“To The Girl Engaged To My Husband”: Woman’s Heartbreaking Letter Goes Viral
Interview With Author
When two people get married, they vow to honor and love each other. Faithfulness is implied in these vows, but 60% of divorced couples say that cheating is the reason for their separation. Although it may sound like a cliche, husbands actually are more likely to cheat than wives, if only by 7%.
The story we’re covering here also falls into this unfortunate statistic. Redditor u/boshiebabhy recently shared the story of how her husband cheated on her with his 20-year-old student. She wrote an open letter to the young woman in an attempt to deal with the difficult situation she and her son are currently going through.
u/boshiebabhy also kindly agreed to chat with Bored Panda about her experience. She told us more about what inspired her to share it with other netizens, what she’s doing to stay afloat emotionally, and what advice she can give to people who are going through similar things. Read her thoughts down below!
Mental health experts say that journaling helps us cope with sorrows and hardships
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
This woman shared her story of heartbreak in an open letter to the young woman who was now engaged to her husband
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image source: boshiebabhy
The husband accused the wife of cheating first
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The user u/boshiebabhy shared her story of heartbreak online and was met with an incredible amount of support from other netizens. She tells us that telling others, even if anonymously, has helped her cope a great deal. “I never expected the huge outpouring of love and support the post garnered, but it made me feel less alone in a dark time in my life.”
“Reddit is a place I’ve come to share a couple [of] personal stories. It can be somewhere people bond over shared experiences through the written word. For this post specifically, I really just needed to let out pent-up feelings about a situation I had, until now, kept quiet about,” the woman tells Bored Panda.
The Redditor doesn’t mention this in her post, but some Redditors were able to dig it up from her post history that the husband accused her of cheating first. “He accused me of betrayal for mutually following someone I had briefly dated in my teenage years,” she now tells us.
“[It was] someone he knew I had been mutuals with for the entirety of our relationship. It was like a flip switched. One day, he didn’t care, the next, he was screaming I had betrayed him. Nothing, no amount of talking or evidence, could convince him otherwise.”
The Redditor found out her husband was cheating from one of his students
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
u/boshiebabhy writes in her post that the young woman who her husband cheated on her with was someone she knew. “Even though you came into my home, the home we built together, the home we were raising our son in, and you smiled in my face and told me ‘He’s like the dad I never had.'”
The Redditor told us more details about that, too. “He introduced her to me as someone he was taking under his wing in a parental role because she had a difficult home life. She came over often. He took her out with our friends, took her out to [eat, and] celebrated her birthday. She was in our home many times months before he left,” the woman recounts.
However, the wife didn’t find out about the affair from the husband or the 20-year-old. “A week after he left, another student sent me pictures and videos of them in the school parking lot kissing, holding hands, and hugging,” she tells us. “That person let me know it had been going on for some time.”
Other women have shown incredible kindness and support for the author
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
u/boshiebabhy tells Bored Panda she wishes she was the kind of woman who could just move on and forget. “The kind of woman with the capacity to forgive them and be compassionate. As of now, I can’t see past my own pain and the pain I’ve watched my son go through to consider it.”
“Perhaps, over time, if I stay steadfast in my healing, I will forgive them, not because they deserve it but because I deserve the peace,” the Redditor muses. “I think continuing to face the situation head-on instead of running from it will be the most beneficial. We’ll see how I feel when I’m on the other side of this journey.”
The woman hasn’t sought any professional help, but she’s more than open to it. “I should, anyone should in situations like this. As many of us know, it’s hard to find time between full-time jobs and full-time parenting. I have been put on medication, which has helped tremendously,” she adds.
However, she has received support from other women. “The day I went to ask for help is one I still cannot think about without crying. I had a couple [of] nurses from that day befriend me, give me their numbers, and ask me to add them on socials.”
“They have been rocks! Many of them had gone through similar situations of infidelity. I don’t know where I would be today without the medical help I received that day and the continued support of the women I met along the way.”
That’s her number one piece of advice for others who might be going through a similar thing. “You’re not alone. Reach out to people around you,” she urges. “Talk about your pain. Someone will listen, and it’s so important not to feel isolated when you feel hopeless or are going through difficult times.”
“If you’re hurting, don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones or even a stranger. Heck, write an anonymous post on the Internet! There are hundreds of people who have gone through similar [things]. But most importantly, know you are loved and worth it. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”
An outpouring of support came from many commenters, letting the author know she was not alone
Other women who had been in the same situation shared their stories in the comments
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The husband and the student are both a******s. 20 yo is young enough to mistake a 40 yo‘s advances for love, but not young enough to think that cheating is fine. Even 10 year olds know better. I‘ve had two guys hitting on me when I started university who were both in a relationship. I didn’t react correctly*, but I knew better than to hook up with them. (*If you’re in this position: Tell the betrayed partner immediately. You’re not destroying their relationship, the cheater did. And if they tried to cheat with you, they WILL try to cheat with others.)
I agree. I soft of feel this attitude is kind infantilizing women, it's like not taking women seriously.
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It's the comment about the "mask slipping" that did it for me. I'm getting bigtime narc vibes here. I wonder if the wife even recognizes the narcissism. A little odd to me that no one else mentioned that... it leaped out at me.
I’m confused. When you used the term “narc,” you didn’t mean “narc,” but rather “narcissist”? Is that right? Is that a thing we’re doing nowadays? (I need to know so that I don’t ask someone whether he’s a narc and he understands it to mean “narcissist.” Thanks for helping me out with new terminology so I don’t look like a dinosaur!)
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OP says they have a ways to go before they are 40, so it sounds like this guy likes women a certain age, and that age is when they are still girls. When the new one hits 30 he'll be trying to trade her in for another young one. Yes you're an idiot when you're young, and on some levels the 20 year old is a victim, but so much in that she wasn't old enough to consent nor old enough to know what she was doing was wrong. It's a bit insulting to the majority of 18-20 year olds to say they don't know right from wrong.
It wasn't my intention to insinuate 18 years don't know right from wrong, but more so to accentuate that an older man, who should have been nothing more than a teacher and mentor, took advantage of someone much younger who he was in a position of authority over.
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The husband and the student are both a******s. 20 yo is young enough to mistake a 40 yo‘s advances for love, but not young enough to think that cheating is fine. Even 10 year olds know better. I‘ve had two guys hitting on me when I started university who were both in a relationship. I didn’t react correctly*, but I knew better than to hook up with them. (*If you’re in this position: Tell the betrayed partner immediately. You’re not destroying their relationship, the cheater did. And if they tried to cheat with you, they WILL try to cheat with others.)
I agree. I soft of feel this attitude is kind infantilizing women, it's like not taking women seriously.
Load More Replies... It's the comment about the "mask slipping" that did it for me. I'm getting bigtime narc vibes here. I wonder if the wife even recognizes the narcissism. A little odd to me that no one else mentioned that... it leaped out at me.
I’m confused. When you used the term “narc,” you didn’t mean “narc,” but rather “narcissist”? Is that right? Is that a thing we’re doing nowadays? (I need to know so that I don’t ask someone whether he’s a narc and he understands it to mean “narcissist.” Thanks for helping me out with new terminology so I don’t look like a dinosaur!)
Load More Replies... OP says they have a ways to go before they are 40, so it sounds like this guy likes women a certain age, and that age is when they are still girls. When the new one hits 30 he'll be trying to trade her in for another young one. Yes you're an idiot when you're young, and on some levels the 20 year old is a victim, but so much in that she wasn't old enough to consent nor old enough to know what she was doing was wrong. It's a bit insulting to the majority of 18-20 year olds to say they don't know right from wrong.
It wasn't my intention to insinuate 18 years don't know right from wrong, but more so to accentuate that an older man, who should have been nothing more than a teacher and mentor, took advantage of someone much younger who he was in a position of authority over.
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