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First the entire world went crazy about the British sense of humor. Then, there was good ol’ American comedy with brilliant stand-uppers. Russians are also notorious joke crackers that, let’s just say, may not be for everyone’s taste.

And here comes Scottish humor, which may in fact be one of the country’s finest exports. And no, we’re not talking comedy cellars—the perfect place for the Scots to crack their jokes is apparently, Twitter.

Yep, Scottish tweets are gloriously hilarious, like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I've been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and they seem to be a perfect blend of practicality, wisdom and notoriousness.

So no wonder there are 750k members and counting on the Scottish People Twitter subreddit, which offers the best selection of wisdom bites posted from the land of Scots. Check out what’s on the plate today right below, as well as our part 1.

#2

Armageddon On Thursday. Best Of Luck

Armageddon On Thursday. Best Of Luck

TrolleybusGus Report

In an earlier interview, Bored Panda spoke with one of the moderators, Reddit user Veloglasgow from r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get to know the content on their subreddit better. "Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor," they said. "Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well."

"Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative, any posts that use 'fooken' or 'fecking' for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically," the moderator explained.

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Larry Dean, a Scottish stand-up comedian, believes that defining “Scottish” comedy is a really tough question. “First off, there’s the assumption that a nationally shared sense of humor exists at all,” he said and added “Is it really possible for five million people to make the same kind of jokes and find the same things funny?”

Larry continued: “if there’s one thing we Scottish like to laugh at, it’s ourselves. Which is useful when facing internationally reinforced caricatures every time we turn on the telly. (Think of Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons.)”

#8

Soon …

Soon …

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JamezyJamez
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a statue of the Duke of Wellington in Glasgow in front of the gallery of modern art. People continuously put a traffic cone or cones on the statue's head and it has become a tradition, though not encouraged by the authorities.

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#9

Is Ur Brother Still A Vegetable?

Is Ur Brother Still A Vegetable?

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Nadine Bamberger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just lettuce assume he turniped from a human bean into a total spud muffin. But I carrot produce any rock salad evidence for that.

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Moreover, “Being from the nation that’s credited with the invention of the deep-fried whatever, the man-skirt, and bad weather, I’d say we’re pretty good at taking a joke.”

Having said that, the comedian argues that the English have quite a similar sense of humor. “Many of my English friends are able to join me in a silly natter and I can’t recall ever withholding a joke because it was 'too Scottish,' or not getting one because it was 'too English.' There are hundreds of English comics and non-comics I adore for their own, inimitable styles of humor,” he explained.

#10

New Literacy Program In Glasgow

New Literacy Program In Glasgow

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#11

The Dinnae Have Mouths

The Dinnae Have Mouths

scottishbean Report

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Nadine Bamberger
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did she think the water was for, flowers just like a little swim? LOL

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#12

Making The Taxi Wait

Making The Taxi Wait

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Plus, Larry believes that the “Scottish accent always seems to add a certain special something when placed amidst an otherwise English cast. Perhaps it’s a question of contrast: the ability of a distinctive voice to cut through the noise, to the chase, and tell it like it is,” he wondered.

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#13

Found The Culprit

Found The Culprit

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Nixxy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Notice they have no brain but they have a woman there. You can figure out what I am trying to say for yourselves.

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#14

Hope Lynda Will Be Wearing Full PPE

Hope Lynda Will Be Wearing Full PPE

Geezso Report

#16

The Difference Between Cheshire And Scotland

The Difference Between Cheshire And Scotland

kellanpirie69 Report

#18

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

mariophjhbjjhghg Report

#19

Defnitly Gonna Steal Ur Willy

Defnitly Gonna Steal Ur Willy

ryankingg Report

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Emmydearest
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was trying to understand how a bird could yell something to anyone, let alone to a bairn (i thought who wrote the thing mispelled 'barn') and then I got it... Sorry, Italian here...

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#21

American's And The Scottish Accent

American's And The Scottish Accent

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Sandra Givens
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would be funny if true, but there are dozens of "American" accents (we are a big country - Scotland is about the size of South Carolina, one of the smaller of our 50 states) so all 334 million of us don't all pronounce things the same way. I say "mir-or" and "hor-or" because I am from a mid-Atlantic state, not raised in a big city. If I were from Alabama or New Mexico or other areas of the country, or from some of the major cities, I would likely pronounce things differently.

Jon S.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are 30 recognised English accents in the USA, less than one per state. There are 4 in just Scotland, 40 in all of Britain, so I'm sure the writer is familiar with dialect diversity.

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Al Christensen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought the word actually was meer when I was a little kid. Then I learned to read.

Data1001
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Face it, there are too many Rs in those words, and the Rs are too close together. I say we just drop the last two letters in both, since "horror" comes out of a Yank's mouth sounding like "whore" anyway. ;-)

Leslie Burleson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It depends where in the US you're from . Shoot it can depend what part of a state you're from. IN Texas we say mirror .

Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And in the southern US many of us say “eem” instead of “him” as in “look at eem go!”

Nadine Bamberger
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have difficulties understanding either of you, lol, but I love to listen to a ranting scotttsman.

Midge biscuit
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know something's wrong when the word mirror rhymes with beer...

Kelley Kujala
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my god I need to post this to my grammar nazi mother who made me say those words that way. Give her a little come uppance.

Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

where do they pronounce it like that? I say meeror. My dad was from the bronx and called it a mirra. I wasn't until I learned to read that I realized they were mirror and drawer and not mirra and draw.

Adrian Ceroni
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why Americans pronounce "roof" like they do. They end up sounding like barking dogs.

MSD
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an immigrant to the U.S. it took me at least a decade to figure out how to "correctly" pronounce that word here. I just had to think "Space station" to remind myself. It's the R's that are the hardest. I'd put them where they didn't belong in my attempts to over-emphasize them (example: "Ameri -CUR" vs "Ameri-CAH")

Zaza
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a fellow non-native English speaker, it took me decades to figure that stuff out. Having friends and family from England, Ireland, Schotland, the USA and Australia (also from many other countries, all having their own accents) didn't help at all. I'm 36 now and my conclusion is that there is no one single right way to pronounce everything. As long as you don't try to pronounce the word "oranges" to make it sound like "gullible" you're good!

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James016
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They can’t say the name Craig properly either. Always comes out as Creg.

Just JoLynn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I found this explanation helpful as to why we have different words for this element. https://www.quora.com/Who-says-aluminum-outside-of-the-U-S-A-and-who-says-aluminium-outside-of-the-UK-and-Australia-Which-word-is-the-original-and-which-is-the-derivative-form-Are-they-both-derivatives-of-an-older-word

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Bama Belle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

American here, and this isn't true. Even though there are a lot of different American accents, I have never heard mirror pronounced that way.

Jon S.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are at least three Americans who have commented on this post who claim to say it this way. You can ask where they are from if you like, and discover an extra accent or two.

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago

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That seems completely opposite. Americans say the full word and Scots just squish the whole thing together. I’ve lived in America like 30+ years and never ever heard someone say “meer” for mirror.

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#22

HMS Kerry Newton

HMS Kerry Newton

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#25

If It’s Any Higher Than 12 Degrees, It’s Taps Aff

If It’s Any Higher Than 12 Degrees, It’s Taps Aff

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Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely. This is the truth, we take off our cardigans if it went past 12 degrees.

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#26

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

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#30

Sturgeon Must Resign

Sturgeon Must Resign

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MagicalUnicorn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

only 4 months? i waited for year and 2 months, but at least mine looks much better :D

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#31

Bengal Tiger Epidemic In Scotland

Bengal Tiger Epidemic In Scotland

PhilTheBard Report

#32

Santa Claus Is Coming To Toon

Santa Claus Is Coming To Toon

MarcFindlay98 Report

#33

People Make Glasgow

People Make Glasgow

SamueIConnor Report

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aaaand THAT’S where they got that bigger heart…. (I’ll go quietly, I promise)…

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#34

I Think Its Better If I Give No Context

I Think Its Better If I Give No Context

NubNooblet Report

#36

Next He’ll Be Pishing Anywhere He Wants

Next He’ll Be Pishing Anywhere He Wants

Caffo11 Report

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#37

Brilliant Sunset

Brilliant Sunset

harrism1701 Report

#42

I’ll Have A Kurger Bing X

I’ll Have A Kurger Bing X

madmentaldental Report

#44

Chanks!

Chanks!

JordanJimmyKane Report

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Lunar Bicycle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brain couldn’t decide between “have a good day” and “have a good one” so it settled for “have a goog dun.”

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#45

He Wants To Spread His Inferior Bieber Fever

He Wants To Spread His Inferior Bieber Fever

jai-phi Report

#47

The Most Asked Question When It Come To Independence

The Most Asked Question When It Come To Independence

jai-phi Report

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#50

Joory Jooty

Joory Jooty

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#52

Baldy Daddy

Baldy Daddy

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Luther von Wolfen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BP's bad word blockers can't handle the amount of cussing in these Scottish tweets.

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#53

Surprisingly Refreshing

Surprisingly Refreshing

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KJ
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody drinks Buckie for the taste, revolting stuff but gets you messed up.

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#55

You'll Take The High Road And I'll Take The Low Road

You'll Take The High Road And I'll Take The Low Road

clearly_quite_absurd Report

#56

Greggs Temperature

Greggs Temperature

comedyray Report

#57

Normality Has Returned

Normality Has Returned

jai-phi Report

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Michelle Muirhead
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a photo of some daftie in Glesca sitting oot side having a meal the other day.

#58

I've Got Two If Anyone's Needing One

I've Got Two If Anyone's Needing One

arualrrek Report