Newlywed Learns Husband Doesn’t Find Her Attractive After Eavesdropping On His Conversation
Relationships are tricky, but, at the very least, you should probably expect that your partner will like you. If the relationship has progressed as far as marriage, then there shouldn’t be even a shadow of a doubt.
A woman on her honeymoon vented her feelings to the internet after she overheard her husband say, on the phone, that he didn’t find her attractive. Netizens shared some advice and stories and later, the woman shared a sizable update on how she planned to proceed. Later, a relationship advice channel posted a video about the woman’s plight.
Knowing your partner likes you is the prerequisite for any sort of relationship
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
But one woman discovered that her newlywed husband did not find her attractive
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Reddit user
Trust issues are often the result of stories like this
It’s important to differentiate between trust issues based on trauma and trust issues that come from real experiences. This is not to say that trauma is “made up” but it’s entirely possible to be insecure in a loving relationship just because of bad experiences in the past. As Kali Wolken, a mental health counselor in Michigan stated in an interview with PsychCentral, “Where trust is based on learned experiences, paranoia has no origin story. With paranoia, there isn’t evidence to support the suspicion cast on a person or experience.”
However, this is clearly not what is happening in this story. Indeed, if anything, this case is the sort of event that causes trust issues in a later relationship. It’s important to note that the husband does not seem to be taking any real, proactive steps to fix the situation. One could perhaps argue that he just said these things to get his friends “off his back,” but as a married man, his first instinct should be to defend his wife. This isn’t some burnt out, ten-years-in-the-running marriage, they are still on their honeymoon.
It’s also telling that this isn’t just some shocked reaction, the woman sat on this emotion for over five weeks to better understand what to do. The fact that it didn’t just go away suggests that this is now a major sticking point, one that she can’t just sweep under the rug. It’s unfortunate that she had to turn to the internet, as normally this is the sort of question one discusses with close friends and perhaps family members.
Communication is key, but it can’t fix a relationship that is built on nothing
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Of course, this is also the sort of issue one can be pretty self conscious about, so the anonymity of the internet does provide some sort of refuge. This is perhaps why the internet is littered with these sorts of tales. Fortunately, netizens were sympathetic and offered a lot of advice and suggestions, as well as some similar stories, all of which can be found below.
After all, it never hurts to know that you aren’t alone in your experience. It’s also good to get a second opinion because once you get too far in your own head with certain ideas, it becomes difficult to see what is right in front of you. With enough time and stress, any idea can morph and people start being willing to accept any answer that makes them feel better, even if it’s not what they actually need.
The woman needs to first of all talk to her husband, as the vast majority of the comments suggested, which she did, as you can read in the sizable update further in the post itself. But she also needs to consider what he might answer and how she should react. In short, she needs to understand herself, what sort of relationship she is willing to put up with. This also means facing the reality that she might have to end this if she doesn’t get the assurance she needs.
Readers shared their sympathies with the woman and gave some suggestions
Later, she shared an update
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Reddit user
Commenters did their best to give the woman some advice
A relationship advice channel also shared it’s take
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I think she described it very well: she feels like oatmeal: good for you, but not something you rush home for as you do when a Boef Bourguignon is waiting for you. She misses, I think, passion, she misses the feeling that she is the one for him. She, in short, doesn't feel special. After all, if he's looking for oatmeal only, he can get that in several places. What makes it even more sad is that OP's husband tries to make up for his g ginormous blunder by all these 'romantic gestures' which are not spontaneous. And that's what she wants: spontaneity. Sure, their life together can be perfectly fine, love isn't always enough when you live together, but is it what she wants in the long run?
She wants genuine love, not this 'B-option' love. Like, what the heck, he met up with his ex before marrying her to make sure he was making the right choice? That's not love, that's a calculated choice and it is NOT better.
Load More Replies..."Hey mate, how you dealin with that butt-ugly wife of yours? Close your eyes when you smash it?" I mean wtf kind of "friends" say something like that??
I have a major issue with him meeting the ex-gf right before the wedding. If he had not agreed to that I could see them moving forward but I don't think I could get past this if I were OP.
Not necessarily a bad thing. In the 2 weeks before my wedding my 2 previous fiancés (kid stuff one at 17 and another at 19), both conspired with my parents to split us up. No one wanted us together, we were very opposite and they didn’t get it. In both cases I met with guy just tell them to f-off and quit calling me and coming to see me. We ended up having a great marriage.
Load More Replies...This is sad. I'm not sure I could move past something like this. It would be not only knowing that my husband thinks these things about me, but that he talks about me like this behind my back with his friends. If he really loved her for her, when his friends criticized her looks he'd disagree and say he thought she was beautiful. When you really love someone you do find them beautiful even when other people don't. The fact that he agreed with them and said things like "you can't have it all" or whatever, is just gross.
SHE says she's not beautiful. How can it be marriage-ending when he says it? The truth of the matter is millions of people who are NOT beautiful ARE happily married. Are these marriages based on lies? I hope not. They both actually agree on her looks. These commenters are going to talk her right out of a good marriage. Shame on you all.
Load More Replies...I don't get it. Every answer the husband gave were the right answers. " She's beautiful inside". Come on every woman gets older. Is he going to trade her in for a newer model? " She makes me happy!". Isn't that what love is all about.. He's a keeper because he married
What is everyone talking about OATMEAL IS THE REASON I GET OUT OF BED! It truly is the highlight of my day I friggin LOVE oatmeal I really do.
If your point is, that there's someone who's going to love her AND think she's absolutely gorgeous, who won't feel they've settled, then you're absolutely right. If you're just going off about oatmeal, then do I know the friend for you! He eats oatmeal everyday, he really loves it. Lol
Load More Replies...It has been pointed out more than once over the years that if you marry someone for their "beauty" you will slowly notice more and more flaws. (unrelated to aging) But if you marry someone of "average looks" you will slowly notice more and more beautiful things about them.
Then she's won the lottery unless she listens to these catty comments.
Load More Replies...We know a guy who dated strippers and beauties and went after all that. He shows up married to the plainest homeliest woman you ever saw. He was the happiest and brightest we'd ever seen him. We asked, what? He said she's the one who will have his kids and she's smart and makes him laugh and they've been happy for 18 years now. Be the best you, that's all he wants.
Except she can't unhear it. I don't think I'd ever want to have sex with him again, knowing he doesn't actually find me attractive. That would pretty much eliminate any ability to enjoy intimacy. Our sex life would change dramatically, because I'd never believe he wasn't just "closing his eyes and thinking of England". YUCK! NO THANKS.
Load More Replies...OP need to leave him ASAP, not only doesn't he respect you at all but if you gain weight after having children that's definitely it for him.
I think she described it very well: she feels like oatmeal: good for you, but not something you rush home for as you do when a Boef Bourguignon is waiting for you. She misses, I think, passion, she misses the feeling that she is the one for him. She, in short, doesn't feel special. After all, if he's looking for oatmeal only, he can get that in several places. What makes it even more sad is that OP's husband tries to make up for his g ginormous blunder by all these 'romantic gestures' which are not spontaneous. And that's what she wants: spontaneity. Sure, their life together can be perfectly fine, love isn't always enough when you live together, but is it what she wants in the long run?
She wants genuine love, not this 'B-option' love. Like, what the heck, he met up with his ex before marrying her to make sure he was making the right choice? That's not love, that's a calculated choice and it is NOT better.
Load More Replies..."Hey mate, how you dealin with that butt-ugly wife of yours? Close your eyes when you smash it?" I mean wtf kind of "friends" say something like that??
I have a major issue with him meeting the ex-gf right before the wedding. If he had not agreed to that I could see them moving forward but I don't think I could get past this if I were OP.
Not necessarily a bad thing. In the 2 weeks before my wedding my 2 previous fiancés (kid stuff one at 17 and another at 19), both conspired with my parents to split us up. No one wanted us together, we were very opposite and they didn’t get it. In both cases I met with guy just tell them to f-off and quit calling me and coming to see me. We ended up having a great marriage.
Load More Replies...This is sad. I'm not sure I could move past something like this. It would be not only knowing that my husband thinks these things about me, but that he talks about me like this behind my back with his friends. If he really loved her for her, when his friends criticized her looks he'd disagree and say he thought she was beautiful. When you really love someone you do find them beautiful even when other people don't. The fact that he agreed with them and said things like "you can't have it all" or whatever, is just gross.
SHE says she's not beautiful. How can it be marriage-ending when he says it? The truth of the matter is millions of people who are NOT beautiful ARE happily married. Are these marriages based on lies? I hope not. They both actually agree on her looks. These commenters are going to talk her right out of a good marriage. Shame on you all.
Load More Replies...I don't get it. Every answer the husband gave were the right answers. " She's beautiful inside". Come on every woman gets older. Is he going to trade her in for a newer model? " She makes me happy!". Isn't that what love is all about.. He's a keeper because he married
What is everyone talking about OATMEAL IS THE REASON I GET OUT OF BED! It truly is the highlight of my day I friggin LOVE oatmeal I really do.
If your point is, that there's someone who's going to love her AND think she's absolutely gorgeous, who won't feel they've settled, then you're absolutely right. If you're just going off about oatmeal, then do I know the friend for you! He eats oatmeal everyday, he really loves it. Lol
Load More Replies...It has been pointed out more than once over the years that if you marry someone for their "beauty" you will slowly notice more and more flaws. (unrelated to aging) But if you marry someone of "average looks" you will slowly notice more and more beautiful things about them.
Then she's won the lottery unless she listens to these catty comments.
Load More Replies...We know a guy who dated strippers and beauties and went after all that. He shows up married to the plainest homeliest woman you ever saw. He was the happiest and brightest we'd ever seen him. We asked, what? He said she's the one who will have his kids and she's smart and makes him laugh and they've been happy for 18 years now. Be the best you, that's all he wants.
Except she can't unhear it. I don't think I'd ever want to have sex with him again, knowing he doesn't actually find me attractive. That would pretty much eliminate any ability to enjoy intimacy. Our sex life would change dramatically, because I'd never believe he wasn't just "closing his eyes and thinking of England". YUCK! NO THANKS.
Load More Replies...OP need to leave him ASAP, not only doesn't he respect you at all but if you gain weight after having children that's definitely it for him.














































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