how many times do women live with this when the roles are reversed?

It's pretty weird that she can't cut strawberries, but calling her pathetic won't motivate her to get better. I need more info- what does wife do? I wonder if she have a job, if she do any chores at home, etc.

Eh, difficult to say. I was not and still am not the best in the kitchen because of my late diagnosed ADHD. I manage to mix up recipes and take a half from one, another half from second. That said, personally I have no idea how to cut strawberries as well. I always ate them uncut, only leaves pulled out. Do I cut out core with leafy part? Do I cut first in half and then pull out leaves?

This is similar to the situation with my wife. When we met, we were always going out to eat, and we had 3+ years of long distance relationship at the start, so we were never really at home to eat until we lived together. I knew she wasnt interested in cooking but now it was clear she had this womans level fo cooking ability. Same as that guy, I didnt mind doing all the cooking at first. But eventually, expecially when kids came along, its a point of friction. Its definitely weaponised incompetence, with heavy heavy layers of guilt about how 'I dont understand how stressed she is' which is why she doesnt cook. Would I join in shaming her when a family member did it? Hell no, incredibly rude, but if she complained later about me not 'defending her' she'd get a dose of reality in private. But really, she would proudly state at the time 'Yup, cant do anything, better leave it to you experts' and she'd walk away.

I can 100% understand not *wanting* to cook, it can be boring. Every day? Picking food? Preparing it? Tedious AF, however it's a life skill and not wanting to doesn't cut it (no pun intended) once you're an adult.

Sorry but some of us didn't exactly have good parents growing up. I am disabled and on top of that I had verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive parents that favored my sister and I was put down and yelled at a lot. I also wasn't taught life skills for the real world.I sure could not cook. I knew how to use a microwave, follow directions, or if someone was patient enough to show me how to make it, I would try to. I can use the top of the stove right now. Now truthfully with the exception of following directions on that have directions on them,I can't make anything in a regular oven. My man knew this coming in to our relationship because he broke the rules of the guy code and immediately started dating me right after he best friend and I broke up whether his best friend liked it or not. ( we met when he brought him to my house as a visitor) His best friend and us actually stayed good friends. I am more than willing to learn how to cook if people are willing to show me how to make things, but people are surprised and sometimes we laugh about it. My man can cook. There's plenty of things/ chores he hates doing that I actually have no problems doing and I actually don't mind doing extra things if he asks ( no not bedroom stuff lol) plus at the present time, I am picking up MOST of the extra expenses because I have more money a month coming in than he does. Yelling and putting people down sure won't get results from anyone. I also know that I might mess it up the 1st time unless I was shown properly. Yelling at me ,I would probably either walk away from you or yell back, then walk away. If my man didn't defend me and it was in my house, he might not like the results of being disrespectful to me . He knew what he was getting into. He also knows my best friend and knows his temper and overprotective nature towards me. They became friends when they met as well.

I had absolutely no idea how to cook when I got married. First meal I attempted was a Vesta risotto. Packet dried stuff. Didn't realise I should have read the instructions. Rice went off like popcorn. Muddled through using a Margaret Patten cook book for idiots (beginners).

My SIL can't cook at all. She actually put spaghetti in a pot with 2" of water and couldn't understand why it wasn't the same as it was when anyone else cooked it. My family is 2nd generation Italian, she isn't. On Christmas Eve, we do the traditional 7 fish dinner. When the holiday was given to my brother & SIL to host, my mother and grandmother were horrified to see my brother cook (and clean) everything. SIL's lack of knowledge in the kitchen became a source of "humor" The irony is SIL is a brain surgeon, but they didn't care because their darling 1st born son had to do the cooking. I know its screwed up, but my grandmother was born in Italy in 1912, which doesn't make it ok, but somewhat understandable given the time. Now we sort of laugh about it, but Nonnie never saw the humor

Man or woman, i don't discriminate when it comes to this subject. If you are unable to cook basic food or meals to feed yourself, and you don't have some sort of disability that is preventing it, then you are, indeed, pathetic. I see it in the same bracket as being unable to cross the road safely, or use the toilet correctly.

How is it even possible you do not know she has no cooking skills at all before you get married? In all the time you were dating you had to have had a meal at home. If not then that's on the OP and they should not have gotten married. Everyone should have basic kitchen skills.

YTA for marrying someone you barely knew in the first place. Before a year of marriage did you even bother to find this out well in advance?

He’s an a$$ for letting his mother be a bi#ch openly to his wife and joining in. They made an agreement and he’s not happy, that’s not how to handle it. The wife on the other hand is a complete twat for acting like acquiring any semblance of kitchen skill is akin to reading the Dead Sea Scrolls. All three are seriously childish.

I wonder if he only made it into an issue because his mother was there. Seems he was OK with it when it’s just the two of them, but Mama had to see it, butt in where she wasn’t invited, and put in her catty two cents about it. I don’t care who it is doing the cooking, you simply do NOT let ANYONE—-and that especially includes family—-insult your partner. Period. I don’t think OP is the one who will be filing for the divorce. I think his wife will be running to the lawyer real soon, if he doesn’t apologize—-and make his mother apologize too.

Why would you cut strawberries? Is this happening in South Korea?

My sister can't cook, other than heating pre-prepared frozen meals/canned foods, making sandwiches, cutting fruit/veggies, making stuff like Mac and cheese. Also, she absolutely just plain hates to cook on the rare occasions she's felt the need to try. My sister is 43. She is married with a toddler. Her hubby does the cooking most of the week and they eat something she can toss together or frozen meals when he doesn't. She is not incompetent or pathetic. She has many strengths, but cooking is not one of them. It's not the end of the world.

My wife and I have been married 36 years. She can't really cook. I have no problem with that. I am a pretty good cook myself. Can make/bake many, many things from scratch. The fact that she boasts to her co-workers that she loves my cooking and baking is a big ego boost for me. I have cooked/baked for her work events and get at least polite compliments. Before retiring, I worked full time 9-10 hour shifts and had no problem doing the cooking. Maybe did takeout one or two times a month but usually on my days off. Prep is the key.

Maybe acting like a jackass to someone holding a knife - competent or no - is a BAD idea?

File for annulment based on fraud.

Cooking isn't some innate skill. It takes practice, practice, and more practice. She's refusing to practice and even attempt to learn and claims she can't do it. That's weaponized incompetence.

That he didn't know she couldn't cook before the marriage sounds a bit like an arranged marriage. The fact that she can't even cut strawberries (which children in western cultures can do at the age of 3) indicates that she doesn't use a knife and fork but rather other means of eating. (Anyone who can eat with a knife and fork should normally be able to cut strawberries). Nevertheless, I also suspect weaponized incompetence. I also think that she is not necessarily happy with the marriage and that is one reason for the behavior.

YTA big time. Most married women take on the cooking duties 100%, and no one blinks an eye. If she complains that it's too much for one person to do every night, she gets crickets but no help. How many other chores do you do, or is this the only one, and you are still complaining? Some people can't drive, no matter how many lessons they take. The same is true of cooking. Maybe knives scare her. Maybe she has undiagnosed ADHD. But oh, no, you don't want to cook every evening, so divorce time. Why did you bother with marriage at all if you're just going to bail at the first bump?

All other things aside, You didn't have to defend her, she's right there and can defend herself. It was one to one, not lots of people ganging up on her. Doesn't seem like there's a language barrier. She could speak for herself.

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Does he cut up her meals for her into small pieces so she can eat?

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Wow! Was she born in a rich family environment and waited hand and foot by servants? Maybe? Did she then expect her husband to take over from them? YES. This sounds more deliberate than having no clue, tbh. My 14yr old G.daughter can cook her own meals, and her parents take turns in the kitchen. The wife sitting around while he does all the work in the kitchen, is awful (& the same if it was the other way round too, btw). I'm assuming they both work, but he doesn't get to relax when he gets home. If either were SAH, that's a different kettle of fish. BIG NTA re: OP, & anyone saying different are the AHs, too.