive the (Goddess Forbid) zombies.

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Mark Childers
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA big time. Most married women take on the cooking duties 100%, and no one blinks an eye. If she complains that it's too much for one person to do every night, she gets crickets but no help. How many other chores do you do, or is this the only one, and you are still complaining? Some people can't drive, no matter how many lessons they take. The same is true of cooking. Maybe knives scare her. Maybe she has undiagnosed ADHD. But oh, no, you don't want to cook every evening, so divorce time. Why did you bother with marriage at all if you're just going to bail at the first bump?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All other things aside, You didn't have to defend her, she's right there and can defend herself. It was one to one, not lots of people ganging up on her. Doesn't seem like there's a language barrier. She could speak for herself.

Janissary35680
Community Member
Premium
1 month ago

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Janissary35680
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Premium
1 month ago

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KatSaidWhat
Community Member
1 month ago

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Does he cut up her meals for her into small pieces so she can eat?

StumblingThroughLife
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

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Wow! Was she born in a rich family environment and waited hand and foot by servants? Maybe? Did she then expect her husband to take over from them? YES. This sounds more deliberate than having no clue, tbh. My 14yr old G.daughter can cook her own meals, and her parents take turns in the kitchen. The wife sitting around while he does all the work in the kitchen, is awful (& the same if it was the other way round too, btw). I'm assuming they both work, but he doesn't get to relax when he gets home. If either were SAH, that's a different kettle of fish. BIG NTA re: OP, & anyone saying different are the AHs, too.

Christos Arvanitis
Community Member
1 month ago

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Sure the MIL was out of line to say it so harshly, but she is 100% right. I have a pet peeve with people who say "I can't cook" and use it to manipulate others into doing all the cooking for them. Also, she can't cut strawberries? She was faking it. Can she not cut and eat food that is on her plate? Yes, weaponized incometance for sure.

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